Tori Bates - Part 4: Pretty Dresses Hiding Ugly Ideologies

[singsingsing]

2 minutes ago, Chocolatecheesecake said:

About the topic of people being annoyed at gender reveal parties... I really don't get how a person can be annoyed at being invited to party.

I guess you're not an introvert.  

2 minutes ago, Chocolatecheesecake said:

I don't have any kids yet, but when I do, I'll definitely throw a gender reveal party and if any of my friends feel like @singsingsing about it, I would hope that they would simply politely decline the invitation. 

Yep, that's exactly what I would do if I wasn't interested in attending - just politely decline, as with any event I didn't plan to attend. It's really not a big deal. I wouldn't expect anyone else to come to a party I was throwing if they weren't interested.

[just_ordinary]

On 6/18/2018 at 5:22 PM, Ivycoveredtower said:

I can't remember if you have ever said which country you live in but do you live in a place that has naming guidelines parents have to follow. I find some names U.S. parents pick out there but always find it fascinating that some countries have so much control over a child's name. 

I live in Germany and we have indeed rather strict guidelines.

First names:

- not more than four or five

- must be recognised as a name (no CocaCola)

- no place or last name

- should mirror the sex

Sounds harder than it is because there are of course enough unisex names or people look into the customs of other European countries and often get their choice approved. If you can prove that the name is a regular name somewhere else, especially if you have migrated from that country, there shouldn’t be a problem at all. What I think will not be approved would be something like TJ or T.J. or xyz III. 

Last names:

There are several laws regulating options depending on wether you are married (if both keep their last name they still decide that one will be the family name which is the one the children will have) or not, if the child is adopted .... there are many family types and the law covers them all.

Changing the name you were registered with after birth is almost impossible though (except marriage or adoption). There have to be compelling reasons and it doesn’t happen a lot.

I actually don’t mind our regulations at all. Some people really shouldn’t get their will in everything when it will mostly affect another person who has no say in it. 

[Carm_88]

Oh god a party with a bunch of loud talking, attention seeking Bates is my version of Hell. 

I haaate parties. 

[victoriasponge]

Maybe I'm old-fashioned for a 21 year old but I just... don't really like all the American import parties? Sex reveal parties have begun to take off after baby showers have been fully imported and now bridal showers are coming too. I mean, I like gatherings enough - when we can get all the gang together we do, it's just the forced theme games and photos and commercialisation of what I feel should be a really exciting time in its own right.

Plus if I'm already going to your hen, which will inevitably involve clubbing which I'm not a fan of, you're not then also getting me to a bridal shower to do further hilarious games involving gigantic penises. If you're getting married, I congratulate you and buy you a present if I'm close enough to those involved, same with housewarmings and babies - if there's a chance for me to meet up with Mum before baby comes to just have a nice chat and maybe a meal, great, and then a chance to meet the baby after they're born, great.

I'm just not very festive, I don't think. Or maybe just boring? I personally like the send a text to reveal the sex if you want and then another to mention you've safely delivered and maybe the baby's name. Then again, if it was a close friend, I probably would go and just try my absolute hardest to get involved in everything.

[just_ordinary]

9 hours ago, victoriasponge said:

Maybe I'm old-fashioned for a 21 year old but I just... don't really like all the American import parties? Sex reveal parties have begun to take off after baby showers have been fully imported and now bridal showers are coming too. I mean, I like gatherings enough - when we can get all the gang together we do, it's just the forced theme games and photos and commercialisation of what I feel should be a really exciting time in its own right.

Plus if I'm already going to your hen, which will inevitably involve clubbing which I'm not a fan of, you're not then also getting me to a bridal shower to do further hilarious games involving gigantic penises. If you're getting married, I congratulate you and buy you a present if I'm close enough to those involved, same with housewarmings and babies - if there's a chance for me to meet up with Mum before baby comes to just have a nice chat and maybe a meal, great, and then a chance to meet the baby after they're born, great.

I'm just not very festive, I don't think. Or maybe just boring? I personally like the send a text to reveal the sex if you want and then another to mention you've safely delivered and maybe the baby's name. Then again, if it was a close friend, I probably would go and just try my absolute hardest to get involved in everything.

I feel the same way for two reasons.

Those occasions seem more like endless gift grabbing opportunities and a way to produce oneself. 

Maybe I am just very uptight but I hate people that self produce themselves, playing games (I am not 5 anymore) and there is no way I buy a gift for a baby shower, the obligatory congratulations to the new baby and the christening of there is one.

I am all for parties though- so having a little party before the baby comes because you might not be as available before seems like a nice idea. But what is wrong with just chatting and eating and generally having fun? Why go out on decorations? Why the need to give it a theme? 

I feel like I don’t get my point across very well- maybe because here we don’t like it to be the centre of attention in a very loud and obvious way? So no extra showers, no prom photos or stuff (another thing I cannot wrap my head around. Sure we celebrate finishing school but nothing like that), no sweet 16, and even bachelor/ bachelorette parties are only the loud and drunk party in certain circles and are often not done at all or a joint party where people can celebrate with you even though they are not invited to the wedding (like colleagues, neighbours, distant friends).

[ophelia]

13 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

Oh god a party with a bunch of loud talking, attention seeking Bates is my version of Hell. 

... especially while staying sober.

[VelociRapture]

9 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

I feel the same way for two reasons.

Those occasions seem more like endless gift grabbing opportunities and a way to produce oneself. 

Maybe I am just very uptight but I hate people that self produce themselves, playing games (I am not 5 anymore) and there is no way I buy a gift for a baby shower, the obligatory congratulations to the new baby and the christening of there is one.

I am all for parties though- so having a little party before the baby comes because you might not be as available before seems like a nice idea. But what is wrong with just chatting and eating and generally having fun? Why go out on decorations? Why the need to give it a theme? 

I feel like I don’t get my point across very well- maybe because here we don’t like it to be the centre of attention in a very loud and obvious way? So no extra showers, no prom photos or stuff (another thing I cannot wrap my head around. Sure we celebrate finishing school but nothing like that), no sweet 16, and even bachelor/ bachelorette parties are only the loud and drunk party in certain circles and are often not done at all or a joint party where people can celebrate with you even though they are not invited to the wedding (like colleagues, neighbours, distant friends).

I think it really depends on the circles you run in to be honest. I know people from High School or College who do a ton of parties like what you described - big trips for Bachelorette/Bachelor parties, big sex reveals, over the top pregnancy announcements, etc. As long as everyone involved is on board with that stuff it doesn’t strike me as being an issue.

(Though I would object to anyone being blatantly greedy about it all. I’m lucky to have very rarely come across that type of attitude though.)

I personally tend to run in circles where that isn’t as common though. Bachelorette/Bachelor parties are local and normally don’t last more than several hours. Pregnancy announcements are pretty low key, as are Baby Showers (if the expectant mother even opts for one - I didn’t want one, but my sister’s shower was coed and that was actually really fun to attend.) I haven’t attended any SEX reveal parties - the most we tend to do is send a text to those who should know first (immediate family) and possibly drop a casual reference via Facebook at some point. 

(I’m in the States, New England to be precise.)

[Ivycoveredtower]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

I think it really depends on the circles you run in to be honest. I know people from High School or College who do a ton of parties like what you described - big trips for Bachelorette/Bachelor parties, big sex reveals, over the top pregnancy announcements, etc. As long as everyone involved is on board with that stuff it doesn’t strike me as being an issue.

(Though I would object to anyone being blatantly greedy about it all. I’m lucky to have very rarely come across that type of attitude though.)

I personally tend to run in circles where that isn’t as common though. Bachelorette/Bachelor parties are local and normally don’t last more than several hours. Pregnancy announcements are pretty low key, as are Baby Showers (if the expectant mother even opts for one - I didn’t want one, but my sister’s shower was coed and that was actually really fun to attend.) I haven’t attended any SEX reveal parties - the most we tend to do is send a text to those who should know first (immediate family) and possibly drop a casual reference via Facebook at some point. 

(I’m in the States, New England to be precise.)

I'm in the Midwest, We do showers but it's usually not every baby just the first one and then if one is the opposite gender or a lot younger.  I don't usually go. I've been invited to several  and usually only go to family and super close friends. Heck I'm invited to two at the end of the month. Not going to either, as for reveals and announcements those usually just pop up on facebook. though I'll admit to the guilty pleasure of watching youtube reveals. LOL 

[Jana814]

18 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

I'll admit to the guilty pleasure of watching youtube reveals. LOL 

I guilty of that also. 

[Snarkle]

Not sure if this was said already, but honestly considering the number of kids the Bates 2.0 generation will probably have, the specific sex of each baby won't really matter in the long run - except for Alyssa, the couples with kids have had both male and female babies so far.  Even if Alyssa "only" has the ten she said as a newlywed that she thought she could handle, odds are she'd have a male at some point (although yes, there are families with ten of the same sex).  A number of seasons ago Katie said that by the time she and Josie had kids a lot of the names they'd want for kids would be taken, so the younger kids are certainly aware of/shocked by the sheer number of grandbabies and those to be.

As the parent of an only child (and one where genetic issues would be worse for a girl), I wanted to know the sex of my baby before he was born so I could get used to the idea.  I was relieved when I found out it was a boy.  Funny enough we had a girl's name, but not one for a boy, so I think it was sort of meant to be.

I also give Tori some slack.  It's refreshing that she's not "keeping sweet" as much for TV as the other couples.  This season has been all about her (with some of Carlin's and Josie's courtships thrown in, plus things about the other couples), and next season hopefully they'll move on to the courting couples more (in between baby updates for her).  Perhaps since she's not right there and away in Nashville she'll be able to be on the show less (like Alyssa and Michael).  As much as I abhor their beliefs/lifestyle/etc., at least BuB is finally past showing trips for wisdom teeth removal and it's not the boring day-in-the-life stuff the Duggars churned out until their kids started getting married/birthin' babies/getting in trouble/grifting and complaining on Twitter/etc.  BuB has struck gold now that a slew of Bates kids are in their 20s and spawning.

[Ali]

Alyssa can only have 10 kids, 6 girls and 4 boys, because that is how many kids it will take to spell her name and John's name.

[stardust]

I'm happy mainly cause I guessed gender and name correctly for once! Plus I was getting bored of the girls trend for the Bates grand children. Also no sister-moms for Tori!

[VBOY9977]

According to the article they’re nicknaming him Cade.

https://www.google.com.co/amp/www.etonline.com/bringing-up-bates-stars-tori-bates-and-bobby-smith-reveal-their-babys-gender-and-name-exclusive%3famp

[stardust]

3 minutes ago, VBOY9977 said:

According to the article they’re nicknaming him Cade.

https://www.google.com.co/amp/www.etonline.com/bringing-up-bates-stars-tori-bates-and-bobby-smith-reveal-their-babys-gender-and-name-exclusive%3famp

Yep. I think it's a cute name, you just wouldn't guess it as a nickname for 'Robert.' I like it though!

[TuringMachine]

22 minutes ago, stardust said:

Yep. I think it's a cute name, you just wouldn't guess it as a nickname for 'Robert.' I like it though!

I agree, cute name but how is it related to Robert Ellis? 

[Italiangirl]

The gender reveal is a really uninspired one tought. I can understand try something more low key but that is really bah

This is photo by the way 

Spoiler

 

 

[Seculardaisy]

And here I always thought Carson was a stretch for Chad. At least they have the same beginning letter.

Cade is very out of left field for Robert but it’s a cute name.

[stardust]

17 minutes ago, Seculardaisy said:

And here I always thought Carson was a stretch for Chad. At least they have the same beginning letter.

Cade is very out of left field for Robert but it’s a cute name.

Caron's actual first name is Charles though, not Chad. Agree about Cade for Robert. 

[Jana814]

Cade is an odd nickname for Robert. Maybe the nickname will change once the baby is born. 

[Eternalbluepearl]

47 minutes ago, Italiangirl said:

The gender reveal is a really uninspired one tought. I can understand try something more low key but that is really bah

This is photo by the way 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

Tori often looks like she'd rather be anywhere else. But they both look unenthused here. It might just be awkward with cameras around.

7 minutes ago, Jana814 said:

Cade is an odd nickname for Robert. Maybe the nickname will change once the baby is born. 

I'm guessing they are naming him like Carson where he is exclusively called Carson but his actual legal name is something else. It's their kid and their choice but for me, I'd probably simplify things and just name him Cade legally. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

well that's an interesting coincidences both the Duggar's last Pregnancy and the Bates last pregnancy broke their long gender trend just in the opposite direction. the name is just meh I'm not a fan of Jr ect... 

[Melbelle]

On 6/17/2018 at 5:10 PM, KelseyAnn said:

Whelp, since we're all on the topic of babies- what is the best gift mothers on this sub ever received at a baby shower? My BFF's one is coming up and I want her to get something she'll adore. 

It's a boy- if that matters. 

I have an almost 3 month old little boy and I had my shower in February, so this is topic is very fresh in my mind!  First, my biggest suggestion of what not to buy...clothes!  I received so many clothes and my little one has barely worn any of them.  My friends and family were even good about buying a wide range of sizes, I have clothes going all the way up to 18 months.  My LO was only in newborn sizes for about 10 days, the weather was warmer than usual so the 0-3 month clothes we received were mostly too warm for him to wear (long sleeves, thick pants, etc.), and who knows what'll happen with the remaining clothes with how fast he's growing and how the seasons change.  If I could redo my shower I wouldn't have told people we were having a boy at all because the showers I've been to where the sex wasn't known tended to have less clothes given as gifts.  Alas...it's too late for that!  

Now onto my favorite gifts.  The very best, most used gift I received has been my pack n' play.  We set it up in our living room and that is where we created our "nest" for these first few months.  The changing table is raised on it, which helps with the back pain from leaning over and changing diapers and the bassinet was where my LO took all his naps and where he hung out while we made dinner and things until very recently.  We'll be taking it on trips starting this summer, so it'll be his crib in hotels and at our family's houses.  I actually sent a second thank you note to the people who gave me this gift just a few days ago letting them now how it has been the center of our baby's life for these first months and how much it meant to me that they gave me such a wonderful gift.  

https://www.chiccousa.com/our-products/playards-and-bassinets/chicco-lullaby-playards/lullaby-dream-playard---avena/07079113510070.html?gclid=CjwKCAjwma3ZBRBwEiwA-CsblMbwg72c_01c5DL0pB8odSv9MhzhLV-6ojNuJ7JUxU9j9ELVmd3yXhoCQncQAvD_BwE 

Other gifts I loved and use all the time are the activity gym, an infant to toddler rocker, and an infant bathtub.  I would suggest selecting a gift that has potential to grow with your friends child, which is why all of those items are my favorites at this point.  At the next baby shower I go to I'm going to put together a bath time themed gift and give them an infant bath (I love my Fisher-Price 4 in 1 bath) along with the Aveeno Mommy and Me bath shampoo and wash gift set, plus a couple of washcloths, hooded towels, baby bath robe, and some bath toys.  For me, the stuff I use day in and day out has been the most meaningful presents and I often think of the people that gave them to me as I'm using them.  

*I registered for every one of these gifts.  I put a ton of time into my registry and I wish more people had purchased off of it, because I ended up returning things that weren't on the registry and was really frustrated by some of the things that I received but couldn't/didn't know where to return that I didn't need or want.  So definitely check out your friends registry or if you go off registry make sure you give her the receipt.  

[clueliss]

I figure Cade is what she really wanted to name the kid but tradition says he's IV hence the given name vs the oddball nickname.  They also may be out of versions of Robert in the family.  (ditto with the Paines and Charles)

[neurogirl]

The thing I don't understand about Cade is...why not use it for a later kid? Chances are they will have many more kids, and then the second-boy can get the name mom loves. Idk I think it's trying to combine too many name desires. 

[keen23]

7 minutes ago, clueliss said:

I figure Cade is what she really wanted to name the kid but tradition says he's IV hence the given name vs the oddball nickname.  They also may be out of versions of Robert in the family.  (ditto with the Paines and Charles)

A friend of mine recently had a Thurston Howell The IV type baby, and they call him Iver, as a nickname. It's cute.