Dillards 36: Seating for Family of Four Now

[MadeItOut]

6 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I'm still leaning toward they are embarrassed at their own stupidity.  Risking her own life is a no brainier for Jill, as others have said it would be the ultimate Godly sacrifice, but risking the infants life is sinful. If she can she'll get pregnant again, she won't go to a doctor again and may not be as lucky next time because they are too ignorant, and they want to prove they are right and science is wrong.  I'm very cranky today, my husbands sister literally dropped dead yesterday at 42, she refused to follow doctors orders and she'd dead as a result. She wasn't pregnant but she had a list of medical problems. Dying young by doing something against medical advice is so fucking pointless.  If she loved her boys she'd take care o herself to raise them and be their mom not just their birth giver. 

I'm so sorry.

[vienna]

1 hour ago, SadieJane said:

This is why I feel bad for her if, and only if, she had to get a hysterectomy. Jill's entire life is centered around having children. She feels she was born to give birth if you will. And even though her actions, should they have been faulty, and it sounds like they probably were, it will devastate her. Do I like her? No. Do I like their views? Totally not. Would I wish mental devastation on anyone, absolutely not. At the end of the day, we don't know what's going on yet, but we can all agree that no one should have to feel the utter disappointment that Jill will face should she have had her fertility taken away. I just hope her family doesn't shame her for it.

I am with you. Not feeling someone's pain because she contributed to the problem somehow is not for me.

WE know that Jill had other options and  (for example, we don't know any details afterall) should not have insisted on a home birth. That's because we value scients/medical advice. In her world, the value of medical advice is different; God is above it all. To her doing what god was leading her to was the right choice and always will be - that's what she's in a cult for.

We know it's bs - she doesn't.

In genreal I think the question how much someone is at fault for a tragedy has nothing to for me with feeling sorry for the person going throu something horrible.

 

[MadeItOut]

Not meaning to stir the pot, or to make anyone in particular feel got at, but after the last couple of weeks, it is starting to feel like there's a baby elephant in the room and perhaps it's as well to give it a bun and send it on it's way before it grows to full size?

Granted we're all concerned for Jill and the baby (who couldn't have compassion and caring for them, regardless of her/the family's dangerous beliefs) and I don't think anyone's said it directly yet, but it feels like it's being inferred/is the way we're headed: seems like we're a little in danger of crossing from the social model into the medical around disability.

Ultimately, there's a risk that something may have happened to make either Mum/baby/both temporarily or long-term differently able. Personally, I'm guessing/hoping that the more time is passing, the less likely that is (especially if they do have any 'help' in managing their publicity etc).

IF that has happened, for whatever reason, obviously they personally are going to need some time to process and adapt, but I'm hoping that in here at least, we can maintain perspective and not slip into the medical model's position of 'a disability is a horrible, terrible thing' etc etc - 'cos as sure as eggs are eggs the tabloids will go for that angle (unless of course they go the disability porn route, which some of them likely will).

[nastyhobbitses]

@MadeItOut I agree with you, though I'd add that in this particular case, I'd see Jill or Sam being/becoming disabled as an unfortunate thing because of how disabled people seem to be treated in the cult. We've seen that the Duggars treat disabled people on mission trips like photo ops and props, and dehumanize them as "precious" and "innocent". I'm uncertain of the extent of Josie's issues, or if she's even "disabled" in the traditional sense, but it's clear that they exploit her whenever they want to make a point about abortion or get ratings by showing how "OMG SO RELATABLE" they are because their young, medically fragile child pooped her pants or had a seizure. I'd think of Jill and/or Sam being disabled as unfortunate because I know that they'll both be exploited and dehumanized more than they already are. They were both born to enrich Jim Bob and Michelle, and now this potential/speculated disability will just be another "asset" for the brand.

In a normal family, it would just be a new condition that would take some getting used to. Here, it's just another way for them to be used and exploited.

[Million Children For Jesus]

There was a time when women weren't even given the option for a VBAC. Michelle was a pioneer for VBACs and I give her credit for that, but it might have misled Jill to believe that anyone who wants one is capable of having one, and it's just not as simple as that.

It's certainly plausible that Jill would attempt a VBAC at home, even though as far as I know, nobody knows that for sure yet. If that is the case, does anyone know what the time limits are for a VBAC labor? At what point would a midwife or a doctor tell you to call it quits and get a c-section, assuming neither mom nor baby are in any danger, but things just aren't progressing? 

[nst]

12 hours ago, Stormy said:

Didn't Jim Bob and Michelle just now get back from their trip to Hawaii? If something went seriously wrong with Jill, they'd cut their trip short and hurry on back to support her...right?

these are the same people or actually Michelle who just read on you tube all the reasons she loves her husband like she is 12 

disgusting 

[victoriasponge]

20 minutes ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

There was a time when women weren't even given the option for a VBAC. Michelle was a pioneer for VBACs and I give her credit for that, but it might have misled Jill to believe that anyone who wants one is capable of having one, and it's just not as simple as that.

It's certainly plausible that Jill would attempt a VBAC at home, even though as far as I know, nobody knows that for sure yet. If that is the case, does anyone know what the time limits are for a VBAC labor? At what point would a midwife or a doctor tell you to call it quits and get a c-section, assuming neither mom nor baby are in any danger, but things just aren't progressing? 

I'm not entirely sure on how long they wait, but here's the nhs information I could dig up on vbac.

http://www.uhcw.nhs.uk/clientfiles/File/Vaginal_birth_after_caesarean _VBAC_720_-March_2014.pdf

It shows that, now she's had 2 c-sections, she'd be given a c-section for any subsequent birth on the nhs. I'm really going to be worried that she would ignore this (in future) if she did labour at home and get rushed in due to some complications. My mother had a c-section with me since I was a particularly difficult breech (one leg up, one down, one arm up, one down, and neck at an angle), and while it left me with breathing complications putting me in the nicu, and unable to breastfeed, it was obviously the right decision. I'd only hope the Duggars would listen to medical advice in the future and plan a c-section earlier on, it has to be better than a 40 hour labour. It might not be the 'ideal' but surely even fundies can believe a God gave us doctors to help us out? 

It just worries me that they would put themselves and their babies at risk by even considering trying at home. A woman should have a vbac if she wants, but the risks are increased, and a doctor should honestly be around, never mind just waiting to see if it progresses.

On the other hand, someone I know said her sister was eventually put through for an emergency c-section after 30 hours (?) of labour - in her case, it was because she was exhausted and unable to effectively push. I've not had a kid, so I'm not sure quite how accurate that is. The leaflet above does say labour slowing is a reason for a repeat c-section though.

[foreign fundie]

41 minutes ago, victoriasponge said:

On the other hand, someone I know said her sister was eventually put through for an emergency c-section after 30 hours (?) of labour - in her case, it was because she was exhausted and unable to effectively push. I've not had a kid, so I'm not sure quite how accurate that is. The leaflet above does say labour slowing is a reason for a repeat c-section though.

I can completely see this happen. One of my births, after 30 hours of labor, pitocin, no epidural, and killer contractions I was barely able to breath from exhaustion. I was only 4cm, but I was done. We were alone and I told DH, I am going to push now, because if I don't, I will never be able to do it. So I pushed like crazy, with every bit of strength I could muster, DH pushed the button as baby emerged, dr ran in and just caught her. I collapsed from exhaustion and the rest is a blur. My point, whoever decided on the C-section of the sister of someone you know did well. Mothers have limits.

[Hashtag Blessed]

I feel for Jill. I really do. All of us have probably got that ex we dated in our early 20's who is horrifyingly embarrassing to look back upon now. I thank all that is holy every day that I didn't get stuck marrying mine. 

Sure he seems great at first. Maybe not conventionally handsome, but cute. He's got an adventurous nature and an endearing dorkyness about him. But then you spend more time with him, and realize he's weirdly controlling and gets unattractively petulant when he doesn't get his way. Suddenly his "adventurous" spirit is revealed to be nothing but a constant quest for approval with as little effort as possible. His dorkyness turns repulsive when you realize he has no charm or grace whatsoever, and he tries to compensate for it with crude humor. His lack of personal hygiene strips away whatever cuteness you saw in him in the beginning. Then it is a short time before you realize he's just a cowardly little boy, vaguebooking and playing at being a man. At which point, if you're not a Duggar, you dump him and move on with your life. 

I seriously doubt Jill's life is the fairy tale that she envisioned. Her knight's armor is, shall we say, rusty? But she could still find contentment! Before the the scandals came out, and then she was made to move to SCA, and then she had her first traumatic birth, and now a second. That sequence of events would be crushing to even the most robust psyche, and Jill never struck me as particularly robust. So yeah, I feel very sorry for her. But I won't judge anyone for wishing her a hysterectomy. I understand the reasoning, honestly. Plus, bad things are going to happen to her whether we wish them or not. Merely as a consequence of living in the cult and allowing it to guide their decisions. I don't think it is so terrible to hope that the people of this family experience some of the negative consequences of the dangerous beliefs that they would force on all of us if they were given half a chance. I don't wish a hysterectomy on her, but I do wish she would examine her beliefs in light of recent events and limit her family size. I also wish she would dump Dirty Jesus and go to college, cause I think she could do better for herself.  If only wishing made it so.

[HumbleJillyMuffin]

I don't mean to sound like the medical dork here, but I keep seeing Jill's C-sections referred to as "emergency", which the first one was not, and in all likelihood the second one wasn't either. Her section with Iz-ruul was "unplanned", but by no means was it considered "emergency". A true "emergency C-section" involves medical staff hauling ass down the hall with the mother on the bed to get to the OR, and general anesthesia. It's literally a life or death situation; every second truly counts. 

An unplanned C-section is what happens when mom has been in labor and things aren't progressing as they should or mom is exhausted or whatever. Yes, it is a priority to get the baby delivered as soon as possible, but they usually don't use general anesthesia and it's far less frantic and chaotic. 

And count me among the folks who wouldn't wish a hysterectomy on any woman, regardless of her personal views or baby-making expectations. Rather I would pray that God would impart wisdom on the woman (and her partner and support system) that pregnancy and childbirth can be fatal, women have sadly been dying since the beginning of time attempting to bear children, and that God DOES give us medical professionals to help us, not hurt us. We should listen to the wisdom He has given them.  

 

 

[victoriasponge]

1 hour ago, foreign fundie said:

I can completely see this happen. One of my births, after 30 hours of labor, pitocin, no epidural, and killer contractions I was barely able to breath from exhaustion. I was only 4cm, but I was done. We were alone and I told DH, I am going to push now, because if I don't, I will never be able to do it. So I pushed like crazy, with every bit of strength I could muster, DH pushed the button as baby emerged, dr ran in and just caught her. I collapsed from exhaustion and the rest is a blur. My point, whoever decided on the C-section of the sister of someone you know did well. Mothers have limits.

I have huge respect for you, the idea of it having not progressed much after 30 hours does terrify me. Glad the baby was born safe and well. I think I'd probably take the c-section if I was offered it, it seems like the safest choice if the mother isn't going to be able to push, it might leave the baby at risk after all. I know c-section is a major surgery, but I'd like to think doctors (especially on something like the NHS) offer it for the right reasons and to the right people. I sincerely hope the Dillards and other fundie families consider that when making birth plans in the future, a 40 hour labour is nothing to joke about.

[SassyPants]

9 hours ago, Dugg@rTime said:

JB and DQ's trip to Hawaii was for an anniversary, and therefore booked in advance. Possibly even a year (so before Jill's stick turned blue) in advance?  Given that babies are going to be arriving thick and fast in the next few years it's always possible that any plans will clash with a birth, and so I won't snark on them not cutting the trip short/cancelling based on Jill giving birth. There's more than enough capable family on hand to help out if required, and FaceTime   to catch up while they're away. Doesn't mean they don't care.

.

but this is JB and DQ we're taking about. They're probably just glad to get a bit of peace and quiet and had no intentions of giving that up.

Agree^ and this is why I have always said that each additional kid, IMO, diminishes the precious blessing message- The more you have of something, the less precious the commodity. Quick name Duggar #12 or Grand Duggar #4. The day is never longer than 24 hours- No couple should have 19 children- it's just not doable. Hell, the Duggars have not done it well and they really have no excuse. They haven't held jobs in the last decade, and they don't have activities or even a large group of friends.

[Penny]

9 hours ago, Dugg@rTime said:

but this is JB and DQ we're taking about. They're probably just glad to get a bit of peace and quiet and had no intentions of giving that up.

And glad to have as much sex as possible to conceive the next blessing!

[MiddleAgedLady]

1 hour ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

I feel for Jill. I really do. All of us have probably got that ex we dated in our early 20's who is horrifyingly embarrassing to look back upon now. I thank all that is holy every day that I didn't get stuck marrying mine. 

Sure he seems great at first. Maybe not conventionally handsome, but cute. He's got an adventurous nature and an endearing dorkyness about him. But then you spend more time with him, and realize he's weirdly controlling and gets unattractively petulant when he doesn't get his way. Suddenly his "adventurous" spirit is revealed to be nothing but a constant quest for approval with as little effort as possible. His dorkyness turns repulsive when you realize he has no charm or grace whatsoever, and he tries to compensate for it with crude humor. His lack of personal hygiene strips away whatever cuteness you saw in him in the beginning. Then it is a short time before you realize he's just a cowardly little boy, vaguebooking and playing at being a man. At which point, if you're not a Duggar, you dump him and move on with your life. 

I seriously doubt Jill's life is the fairy tale that she envisioned. Her knight's armor is, shall we say, rusty? But she could still find contentment! Before the the scandals came out, and then she was made to move to SCA, and then she had her first traumatic birth, and now a second. That sequence of events would be crushing to even the most robust psyche, and Jill never struck me as particularly robust. So yeah, I feel very sorry for her. But I won't judge anyone for wishing her a hysterectomy. I understand the reasoning, honestly. Plus, bad things are going to happen to her whether we wish them or not. Merely as a consequence of living in the cult and allowing it to guide their decisions. I don't think it is so terrible to hope that the people of this family experience some of the negative consequences of the dangerous beliefs that they would force on all of us if they were given half a chance. I don't wish a hysterectomy on her, but I do wish she would examine her beliefs in light of recent events and limit her family size. I also wish she would dump Dirty Jesus and go to college, cause I think she could do better for herself.  If only wishing made it so.

Great post! I love how you related what Jill found 'atractive' in Derick and how it may look to her now when reality has hit. I love posts like this! 

[MadeItOut]

5 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

@MadeItOut I agree with you, though I'd add that in this particular case, I'd see Jill or Sam being/becoming disabled as an unfortunate thing because of how disabled people seem to be treated in the cult. We've seen that the Duggars treat disabled people on mission trips like photo ops and props, and dehumanize them as "precious" and "innocent". I'm uncertain of the extent of Josie's issues, or if she's even "disabled" in the traditional sense, but it's clear that they exploit her whenever they want to make a point about abortion or get ratings by showing how "OMG SO RELATABLE" they are because their young, medically fragile child pooped her pants or had a seizure. I'd think of Jill and/or Sam being disabled as unfortunate because I know that they'll both be exploited and dehumanized more than they already are. They were both born to enrich Jim Bob and Michelle, and now this potential/speculated disability will just be another "asset" for the brand.

In a normal family, it would just be a new condition that would take some getting used to. Here, it's just another way for them to be used and exploited.

Sadly that's medical model at its finest and it's not just the cult - we had that about ten minutes ago in the post office. The woman on the counter (who knows us years) caught Mr MIO's eye as we turned to leave (we'd done separate errands in town, he'd come to meet me at the PO just as I was finishing up) and said: "Bless you. I think it's really sweet the way you let her try to buy her own stamp once in a while".

 

[Hashtag Blessed]

10 minutes ago, MiddleAgedLady said:

Great post! I love how you related what Jill found 'atractive' in Derick and how it may look to her now when reality has hit. I love posts like this! 

Thanks! I'm also legitimately describing an ex of mine. The similarities are uncanny. But my ex didn't even hack up vomit every time he exercised. He just never exercised at all. It makes me nauseous to think that Jill doesn't have the freedom to dump the loser if/when she no longer finds him adorable. I know from experience how suffocating being stuck in a relationship like that is, and I had a much easier way out than she does.  

[karen77]

10 minutes ago, MadeItOut said:

Sadly that's medical model at its finest and it's not just the cult - we had that about ten minutes ago in the post office. The woman on the counter (who knows us years) caught Mr MIO's eye as we turned to leave (we'd done separate errands in town, he'd come to meet me at the PO just as I was finishing up) and said: "Bless you. I think it's really sweet the way you let her try to buy her own stamp once in a while".

 

Wow, what a dick head!

[Hashtag Blessed]

8 minutes ago, MadeItOut said:

Sadly that's medical model at its finest and it's not just the cult - we had that about ten minutes ago in the post office. The woman on the counter (who knows us years) caught Mr MIO's eye as we turned to leave (we'd done separate errands in town, he'd come to meet me at the PO just as I was finishing up) and said: "Bless you. I think it's really sweet the way you let her try to buy her own stamp once in a while".

 

Holy shit that is rude and disgusting as hell. I'm sure it came from a place of kindness in her heart, but damn. That's gross to talk about you as if you're a dog who barely understands. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. 

[Denim Jumper]

4 hours ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

It's certainly plausible that Jill would attempt a VBAC at home, even though as far as I know, nobody knows that for sure yet. If that is the case, does anyone know what the time limits are for a VBAC labor? At what point would a midwife or a doctor tell you to call it quits and get a c-section, assuming neither mom nor baby are in any danger, but things just aren't progressing? 

With both of my VBACs, there was no specific time limit, so long as Baby and I were doing well. Of course, the caveat being we were under continuous fetal monitoring.

[MadeItOut]

20 minutes ago, karen77 said:

Wow, what a dick head!

That's by far not the worst I've had.

The one we often get these days is, say for instance I'm out with my assist dog. The dog has a fluorescent harness at all times in public places. That's meant to immediately indicate to any idiotic staff anywhere you go that 'no, this person is not some dangerous loon trying to smuggle in a pet/who's never been allowed into polite company, leave 'em to it' and for sort of everyday Jo/es, it's a 'no you can't distract/play with/love on this dog, back the Hel up and give them space to do their thing together'. When we were first out and about it was obvious I'd not long started walking again - stiff, sore, cautious, all that malarchy. At that point it was more the disability porn thing (people stopping us mid-rush for a bus or whatever because they want to pet her and tell me (through him usually, 'cos since I have the dog, it's obviously me that "has the problem") "I just had to tell you how brave/inspiring you are' or 'Isn't it wonderful. You're so lucky. Doesn't it make you so grateful to be able to start being normal". 
Thankfully that's dropped away pretty much now and me and her have a pretty typical early thirties life, so there's two facets to that. One is what I call 'disabled in possession of a night out/day off' - and some people do literally treat that as SO very dangerous and unusual a thing. The other one is I get people who will interfere with her on duty and if it's a super-strong day and I have the balls to ask them not to, I've noticed a lot more of the (not stopping while saying this) "Oh, I know. When she starts working you can't touch them. It's so great what they can do. Who are you training her for?". I do tell them she's mine, but that inevitably gets a "You don't look disabled" or "So what's wrong with you then? No offense". I used to get so upset responding to that one. Yesterday for the first time though I managed a suitably pretend scandalised "I'm sorry, what?!", which is a major breakthrough. I'm rehearsing "well what a peculiar and personal question", but I'm not quite there yet.

Trying to think off the top of my head what really foul ones there's been. - There was a guy in a bar who tried to kick her and told me I had no right drinking where real people do. There was a steward on a train who decided to push her out of the disabled bay with his snack trolley (though I have to say, the station manager not only paid for vet treatment for a cut paw and a full health check, but then rang me to tell me all about what he'd specifically said to the guy when he'd hauled him over the coals and described how the guy's reactions were and hoped that I wouldn't think less of him that he was inwardly gleeful that he'd really made the guy see. - If he spots us on the CCTV, to this day he comes out to see us and say hi and check-in. He's awesome). ...Ooo yes, I do know what one of the worst ones was: we attempted to go to a cafe between meetings for coffee on our anniversary ('cos we were working etc). The waiter tried to shoo us out, but I was feeling brave that day so wouldn't budge and asked for the manager. Her first approach was "What's the problem Sir?" Mr MIO played a blinder and continued to read his menu. I said "what about me makes you think I'm a guy?" "I'm sorry, I'd heard the gentleman with the disabled had brought a dog in" (and yes, that's a quote, with the definite article that was used). We went forward and back for about ten minutes at which point I told her she could call the owner so I could speak to them, or I would call environmental health and report not only the behaviour, but the fact that there wasn't a wheelchair gap in the narrow aisle to the counter that doubles as a fire escape and to let them know that one of their objections to having me was that they didn't have a disabled toilet. She scuttered off, was shouted at on the 'phone (the whole place heard the volume, sadly not the content). Since she'd kept trying to defer to Mr MIO throughout, he pulled out his book so as she would have to deal with me and tucked himself casually sort of behind me.
Her response (still aimed to him, craning her neck past me) when she came back was "I've been told to say I'm sorry, but I didn't know I was allowed to serve you. It happens so rarely you see - they don't usually let them out. What would she like to drink? Juice?"
Since Mr MIO has faster reflexes, I'm not serving time.

[nausicaa]

50 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

It makes me nauseous to think that Jill doesn't have the freedom to dump the loser if/when she no longer finds him adorable. I know from experience how suffocating being stuck in a relationship like that is, and I had a much easier way out than she does.  

I think about this situation a lot with my first boyfriend, and shudder at the thought of being married to him. And he wasn't abusive at all or even as nasty or dumb as Derrick. He was just kind of a loser with poor hygiene and no social skills who wasn't compatible at all with me as we became our adult selves.

I think maybe some people have the disposition to just get along with whomever they end up with, but I am so not one of those people. I would be such a miserable and angry person if I were stuck with him for the rest of my life. 

[MadeItOut]

41 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

Holy shit that is rude and disgusting as hell. I'm sure it came from a place of kindness in her heart, but damn. That's gross to talk about you as if you're a dog who barely understands. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. 

It's what happens. So much of the world is neck deep in the medical model even seventy years after everything started being geared to sanity and the social model. There are some fantastic Tedx talks etc online. One of my favourites (because she's just the most hilarious and excellent speaker) is 'I'm not your inspiration thank you very much'.

We'll get there. ...hopefully with a little less kicking and screaming on the part of some conventionally ables and ideally without bloodshed.


To be fair though, there also a few fantastic folks out there. I saw one in the hardware yesterday. There was a lady shopping with an obviously on the spectrum child with a lot of discomfort in social situations (avoiding eye contact, industrial ear defenders, fidget band on a cross-body bag) and some mobility/balance issues. The little girl stepped through an electric door and it started to close behind her. Must've been in her periphoral because it frightened her and she screamed and started off down the bladed tools aisle.
There was a lady there restocking from a cage. Talk about a great reaction: she spun her trolley round so that she was between it and the little girl and blocking the aisle, then murmed "okay sweetie, Mammy's coming" over her shoulder until the mother could get to her.
Some human beings rock!

[karen77]

15 minutes ago, MadeItOut said:

Her response (still aimed to him, craning her neck past me) when she came back was "I've been told to say I'm sorry, but I didn't know I was allowed to serve you. It happens so rarely you see - they don't usually let them out. What would she like to drink? Juice?"
Since Mr MIO has faster reflexes, I'm not serving time.

What did she think you are someone in a mental institution that can't function?

[front hugs > duggs]

20 minutes ago, MadeItOut said:

Her response (still aimed to him, craning her neck past me) when she came back was "I've been told to say I'm sorry, but I didn't know I was allowed to serve you. It happens so rarely you see - they don't usually let them out. What would she like to drink? Juice?"
Since Mr MIO has faster reflexes, I'm not serving time.

I'm so sorry you've had so many stories involving horrible horrible people. I think we all need our own Mr. MIO's to save us from serving time, I know Mr. Front Hug's has definitely saved me from a prison sentence once or twice ! Hugs to you xx

[MadeItOut]

9 minutes ago, karen77 said:

What did she think you are someone in a mental institution that can't function?

As a general thing (and sadly for those people who are awesome, this tends to be a massively polarised country for 'reaction' to a person being "out in the world" with a disability), there are a lot more folks here who seemingly simply can't handle the idea of an otherwise able person mixing with "normals". It's very peculiar and very specific to here. Hard to describe. For example, we attended church with the local women's group. The catholic father had his special annual mass for local service groups and some of our members are congregants, so we decided to go on mass. The greeters (is it greeters in the Catholic church?) on the door were totally thrown. I heard one say to the other: "I don't think the father will like a dog in". "Nonsense Bridgh, it's one of them helper dogs for disabled". "Mary! You're not allowed to call them that now. It's 'shut-ins'."

We do our best to redress the balance though. I make a point of writing long letters to companies with exactly what about their staff member was epic and why that's vital every chance I get among other things.
I have myself a mentor too. Friend's son. Kid of just 18. He had an assist dog before me and has very obvious Cerebral Palsy. He's one heck of a wit though and he has sass. I just follow all his advice. He faces it all down like a pro.