Dillards 55: Selling the High Life

[AtlanticTug]

24 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Maybe they have him like that so Izzy can ride on the stroller if needed? I haven’t used a stroller like that before, but having Sam sitting up might not leave any room for Izzy to stand (so he can take a break if needed) like he is in the photo.

I don't know what stroller they are using, it's a bit bizarre where Izzy is standing because ride-along boards are always by the parent (under the stroller handle). So is he standing on the stroller itself?

Sam should be out of the car seat. It's got to be super uncomfortable and hot in there for him. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

Jill could throw as many fits as she wants. At the end of the day, Derick is an adult and he is responsible for the choices he has made. 

 

 

okay but the same can be said for JIll. I think if it came out that Derick was telling JIll she MUST stay home with the kids that we'd bitching and calling him out on it just as much if not MORE  then for letting her go. what about Jill being an adult and CHOOSING  to stay home. 

 

Derick is an ass no question but i think people have a tendency to give Jill to many  passes. 

[HereticHick]

So does Derick go to touristy areas wearing the "Need Help" tshirt so he can lure unsuspecting folks into thinking he's some sort of hospitality volunteer who will give them directions?

And instead he hands them a tract and asks them if they know where they are going when they die?

Asshat

[artdecades]

That shirt actually makes me shiver. Could you imagine someone who is actually in need coming to Derick. Someone dealing with trauma or food insecurity or family issues.  Shiver.

[Ivycoveredtower]

3 minutes ago, artdecades said:

That shirt actually makes me shiver. Could you imagine someone who is actually in need coming to Derick. Someone dealing with trauma or food insecurity or family issues.  Shiver.

Oh wow I just realized you guys were talking about his actual shirt. I thought you were just joking he may have such a shirt. show how big of a conceited asshole he is that he'd own that. 

[artdecades]

10 hours ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

okay but the same can be said for JIll. I think if it came out that Derick was telling JIll she MUST stay home with the kids that we'd bitching and calling him out on it just as much if not MORE  then for letting her go. what about Jill being an adult and CHOOSING  to stay home. 

 

Derick is an ass no question but i think people have a tendency to give Jill to many  passes. 

I will admit, I give Jill more passes than Derick. Jill was unfortunate to be raised in a cult that doesn't view women as full human beings. They are first under the authority of their fathers and then that is transferred to their husbands. Yes, there are many that have escaped from this cult and I applaud them, but not everyone is so strong. Jill has the double misfortune to be a natural people pleaser. It was never in her nature to question or rebel.

Derick was not born into this cult. If he wanted a wife that challenged him, he should have looked elsewhere. He chose to marry a member of this cult and join into it knowing that they believed that a woman should submit to a man. 

All choices aren't equal. We don't all have the same options or experiences when making those decisions. Jill's choices are colored heavily by the teachings of her parents. She could stay home, but it isn't as easy as choosing to stay. She would have to go against everything she knows and believes to be true.

Thats just my feelings on the matter. I don't excuse her abusing her children if that is indeed what is happening, but I do have sympathy for her situation knowing that there isn't an out for her under the rules she lives by.

[Carm_88]

I just want to punch Derick in his smug face. That's all!

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

I just want to punch Derick in his smug face. That's all!

I just want him to get a family supporting job with HC benefits, based on his skill levels and strengths. He is the perfect candidate for accounting work in a back cubicle devoid of other people.

I HATE his sense of entitlement.

Spouses and especially children cost money- be more responsible and take care of your own. Shut your mouth and walk the walk.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I'm so disappointed in  Derrick! He went to a major university, had a real career and then went to pieces.  Does anyone else wonder just what happened in Sintral America that seems to have totally changed them? Or is it just JB controlling everything. He struck me more like a Christian Peace Corps Volunteer when they met. I think now he's just not "right" if you know what I mean....

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I just want to punch Derick in his smug face. That's all!

For some reason this scene popped into my head.  

 

 

[libgirl2]

6 minutes ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I'm so disappointed in  Derrick! He went to a major university, had a real career and then went to pieces.  Does anyone else wonder just what happened in Sintral America that seems to have totally changed them? Or is it just JB controlling everything. He struck me more like a Christian Peace Corps Volunteer when they met. I think now he's just not "right" if you know what I mean....

That was my initial impression of him as well. 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

9 minutes ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I'm so disappointed in  Derrick! He went to a major university, had a real career and then went to pieces.  Does anyone else wonder just what happened in Sintral America that seems to have totally changed them? Or is it just JB controlling everything. He struck me more like a Christian Peace Corps Volunteer when they met. I think now he's just not "right" if you know what I mean....

 

2 minutes ago, libgirl2 said:

That was my initial impression of him as well. 

 

I was a PCV and he seemed to be into the culture where he was volunteering/ministry.   I wonder what used car salesman lies JB told him? He just seems like he had a brain transplant. That guy was Pistol Pete? No way!

[singsingsing]

9 minutes ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I'm so disappointed in  Derrick! He went to a major university, had a real career and then went to pieces.  Does anyone else wonder just what happened in Sintral America that seems to have totally changed them? Or is it just JB controlling everything. He struck me more like a Christian Peace Corps Volunteer when they met. I think now he's just not "right" if you know what I mean....

Honestly? I think marriage and children didn't turn out to be the happy glossy fantasy he'd had in his mind. That's just my take, but I think Derick loved the fantasy of marrying into the Duggar clan and thought everything would be picture perfect, happily ever after. I think the change in him is partly his disappointed hopes in marriage and fatherhood, and partly just not being able to deal with the various challenges that crop up in life.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

1 minute ago, singsingsing said:

Honestly? I think marriage and children didn't turn out to be the happy glossy fantasy he'd had in his mind. That's just my take, but I think Derick loved the fantasy of marrying into the Duggar clan and thought everything would be picture perfect, happily ever after. I think the change in him is partly his disappointed hopes in marriage and fatherhood, and partly just not being able to deal with the various challenges that crop up in life.

 

Maybe being married to a semi-literate baby machine isn't the be all and end all?   "everything would be picture perfect, happily ever after" that's the image Gothard wanted and the image that is used to recruit new victims families. Follow these steps and you get a perfect marriage and perfect family.....

[VelociRapture]

27 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Honestly? I think marriage and children didn't turn out to be the happy glossy fantasy he'd had in his mind. That's just my take, but I think Derick loved the fantasy of marrying into the Duggar clan and thought everything would be picture perfect, happily ever after. I think the change in him is partly his disappointed hopes in marriage and fatherhood, and partly just not being able to deal with the various challenges that crop up in life.

I agree. I also think he’s always been the person he is now and he just lost the ability to hide it. I think the poor choices he’s made that have led him to feel disappointed have just made it much more obvious that he’s a crappy human being. 

[singsingsing]

11 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I agree. I also think he’s always been the person he is now and he just lost the ability to hide it. I think the poor choices he’s made that have led him to feel disappointed have just made it much more obvious that he’s a crappy human being. 

Agreed, I don't think he's had a sudden major personality change or anything like that. I think he's probably one of those people who's happy when everything's going his way and a nightmare when it's not.

[Daisy0322]

13 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I agree. I also think he’s always been the person he is now and he just lost the ability to hide it. I think the poor choices he’s made that have led him to feel disappointed have just made it much more obvious that he’s a crappy human being. 

I don't know if he's a crappy human or if there's an actual psychiatric issue with him  

[singsingsing]

3 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

I don't know if he's a crappy human or if there's an actual psychiatric issue with him  

It could be both! Only difference is that we can fairly safely say that he's a nasty person, but we can't say at all whether he has any kind of psychiatric issue.

[Daisy0322]

1 minute ago, singsingsing said:

It could be both! Only difference is that we can fairly safely say that he's a nasty person, but we can't say at all whether he has any kind of psychiatric issue.

Sorry! I'm striking out lately on the things you can't say.... you'd think after this many years I would know

[singsingsing]

2 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

Sorry! I'm striking out lately on the things you can't say.... you'd think after this many years I would know

Oh no, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean it to come across that way - I meant 'we can't say' like 'we can't know', not like "DO NOT SPEAK OF THIS." While I do think speculating about psychological issues can be a delicate thing, I personally don't think it should be off limits. 

[VelociRapture]

7 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

Sorry! I'm striking out lately on the things you can't say.... you'd think after this many years I would know

Lol! What you wrote is fine and you make a fair point. We can’t know whether some sort of mental illness or psychiatric condition is playing a role here. Personally, I think he’s pretty much the type of person @singsingsingdescribed though - decent to be around when things go well, but a nightmare to deal with the second something doesn’t go his way.*

*So he's basically an overgrown toddler. 

[Alisamer]

I admit, I haven't seen the episodes where the Dillards were "courting" at all, so this is based on hearsay and the few short clips I've seen - but I also kind of got the impression that he was interested in other cultures and enjoyed traveling. As a missionary of some sort, sure, but somewhat immersed at least. I think if he'd married some regular Christian girl happy to backpack through wherever with him and willing to use birth control to put off the babies until they'd done a few years of traveling and just living, he'd be much happier and more stable. 

I know some missionaries that use birth control, travel, are very pro-education, and "witness by example" by actually doing things to HELP people regardless of their religion and without preaching at them or handing out tracts, and I wonder if Derick might not have gone more in that direction if he hadn't got himself mixed up with the Duggars.

I think he's gone completely off the rails, and Jill getting pregnant pretty much immediately was the beginning of it. I suspect if they'd waited a year like Jinger things might have gone at least a little differently. I'm sure she'd have handled Central America better without an infant, and he'd have felt much less like a stone was tied around his neck. 

Maybe he was always a nasty douchecanoe and just managed to hide it, but I can't imagine that the very quick transition from single guy to married dad of two babies and a clingy submissive wife (with a purse-string-pulling controlling father) helped at all.

[Ralar]

2 hours ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I'm so disappointed in  Derrick! He went to a major university, had a real career and then went to pieces.  Does anyone else wonder just what happened in Sintral America that seems to have totally changed them? Or is it just JB controlling everything. He struck me more like a Christian Peace Corps Volunteer when they met. I think now he's just not "right" if you know what I mean....

None of us know what Derick was like before he met Jill. Sure he graduated from a university, but then he ran off to Nepal to be a "missionary." I think we wanted him to have his act together so Jill could escape from the cult, but that was just hoping.  Looking back, he never had high aspirations. If he had, he would have completed the requirements to become a CPA, not settle for a BA in Accounting without the real-deal accounting credential. So instead he ran off to Nepal, started corresponding with JimBoob, and finally courting and marrying Jill. Somewhere along the way, his mother got him in the door at WalMart and he worked there until he was able to save a little TLC money and then quit to resume his fake missionary activities. What exactly has HE accomplished since graduating from college, than than breeding? 

[nausicaa]

On 4/9/2018 at 8:12 AM, VelociRapture said:

Everything else? Nope. No sympathy. He willingly chose to associate with the Duggars. He willingly chose to court Jill, marry her, and get her pregnant very quickly. He willingly chose to allow Jill to eat lunch with him at Walmart every day and he chose to allow her to be as clingy as she was (if she was even as clingy as suspected.) He willingly chose to become a fake missionary and he chose to grift his funds for that. 

Yeah, no sympathy from me for Derick. Three major reasons:

1. Unlike Jill, he was not born into this life. He had options. Lots of options. He willingly chose, as an employed, educated grown-ass man, to pursue the Duggars and the Quiverfull lifestyle and all of the beliefs that go along with that. 

2. If these men want to preen and boast and condescend to the little women because they are inherently smarter, more mature, and stronger than 52% of the population, well, guess what? With great privilege comes great responsibility. All decisions are on them. All means of financially supporting these ever growing families are on them. I'm only holding them to their own professed values systems (that they would like to force on all of us, I might add).

His fragile little dick got hard over having a wide-eyed innocent cooing over his every move. A few years down the road and I think he's figuring out that having a child for a spouse ain't all it's cracked up to be.  He is the sole adult steering a family of four. And I think birth control is the one area where Jill would put her foot down, so this family is only going to expand further. 

3. It is also fully within Derick's power to stop right now and acknowledge that he made some mistakes. Even within his belief system, he has the power to right this ship -- start applying for accounting jobs, get out from Jim Bob's thumb, distance his family from the show, get a vasectomy or practice abstinence, he and Jill could see a Christian counselor. But instead he just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper and then claiming the dark and cold are the result of religious persecution.

[artdecades]

4 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I just want him to get a family supporting job with HC benefits, based on his skill levels and strengths. He is the perfect candidate for accounting work in a back cubicle devoid of other people.

I HATE his sense of entitlement.

Spouses and especially children cost money- be more responsible and take care of your own. Shut your mouth and walk the walk.

Could he even do that at this point? It’s been years since he worked in the field he was trained for. He barely lasted a year (if that I don’t remember) doing that work. He would be competing with fresh grads for entry level work.