BOOK REVIEW: "The Power of a Transformed Wife"

[desertvixen]

7 hours ago, Emilycharlotte said:

I guess one of the things that most disturbs me about Lori is that she seems incapable of seeing a situation from someone else's viewpoint, or of understanding how it might feel to walk in someone else's shoes. It isn't just that she doesn't care how other people feel, it's that she doesn't seem to have the capacity to empathize. 

This, exactly.  She's so black and white that she can't understand that we don't all live in a world where our father and husband have supported us our whole life - or have wanted them to do so.  Just because women don't want to do what she wants to do doesn't make either one wrong.

[desertvixen]

I posted my verified purchase one-star review and it's live.

My take:

So the intro to the book has one of my biggest questions: Why did these two people get married?  The fact that they were so different from each other, didn’t have things in common they enjoyed, and were always being combative just doesn’t seem like a recipe for a good marriage.  When the author writes “Thank goodness we had children” so they had something to keep them together, that just reinforces my wonder.  Later in the book, she says “that she loved him but didn’t necessarily enjoy him” (p.18).

Lori really wanted to just stay home and be a mom and wife, and it seems like she found dealing with all the other things overwhelming.  She’s putting the blame on feminism for making society not work the way she (and certain sections of the Bible) think it should.  She also seems to think that because she found it overwhelming and bad, everyone else should too.

Lori has a thing about there being only 1 leader in the house, and it must be the man.  The man should be the leader and the woman should be the keeper – whether or not they want to or are suited to it.  She seems to believe that feminist women are not feminine, or that we don’t like masculine men (which some of us do not, admittedly). 

Don’t argue.  She then has a whole deal about churches teaching “conflict resolution”, which she thinks is a waste.  There’s also a creepy bit of p.68 where the author has decided that she shouldn’t argue with her husband, and tells him that she is not going to argue any more.  So after that, he can shut her down by pointing out that she’s arguing.  She does state that you can say your piece once, but not to repeat it – because then you are arguing.

Lori is really focused on sex, and how much she “gives” her husband.  The word “give” is used more times than you can shake a stick at, instead of it being a shared experience.  (Also, Lori, women can have sex drives that are as strong as men.)  The whole “wives shouldn’t say no just because they don’t feel like it” is also a major topic in Chapter 7, This Thing Called Sex.  Oh, and if your husband cheats on you, as long as he apologizes and gets screened for STDs, the wife should be willing to forgive him.  Despite her post on the blog which reminds readers that keeping their husband happy “only takes 10 minutes and lube”, she does write in the book that married couples should enjoy their intimate life.

The vacation sex thing that ends Chapter 7 – if that’s what the husbands really want on vacation, then why don’t they leave the kids with someone and go on vacation together?

Lori apparently thinks divorce is the worst thing in the world...along with feminists and thongs.

There’s also the so-charming suggestion on page 101 that it’s somehow an abused wife’s fault, and if she just tried harder, her husband would be “drawn to her”.  While she does write that wives should not be afraid to seek help if they feel they need it, there some minimization going on there.

It’s also not important if you love your husband – don’t jeopardize your children’s chances of having a father in the house!

Internet accountability – if you both need babysitters to monitor your internet activity, perhaps you aren’t ready to have a computer or get married.

“Pain is a great teacher”.

She is against co-sleeping because husbands won’t like it.  (Although one of my former soldiers is now dealing with a five year old who hasn't transitioned out of their co-sleeping family bed at all, and feels like she's being rejected, so this can go both ways.)

She believes the birth control pill can be an abortifacient.

Poking a hole in your diaphragm so you can get pregnant and stay home is a “funny story”.

One thing that she does write that I agreed with was that parents should put some effort into helping their kids find partners, by making sure they have opportunities to meet like-minded people.

Mothers need to be home all the time.  Working mothers are incapable of doing both jobs, and their kids are all badly-raised.

Women should dress modestly and be feminine.  No plunging necklines – however, she is shown in numerous pictures on her blog in plunging necklines.  Women shouldn’t be stumbling blocks, and it’s your job to dress so they won’t get impure thoughts.   She hates thong bathing suits…because men like them, and stumble, a lot.  I especially love the part where she blames young women wearing swimsuits that SHE thinks are too revealing for making her, her husband, and their grandkids leave the beach.

Then on page 180-181 she shares a blog post about a seriously frugal woman.  Some may find it inspiring, I found it a little over-the-top.

Some of the food stuff at the end is useful, but again not anything new.  The recipes fall into the same category, although if you’re going to showcase your cooking why not use a recipe that doesn’t call for stuff like jarred sauce?

[Hisey]

Desert Vixen,

That is is an awesome review. It is so even-handed and fair and honest! I really liked it. And I took a look at your other reviews--I love your choice in books! And you read a lot. I used to read like that (too distracted by computer nowadays).

[lawfulevil]

Okay, you guys dragged me in. I bought this piece of crap, mostly to leave a review she can't ignore.

But let's plunge in.

Intro- "A Note to the Reader":

Q: Does your marriage suck?

A: Not... particularly? I mean, he sometimes irritates or disappoints me because he's an actual human person, but... that's reality?

Q: Does it seem like you're moving apart?

A: Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes we bond really closely and spend most of our free time together. Sometimes we diverge, sometimes a lot. I think that's normal? Right now we're in the middle. I've never felt like this cycle threatens our marriage, it's just how long-term relationships go for most people- you have different interests, work, stressors... sometimes it's all quite alike and sometimes not. It's not like I hate him for it, I am very happy to go throw pots while he watches football.

Q: Don't you think God can fix that?

A: Fix... the cycle of human interaction?

Q: Well, won't it blow up when you're empty-nesters?

A: ...Well, we're 31 and 45, childless, and don't plan to have children... so...

Q: OK, but you both still love Jesus, right?

A: No. We're soft atheists.

Q: So your marriage is just a partnership?

A: ...How exactly are you defining partnership?

Q: But you argue a lot.

A: ...No? We're both opinionated but I don't think discussion is an argument, we're not mad at each other.

Q: But you make him eat certain foods.

A:  That's true. I do. I cook almost all our shared meals and I ask him to at least try new things.

Q: HA. You CONTROL him.

A: The hell I do. He has a car and a wallet, he CAN do whatever he wants. I ask him to try veg and I try to make nutritious meals, but he's a grown man and I sleep a lot.

Q: Well you give him the silent treatment!

A: They're his feet.

Q: Well, Ken and I never "connected in a meaningful way early on in our marriage".

A: Right. Doesn't seem like you have now. 10 minutes and some coconut oil, woof.

Q: Two decades in, our marriage sucked and we had nothing in common except beating our children. That's why I'm writing this book about marriage and intimacy.

A: ...The Aristocrats.

To be continued.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Did she get rid of her post about the yelling guy? I am not seeing it anywhere or linked on FB anymore. 

[molecule]

Did she get rid of her post about the yelling guy? I am not seeing it anywhere or linked on FB anymore. 

I am not seeing them now, either. Has she deleted entire posts before?

[alba]

Did she get rid of her post about the yelling guy? I am not seeing it anywhere or linked on FB anymore. 

Too bad for her I've got the whole thing screenshotted.

[polecat]

Read a link today that might enlighten Lorken and their ignorant ilk. 

http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-men-are-trained-to-think-sexual-assault-no-big-deal/

[Loveday]

1 hour ago, molecule said:

I am not seeing them now, either. Has she deleted entire posts before?

Frequently.   If she can't shut down disagreement by deleting opposing comments, she just deletes the entire post.

[polecat]

12 minutes ago, Loveday said:

Frequently.   If she can't shut down disagreement by deleting opposing comments, she just deletes the entire post.

 

I can still see it when I click on "November posts." She's got some wonky coding on her site, I think.

ETA: But I can't bring it up when I click on it. So she's deleted it, but it hasn't erased from the November posts section for some reason, afaict. Very strange. 

 

[molecule]

I just now looked and I see the post again. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Quote

Jilly N Antony Lori, I hope it is okay I have printed this off to read while sitting down with a cold drink in a comfortable chair in my living room. :D It is amazing to me that you would of written this tonight as my precious Antony and I were talking about this very subject the other evening! I look forward to reading it!

LOL, No! No cold drinks allowed while reading Lori. I think it might be a sin. 

[FundieFarmer]

45 minutes ago, polecat said:

She's got some wonky coding on her site, I think.

She absolutely does. She's linked posts on her Facebook page that don't show up on the home page of her blog, but do appear on the site. It's very odd. 

As far as this Stephanie situation...one quote that makes me shiver is the idea that not serving justice isn't "doing what's best for them" (ie, the person Stephanie disagrees with). I'm sorry, I'm certain I do a lot of things Stephanie disagrees with. For example, disagreeing with Lori. The idea that someone would willy-nilly call the police on someone with the justification of doing "what's best for them" makes me very uncomfortable, because that concept is so subjective to the person who's calling. I dislike that immensely. 

[Koala]

Clearly she is trying to scrub the "Her Husband Yells at Her" post.  She's deleted it from FB, but it still shows up on the blog.  When you click on the 6 comments you get the following message:

https://thetransformedwife.com/her-husband-yells-at-her/#comments

On another note, even if Lori doesn't plan to sue "Mary Ann" for reviewing her book, the mere fact that she's trying to obtain contact information for people who leave negative reviews is just mind boggling.

Lori said:

Quote

 I am thinking about calling her and trying to talk with her since she has been harassing me for many years and enjoys slandering me on Amazon and any chance she gets

I see that going something like this:

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When people gave me negative reviews on Amazon, guess who called them all the time, telling them they better shut up Or Else...Me!  

I base that assumption on how she treated her neighbors:

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When the dog below us yapped constantly, guess who called them all the time, left notes on their door, and wrote a letter telling them they better shut that dog up Or Else and got all the neighbors to sign it...Me!  

In other news, Stephanie is STILL in the comments egging Lori on, but Lori's readers aren't having any of it:

Quote

Lori (and Stephanie,) I really encourage you not to engage in gossip, bullying, doxing, or exposing any trolls. We represent Jesus Christ and a whole lot of people are watching you.

Far too many women (and men) have been harmed by this kind of backstabbing, self righteous, vengeful behavior. I have been harmed by it coming from women who call themselves Christians, but worse, other people watch and now believe this kind of behavior is representative of Christian women in general. We are to be gracious, forgiving,and not retaliate,and certainly not to gossip about people and their white vans.

Finally, they are seeing that Lori is a giant gossip disguised as a "Godly Mentor".

[polecat]

Today Lori teaches us how to not be crappy wives.

Quote

She has no self-control in areas that concern him such as finances, housework, or cooking.

Probably spending lots of money on recovering furniture and forcing him to eat foods he doesn't like would be out, right?

Quote

She spends her time on selfish pursuits and rarely thinks about her husband.

Like arguing with anonymous people online.

Quote

She gives no effort to trying to make his life better in any way but takes him for granted and even uses him for what she wants.

 

Like using him to get knocked up -- without his consent.

Quote

She nags, manipulates and quarrels with him. She is contentious and argumentative.

I just ... um ... 

Quote

There is rarely any peace in the home. She makes her husband’s life miserable. There is much division and disharmony. She has a long list of Honey-do lists and nags him until they are accomplished.

 

 

I guess as long as the penmanship is nice, it's all good.

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She wastes her time on the trivial things in life, such as what Hollywood stars are divorcing, or what they are wearing and doing. Her husband is continually ashamed of her and regrets ever marrying her.

 

 

Oh, honestly, COULD she make this ANY easier?!?!?!?!?!?

Quote

Are you a crown to your husband or rottenness to his bones?

I think we could say rottenness. Definitely rottenness.

[Colby]

"Stephanie has been threatened. I have been threatened also..."    ~Lori

[Hisey]

1 hour ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

LOL, No! No cold drinks allowed while reading Lori. I think it might be a sin. 

I really like Jilly. Even though she'd probably vote for Trump if she lived in the US. She seems like the anti-Lori. She is filled with love and acceptance for her family members. She has nothing but kind things to say online. She seems puzzled and confused when people get nasty. She doesn't seem at all wealthy, yet oozes contentment and happiness. Her life might be difficult (I think she has a severely handicapped adult child) but she never mentions problems. When one of her adult married kids said they would not be having children, she says she learned to accept that. She did not throw Bible verses at them till they changed their mind. She seems to love her husband in a very simple, adoring way (it's always "my precious Antony") that is completely foreign to Lori

[polecat]

7 minutes ago, Colby said:

"Stephanie has been threatened. I have been threatened also..."    ~Lori

Who the heck threatened either one of them?

Threatened with telling the truth, maybe. Other than that, I don't buy it. Not a chance.

[Koala]

@polecat I totally missed the part about famous people.

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She wastes her time on the trivial things in life, such as what Hollywood stars are divorcing, or what they are wearing and doing. Her husband is continually ashamed of her and regrets ever marrying her.

Totally a waste of time!

Lori Alexander:

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If you haven't heard the news and aren't up on pop culture like most people are, Brad and Angelina are getting a divorce. 

Lori Alexander (referring to country music star, LeAnn Rimes):

Quote

LeAnn admits she did feel "pathetic" during the affair and subsequent media firestorm that happened in its wake.

Lori Alexander:

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Taylor Swift was on a talk show this week. I like Taylor so I watched it. In the interview, she stated that she loves feminism

On yet another post about Taylor Swift:

Quote

I like Taylor Swift. She seems to be keeping her gentleness and kindness through her fame.

Then of course there's her obsession with DWTS:

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Last season, Meryl was on Dancing with the Stars. I rarely watch the show because I think the clothes the women wear are very immodest and many of the dances are immodest.

Take note.  Lori rarely watches DWTS because the women don't dance in modest clothes. Those whores probably aren't even dancing for Jesus!

Quote

Do any of you remember when I wrote the post about the Olympic ice skater Meryl Davis and when she was on Dancing with the Stars? I encourage you to read the post I wrote about her

Quote

You'll get in trouble if you say she's beautiful! There was a big brouhaha awhile ago on the news about one of the dancing contestants on Dancing with the Stars {which I don't recommend watching} and one of the judges.

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Gilles Marini was on The View today.  {He is on Dancing With The Starsand other shows I don't watch.} 

She TOTALLY doesn't watch that show.  She knows every.single.thing. that's happening on it, but she doesn't watch it.  End of story!

Moving on...

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A Sexist Question: How Do You Balance Work and Family? Jennifer Garner {a famous movie actress} believes this question is sexist.

She also has a post titled:

Quote

Sophia Loren On Motherhood

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The Jonas Brothers grew up in a Christian home. Their father is an ordained Baptist minister. The boys became famous when they were young by singing together. Fame and Christianity never seem to be a good mix, especially for children when they are younger.

Clearly she doesn't believe this rule applies to the Duggar children, because she has argued relentlessly with readers who felt it unwise for them to put their kids in the spotlight.

Quote

It's great when these famous women in the media like Sharon Osbourne and Jane Fonda can realize later in their life that God's ways are indeed best. 

So yeah, it really is a shame when an idle gossip "wastes her time on the trivial things in life, such as what Hollywood stars are divorcing, or what they are wearing and doing".

In other news, the "Her Husband Yells at Her" post is completely gone now.  Totally never happened!  She didn't just blame abuse victims for being abused.  Except screenshots.  

[feministxtian]

Lori "the godly mentor" watches more bullshit TV than I, the unwashed heathen, do. I've never watched DWTS, I have no idea what Taylor Swift is wearing on TV...

Lori is a total hypocrite. I'll take my relatively happy, egalitarian marriage and being broke over her life any day and twice on Sunday. 

[Showtunesgirl]

4 hours ago, polecat said:

Today Lori teaches us how to not be crappy wives.

Probably spending lots of money on recovering furniture and forcing him to eat foods he doesn't like would be out, right?

Like arguing with anonymous people online.

Like using him to get knocked up -- without his consent.

I just ... um ... 

I guess as long as the penmanship is nice, it's all good.

Oh, honestly, COULD she make this ANY easier?!?!?!?!?!?

I think we could say rottenness. Definitely rottenness.

Is this from the now-deleted post? The most recent thing on the blog was her health update

[molecule]

15 minutes ago, Showtunesgirl said:

Is this from the now-deleted post? The most recent thing on the blog was her health update

No, it's from her post today: https://thetransformedwife.com/are-you-a-crown-to-your-husband/.

For some weird reason, her blog post gets posted to her Facebook page and sent to email subscribers every day, but it doesn't show up if you go to the blog without that direct link until the following day.

[feministxtian]

From today's bullshit blog post:

She has compassion on those in need. She has wisdom from her time in the Word and listening to godly male preachers. She encourages and promotes the excellent things in life. She treats others with respect and honor. She is faithful to and honors her husband. When she and her husband are with company, she allows him to do most of the talking without interrupting or correcting him. Others easily know that she respects him and that he is her head. She dresses modestly and adapts her life to her husband. She accepts reproof from him, even though it is hard, and she doesn’t try to point out his errors in retaliation. She is continually asking the Lord to show her how to be a godly, gracious wife to her husband and mother to her children.

This bitch's pants are going to spontaneously combust! 

 

[desertvixen]

@Hisey, thanks!  I'm actually behind on posting, but I can get a lot of reading done in my Kindle.

[luv2laugh]

She has absolutely no compassion for women in tragic situations. Her lack of compassion is shocking. I really think she has something pathological going on and I can't put my finger on what it is.  The lack of compassion for others and the refusal to apologize are big red flags. She derives a sickening thrill out of offending others and being controversial. I want her to spend a day in a battered women's shelter and state with a straight face that she would still sleep well at night given her blog postings. The sad part is, she totally would have no remorse. She doesn't have an ounce of empathy for others in her heart.