"Biblical" discipline, parental impulse control & aging

[brashchick]

Bear with me on this because I don't know if this is going to make sense or not. I was thinking this weekend that I would worry about some of these fundy parents who are so in favor of spanking when they are old and helpless.

Seriously, both Raineymott and the wonderful blogger at "A Young Mom's musings" have shared that the "spankings" in their houses growing up where frequently not for a specific infraction but for whatever made the parent mad at that moment. This was what it was like growing up in my house, too.

Now, this shows very poor impulse control on the part of the parent. Something happens that the parent does not like, and they hit their child. The child grows up with no example of good impulse control, and a fair amount of anger that they can't deal with because it is "ungodly". They also have a deeply ingrained message that when someone helpless does something they don't like, it is ok to hit them.

Fast forward 50 years, and the parent has dementia, and is incontinent. When the child tries to put them on the toilet, they keep moving back to the wheelchair with a turd already coming out because they don't know what they are doing. Then they put their hand in the fesces. (I work in a nursing home. I am just summing up one part of my weekend mornings for you). Isn't there a danger that suppressed anger and lack of impulse control will lead to serious elder abuse ? If I were Kendal, or that Mother in Indiana who kept hitting her eight month old for not settling down, I would buy some long term care insurance NOW.

Full disclosure: I never wanted to hit my kids, but my own anger issues and lack of impulse control lead to me doing things I am heartbrokenly sorry for. (And I never go to the level of any of these fundies). My children are wonderfully forgiving and I grateful for them because they didn't have to be.

[Rhetorica]

I follow your logic, but I would expect that in general fundamentalists' respect for their elders would help prevent this scenario from happening. On the other hand, since their politics generally align with social Darwinism, it may be more of a problem than I would guess.

I think one of the biggest problems with their approach to childrearing is how problem-solving is neglected in relationships. If everyone defers to the highest authority in the room, they aren't accustomed to finding mutually beneficial solutions. I can hear a chorus of denials, of course, and claims that their families do have altruistic relationships, but that altruism emphasizes authority structures rather than the mutual benefit of all parties. So what happens when that elderly person is NOT an authority figure? Do they merit the same level of respect that a patriarch in the same situation would?

[brashchick]

I thought about that, and I would hope that respect would keep it from happening. But sometimes people do "crack" and I wonder if someone who was beaten as a child may be more likely to lash out than someone whose parents actually disciplined them rather than just hitting them.