Arndt Man Boys & Mary-Elizabeth living out their own unique stories

[MarblesMom]

My comment was completely tongue in cheek.  Age is a relative matter and we all have different perspectives, given our current place in the timeline.

To me, middle aged is probably 40 - 60.  That being said, 61 isn't that far out there.

People are living longer and I personally know people who are over 100 and still mentally alert.  So perhaps their version of middle age runs 50 - 80?

Heck, when I was 10, I thought people who were 40 were ancient and ready to die.

[Lurky]

7 hours ago, anjulibai said:

What is middle aged to you? 

I've been reliably informed that once people get to (cough) a certain age, "middle aged" always starts at 5 years older than the speaker, at any given time, and "old age" is 10-15 years ahead!

[JenniferJuniper]

10 hours ago, anjulibai said:

Um, yes. People don't tend to live to 120, a single instance aside. What is middle aged to you? 

Not a definitive opinion, not the Oxford English dictionary says middle age is about 45 - 65.  "The period between early adulthood and old age, usually considered as the years from about 45 to 65."

Most people I work with in their early 60's would not be considered elderly.  

[Carm_88]

People are living longer and being healthier longer for the most part...but let's just say that age is just a number and it's about how the person feels, how mentally old they are. Oh my god...I now know why the Arndts have not married, they're mentally about 10? 

[usedbicycle]

This parallel that may seem strange, but the Ardnt parents remind me a bit of the enabling parents of morbidly obese patients that I've encountered in the medical field. There is a toxic relationship there, that is disguised as love but is closer to pathological control. The parent or caregiver won't admit it, but they have a vested interest in that person remaining obese and totally dependent. As the sick person usually develops depression and anxiety, they are fed more by the caretaker, and become even more dependent. Both patients and their enablers have an incredible ability to disconnect mentally from the hard facts (their weight), thinking the scale is wrong, or just not "understanding" the number. It's baffling to see as an outsider.

I feel like the Ardnts could have a similar mental disconnect from their ages, because the parents think the situation is fine and dandy and just part of God's plan. And as someone mentioned earlier, if a boy might be suffering from "discontent" at any point, they hold a prayer circle and the family closes in even tighter around that person. What feels like love and support is actually making the problem worse. 

Anyway, my point is that a situation that looks SO blatantly problematic from the outside (a person killing themselves with food, or 13 grown men living chastely with their parents) often feels totally normal from the inside when there's a lot of enabling going on. 

 

[anachronistic]

I really wish some doctorate student in sociology or psychology would do their thesis on the Arndts. It would be SO fascinating to have a professional, educated opinion of someone who has studied enmeshment like this before.

[Letgo]

On ‎11‎/‎7‎/‎2016 at 7:07 PM, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

OK I'll concede that no one wanst to think of 61 as middle aged   : )   However, for Paul ( given his birth year) he would be only 6 years from being eligible to collect Social Security.  So not old, but no longer in the blush of youth either.

I do! I do! I'm 61 and still being called middle aged works for me.

[Letgo]

On ‎11‎/‎7‎/‎2016 at 0:51 PM, Lurky said:

I guess what surprises me is Cathy takes such pride in being the mother of a large family, but doesn't want the same for her kids.  I wonder if there's some of that "brought up my siblings, don't want a mega family" going on with some of the boys, but it's really surprising to see massive family parents NOT wanting the same - and out of all of the ones we talk about the Arndt manboys are the ones who could support their own quivers.

There are no babies any more, so I would think Cathy would want to be a grandmother.  Yet there is never even a hint of Rick or Cathy urging any of their adult children to court or marry.

I can't see ALL of the "boys" having the "I don't want a mega family" attitude. And they are ALL still at home. That's the problem with the Arndts-all of the adult offspring are "wanting" the same thing- to stay at home, never court, never marry, never attend college, never move out, get an apartment, never do anything that would be normal for someone to do when they grow up. All what, 11 or 12 legal adult children "want" to stay safe at home. Forever. If some of them didn't want a large family, and I could see that happening, there are other options. But none of them has chosen any other option other than staying at home. None of them go off to a job at an office or construction site. They are all self employed, or work for/with Rick.  It defies logic that all those adults would just magically make identical choices for their futures.

[MatthewDuggar]

Happy Thanksgiving from the Arndts 2016 - Wow how many pies and desserts do they need!?!

[Carm_88]

Wow Mary Elizabeth has grown to be a very beautiful young lady. 

That's a shit load of desserts! But with all them boys I guess. 

[Bethella]

27 minutes ago, MatthewDuggar said:

Happy Thanksgiving from the Arndts 2016 - Wow how many pies and desserts do they need!?!

I have a friend whose family swears you need at least a pie per person.

[LadyCrow1313]

14 hours ago, Bethella said:

I have a friend whose family swears you need at least a pie per person.

This statement works for me (depending on what kind of pie it is, that is). 

The Rock loves pie, and would no doubt go to town on these. Wait, wrong kind of pie. 

14 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

Wow Mary Elizabeth has grown to be a very beautiful young lady. 

That's a shit load of desserts! But with all them boys I guess. 

Maybe it's the skeptic in me, but maybe it's also a subtle way to show potential suitors that Mary Elizabeth can cook/is learning to cook.

And I agree; she is a pretty girl. Hope she does well.

[JMO]

I've been purposefully not following the Arndts for a while.  The whole situation seems so weird and hopeless for the kids.  Is that one of the older brothers with Mary?  I haven't seen pictures of the family since they were on TV years ago.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

Wouldn't it be crazy if their ONE teenage daughter married before all her grown older brothers? 

[Howl]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Wouldn't it be crazy if their ONE teenage daughter married before all her grown older brothers? 

Well, it would bring one more male into a male-collecting household.....

[JMO]

My suspicion is that Mary will marry first.  But that's just idle speculation. 

[Carm_88]

4 hours ago, JMO said:

I've been purposefully not following the Arndts for a while.  The whole situation seems so weird and hopeless for the kids.  Is that one of the older brothers with Mary?  I haven't seen pictures of the family since they were on TV years ago.  

That is Paul. The oldest. I think that picture has been taken many times over the years. How is he not aging though? What is going on in that house? 

4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Wouldn't it be crazy if their ONE teenage daughter married before all her grown older brothers? 

I think it's completely possible at this point but maybe if Mary marries, then the boys will realize that they should stop waiting and just do it. 

[Bethella]

6 hours ago, LadyCrow1313 said:

This statement works for me (depending on what kind of pie it is, that is). 

I'm not certain but knowing their family I suspect it came from arguments over what types of pie to make. The one pie per person means that each person can pick their own type of pie. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

My family must not like pie. Every thanksgiving there is a ridiculous amount of pie leftover. And it's usually only three or four pies for 16-20 people.

[Carm_88]

I wonder if Thanksgiving is one of the only times those man boys indulge. They do seem to keep a pretty strict diet. Unless of course'we're talking pizza.

[MamaJunebug]

@Carm_88, Paul looks about his age to me, and I spend much of my days in the company of late-30 and early-40 year olds. 

Why should he look older? He doesn't have a wife and children to worry about. He has an apparently profitable career that permits him to visit the gym and get plenty of sleep. He doesn't have to be exposed to extremes of temperature or climate and he doesn't work around coal dust, farm dust or  pollens or chemicals or equipment.

On reflection, most of my above-mentioned friends are like Paul in significant ways: no children, reasonably stable careers carried out indoors in comfortable environments.  

Nah, IMHO he's not *that* uncommonly youthful for his age. Lucky guy. [snark...?]

[JMO]

Since I hadn't seen a picture of him in 10 yrs ,  he definitely looks older. I actually think he looks a few years older than he is.  He's what, 36? 37? He looks early 40s to me.  The mom actually looks great considering how many kids she's had.  Even if she had only had 2 kids she looks great for her age. 

[FundieFarmer]

I have a friend whose family swears you need at least a pie per person.

I can agree with that statement--I could eat a pecan and a pumpkin all myself!

But those photos just scream WE ARE SUCH EXCELLENT HOMEMAKERS to me.

[Carm_88]

1 minute ago, FundieFarmer said:

I can agree with that statement--I could eat a pecan and a pumpkin all myself!

But those photos just scream WE ARE SUCH EXCELLENT HOMEMAKERS to me.

Hahah that is totally the reason. They want Mary to be someone's helpmeet. 

[Bethella]

2 hours ago, JMO said:

Since I hadn't seen a picture of him in 10 yrs ,  he definitely looks older. I actually think he looks a few years older than he is.  He's what, 36? 37? He looks early 40s to me.  The mom actually looks great considering how many kids she's had.  Even if she had only had 2 kids she looks great for her age. 

Paul was 36 in September, Cathy will be 57 in January.