Dillards 36: Seating for Family of Four Now

[MadeItOut]

33 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

I had a hysterectomy when I was 27...I've read and talked to many women who saw their hysterectomy as somehow losing whatever it was that made them a woman. I never had that feeling. I didn't mourn losing my fertility (I was done having kids), it didn't bother me one whit to no longer have my period (talk about jump for joy), and it didn't make me feel like less of a woman. Maybe because my hysterectomy was due to massive hemorraging after a particularly nasty miscarriage (of a pregnancy that was not particularly wanted, the X's vasectomy failed and I did NOT want to bring another child into that particular shit-fest) and I was in that shitty marital situation...Now, at 53, I'm happy to no longer face the indignities of the yearly "well-woman" exam, and while the sex drive isn't anything worth writing home about, when I'm finally in the mood, I'm good to go...

Then again, maybe I'm just utterly fucked up in the head and have one helluva time dealing with being female. 

When they told me I mustn't have any more at 26, they also said they wouldn't risk a hysterectomy. That was a heads crew for a while. The kicker is I got that sorted and immediately, since about April of this year I've started early menopause and THAT is really tough! After wishing for it for almost a decade, it's hit and I'm not ready. I'm lucky that Mr mio is sufficiently older that were able to go menopausal together.

32 minutes ago, Illmarryyoujana said:

Everyone is different and how you feel is valid! I was mostly referring to the hormonal changes at such a young age. Also, how can we respond with out quoting the whole thing, I'm awful with this stuff. 

I think it's something to do with being on mobile - I'm wrestling it to. I'm trying to catch as muych as I can that's not for quoting and delete it that way. Seems to work about 50/50. Better than nothing I guess.

32 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

I'm so angry hearing all your stories about being treated differently.   I feel very stabby.  My child will be dealing with that.  As my child progresses, it will get worse, all around.  People's reactions shouldn't be part of the struggle.  But, it will be.  And, I hate that.  

My sweet , very smart child walks very unbalanced,  but, he is still walking.  One time, my kid was navigating some stairs, I was behing him and this dude going up the stairs ( we were going down) started at him with this shocked expression.  I gave that guy the evil eye to say the least, my stare must have been as strong and threatening as I intended it to be because he gasped.  I bore into his very soul with malicious intent.  Don't fuck with a witches kid!  

If he turns out anything like my now 18yo mentor he'll be grand. I asked him once because it's so marked that he can cope so well. He told me "You're forgetting, kids get bored easy. I got bored with that when I was four". I've also witnessed him field the "what's wrong with you?" thing by reflex with a "not much, how about you beyond the stupidity?".

[Beermeet]

I consider myself very lucky.  In 6th grade our class had a boy with cerebral palsy.   He had a helper and when we all are lunch together in the classroom daily,  well, he was a mess.  Took us kids about a week to not even notice.  He was funny as hell and he asked me to a school dance.  I totally went, our group had lots of fun and we remained friends until graduation.  That kid taught all of us kids what we needed to know about how to treat someone with a disability.   Normally.  Treat everyone normally.   With respect.  It's easy.  Until you know that person is non verbal, speak to them for goodness sake!  Don't be weird.  Again, I feel very lucky to have had him in my life to teach me that.  I'm not the type of person who would be an asshole to anyone unless needed but it  made me comfortable with *different* and a much better person.

And, all those people that treated you all so rudely and mean....they get my evil eye too.  People can really suck.  They are the ones with a problem, not you guys, not my kid. 

[SummerRocks]

5 hours ago, Buzzard said:

I don't even know what that means. I'm serious; I have been staring at those words for a while now and I honestly don't know what it means.

#SummerRocksdoesntknowGod #justpostpicturesofyourchildren #telluswhatsgoingoninDillardworld

[TakingBibleClasses]

14 minutes ago, SummerRocks said:

I don't even know what that means. I'm serious; I have been staring at those words for a while now and I honestly don't know what it means.

Yeah, I literally study the Bible for a living and it took a lot of staring to realize that the first hashtag is "he dwelt among us" (also from John 1; it's about the incarnation of Jesus - becoming human and living among the rest of us human beings). Some things should not be hashtags.

[VelociRapture]

5 hours ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

It is a natural consequence of being a human woman, that you will eventually date a complete loser and later look back to say "what the hell was I thinking!?" 

Guess I'm not a "human woman" yet since I married my one and only boyfriend - a man who is very much a winner in every way. 

But seriously, not every guy is a jerk and not every woman will end up dating a jerk. I agree with your point regarding Jill and I do feel horribly for anyone stuck in a bad or dangerous relationship - but can we all maybe keep in mind that not everyone is guaranteed to have a bad romantic experience?

[MiddleAgedLady]

24 minutes ago, TakingBibleClasses said:

Yeah, I literally study the Bible for a living and it took a lot of staring to realize that the first hashtag is "he dwelt among us" (also from John 1; it's about the incarnation of Jesus - becoming human and living among the rest of us human beings). Some things should not be hashtags.

Oh my gosh! The crazy hashtags.....

It's funny when people make up hashtags and don't realize you can't use a character to make it searchable, for example #don'thateme or if the letters can be read in a different way. #nebedchat is a twitter chat for teachers. When some first looked at it, people thought it was Nebraska bed chat rather than Nebraska ed chat. 

[SadieJane]

11 hours ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

There was a time when women weren't even given the option for a VBAC. Michelle was a pioneer for VBACs and I give her credit for that, but it might have misled Jill to believe that anyone who wants one is capable of having one, and it's just not as simple as that.

It's certainly plausible that Jill would attempt a VBAC at home, even though as far as I know, nobody knows that for sure yet. If that is the case, does anyone know what the time limits are for a VBAC labor? At what point would a midwife or a doctor tell you to call it quits and get a c-section, assuming neither mom nor baby are in any danger, but things just aren't progressing? 

My hospital, that I work at and delivered all of my children in, will not offer an option for a VBAC.  I guess they feel its just a liability, and I am okay with this really. I have my first 2 naturally without pain meds. My 3rd was just one cluster fuck after another (I was having mini strokes, and then he went tranverse, delivered his cord and left arm vaginally, scared the shit out of my OBGYN, etc) and I got an emergency C Section.  It was oddly amazing and after everything was done, i personally felt better than I ever did with my natural births. Anywho, back to the hospital thing. The day after all of this insanity happened, my doctor told me that if I was to deliver with him, at this hospital ever again, I was going to have C Sections from here on out. its policy here.  I'm cool with it. I ended up tying these tubies anyways. Sorry. I swear a lot.

[cascarones]

If anyone needs a pick me up or looking to take a vacation somewhere the whole family can enjoy I recommend Morgan's Wonderland. The videos will met your heart! It's a full access theme park designed with special needs park goers in mind. It comes with free admission, helpers and any additional equipment (like waterproof wheelchairs). I'm currently volunteering in the water area, which is pretty fantastic and might just beat Disney for the happiest place on earth.  

When I was younger I had to wear a medical bracelet (thanks migraines) and once people would realize what it was, you'd think I had the plague and could infect them. I've only had one really scary incident with it where I had a fully sensory overload in NYC and was very disoriented. A seemingly nice man offered to get me a taxi, got in with me and gave an address I didn't know, but the taxi driver was having none of those shenanigans once I started crying and protesting. We called him a lot after that for extra work since he was just such a nice bloke. 

[Bugaboo]

Jill also commented on Deena Dillard's post on IG. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

4 hours ago, Illmarryyoujana said:

I was mostly referring to the hormonal changes at such a young age.

Hormonal changes only occur if the ovaries are removed too - that's an oophorectomy. Hysterectomy is simply removal of the uterus.

[RosyDaisy]

I have Meniere's Disease. One day I was at a store shopping and had a bad vertigo attack. The manager told me "get your wasted ass out of the store before I call the law". My sister was with me and let the manager have it (verbally that is). The manager apologized and said my purchase was on her. I accepted the apology, but we left the store without purchasing anything. I have boycotted that store ever since.

[HarryPotterFan]

10 hours ago, MadeItOut said:

 Her response (still aimed to him, craning her neck past me) when she came back was "I've been told to say I'm sorry, but I didn't know I was allowed to serve you. It happens so rarely you see - they don't usually let them out. What would she like to drink? Juice?"
Since Mr MIO has faster reflexes, I'm not serving time.

And I thought it couldn't get worse after she referred to you as "the disabled." What a horrible person! Mr. MIO sounds fantastic. I love that he refused to engage and read something to show he was ignoring her. Part of me wants you to have handed her ass to her. Just so she could see you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. And for her to have to wrap her mind around the idea that someone she thought was incompetent handed her ass to her.

And I'll have to watch that Ted talk you recommended! 

5 hours ago, MadeItOut said:

I've also witnessed him field the "what's wrong with you?" thing by reflex with a "not much, how about you beyond the stupidity?".

He is officially my new hero, that's such an amazing response.

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Guess I'm not a "human woman" yet since I married my one and only boyfriend - a man who is very much a winner in every way. 

Of course you aren't! You're a velociraptor woman!

[PainfullyAware]

8 hours ago, zee_four said:

I got a lot of "its amazing you get up in the morning let alone get out and about I'd probably kill myself."

This! My least favorite "compliment" from non-disabled people. 

The simple reason that I don't just give up and lie in bed all day is because that's not a real option.  I don't have the luxury.  It's not a meaningful choice when you live with a condition that has no cure. This comment upsets me because it ignores the reality that I don't choose to struggle through each day, I am forced to. The reason I don't lie in bed all day (besides the fact that I would find it really uncomfortable) is not that I'm especially strong or heroic.  It's because lying in bed all day would be mean giving up on surviving. At some point, you have to make a meal, take your kid to school, or have a shower - and you're going to want to do that with the least amount of discomfort possible. Living necessarily means having to fight through all of my daily struggles.  That fighting spirit and strength, for me, is just the nature of living day to day.  I know perfectly well that if that same healthy friend who says "I would just give up" actually did develop a chronic illness like I have, they would wake up every morning and try again, too.  Just like we all do.  Because we have to. I like to think that it's human nature to survive, to put one foot in front of the other, and to keep on keeping on.

"I couldn't face it day after day, I don't know where you find the willpower to just get up and try again"

Beyond this, the main response most people living with chronic illness have to this form of praise is that they find it invalidating. While a life with an invisible illness or disability is challenging, the funny thing is, we still want to live it.  We still share love, have passions, make contributions, make art, and have dreams. Our lives are worthwhile and meaningful.  They are worth living.  Even with all the difficulties.  But when the main reaction to seeing what a day in the life of a person with chronic illness looks like is to say "I would just give up," it invalidates the worth of living that life. It definitely is not a compliment!

[InTheNameofRufus]

5 hours ago, Beermeet said:

I'm so angry hearing all your stories about being treated differently.   I feel very stabby.  My child will be dealing with that.  As my child progresses, it will get worse, all around.  People's reactions shouldn't be part of the struggle.  But, it will be.  And, I hate that.

I understand completely, @Beermeet! My son was born with Muscular Dystrophy, but was not specificaly diagnosed until age 10. (Local doctors called it a mitochondrial disorder and would not diagnose further) He walked with an abnormal gait for most of his childhood, and never really ran. In public places, he would be either ignored, given looks of pity, or in some cases, get rude comments from ignorant people. Now, at age 14, he has found his voice and a really wicked sense of humor. He is in a wheelchair for most of the day, as his body is growing faster than his muscles. The reactions he gets from other people vary greatly. There are a lot of understanding people out there who will go out of their way to hold doors open, smile, or talk to him.  Some rude people will ask "What do you need a chair for? You look fine." Those people usually get a smart ass response, as I have told him he will not be punished for snark to obnoxious questions. I usually have to hold back a laugh when I see some of the reactions he gets to that. 

Stay strong, have faith (whatever gives you happiness) that your child will continue to be a happy, smart, confident boy who has the love of his family. As my son says "Screw what everyone else thinks. I'm doing my best and if it's not good enough for them, they're idiots" 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

5 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Guess I'm not a "human woman" yet since I married my one and only boyfriend - a man who is very much a winner in every way. 

But seriously, not every guy is a jerk and not every woman will end up dating a jerk. I agree with your point regarding Jill and I do feel horribly for anyone stuck in a bad or dangerous relationship - but can we all maybe keep in mind that not everyone is guaranteed to have a bad romantic experience?

I married my 1st love, 20 years ago.  I'd had 2 other boyfriends prior to meet him, but there was no "in love there", and I both relationships lasted about 3 months each. 

I agree, not everyone will have the same life, or reactions to situations. Just because my 1st love & I have a successful marriage, doesn't mean my sister and her 1st boyfriend/love will. 

[sawasdee]

I've just had friends, a family, visit from the west of Ireland. The ten year old twins are in a class of just 12 children, and they bought presents for them all.

I was seriously impressed with the care that they put into selecting the right thing for two differently abled children, making sure it was something that they had the dexterity to handle, and going to great lengths to get favourite colours.

At least that village school is doing something very right!

[MadeItOut]

11 hours ago, RosyDaisy said:

I have Meniere's Disease. One day I was at a store shopping and had a bad vertigo attack. The manager told me "get your wasted ass out of the store before I call the law". My sister was with me and let the manager have it (verbally that is). The manager apologized and said my purchase was on her. I accepted the apology, but we left the store without purchasing anything. I have boycotted that store ever since.

Don't blame you! That was extremely thoughtless of her.

Seconding everything @PainfullyAware says (& she says it much better than I ever could!)

Quote

Some rude people will ask "What do you need a chair for? You look fine." Those people usually get a smart ass response, as I have told him he will not be punished for snark to obnoxious questions. I usually have to hold back a laugh when I see some of the reactions he gets to that. 

Stay strong, have faith (whatever gives you happiness) that your child will continue to be a happy, smart, confident boy who has the love of his family. As my son says "Screw what everyone else thinks. I'm doing my best and if it's not good enough for them, they're idiots" 

Don't blame him at all. I think I'd go for something like 'it's armour to protect against idiots'. ...or more likely with me: 'it's armour to protect against idiots. Ooops, it's not working'.

He sounds like he's going to turn out an amazing man.

[MadeItOut]

25 minutes ago, sawasdee said:

I've just had friends, a family, visit from the west of Ireland. The ten year old twins are in a class of just 12 children, and they bought presents for them all.

I was seriously impressed with the care that they put into selecting the right thing for two differently abled children, making sure it was something that they had the dexterity to handle, and going to great lengths to get favourite colours.

At least that village school is doing something very right!

That's great!

Do you mind if I share that (out of context of course) with my young mentor? He coped amazingly well throughout his access to school case, even in the face of full grown adult bullies deliberately trying to upset him, and at the end of it they told him Irish schools would be better in future. It'd be nice to let him know it really did happen.

[sawasdee]

@MadeItOut Please do! I was rather proud of them, as most 10 year olds are selfish little beasts.....

[BlessaYourHeart]

I have a condition called IIH (Idiopathic Intacranial Hypertension) I've only been recently diagnosed and I didn't tell many people, just close family and friends, when I was going through diagnosis because with my symptoms they thought it could have been a brain tumour or blood clot in the brain. It was scary as hell. 

Anyway, the condition causes awful headaches, worse than any migraine I've ever had; lapses in vision and a sudden feeling of being 'spaced out' at times. It's scary when all the symptoms come together. Painkillers don't help the headaches at all so I end up spending days in bed unable to do much. 

A few of my mums friends and family members have made comments saying that I'm lazy and should be out working on the summer break from uni. When she tells them I have bad headaches they say take painkillers and I'm just being a lazy wimp looking for excuses. It hurts because I'd love to be out working but it just isn't possible at the minute; I'd rather do anything than be bed bound unable to even read because my heads that bad. 

If people can't physically see that there's something wrong with you it's awful because they just assume it's nothing. 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

Just fyi, if you can't snip a long quote, you can just tag the poster you are replying at. The poster will see a notification for your reply. You can tag a poster typing @ and the beginning of the username then select the username from the dropdown menu that should appear. It works most of the times. If you have problems head to the tech forum. Thanks!

 

[Kak]

On 28 July 2017 at 8:36 AM, MadeItOut said:

seems like we're a little in danger of crossing from the social model into the medical around disability.

I think I get the general point of your post, but I don't understand the sentence above. Can you put it more simply? Thank you.

[nastyhobbitses]

13 hours ago, Beermeet said:

Until you know that person is non verbal, speak to them for goodness sake!  Don't be weird

Even then, a lot of non-verbal people can still understand you and interact, but just have to get their point across a bit differently. A family friend has a severely autistic son who is non-verbal, and while my conversations with him were pretty...one-sided, he could still respond and interact, just in his own way.

Disabled people are people. They should be treated as such.

[RosyDaisy]

My parents taught me manners. That includes treating people with disabilities like human beings. A big FUCK YOU to the assholes who don't and won't!

[JillyO]

48 minutes ago, Kak said:

I think I get the general point of your post, but I don't understand the sentence above. Can you put it more simply? Thank you.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_model_of_disability

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_model_of_disability

Basically, the medical model of disability assumes that something is wrong with a disabled body, and seeks to correct this perceived wrongness. The social model, on the other hand, seeks to empower people with disabilities, rather than to "cure" them.