Dillards 36: Seating for Family of Four Now

[Nikedagain?]

15 minutes ago, MadeItOut said:

It's what happens. So much of the world is neck deep in the medical model even seventy years after everything started being geared to sanity and the social model. There are some fantastic Tedx talks etc online. One of my favourites (because she's just the most hilarious and excellent speaker) is 'I'm not your inspiration thank you very much'.

We'll get there. ...hopefully with a little less kicking and screaming on the part of some conventionally ables and ideally without bloodshed.


To be fair though, there also a few fantastic folks out there. I saw one in the hardware yesterday. There was a lady shopping with an obviously on the spectrum child with a lot of discomfort in social situations (avoiding eye contact, industrial ear defenders, fidget band on a cross-body bag) and some mobility/balance issues. The little girl stepped through an electric door and it started to close behind her. Must've been in her periphoral because it frightened her and she screamed and started off down the bladed tools aisle.
There was a lady there restocking from a cage. Talk about a great reaction: she spun her trolley round so that she was between it and the little girl and blocking the aisle, then murmed "okay sweetie, Mammy's coming" over her shoulder until the mother could get to her.
Some human beings rock!

Yes! Earlier this week I took my daughter and 2 other young people to a play. All three have autism. I had to go to the bathroom at intermission and I couldn't take the 6'1" fellow into the ladies room obviously. (even though he was rocking out to a Barney video on my phone...). I was telling them to hold hands and not move and a lady got out of line and said, "you go, I'll wait with them". It just reaffirms my faith in humanity! 

[Hashtag Blessed]

@MadeItOut I've seen that Ted talk, and I too recommend it. It is so horrifying but I guess not too shocking that people have that attitude and say those things. I've heard other stories that are just awful. 

I feel like people need better education on service dogs, too. I was at a major theme park not too long ago, and there was a man with a service dog sitting near us on some benches. Strangers came up to him to ask what the dog was there for, which took me aback cause that's a personal question I would never dream of asking a stranger! Then the dog started howling because one of these rude people was carrying an ice cream cone, and wouldn't ya know it, her job was to alert at the scent of dairy. At least her howl startled them away. I mean, I get it dogs are cute, but that whole thing made me so uncomfortable and I was just a bystander. I can't imagine fending off that sort of thing all the time. 

[MadeItOut]

There really should be an epic humanity organisation to highlight the little triumph things more widely. - That would help SO much with getting folks understanding that social model doesn't equal more of 'them' being grumpy and complaining at you, it would mean more of 'us' all living and celebrating and having a blast! I wish I was skilled at developing websites or something. I'd found it in a second.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

@MotherOfDragons I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. As for your POS ex my friends have a way of dealing with theee people, it involves a big barrel nails a large hill and lemon juice.  Seriously fuck him, I feel bad for both isnhis kids to have such a shitty father.

rhanks for the kind words all it's been a hell of a week and it isn't over yet, but it will be better. 

[MadeItOut]

9 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

@MadeItOut I've seen that Ted talk, and I too recommend it. It is so horrifying but I guess not too shocking that people have that attitude and say those things. I've heard other stories that are just awful. 

I feel like people need better education on service dogs, too. I was at a major theme park not too long ago, and there was a man with a service dog sitting near us on some benches. Strangers came up to him to ask what the dog was there for, which took me aback cause that's a personal question I would never dream of asking a stranger! Then the dog started howling because one of these rude people was carrying an ice cream cone, and wouldn't ya know it, her job was to alert at the scent of dairy. At least her howl startled them away. I mean, I get it dogs are cute, but that whole thing made me so uncomfortable and I was just a bystander. I can't imagine fending off that sort of thing all the time. 

The irony is, it's taught all over Europe from age four right through to leaving (anywhere from 16-18 here) and it's supposed to be a mandatory part of disability awareness training for anyone who encounters public in their job (since a change in law in 2008. The incident in the cafe was about a year and a half ago). A lot of people gloss it or don't keep it sharp though, because they think it will never happen to them. I'm not too sure how much is cultural to here, but it's extremely recent that any disability doesn't get you shut away automatically (or at least that would be the norm) and even within the last several months there's been a charity here got in trouble because while they were supposed to be helping otherwise able kids to manage school life etc (regular stream and "special"), some of the senior staff were substituting hot meals for sandwich lunches and pocketing the difference. When caught, it was reported that one of them said they'd been okay because the kids couldn't tell the difference. 

There's also a sizeable dose of people know, but just want to touch the dog. In our case, mine's a doodle so when she's fresh clipped and all velvety, that's one that's tough to keep folks off, but also when she gets all long and curly. So many folks will openly say to you "I know I shouldn't, but I'm going to".
There was one great karmic time when a businessman type crossed in front of me just before a lampost to snuggle her, so I yelled "Look out, you'll run into that" and he jumped right out of his skin with a "S&*% you can see!?"

[nst]

Jill is at it again 

jillmdillardWho is "the Word"? John chapter 1 verses 14-17 in the Bible go on to tell us! 
Friends, what great hope this is! #hedweltamongus #Jesus#oldtestamentfulfilled

she wants us to tell her what to do 

 

[Carm_88]

@allthegoodnamesrgone I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be so frustrating right now. Stay strong. 

[MadeItOut]

3 minutes ago, nst said:

she wants us to tell her what to do 

 

Gladly honey. Try stringing together some words all your own to express it, then we'll help you.

[Buzzard]

I'm wondering if this is another scheduled post.  Its odd that she hasnt bothered to update her bio to include Samuel, especially because they named him before he was born and they believe the she was his mother before his first breath.

Its very unduggarlike to not immediately change things to include the newest offspring.

[Gobsmacked]

1 hour ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

Thanks! I'm also legitimately describing an ex of mine. The similarities are uncanny. But my ex didn't even hack up vomit every time he exercised. He just never exercised at all. It makes me nauseous to think that Jill doesn't have the freedom to dump the loser if/when she no longer finds him adorable. I know from experience how suffocating being stuck in a relationship like that is, and I had a much easier way out than she does.  

You also described an ex of mine from teens to early twenties. The event that caused me to see his true colours, I call my sliding doors moment and will be forever grateful for it. 

[MadeItOut]

8 minutes ago, Buzzard said:

I'm wondering if this is another scheduled post.  Its odd that she hasnt bothered to update her bio to include Samuel, especially because they named him before he was born and they believe the she was his mother before his first breath.

Its very unduggarlike to not immediately change things to include the newest offspring.

My but there's a sizeable collection of potential 'faith as a sticking plaster over something I ought to address in a healthier* way' eyebrow raisers in the comments section.

*I'm aware faith can be a key part in managing all kinds of things (trained counsellor), but there are also times it can be used in the wrong way too.

[Hashtag Blessed]

4 minutes ago, Gobsmacked said:

You also described an ex of mine from teens to early twenties. The event that caused me to see his true colours, I call my sliding doors moment and will be forever grateful for it. 

It is a natural consequence of being a human woman, that you will eventually date a complete loser and later look back to say "what the hell was I thinking!?" It is that experience that made me hold tight to my husband when he came along, because I could tell from previous experience that he was not at all like my ex(s). I'd happily pay a few "pieces of heart" for the wisdom to know a good man when I see one. A REAL good man, not a fake missionary with a white savior complex. Just one more way that Boob and OfBoob have sold their daughters short.

[Dugg@rTime]

1 hour ago, nst said:

Jill is at it again 

jillmdillardWho is "the Word"? John chapter 1 verses 14-17 in the Bible go on to tell us! 
Friends, what great hope this is! #hedweltamongus #Jesus#oldtestamentfulfilled

she wants us to tell her what to do 

 

I've not read her post yet, but is it wrong that I have Grease is the Word going round in my head now?

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

It does seem like Jill is posting a few more "God's grace is the best blessing of all" type quotes than usual, which is strange considering what a joyous occasion having a baby is, especially for fundies. I don't think Jill had an emergency hysterectomy though. You can add me to the camp of people who think Jill and Derrick were just on the recieving end of a very stern talking-to from the hospital for their recklessness, and are trying to reconcile the guilt of not acting in their son or Jill's best medical interests with the belief that they might anger God by putting more trust in science and doctors than in theology.  

Derrick reminds me so much of a fundie light guy I knew at my old job, and not in a good way. His energy just seems to demand a respect that he has not earned at all in the capacity of a headship 

[zee_four]

2 hours ago, MadeItOut said:

The one we often get these days is, say for instance I'm out with my assist dog. The dog has a fluorescent harness at all times in public places. That's meant to immediately indicate to any idiotic staff anywhere you go that 'no, this person is not some dangerous loon trying to smuggle in a pet/who's never been allowed into polite company, leave 'em to it' and for sort of everyday Jo/es, it's a 'no you can't distract/play with/love on this dog, back the Hel up and give them space to do their thing together'.

 Bleh I'm sorry. I don't have a service dog but I have a SCI I was in a wheelchair 2 years and was never supposed to walk. I miracuously did but have had flare ups when I'm back in my chair or using crutches. Some of the stuff people would say..  theyd lean over and talk to me in a loud slow patronizing cheery voice like I was a child with cognitive impairment. I got a lot of "its amazing you get up in the morning let alone get out and about I'd probably kill myself." Ummm thanks? And I had full upper body control in my mind I was lucky for a para.

[Bad Wolf]

I spent a day in a wheelchair as part of a social work class. I was either treated like a five year old, or ignored entirely. "What would she like to eat?" . And that was only one day.

[lomo6]

So many of us have gotten hung up on first loves, ignoring red flags and personality incongruities because it's exciting to receive that kind of attention for the first time! And I could imagine Jill/the Duggar kids being even more likely to overlook these potential issues because of the lack of individual attention they received from their parents, and the fact that getting married = freedom and adulthood in a way that is very different from even mainstream conservative Christian cultures in the US.

Plus, they've been taught to put their faith in God and the rest will work itself out. Look at the way they describe their current or ideal partners. "A heart for the Lord" is always the top trait.

 

[Incognito22]

3 hours ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

It is a natural consequence of being a human woman, that you will eventually date a complete loser and later look back to say "what the hell was I thinking!?" It is that experience that made me hold tight to my husband when he came along, because I could tell from previous experience that he was not at all like my ex(s). I'd happily pay a few "pieces of heart" for the wisdom to know a good man when I see one. A REAL good man, not a fake missionary with a white savior complex. Just one more way that Boob and OfBoob have sold their daughters short.

As someone who just found out her now ex was cheating and heart pieces everywhere this is good to hear.  I feel like I'm a shit magnet.  Thought this one might be different but nope.  Hope there are still some good ones out there. 

[Illmarryyoujana]

A hysterectomy means so much more than losing your reproductive ability. I really hope she hasn't had to suffer through that, but that she has learned an important lesson. I don't like Jill, but she's been struggling for years. That's not good for her and that's not good for her children. I hope she's able to overcome whatever it is and even perhaps become an independent, single woman because I feel like otherwise it's just gonna get worse. 

[feministxtian]

7 minutes ago, Illmarryyoujana said:

A hysterectomy means so much more than losing your reproductive ability.

I had a hysterectomy when I was 27...I've read and talked to many women who saw their hysterectomy as somehow losing whatever it was that made them a woman. I never had that feeling. I didn't mourn losing my fertility (I was done having kids), it didn't bother me one whit to no longer have my period (talk about jump for joy), and it didn't make me feel like less of a woman. Maybe because my hysterectomy was due to massive hemorraging after a particularly nasty miscarriage (of a pregnancy that was not particularly wanted, the X's vasectomy failed and I did NOT want to bring another child into that particular shit-fest) and I was in that shitty marital situation...Now, at 53, I'm happy to no longer face the indignities of the yearly "well-woman" exam, and while the sex drive isn't anything worth writing home about, when I'm finally in the mood, I'm good to go...

Then again, maybe I'm just utterly fucked up in the head and have one helluva time dealing with being female. 

[Illmarryyoujana]

@feministxtian Everyone is different and how you feel is valid! I was mostly referring to the hormonal changes at such a young age. Also, how can we respond with out quoting the whole thing, I'm awful with this stuff. 

[feministxtian]

Just now, Illmarryyoujana said:

Also, how can we respond with out quoting the whole thing, I'm awful with this stuff. 

just highlight what you want to quote. A little bubble will come up that says "quote this", click on it and you're good to go. Otherwise, you can highlight and delete what you want to not quote. Hope this helps. 

[Beermeet]

I'm so angry hearing all your stories about being treated differently.   I feel very stabby.  My child will be dealing with that.  As my child progresses, it will get worse, all around.  People's reactions shouldn't be part of the struggle.  But, it will be.  And, I hate that.  

My sweet , very smart child walks very unbalanced,  but, he is still walking.  One time, my kid was navigating some stairs, I was behing him and this dude going up the stairs ( we were going down) started at him with this shocked expression.  I gave that guy the evil eye to say the least, my stare must have been as strong and threatening as I intended it to be because he gasped.  I bore into his very soul with malicious intent.  Don't fuck with a witches kid!  

[Illmarryyoujana]

6 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

 Hope this helps. 

I'm on my phone and went with the delete method. Thank you!! 

[MadeItOut]

2 hours ago, zee_four said:

 Bleh I'm sorry. I don't have a service dog but I have a SCI I was in a wheelchair 2 years and was never supposed to walk. I miracuously did but have had flare ups when I'm back in my chair or using crutches. Some of the stuff people would say..  theyd lean over and talk to me in a loud slow patronizing cheery voice like I was a child with cognitive impairment. I got a lot of "its amazing you get up in the morning let alone get out and about I'd probably kill myself." Ummm thanks? And I had full upper body control in my mind I was lucky for a para.

Oh boy, yeah. I remember those days. Oddly I used to be more cocky as a wheeler (has to do with the nurturing towards my canine pal vs the 'I'm a tank' of wheeling I reckon). My favourite response for that one was, "I know! - it's a miracle I haven't lumped anyone. Between us you wouldn't believe how many mutters this thing attracts."

2 hours ago, Bad Wolf said:

I spent a day in a wheelchair as part of a social work class. I was either treated like a five year old, or ignored entirely. "What would she like to eat?" . And that was only one day.

That sounds about right. FWIW you're braver than a statesman trying that. I once wrote an article called 'Paris, sur les escaliers' and sent it, together with an open challenge to join me being touristy for one day on wheels and one on sticks. I never got a response.

59 minutes ago, Incognito22 said:

As someone who just found out her now ex was cheating and heart pieces everywhere this is good to hear.  I feel like I'm a shit magnet.  Thought this one might be different but nope.  Hope there are still some good ones out there. 

That upvote from me is a yes, there are. Keep going. Diamond's carbon under pressure and all that.