John Shrader Pt 10 - God's Glutton's Greatest Grifts

[snickerz]

I wonder if Johnboy would give up on Zambia and head to Burundi.

[Carol]

11 hours ago, CTRLZero said:

What are "sword drills"?  I picture throwing myself on one after the 1.5 hour mark, but that's probably not what it means.

I think it means they all throw swords at each other and the holiest doesn't get gutted.  Most of them are dead by the end of the service. 

[Grimalkin]

3 hours ago, slickcat79 said:

Wow, he's just losing everyone, now isn't he?? Handia's moved away, it looks like Kennedy updated his work to "self employed" just a few days ago. He must be really freaking out over Arcade and Jolis returning to Burundi, since they were the most stuck in John's enterprise. If there is a split involving Roderick and Jacqueline, John is basically fucked. Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy 

      Maybe his sermons are too short.

[Lurky]

The sword drills - what's the point? 

Quote

 

1. The leader explains the rules.

2. Everyone should have their Bible closed.

3. The leader holds up his Bible and says, "Swords ready."

4. Everyone lifts their closed Bible with the spine in the palm of their hand, to head level or higher.

5. The leader says the book, chapter and verse (for example Genesis chapter 6, verse 8) and everyone repeats the book, chapter and verse.

6. The leader says "ready" and then shouts "go!"

7. Everyone brings their Bibles down and turns to the verse as quickly as possible.

8. As soon as a person finds the verse they stand up. The leader recognizes the first person to stand and that person reads the verse out loud to the others.

9. The person who finds the most verses first wins the round; in a larger group, the side (team) with the most verses found first, wins.

10. An extra point can be given to the person who correctly identifies the word that is found in each of the 10 Bible verses

 

What it seems to be is a speed thing - leaf through the Bible super-fast, read the verse fast, on to the next one, hope I win!  It doesn't seem to do anything meaningful at all.

[BlessingsVonFundiePants]

Who cares if you understand it so long as you repeat it quickly. 

[formergothardite]

8 hours ago, slickcat79 said:

Wow, he's just losing everyone, now isn't he?? Handia's moved away, it looks like Kennedy updated his work to "self employed" just a few days ago. He must be really freaking out over Arcade and Jolis returning to Burundi, since they were the most stuck in John's enterprise. If there is a split involving Roderick and Jacqueline, John is basically fucked. Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy 

I wonder if part of his panic is because the property and all the things he built are in the names of one of his followers. Didn't we discuss how he couldn't have purchased that land and it had to be in the name of a Zambian citizen? 

John is also one who needs to be constantly showered with praise lest he retire to his bed to whine on Facebook. With his church split and long time followers being forced to leave, John is left with very few people to build up his ego. 

[Howl]

Quote

At times we've gone 2.5 hours or more just preaching the morning message, so the total teaching and preaching is an average of three hours plus! The service is usually finished somewhere around 1 pm or so, with fellowship after, and we arrive at church before 9! The morning officially starts at 9 am, so we're together 4-5 hours. This gets extended quite a bit on our once-monthly fellowship Sunday!

Preach it, Bro. Lyle   Lyrics here.  Sing along! 

 

[Petronella]

35 minutes ago, Howl said:

Preach it, Bro. Lyle   Lyrics here.  Sing along! 

 

Ha! Love that song!

[Grimalkin]

2 hours ago, BlessingsVonFundiePants said:

Who cares if you understand it so long as you repeat it quickly. 

Touché! Pussycat!

 

[formergothardite]

I realize that during the Team Zambia divorce Rea got custody of the big printer and John got the paper, but John did end up with a printer and Rea with paper, so why aren't they printing Bibles? What exactly is the point of their printing ministries if they are both getting others to print stuff for them? 

[Howl]

2 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I realize that during the Team Zambia divorce Rea got custody of the big printer and John got the paper, but John did end up with a printer and Rea with paper, so why aren't they printing Bibles? What exactly is the point of their printing ministries if they are both getting others to print stuff for them? 

You are talking rational, practical decisions where two people need to work together for the greater glory of God, which does not seem like the strong suit of either guy --  missionary Walter Mittys who want to pretend they are THE  evangelical swinging dicks in Zambia, sub-Shaharan Africa and BEYOND! Working together with someone would damage the fantasy.  Perhaps the printer met the same fate as the plane -- locked in a storage shed and the key is in a safe-deposit box in Dubai.  Someone upthread mentioned that Rea is back in the US -- with his family? If so, great time to raid the Rea compound! 

[formergothardite]

10 minutes ago, Howl said:

Someone upthread mentioned that Rea is back in the US -- with his family?

He left the family in Zambia. He seems to be staying in America for around a month. I can't figure out why he came back. He wrote a strange post about how people complain that preachers preach too long, but the real problem is that people are held hostage by their own Pharisaical image that they want to believe because they can just get up and walk out, but most don't. 

[Howl]

I went to a Lutheran Sunday service awhile back.  There was some hymn singing, then all the littles and kids went to the front of the sanctuary for a simple teaching from the bible -- some of the kids didn't get it in various hilarious way so the minister gave up with indulgent smiles all around -- then the kids went off to their Sunday school/ play or whatever, and the minister gave a relatively brief and to the point sermon to the teens and adults, a bit more hymn singing, hand shaking to the left and right and that was it.  

When my BiL's dad passed in Kentucky about 20 years ago, his mom was adamant that the funeral service be brief and simple.  This was against the custom in that area, where funerals could be another excuse for screaming sermons that could go on, literally, for hours. 

Jeeze louise, guys.  If people leave, you're doing it wrong.  Did Jesus rant and rave for hours for the Sermon on the Mount? No, it was like this, where one handsome guy teaches all the other guys who go to the same barber: 

[Palimpsest]

I think the printer John has is only capable of printing tracts and testimonials.

7 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I wonder if part of his panic is because the property and all the things he built are in the names of one of his followers. Didn't we discuss how he couldn't have purchased that land and it had to be in the name of a Zambian citizen? 

Yes.  I think I posited Bro. Douglas, Bro. Kennedy or Roderick when the land purchase first went down.

As John scrubbed his FB again I'm going to do a summary of his followers from memory for posterity.  If I get stuff wrong please correct it.

Old news:

• Bro. Douglas.  Hasn't been heard of for ages.  He met John and Rea in Burundi, was mentioned when John first got to Zambia as the National pastor who was helping and then disappeared.  
• Blessing (also on the Burundi trip) but found unworthy.  Defected to Rea recently.
• Bro. Kennedy.  Worked quite closely with John in the beginning.  Went to pastor a friend's church in Lusaka.  Radio silence on him from John since.

The core converts and Bible Institute trainees were:

• Arcade.  Picked off the streets in Burundi as an orphan.  Sent to Katy TX for a few months and meets up with John again in Zambia.   Not so poor because he has inherited land.  Supposed to go back to Burundi to church plant with Jolis.
• Jolis.  Arcade's friend and fellow survivor of the genocide.  Also Inherited land in Burundi.
• Roderick.  One of the very first converts and John's right hand handyman and chicken carer.  Being attacked by Satan. Married to Jacqueline.
• Handia.  Another very early convert.  Brought Titus and George to Christ. (Possibly ran off to Russia).
• Mr. Phiri.  Husband of Esther's first midwife, Mrs. Phiri.  No recent mentions and Esther's midwife for Isaiah didn't look like Mrs Phiri.

Others mentioned:

• Kapolo Jolisman.  (This may be Jolis.)  Kapolo means teacher.
• Whyte Choos.  He's a student, and pals around with 
• Emmanuel.  Another kid.
• Titus.  Kid 3.  Friend of Handia.  Occasionally in photos.
• George. Kid 4.  Friend of Handia.  Occasionally in photos.
• Jacqueline (Roderick's wife).  Lovely purple wedding dress. Pray for her.
• Precious.  Brought to Christ by Esther.  Married to 
• Eugene.  Bad guy who is divorcing Precious.  I don't think Eugene was ever a convert.
• Mrs Phiri.  Hasn't been mentioned recently.
• Brian.  Pray for him.

Deceased

• At least 2 of Roderick's uncles.  John preaches hell fire at funeral services.
• Victor.  Made Bible covers.  I think he was converted just before he died (to John's delight).

Mulamba Church.  Roderick seems to be doing the work here unless John sees a photo op.

• Phellion converted by Roderick's testimony with 
• David.  They walked to Kafue.
• Mary (mere woman so she doesn't matter)
• Grace (another female)
• Eliabeth (yet another female)
• Joseph (head man who gave them land.)  Not converted yet.

and the evil Mr McCam.  Former police officer who can see John's scam.

Who did I miss?

[Gobsmacked]

Mr McCam sounds like a very sensible and nice man.

[EmiGirl]

Let's don't forget that Roderick is the one who was discouraged from taking what I assumed to be a well paying job that provided housing and food for him and his family on top of a salary.

[Palimpsest]

4 minutes ago, EmiGirl said:

Let's don't forget that Roderick is the one who was discouraged from taking what I assumed to be a well paying job that provided housing and food for him and his family on top of a salary.

But the job was in Lusaka and John wouldn't have been able to disciple him properly!  

John is such a selfish dolt.

I think Bros. Douglas and Kennedy (both already pastors and not John's converts) have been completely alienated by John and want nothing to do with him.  We haven't heard a squeak about them for months, no years, and neither responded to John's May Day.

[Gobsmacked]

7 minutes ago, EmiGirl said:

Let's don't forget that Roderick is the one who was discouraged from taking what I assumed to be a well paying job that provided housing and food for him and his family on top of a salary.

I'd forgotten about that. Have any up-dates about Rodericks employment status been given?

How dare any one as IDLE as John Shrader tell another person not to take a good job. Im supposing that he told Roderick that Hell would be waiting for him if he did take the job.

John is such a waste of skin.

5 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

But the job was in Lusaka and John wouldn't have been able to disciple him properly!  

John is such a selfish dolt.

I think Bros. Douglas and Kennedy (both already pastors and not John's converts) have been completely alienated by John and want nothing to do with him.  We haven't heard a squeak about them for months, no years, and neither responded to John's May Day.

Good for them. Let John stew in the juice of his own making.

[slickcat79]

16 hours ago, snickerz said:

I wonder if Johnboy would give up on Zambia and head to Burundi.

I believe Burundi is still dealing with a long-running civil war/ethnic conflict. I can't imagine John would want to part with his iced drinks, much less risk putting himself in actual danger. Much easier to tell overly dramatic stories about killer wildlife and overpriced luxury goods that are SO HARD to come by. And really, it doesn't seem like a good idea for him to take Esther and the kids there. 

[StacyW]

@Palimpsestthanks so much for the dramatis personae. This would form the basis of a great Monty Python movie

[Palimpsest]

Yes.  The Burundian civil war was theoretically over in 2008, but there has been a lot of violence there since the last President was controversially re-elected in 2015.  John had a spiffy Bible made to give to that President when he went to Burundi with Rea for the "Six country Crusade" that never happened.  I wonder whether he still has that Bible.

Travel advisories all over the place.  Kafue is far safer.

https://www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/burundi

[formergothardite]

I'm impressed @Palimpsest! I didn't remember half those people. 

If the person who actually owns the land deconverts, I wonder how John would spin it and what would happen. While Rea has made it clear he can't own land, John led people to believe he purchased the land. 

Who is Boyd? His uncle died and John somehow ended up going along to tell the news and also tell them they are going to hell. 

Quote

Full week and I started it weak, physically speaking.

Why is he always so sickly? 

 

[Gobsmacked]

John looked at his calendar, realised there was actual work to be done, things he can't do from his bed on facebook etc. 

Cue illness.

Any excuse not to work.

Deputation must have seemed like a dream for John. Travelling around, no bills, staying for free in church basements, being feted and fed by Daddy's pals just for being so godly and fertile. Praised for wanting to be a (pretend) missionary in deep dark scary Africa.

He is having huge problems keeping up the charade, running out of ideas, plans and schemes. Worse still his 'converts' are running away from him.

John does what he does best, whines about being poorly and pulls the covers back over his head.

Poor Esther meanwhile...........

[Granwych]

On ‎3‎/‎5‎/‎2017 at 0:25 PM, Palimpsest said:

Who knows with John.  Perhaps the onslaught of lewd women spamming his FB tempted him to do an Ashley Madison.  Perhaps he repents and crucifies himself if he happens to notice an attractive woman (other than Esther) in passing or wonders for an instant what is under the contrasting buttons of a defrauding top.  You know the usual "temptations" that normal sexual beings cope with every day.

I think John is more prone to the deadly sins of pride, gluttony, greed, sloth and envy.  He may also indulge in wrath and lust, but not so obviously as those 5.

I'm sure that Johnboy is an equal opportunity sinner.

10 hours ago, slickcat79 said:

And really, it doesn't seem like a good idea for him to take Esther and the kids there. 

Now, when has he ever considered  the health and well-being of his wife and family in regards to, well, anything?

[Palimpsest]

13 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Who is Boyd? His uncle died and John somehow ended up going along to tell the news and also tell them they are going to hell. 

Thanks, I completely forgot poor Boyd!  Add him to the list of honorable mentions.  IIRC, John has made a pest of himself at at least 3 funerals - that we know about.

Looking at that list again - I think I was wrong and Victor the Bible cover maker could still be with us on this earthly plane.  I think it was someone else who John rejoiced about converting just before the poor guy dropped dead.

13 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Why is he always so sickly? 

He needs attention.  And have you forgotten that he was a fragile premature baby and is still barely clinging to life almost 40 years later?