Marie Claire article on stay at home daughters

[Pennyrose]

I don't think this has been posted yet, I searched and nothing came up. 
The magazine Marie Claire has a new article posted about stay-at-home daughters, and women who are escaping from families like those we follow here. Some have joined forces to help women who want to leave and have set up safe houses across the US. 

https://www.marieclaire.com/politics/a21345667/stay-at-home-daughters-christian-patriarchy/

It touches on several important points:
The abuse they experience, including physical, sexual, limited education (though could have done better on that), withholding documents, tracking, and the extreme forced selflessness (putting god and parents first at expense of own feelings, required good mood, etc).
A few politicians are mentioned for their ties to Gothard and Phillips (QF/IFB influence on politics really needs more media coverage).
The money IFBLP and VF have made off their followers. 

I wish it were more in depth, but it's a reasonable overview on the movement while focusing on the main subjects escapes, recoveries, and efforts to help others who want to leave.

[Daisy0322]

Not very i depth but still very interesting! I found the quote “I hoped I would have a lot of children so I could vicariously live through them.” Fascinating... I've never thought or heard of that perspective before.

[Palimpsest]

12 hours ago, Pennyrose said:

I wish it were more in depth, but it's a reasonable overview on the movement while focusing on the main subjects escapes, recoveries, and efforts to help others who want to leave.

I thought it was a better overview than most, got all the primary points, and was quite comprehensive for a short article - in Marie Claire, no less! 

Most major media outlets and Christianity Today haven't done nearly as well. 

[Briefly]

It has to start somewhere, girls that grow up like that have got to learn that the do have a choice no matter that they have been taught that they don't.  There are a lot of groups that help the girls and boys escaping the FLDS, which I'm glad about.  I'm glad that someone is starting to help these girls, too.

[PennySycamore]

I did like how the article (which I've not yet finished) mentioned some there resources we mention here like Homeschoolers Anonymous, Spiritual Sounding Board, the Wartburg Watch, and Love, Joy and Feminism.  In fact, I think they listed all the resources on the Recommended Reading list.

[Palimpsest]

11 minutes ago, Briefly said:

I'm glad that someone is starting to help these girls, too.

I'd be very happy to donate in support a system of safe houses.  I didn't know they had got that far.  I think they are really needed, as is peer support and guidance. 

2 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

In fact, I think they listed all the resources on the Recommended Reading list.

I think they did too.  Although I have my doubts about recommending NLQ, especially after the huge chasm that opened up between NLQ (older generation) and HA (younger escapees) a couple of years ago.  I'm not sure that wound was going to be easy to heal.

[hoipolloi]

Someone should send this link to all of DPIART's newer "friends" and admirers, like that young woman in NYC or Lady Flo. 

@DomWackTroll is probably right though -- if any of them actually read it & asked DPIART about it, he probably claims that HE was the real victim of the very shite he profited from during all those years.

[MamaJunebug]

30 minutes ago, hoipolloi said:

Someone should send this link to all of DPIART's newer "friends" and admirers, like that young woman in NYC or Lady Flo. 

@DomWackTroll is probably right though -- if any of them actually read it & asked DPIART about it, he probably claims that HE was the real victim of the very shite he profited from during all those years.

Would they eventually question, though? Surely there are other trust-funded photographers who could replace him if they wised uo and booted him. 

I say: Someone should share the article!

[Howl]

On 6/16/2018 at 4:14 PM, Palimpsest said:

Although I have my doubts about recommending NLQ, especially after the huge chasm that opened up between NLQ (older generation) and HA (younger escapees) a couple of years ago.  I'm not sure that wound was going to be easy to heal.

Details? How did this play out? 

[Palimpsest]

12 hours ago, Howl said:

Details? How did this play out? 

Briefly:  It started with a major shit storm on the NLQ Facebook when V*ckie in her dubious wisdom started to question the sexuality of minor Duggar children.  A lot of younger generation escapees now affiliated with HA told her off.  Quite rightly.

V*ckie, Callulu and Cindy K. doubled down, as usual, and got extremely nasty.  Younger generation asked for their stories to be removed from NLQ.  Result: viciousness from NLQ old bats* and schism with HA.

I was unequivocally on the side of the younger generation, as must be obvious.

*I can call them old bats because they are probably younger than I am.

ETA:  found the thread.

 

[Themanda Duggar]

Though I used to read NLQ fairly regularly, it’s been a long time since I’ve looked at the site,  and I didn’t know about the above mentioned shitstorm.  Since it had been a while since I’ve seen anything from Vyckie, I just googled her, and, much to my surprise, I recognize her.  She lives in my city now, and has been in my booth at our local artisans market.  I don’t remember if she bought any of my work, but I remember chatting with her.  I can’t believe I didn’t recognize her.  I definitely will if she comes by again.

[JMarie]

It's a long article, but there's a few familiar names in there.

https://www.marieclaire.com/politics/a21345667/stay-at-home-daughters-christian-patriarchy/

[Walking Cat Bed]

On 6/18/2018 at 5:19 AM, Palimpsest said:

Briefly:  It started with a major shit storm on the NLQ Facebook when V*ckie in her dubious wisdom started to question the sexuality of minor Duggar children.  A lot of younger generation escapees now affiliated with HA told her off.  Quite rightly.

V*ckie, Callulu and Cindy K. doubled down, as usual, and got extremely nasty.  Younger generation asked for their stories to be removed from NLQ.  Result: viciousness from NLQ old bats* and schism with HA.

I was unequivocally on the side of the younger generation, as must be obvious.

*I can call them old bats because they are probably younger than I am.

ETA:  found the thread.

 

Part of the situation was that V, Calulu, and Cindy had a very "hush, children, the adults are speaking" attitude (as a general rule) and they refused to consider the younger generation's perspective, with a side of "we know better than you, and the life we chose was more damaging to us than you, children who had no choice in the matter". (Obviously, that is not true for all who landed in fundamentalism as adults rather than as children, but that's the attitude I've always gotten from V&Cx2.)

[Palimpsest]

44 minutes ago, Walking Cat Bed said:

the attitude I've always gotten from V&Cx2.)

Yes.  All that and accepting very little responsibility for the suffering of their children.

 V*ckie will never admit she is in the wrong or has made a mistake.  Calulu is V*ckie's spin doctor, apologist, and pet poodle.  They escalated the situation beyond all belief, and went over the top when they called Libby Anne a toxic blogger. 

IIRC, Cindy K. sat on the fence polishing her halo for about 5 minutes before toppling off on the side of NLQ muck. 

The whole thing was nasty and self-destructive but I no longer expect decent behavior from that group of old bats.

[Walking Cat Bed]

7 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Yes.  All that and accepting very little responsibility for the suffering of their children.

 V*ckie will never admit she is in the wrong or has made a mistake.  Calulu is V*ckie's spin doctor, apologist, and pet poodle.  They escalated the situation beyond all belief, and went over the top when they called Libby Anne a toxic blogger. 

IIRC, Cindy K. sat on the fence polishing her halo for about 5 minutes before toppling off on the side of NLQ muck. 

The whole thing was nasty and self-destructive but I no longer expect decent behavior from that group of old bats.

Yeah, I remember the NLQ vs Libby Anne debacle. I still appreciate that Libby Anne chose to let them jump into and splash around in the muck instead of engaging in their drama. She showed (and shows) a lot more maturity (and savvy regarding how the internet works -- if you get in the muck, it lingers, regardless of your intentions). 

 

I seem to recall that V's eldest has been struggling with how to relate to V (whether as her golden child or as an independent adult) and I hope she's doing well, as I hope all fundie kids do (or will do) well. Having a mother who refuses to acknowledge her part in her children's abuse can't be easy to deal with.

[Palimpsest]

2 hours ago, Walking Cat Bed said:

I seem to recall that V's eldest has been struggling with how to relate to V (whether as her golden child or as an independent adult) and I hope she's doing well, as I hope all fundie kids do (or will do) well. Having a mother who refuses to acknowledge her part in her children's abuse can't be easy to deal with.

Yes.  A has flipped back and forth over V a lot.  Understandably.  I don't even try follow what she is doing because I think she deserves her privacy. I too wish her well. 

[Khendra]

Here is another, older one that is very good, summarizing the movement's beliefs, caveats, etc. quite well:

http://churchandstate.org.uk/2010/12/what-is-the-evangelical-stay-at-home-daughters-movement/

I've learned that few general conservative Christians in America have ever been exposed to this group.  They are always shocked when I tell them I knew people who followed such a lifestyle and teachings, and that such people were vehement that this way was the ONLY black-and-white Biblical way.

[refugee]

On 6/16/2018 at 2:38 PM, hoipolloi said:

Someone should send this link to all of DPIART's newer "friends" and admirers, like that young woman in NYC or Lady Flo. 

@DomWackTroll is probably right though -- if any of them actually read it & asked DPIART about it, he probably claims that HE was the real victim of the very shite he profited from during all those years.

I was thinking that I wished the article had said, instead of just that Phillips & helpmeet had dropped out of sight, that Phillips was now living the life of a libertine (sounds like the flamboyant term the tool might have used in his Titanic days) in the fleshpots of Europe and the Big Apple.

[Un1c0rnTears]

I retract all previous comments about Vyckie. While I may have been a golden child years ago, she has consistently and horrifically abused every one of her children and is the reason two of them are gone.

If I thought I could write a scathing enough letter to convince her to end all her shit, I would. But i know she loves herself far more than any of her children, and what we say or do to confront her only brings her some weird pleasure. Also as long as she's living quietly and far away, it's the next best thing anyway. 

Regardless of my pathetic inner struggle, for the sake of my healthy, happy family, she isn't welcome here. 

Thank you for thinking of me. I read here a lot these days. I guess it's helping me perceive the reality of my past, and setting the tone for my child's future as far as my role in it. Reading the Rodrigues family board is like peeking right into my childhood home.

[Palimpsest]

32 minutes ago, Un1c0rnTears said:

Thank you for thinking of me. I read here a lot these days. I guess it's helping me perceive the reality of my past, and setting the tone for my child's future as far as my role in it.

Nice to see you reading and posting.  I hope it helps.  I'm glad you have found a way to distance yourself from your toxic parent.

I also hope all is well for you and your child.

[Pecansforeveryone]

On 6/16/2018 at 5:09 AM, Daisy0322 said:

Not very i depth but still very interesting! I found the quote “I hoped I would have a lot of children so I could vicariously live through them.” Fascinating... I've never thought or heard of that perspective before.

I have always felt the main reason so many pageant mothers do what they do is to live variously thru the daughters. Wether to live their own glory days or to create the glory days they never had. With fundies sky high levels of control and minimal personal boundaries, I wouldn't be surprised if they had a strong desire to live vicariously thru their children.