Kendra and Joe Duggar 8: Expecting the Expected (a Boy)

[singsingsing]

3 minutes ago, GreatScott said:

my first big girl job

Totally off topic, but is this a thing that people say? Some guy said this to me a while ago (in the context of telling me that I'd had a 'big girl job' so it should be easier for me to find other jobs) and I was totally flabbergasted and honestly kind of offended. It seemed to me that he was speaking to me like I was a toddler, but I'm also really out of the loop when it comes to slang and such. Is this a common expression?

[justoneoftwo]

1 minute ago, singsingsing said:

Totally off topic, but is this a thing that people say? Some guy said this to me a while ago (in the context of telling me that I'd had a 'big girl job' so it should be easier for me to find other jobs) and I was totally flabbergasted and honestly kind of offended. It seemed to me that he was speaking to me like I was a toddler, but I'm also really out of the loop when it comes to slang and such. Is this a common expression?

I think its common.  I think I said it, but I certainly felt or thought it.  

[Ivycoveredtower]

1 minute ago, singsingsing said:

Totally off topic, but is this a thing that people say? Some guy said this to me a while ago (in the context of telling me that I'd had a 'big girl job' so it should be easier for me to find other jobs) and I was totally flabbergasted and honestly kind of offended. It seemed to me that he was speaking to me like I was a toddler, but I'm also really out of the loop when it comes to slang and such. Is this a common expression?

I think it's pretty common from what I have seen from people around me. or first adult job or first grown up job. ect....

[singsingsing]

1 minute ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

or first adult job or first grown up job. ect....

Yeah, those seem normal to me. I think it's the 'big girl' thing - like that seems like a phrase to me that should only be uttered to a two-year-old who's potty training. But as long as 'big boy job' is also in common use, I'll try to overlook it, I guess. 

[justoneoftwo]

1 minute ago, singsingsing said:

Yeah, those seem normal to me. I think it's the 'big girl' thing - like that seems like a phrase to me that should only be uttered to a two-year-old who's potty training. But as long as 'big boy job' is also in common use, I'll try to overlook it, I guess. 

I've talked about people's big boy jobs too.  

[lumpentheologie]

2 hours ago, FundieCentral said:

1) Kendra thought the day would never come? She's 19. How is a 35-year old bride going to feel  

Hi, 35-year-old soon-to-be bride here.  I kind of thought it was ridiculous when she said that too, but then I realized that her whole life has just been preparation for this, and this is what marks adulthood for her. 

When I was 17/18, I couldn't wait to move out, go to college, and establish my own life away from my parents. My whole life up to that point, i.e. childhood, had seemed to last forever and I so wanted it to just be over already. Every other stage of life since then (graduating college, leaving my job and going to grad school, now almost being done with grad school) I have felt super nostalgic about when it ends, but not that one!  I just wanted to be gone! 

For Kendra being a wife and mother is her God-given purpose.  It is all she has been trained to do, and all she has been given the option of doing. Even at 19, I'm sure she feels like her life has been leading up to this for a long time. Whereas I, at 35, am still kind of surprised that I'm getting married and it doesn't feel like I've waited a long time at all. Mostly because I wasn't waiting---I was getting an education and working and traveling and having a great time with different friends and partners.  To be fair, I've also been sleeping with my fiancé since our second date, and I'm pretty sure it would feel like it was taking forever to get married if we were barely allowed to touch each other beforehand. 

Also, I would jump at the chance to live on parental property for free. I've moved back in with my parents a few times in my adult life, and it went fine.  I actually intend to do it again for a month this summer, since there's a gap between when my lease ends and when fiancé will be moving here and we can move into our place together.  Obviously I prefer to have my own place and my privacy, but my parents are some of my favorite people to spend time with, and if we could live in a house a 5-min walk from them, especially if it's set up so it's not super obvious to them every time we come and go, that would be the best of both worlds. Between free rent and built-in childcare, we could even have a child. 

[GreatScott]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

Totally off topic, but is this a thing that people say? Some guy said this to me a while ago (in the context of telling me that I'd had a 'big girl job' so it should be easier for me to find other jobs) and I was totally flabbergasted and honestly kind of offended. It seemed to me that he was speaking to me like I was a toddler, but I'm also really out of the loop when it comes to slang and such. Is this a common expression?

Oh I guess my family uses it more as a joking term. I have a masters degree and we called my first job in my field this. I wouldn’t say we use it frequently but we use it as slang for first job in your field with a good salary. It’s not meant to be serious. But ymmv, and it might just be something in my family. We call my brothers first job in his field his first big boy job too, lol. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

[Ivycoveredtower]

Us asked the three girls what they agreed and disagreed on with their SO's. Kendra's was truly eye rolling 

https://www.duggarfamilyblog.com/2018/03/movie-nights-with-duggar-couples.html

[singsingsing]

I'm sure Kendra and Joe agree on everything so far, they've barely been married two seconds, and before that they never spent a moment alone! Give it another year or two and we'll see. Then again - and I don't mean this as a criticism, just an observation - they both seem so bland that maybe they truly don't disagree on anything. "What would you like for breakfast, dear?" "Oh Joe, you're so silly! You know I eat cheerios for breakfast every single day!" "Haha, so do I! Gosh we're compatible!"

[VelociRapture]

32 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I'm sure Kendra and Joe agree on everything so far, they've barely been married two seconds, and before that they never spent a moment alone! Give it another year or two and we'll see. Then again - and I don't mean this as a criticism, just an observation - they both seem so bland that maybe they truly don't disagree on anything. "What would you like for breakfast, dear?" "Oh Joe, you're so silly! You know I eat cheerios for breakfast every single day!" "Haha, so do I! Gosh we're compatible!"

Or maybe Joe just cares more about seeing Kendra happy then he is about getting his way. He seemed very focused on her happiness during their courtship and engagement. Maybe that has just continued during their marriage so far.

[singsingsing]

31 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Or maybe Joe just cares more about seeing Kendra happy then he is about getting his way. He seemed very focused on her happiness during their courtship and engagement. Maybe that has just continued during their marriage so far.

I was joking, but I don't think it's healthy at all to never disagree with your partner, so I sincerely hope that this is not the case. They're human so they're bound to disagree about things from time to time, and I've seen first hand how "Oh, I don't care, whatever you want" is toxic to relationships.

[marmalade]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Or maybe Joe just cares more about seeing Kendra happy then he is about getting his way. He seemed very focused on her happiness during their courtship and engagement. Maybe that has just continued during their marriage so far.

My husband continues in this vein, and we're married 24 years in August. Happy wife, happy life! 

Seriously, Mr. Marm is a lot like Joe in that they seem to be more introverted, but almost always considering others before themselves. Like we saw with Joe and the letters, my husband is pretty stealth in his kindnesses, other than with his mother. She has lost a lot of independence without the abililty to drive or walk without a walker. Her studio is really small and without a kitchen (she's in assisted living due to prior falls/bone breaks), so if he surprises her, it's with something small like a box of chocolates. 

As for me, he still defers to me most of the time, and I'll never push an issue if his way is the best way, even if I hate it. 

[VelociRapture]

11 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I was joking, but I don't think it's healthy at all to never disagree with your partner, so I sincerely hope that this is not the case. They're human so they're bound to disagree about things from time to time, and I've seen first hand how "Oh, I don't care, whatever you want" is toxic to relationships.

Yes, I know you were joking. I used that reaction/reputation thing on your post because I thought it was funny.  

And I do agree with you. It’s not always the healthiest choice to always let one person get their way on everything, especially on major issues. I just see it as a possibility that this is how their relationship works right now. If so, then hopefully that’ll change a bit with time.

[thinandfit]

On 29/03/2018 at 10:26 PM, singsingsing said:

Totally off topic, but is this a thing that people say? Some guy said this to me a while ago (in the context of telling me that I'd had a 'big girl job' so it should be easier for me to find other jobs) and I was totally flabbergasted and honestly kind of offended. It seemed to me that he was speaking to me like I was a toddler, but I'm also really out of the loop when it comes to slang and such. Is this a common expression?

I think it maybe depends on where you live, I have friends at university who use it to describe the first job they'll get once we graduate but other just call it their "first job".

[BackseatMom]

I think both big girl and big boy jobs are pretty common terms for a first real job. In my experience, it has a lot more to do with the extended adolecense so many people live in now than any sexism.

[singsingsing]

9 minutes ago, BackseatMom said:

I think both big girl and big boy jobs are pretty common terms for a first real job. In my experience, it has a lot more to do with the extended adolecense so many people live in now than any sexism.

I guess I just can't get past the ick factor of being a woman in my late 20s and having some dude use 'big girl' in any context to describe me or anything I'm doing. I was a 'big girl' when I learned to use the potty, when I drank from a real cup and when my mommy stopped having to cut my food up into little bite sized portions. Not when I was 25 and got hired for a full time job in an office. Just... what? 

[JillyO]

33 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I guess I just can't get past the ick factor of being a woman in my late 20s and having some dude use 'big girl' in any context to describe me or anything I'm doing. I was a 'big girl' when I learned to use the potty, when I drank from a real cup and when my mommy stopped having to cut my food up into little bite sized portions. Not when I was 25 and got hired for a full time job in an office. Just... what? 

Yeah, that is fucking weird. I could see myself referring to my own first real job as "my first big girl job," although I didn't at the time (I did refer to it as "my first grown-up job," which is maybe not much better? ). However, for some random dude to call it that IS sexist, infantilizing, and completely uncalled for. Kind of like I can refer to myself as a 'girl' if I want to (as in "having a girls' night"), but that doesn't give strange men the right to call me a 'girl.' Context matters. In your context, that would have squicked me out to no end!

[Jana814]

My first job besides working at my temple's pre-school was at a fireplace store. I worked their for almost 2 years. I have not worked in almost 13 years but I still call my first "real" job. 

[SorenaJ]

When is a job not a real job? Surely any job is a real job. 

Big girl/boy job sounds like a preschooler getting their first chore. 

[NachosFlandersStyle]

4 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I guess I just can't get past the ick factor of being a woman in my late 20s and having some dude use 'big girl' in any context to describe me or anything I'm doing. I was a 'big girl' when I learned to use the potty, when I drank from a real cup and when my mommy stopped having to cut my food up into little bite sized portions. Not when I was 25 and got hired for a full time job in an office. Just... what? 

Personally I find it gross too, not so much for that but because of the idea that you have to have a white-collar job to be a "real adult." What does that make the people who prepare your food and empty your trash cans, then?

[AlwaysExcited]

I actually like the "big girl/boy job". As in "my job sometimes makes me want to cry, throw things, and take naps". 

 

[just_ordinary]

I think first adult/big girl/boy job means the job you sign a contract to after finishing school/university. We often call it the first real job even though almost every one had a job to finance life while studying or getting some pocket money while still in school. Those are just side jobs with limited hours as your main job is learning/studying. Cooking or working for the recycling company are also seen as real jobs in that regard if that is your main source of income and you are not a pupil/student.

[MargaretElliott]

9 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

When is a job not a real job? Surely any job is a real job. 

Big girl/boy job sounds like a preschooler getting their first chore. 

I guess I view any "real" job as a job that you can support yourself on. Part of being an adult (where I live in the northeastern United States, at least) ideally involves becoming independent and no longer relying on older people for food and shelter. Preferably involving healthcare/benefits. Basically, a job that will allow you to fulfill society's (relatively recent) ideal of what adulthood and independence look like.

That's not to say someone working multiple part-time jobs or relying on government benefits and struggling to make ends meet is any less of an adult. It's just the way Western capitalist society has evolved. Personally, I think that that ideal is pretty outdated, and significantly more difficult to achieve than it was 50 years ago, when the ideal was formed. I take personal issue with it because it's really (really, REALLY) difficult to get a job and support yourself in my field, and many people I know will never be able to do the white-picket-fence-own-your-own-home-2.5-kids deal. What was once possible for many Americans is now an unachievable pipe dream, thanks to stagnating wages, student loans, and rising housing costs. So while all jobs are "real" in that they technically exist, not all of them can give people the trappings of adulthood that society has raised us to expect.

This is depressing. Anyone want to start an FJ commune in the wilderness somewhere? We can have goats and a garden and and all the snark anyone could ever need. As long as there's wifi.

[justoneoftwo]

I call it a "big girl job" or "grown up job" because it isn't my first real job.  My first real job was one where I was not hired by my parents or neighbors and where I paid taxes (not babysitting or things like that).  For me that was working concessions.  My first "big girl job" was over 10 years and many jobs later, and was the first one in my chosen field.  It may be a bit classiest, but for me the difference is starting my career, not starting work.  I have friends who's first "big boy jobs" were retail, because that was the job they intended to do long term.  

[Satan'sFortress]

18 minutes ago, MargaretElliott said:

This is depressing. Anyone want to start an FJ commune in the wilderness somewhere? We can have goats and a garden and and all the snark anyone could ever need. As long as there's wifi.

I like goats.  I can tend the goats.  But I will also need good coffee.

Packing list so far:

• Goats
• Wifi
• Coffee