Outside Dogs, Unicorns And Michael Pearl

[debrand]

This is from a snark worthy transcript of one of Pearl's videos.

All right, the Bible says that God rides between the horns of the unicorn. Now uni is one and so unicorn should be one horn. But, apparently it's not because he rides between the horns of the unicorn. Now, a rhinoceros is often referred to as a unicorn. It's got a big horn and a little horn. The big horn on the bottom, the little horn on the top, yes that’s what it is. And so, in heaven there are animals. The Bible tells us about horses in heaven. It tells us about the four beasts also called living creatures with the face of an eagle, the face of a lion, the face of an ox. These creatures speak. They are talking animal, living creatures and then the Bible speaks of dragons and it speaks of them breathing fire, fire breathing dragons. And it speaks of unicorns.

It even speaks of dogs said they were out. They are outside the gate. They don't get to come in. I never keep a dog in the house. And so, there is something in heaven called a unicorn

Dragons and horses go to heaven but not loyal Fideo. All of Pearl's dogs are kept outside because he follows the bible. Does that mean that he thinks that the door to his house is equivalent to the gates of heaven?

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/audio-video ... -unicorns/

It is probably its own unique creature and will you get to ride them in heaven? I would think so. I can imagine Jesus riding around on one, not giving us a shot on it. So, if you want your own private unicorn stable, raise unicorns, I'm sure we'd be able to do that when we go to heaven. Do they fly? I think so. I think they fly, too.

What an odd view of heaven. It almost sounds child like. If he didn't beat babies, I'd feel sorry for him because I'd wonder about his intelligence

[clibbyjo]

My dogs are sleeping on my bed right now. As soon as my husband gets up, my male dog takes his place,including using his pillow. What would MP think of that?

[debrand]

My dogs are sleeping on my bed right now. As soon as my husband gets up, my male dog takes his place,including using his pillow. What would MP think of that?

My beagle is 13 years old and we are just trying to make his last days comfortable. That means he gets to sleep on the air vent and sleeps most of the day. I couldn't imagine kicking an old dog outside.

I guess that you and I will be outside the gates of heaven with the dogs, clibby. We will be in good company.

[fundiefan]

I'll join you all outside the gates of heaven, along with the dogs. I've never had a dog that was anything other than part of the family, and that included the comforts and safety of living in the house, with the people. As far as I'm concerned, that's where they belong.

I'd prefer an eternity with all the dogs than with the like of the Pearls.

[debrand]

I decided to look up for other animal articles on the site No Greater Joy. Apparently, he doesn't treat his animals well.

I scatter dry dog food along the driveway so the two cats and two dogs can eat without being too close to each other.

WTH? I've had friends who were farmers. Some of them had barn cats that they fed in BOWLS were their dogs couldn't get the food. Scattering the food on the driveway not only waste food but is stupid. Why not buy a cheap bowl or save a plastic whipped cream container? He could feed the animals separately from one another. He could also ensure that each animal gets its share of food. And why feed the cats, dog food? My cat loves dog food but it gives him the runs so I try to keep him out of our dog's bowl.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/ge ... -and-kids/

But the two dogs think it is their life’s calling to starve cats to death. One dog, whom I call “Useless,†is the worst cat hater. He will prevent the cats from eating to his own detriment. I can put a quart of dog food on the driveway and throw a handful under the car where the cats can get to it, and Useless will run around the car, here and there lying on his side, pushing his head up under the car with his tongue stretched to the limit, and scraping up gravel and crushed leaves, all with one purpose: trying to deprive the cat of a single pellet of dog food. Meanwhile, the other dog will be gobbling up all the readily available food assigned to both of them. By the time the cat has eaten and the dog has rescued three or four morsels of food, the other dog will have finished off the first dog’s portion, leaving Stupid Useless with nothing to eat. But, at least the cat knew who was boss!

Again, feed the dogs seperately and this won't happen. Why have an animal that you don't care for and you believe is useless.

Sadly, he uses this illustration to explain how stupid some kids are. (Yes, that is what he says) But my point is that he treats his animals as badly as children.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/ge ... -and-kids/

[BlackHawk]

:lol: A rhino is called a Unicorn :lol: I mean, how can anyone take him seriously? He believes in Unicorns, Dragons and talking animal heads! Seriously... why do people take him seriously? Why don't people do a little research, get their heads out of their asses, and see what type of person they are taking advice from!

[JennJenn]

:lol: A rhino is called a Unicorn :lol: I mean, how can anyone take him seriously? He believes in Unicorns, Dragons and talking animal heads! Seriously... why do people take him seriously? Why don't people do a little research, get their heads out of their asses, and see what type of person they are taking advice from!

"Why don't people do a little research, get their heads out of their asses..." Oh, Blackhawk, but the Pearl's and Maxwell's wouldn't be raking in millions if the fundie masses educated themselves to their utter stupidity. Keep 'em dumb and we make millions. That should be the slogan of their ministries.

[Kitchen Princess]

I've actually heard that before--in church--that a unicorn is a rhino. He's not the only one who believes that.

[BlackHawk]

I've actually heard that before--in church--that a unicorn is a rhino. He's not the only one who believes that.

Seriously? Wth would someone think an animal with 2 horns is a unicorn? That just screams idiot to me. Seriously.

[debrand]

Seriously? Wth would someone think an animal with 2 horns is a unicorn? That just screams idiot to me. Seriously.

I think that it is desperation to take the bible literally instead of figuratively.

[Guest Anonymous]

Let me make sure I've gotten this straight: unicorns, which exist only in the confines of Michael Pearl's fevered imagination. and in the Book of Revelation, are welcome in heaven. However, loyal dogs and cats are going to be shut out at the Last Judgement. This sounds more to me like Pearl concocting something out of his ass to justify being as vicious to the family pets as he is to children.

Guess what, Mikey. The 5 cats my husband and I have lived with during our married life weren't/aren't pets. They are our children and we wouldn't dream of making them live outdoors or survive on the few scraps of dog food you think is enough to keep them alive. They live in our house, are welcome to sleep on our bed when we're not using it, and they reward us with a lifetime of purrs and head-butts. I'm with clibby and debrand, when judgement trump is called, I would much rather spend eternity outside, with the cats, than inside with the Pearls and those like them. By the way, Mikey, what makes you so sure that you WILL be inside?

[MamaJunebug]

There is a mammal on the Pearl place that deserves to be called "Useless," but it's not a dog.

We shouldn't be surprised that Pearl has the attitude he so cockily writes about. It's been pretty much determined that many of the social deviants and criminals were animal-abusers in their youths. It's a very short trip, apparently, from killing a domestic animal to killing a human.

Can we come up with some LOLPearls that ridicule the man craven criminal? I'm not talented in that direction, but think of the lulz we've had over LOLs Doug, Bradrick and Duggar. And not just us, but most importantly the lurkers who may be doubting these self-styled authoritehz.

Remember, Mel Brooks said that laughing at evil, ridiculing it, is a powerful tool against it. If nothing else, it infuriates the evil-doers.

Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.

Mel Brooks

[Hane]

Okey-dokey--there you have it. There are flying rhinos in heaven, and Jesus is going to hog his all to himself and not share. So, if Pearl is to be believed, there must be butt-tons of LSD and peyote buttons in heaven, too.

I would pay good money for one of us who has PhotoShop skills to do an LOLPearl with Jesus and Mikey riding winged rhinos around heaven.

[fundifugee]

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/ge ... -and-kids/

Isn't the Pearls' entire discipline strategy based on this.....letting a kid know who is boss? I think Stupid Useless is a good representation of Mike Pearl.

Unicorns......wow!!

I didn't think there were unicorns in the Bible, and I was made to read the Bible from cover to cover 3 times as a kid. But....I read the NIV and NAS. Turns out the unicorns are in the KJV. Hmm. Freaks.

[fundifugee]

"Riding on/between the horns of a unicorn"....ummmm, ok, so this is oxymoronic or contradictory, but nevermind. It's a rhino! Or, maybe it's a dildo.

[Hane]

"Riding on/between the horns of a unicorn"....ummmm, ok, so this is oxymoronic or contradictory, but nevermind. It's a rhino! Or, maybe it's a dildo.

An ouchy, ouchy S/m dildo.

[fundifugee]

Let me make sure I've gotten this straight: unicorns, which exist only in the confines of Michael Pearl's fevered imagination. and in the Book of Revelation, are welcome in heaven. However, loyal dogs and cats are going to be shut out at the Last Judgement. This sounds more to me like Pearl concocting something out of his ass to justify being as vicious to the family pets as he is to children.

Guess what, Mikey. The 5 cats my husband and I have lived with during our married life weren't/aren't pets. They are our children and we wouldn't dream of making them live outdoors or survive on the few scraps of dog food you think is enough to keep them alive. They live in our house, are welcome to sleep on our bed when we're not using it, and they reward us with a lifetime of purrs and head-butts. I'm with clibby and debrand, when judgement trump is called, I would much rather spend eternity outside, with the cats, than inside with the Pearls and those like them. By the way, Mikey, what makes you so sure that you WILL be inside?

Actually, the alleged unicorns are mentioned in Numbers, Deuteronomy, Job, Psalms, and Isaiah in the KJV.

And last I read, the only mammal that can really be called a unicorn (apart from injured bicorns with one horn broken off), is the Narwhal.

And I am with you. Mke Pearl and his unicorn can be locked up inside the pearly gates. I'll stay with the doggies. Way better company.

ETA: photo of unicorns!!

[MamaJunebug]

Okey-dokey--there you have it. There are flying rhinos in heaven, and Jesus is going to hog his all to himself and not share. So, if Pearl is to be believed, there must be butt-tons of LSD and peyote buttons in heaven, too.

I would pay good money for one of us who has PhotoShop skills to do an LOLPearl with Jesus and Mikey riding winged rhinos around heaven.

Had I the money, I would chip in, but I'd ask that Jesus be left out of it, except maybe if He's giving Pearl the side-eye to end all side-eyes. But that's just ole Christo-centric Christian me, talking. ;)

I keep thinking something highly intellectual like Pearl being a heavenly fire hydrant and the dogs ... LOL! No, I kid, and not very well. Somebody will come up with something really great. I know the talent we have, here!

[AnnoDomini]

That entire article is disgusting, lacking in understanding of child psychology and utterly snark-worthy.

[slickcat79]

Wow. That much of a disjointed, rambling non-sequitur has got to be worth at least a couple of Taryns :shock:

[ChickeyMonkey]

But uni means one, and if a rhino has 2 horns, by definition, it can't be a UNIcorn. It's not even a uniHORN. I know, I'm arguing about a mythical creature, but I'm trying to stay within his paradigm here.

And these people home-school? Oh, the humanity!

[jenny_islander]

Ooh, ooh, one of my favorite hobbyhorses! The KJV translates the word re'em as "unicorn," but better scholars (better than the ones who translated the KJV? Unpossible!!) translate it as "wild ox," that is, aurochs. Aurochsen were the ancestors of modern cattle. Imagine a Spanish fighting- bull, except about twice as big and with the horns of a Texas longhorn. Very big, very dangerous wild beast. The trick-riding bulls of Crete apparently resembled them except smaller. Aurochsen once lived from the shores of the Mediterranean north to the fringes of the taiga, but they were hunted to extinction; the last ones died in some nobleman's menagerie in the 17th century.

European unicorn legends appear to be rooted most strongly in traveler's tales of rhinoceri--the oldest legends refer to a big, fierce animal--with touches of desert oryx, narwhal, and possibly eyewitness accounts of a culture that performed crude surgery on newborn billy kids so that the adult goats would have one horn. There is intriguing textual evidence, BTW, that a kind of large, long-legged rhinoceros with a single horn on its forehead survived into the Middle Ages in the wilderness near the Volga. This animal, Elasmotherium sibiricum, is colloquially called the giant unicorn--if I'm lyin' I'm dyin'. The most recent dated fossils of this creature are thousands of years old. However, Ahmad ibn Fadlan, emissary from the Caliph of Baghdad to a local king in the 10th century CE, referred to it as a living animal. Rhinoceros horns fall off the carcass as it rots and there is no obvious point of connection between the horn and the skull for people who haven't read anatomical descriptions of fresh rhino carcasses. So how could ibn Fadlan have described it if he hadn't talked to people who had seen one? In addition, he saw bowls in the king's court that were supposed to have been carved from its huge horn and they resembled smaller items of worked horn from surviving species. Even if these bowls were antiques and the stories were passed down from Great-Granddad, this puts an enormous Ice Age beast firmly in the Holocene.

About those hornless rhinoceros skulls. Western Europe has a lot of caves full of woolly rhino bones; apparently the animals would shelter in the caves during especially harsh Ice Age winters and sometimes starve to death in there. The woolly rhino was smaller than the giant unicorn and shaped more like the surviving species. Explorers who tried to puzzle out the bones took the detached horns for talons and assumed that the skull belonged to some kind of meat-eating monster. There is a 16th-century fountain in Klangenfurt, Austria, that depicts the fearsome dragon of legend. The sculptor, Ulrich Vogelang, is said to have used actual dragon bones from a nearby cave as models for his work. The dragon's head has the profile of a woolly rhino without its ears, horns, or fleshy nose pads. And this is the classic head of the Western dragon from Viking art to the present day! Sure sounds to me like a lot of people had the same idea even before the earliest primary sources that describe rhino fossils.

I'll climb off my hobby horse now. :shifty:

[pamplemousse]

I decided to look up for other animal articles on the site No Greater Joy. Apparently, he doesn't treat his animals well.

WTH? I've had friends who were farmers. Some of them had barn cats that they fed in BOWLS were their dogs couldn't get the food. Scattering the food on the driveway not only waste food but is stupid. Why not buy a cheap bowl or save a plastic whipped cream container? He could feed the animals separately from one another. He could also ensure that each animal gets its share of food. And why feed the cats, dog food? My cat loves dog food but it gives him the runs so I try to keep him out of our dog's bowl.

Not only that, but feeding dog food to cats is bad for them because cats and dogs have different nutritional requirements. From the Royal Canin pet food site ( http://www.royalcanin.us/library/dog-health-feeding-dog-food-to-cats-and-cat-food-to-dogs.aspx ):

...The occasional consumption of dog food by a cat is not detrimental to the animal. However it is dangerous to feed a cat regularly with dog food exclusively; it favors many pathological consequences, protein deficiency: muscular weakness, loss of general health taurine deficiency: cardiac disease, blindness and fatty acids deficiency which can lead to growth and reproduction disorders.

And you may add me to the list of those who'd prefer to stay with the doggies and kitties instead of whatever side of the Pearly Gates Michael Pearl (ironic name, huh?) and his unicorns will be on. I have cats of my own and volunteer at a cat shelter, so I see and interact with lots of them... say all you want that they and dogs are just animals with no souls, and I will vehemently disagree with you... there is no way they don't have them.

[tadpole]

The man is truly insane.

If I could figure out how to post a picture, I would post this one:

nekopie.deviantart.com/art/rhinos-are-just-ugly-unicorns-175367954

[Annette]

I recall hearing, probably from a religious source, that there is or was at one point a one-horned rhinoceros variant creature. Thus, unicorn.

ETA: Ah yes...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_Rhinoceros