Let's Give Christmas Presents to Our Fundie Favs!

[Gimme a Free RV]

In the spirit of love, sarcasm, and peace on earth, let's not forget to give presents to our favorite fundies.  Here's my list:

Michelle Duggar--The Stepford Wives DVD

Jill-Rod--a tubal ligation and an endless supply of eye makeup remover.

John Shrader-a vasectomy and, for a stocking stuffer, a copy of the airplane key.

Duggar, Maxwell, Rodrigues, and Shupe older children--Greyhound bus tickets to the destinations of their choice.  One way.

Goatherd--a blow up doll with long loose curly hair and no defects.

Jinger and Josiah--tickets to NYC's finest Broadway musicals, gift cards to coffee shops, and money for clothes shopping.

Rodriguii offspring--braces, new wardrobe, and multiple gift cards to a Whole Foods buffet.

Ma Keller--contemporary glasses, wardrobe, makeup, hair style, and cosmetic dentistry.

Pa Keller--a personal trainer

Steve Maxwell--a case of Pepsi and a barrel of FUN!

Joshly--visits from the ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future.

 

 

[Lillybee]

I would give the Duggar girls, a cleaning service,laundry service and scholarships to the schools of their choice. The other Duggar kids a real teacher.

Sarah Maxwell, a collection of The Classics.

 

[SledCat]

Bill Gothard will make out like a bandit. In addition to the blow up doll, he's going to receive the gift of the "Cabbage Patch Kids Collectors Club" from me. This gift includes an elegant pin, and custom note cards.

[Lillybee]

I would also give the lost girls especially Jordyn someone who cares about them

[ViolaSebastian]

3 minutes ago, SledCat said:

Bill Gothard will make out like a bandit. In addition to the blow up doll, he's going to receive the gift of the "Cabbage Patch Kids Collectors Club" from me. This gift includes an elegant pin, and custom note cards.

No lie, I'm selling a box of CPKs and their clothes on e-bay.  They're sitting in my living room and the devil possession jokes are aplenty in this household.  

[Guest]

Sarah Maxwell: a thesaurus and a Medal of Honor for yet another year of not going all Lizzie Borden on Steve and Teri.

[SledCat]

1 minute ago, ViolaSebastian said:

No lie, I'm selling a box of CPKs and their clothes on e-bay.  They're sitting in my living room and the devil possession jokes are aplenty in this household.  

Nice! I loved CPKs when I was a kid, until 7th grade. Our teacher told the class they could come alive. She wasn't kidding around either. Good lord. I think she'd conflated a Chucky movie, Gothard, and these cute dolls.

[ViolaSebastian]

3 minutes ago, SledCat said:

Nice! I loved CPKs when I was a kid, until 7th grade. Our teacher told the class they could come alive. She wasn't kidding around either. Good lord. I think she'd conflated a Chucky movie, Gothard, and these cute dolls.

If I suddenly disappear from FJ, you'll know why.

 

[Gimme a Free RV]

14 minutes ago, ViolaSebastian said:

If I suddenly disappear from FJ, you'll know why.

 

I think you ought to give Dave-Rod that cartoon for Christmas.  It looks like something he could use in a tract.

[Gossamer1]

34 minutes ago, Lillybee said:

I would also give the lost girls especially Jordyn someone who cares about them

Aw, you took all the snark out of my sails.

You are absolutely right though. One on one time with a caring adult who gives a damn about each of them as individuals would be a great gift for them.

[Grimalkin]

I don't think Jill would use the eye makeup remover. She would have to start all over again to get the layers look she is sporting. It los like it's taken years to get it.

[princessmahina]

I would take Jill to a makeup counter in the mall (not MAC or Urban Decay), and get her a classy makeover that doesn't involve green eyeliner. Then I'd buy her all the products while Nurie burns all the cosmetics she already possesses. 

[countressrascal]

Zsu a new kitchen counter, PP a vasectomy and bottled watered delivery service to HCofSC put birth control into the water also to any member their home delivery. 

[Catey]

I would give Lori Alexander a healthy dose of compassion and a side dish of humility.

I would give Joy and Jinger Duggar Harry Potters invisilibity cloak, so they could come or GO as they pleased or just hide for a bit.

 

[WhiteRun]

I'd like to give the Shupe kids an all you can eat meal. 
Jana Duggar gets a weekend pass to a spa
Ben gets a 12 month snapback subscription box (I checked and its real!)
Jessa gets a DSLR (for the perfect selfie)
Alice (Alices baby) gets a robotic baby and a fake pregnancy belly
Courtney (Sweet Tea and Buttermilk) gets a book of baby names starting with C
 

[OodOnTheLoo]

Essential oils for everyone! they cure everything, from Ebola to not being godly enough.

Of course you can never have enough Benhem Bros Tshirts, flip-flops, yellow sweaters, green shirts, curling irons, bibles, chick tracts, eyeliner, cream of mushroom soup, or children.  So any of these work too, just please, for the love of all that's good, no personally designed jewelry.

[Lillybee]

Since Jordyn's birthday is on the 18th of this month,  I want to throw her the biggest, fanciest, and most elaborate Princess birthday party with the caveat that she doesn't have to share it with Josie.

I am so tired of her being treated as an after thought to miracle Josie. She deserves so much more.

[CyborgKin]

All the kidults can have a copy of Fallout 4 and Undertale.  Enjoy!  (For the uninitiated, these are new videogames.  Great ones.)

Oh and I'll throw in some Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles DVDs especially for the Botkins.

[mango_fandango]

I would give the Shupes a bigger house, with more bedrooms. Anna Marie can have a proper bed for once, not just a trundle. Plus each of the kids can have their own giant box of jelly beans and Erika is not allowed to touch them.

I'd give the Rodrigues kids an all-you-can-eat buffet too; the Shupes can have theirs but the Rodriguii are crazy skinny. 

I'd also get Michelle Duggar a reborn doll, maybe more than one. (Scrap that, maybe just one so she doesn't pawn the others off on Jana.) I'd also get her some new tops so she doesn't just resort to that green one.

[KylieJenner]

7 hours ago, countressrascal said:

Zsu a new kitchen counter, PP a vasectomy and bottled watered delivery service to HCofSC put birth control into the water also to any member their home delivery. 

This. So much of this. Happy Holidays, enjoy your free (and much needed) birth control.

[Gimme a Free RV]

7 hours ago, OodOnTheLoo said:

Essential oils for everyone! they cure everything, from Ebola to not being godly enough.

 

2 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

I'd also get Michelle Duggar a reborn doll, maybe more than one. (Scrap that, maybe just one so she doesn't pawn the others off on Jana.) 

  And she'd carry it around in front of her, facing out, like a trophy--same way she did with baby Josie.

 

6 hours ago, Lillybee said:

Since Jordyn's birthday is on the 18th of this month,  I want to throw her the biggest, fanciest, and most elaborate Princess birthday party with the caveat that she doesn't have to share it with Josie.

THIS!  And after the princess party, put all the girls in T-shirts and jeans and let them play outside and get as dirty as they please.

I guess I'd have to give a big bow to John Shrader--for him to put on top of his big head, since he's God's gift to the world of missions. 

[19 cats and counting]

I'd give Karen and Melanie Shupe tickets to a high school Spring Break trip.  

[LadyCrow1313]

10 hours ago, ViolaSebastian said:

If I suddenly disappear from FJ, you'll know why.

 

This reminds me of the Garbage Pail Kids

[Lamoria]

Jinger Duggar: A GoPro and a trip to New York, with an apartment and rent paid in full for a year  (Lol- thank goodness this is a dream, no way I can afford that! Maybe her own spin off: "Jinger in the City...")

Jessa Duggar: A book of better baby names

Jill Duggar: More sweat pants

Jennifer Duggar: A day lightly shadowing at a Vet Clinic (obviously nothing too heavy)

[princessmahina]

The Shupe kids- I would take them to a candy store and let them pick out a box of their own candy. Maybe they're tired of jelly beans. In the same spirit, I would then take them to a restaurant that doesn't sell Cobb salads.