If you were in their shoes....? If You Were a SAHD

[kb2]

I am a pretty big pushover, and not much of a rebel. I would probably be one of those people who is always trying to be content with whatever was given to me, because I wouldn't be naturally content, but I wouldn't have had the courage to run away or fail to do something majorly expected of me. And I would want to get married as quickly as possible so I could move out from my parents'.

[lovefromgirl]

Given the fundie approach to mental illness, I would likely have hanged myself in the barn.

[emmyfair]

I think I would be crazy or dead. I'm quietly rebellious - I'll nod and keep my head down and then go do whatever I want. This behavior got me packed off to many an opus dei "retreat" growing up...

[alphaeta08]

Honestly, I'd probably be mostly okay as a SAHD. As long as I have an iPod, I don't mind doing housework, and I don't mind children at all. I enjoy reading and would probably like other "womanly" arts. If I was raised that way, I'd obviously believe it was the right thing to be doing, so I really do think I'd go along with it, PROVIDED I my Internet access was limited. I know these girls have work to do, but you can't get around the fact that it's nothing like showing up for a $7.40/hour job you hate! It sounds like a pretty sweet life, as long as your parents let you pursue your hobbies, which my parents would as long as I did my (not very demanding) chores. I can also see myself getting married; I've always liked the idea of being married sooner rather than later. Even if my dad was fundie, I can't imagine him caring too much who I chose, and if he did choose, I'd actually trust him with the choice. Even if my parents had been huge believers in corporal punishment, I was obedient enough that I'd probably have gotten out of it most of the time. If I could get over the ridiculousness of their beliefs, not gonna lie, I could probably tough it out.

[TMS]

I could be wrong about this, but with the military option, there's really not much parents can do about it once the commitment papers are signed. So they could throw a hissy until the [formerly] SAHD went to bootcamp, but they wouldn't have control over it.

I do wonder, though, if some of these girls even have enough education for the military. The military, from what I understand, does not just take anybody any more. Even when my brother chose the AF in 1989, he had to pass a fairly rigorous entrance exam. Maybe other branches are less stringent, I idk.

My husband has been working in the AF recruiting field for 16 years, and it's true that the AF is the hardest branch of service to enter.

[Kaylee]

Even though I left fundy-ism for a while before I got married and ultimately ended up at least halfway back, I think I would have taken a pretty similar course in life if I had stayed fundie the whole way through. As it is, I married at 19, went to college, started a career, and left it to be a stay-at-home mom.

The only differences are that I would have probably married a guy who was a Christian, and that could have been for better or worse depending on how much actual attraction there was between us and if he tried to control me or force me to change. I probably would have done less school and taken a different career path if I'd worked (many women in my church do, but most stay home after having children, at least until the kids are school age). I would say I'd have had more children, but that had more to do with infertility than choice, so I may not of. I guess things would really be about the same as they are now.

[Guest Anonymous]

Given the fundie approach to mental illness, I would likely have hanged myself in the barn.

I had an honest to goodness cold chill down my spine when I read this - what a scary thought. Given that so many fundies think that depression is caused by selfishness and mental illness is caused by demons, if fundie kids struggle with those issues they may very well be doomed.

[margiebargie]

Hmmm...what would I do?

I was always a rebel. My poor parents. They weren't even that strict. I just wanted to do my own thing. I get bored easily. I couldn't stand the monotony of SAHD/fundie life. It would seem like a prison sentence to me. I like to be in charge, too. My mom tried to raise me to be religious, but I found religion to be absurd from a young age. It never held much influence over me. Most of the time I'd just snicker at it. Of course, my mom being a decent person and an ethical parent would not go as far as some of these fundie parents do in indoctrinating their children (ie. no plumbing line).

I guess if I couldn't break my mind away from fundie-ism, I'd probably marry some push-over fundie guy. He'd appear to be in charge, but I'd wear the pants. I'd insist that we have some sort of traveling ministry to keep me from getting bored. I'd sell some sort of fundie crap on the internet because I like making money. I'd make my older kids take care of the younger ones, because I tend to get impatient and stressed if I don't have me-time. I'd probably be one of those judgy, bitchy fundie women rather than the sad, pathetic, worn-down ones.

I guess I'd be a cross between Michelle Duggar, Teri Maxwell and Kelly Crawford.

YIIIKKKESSS!!!

[Hane]

I would be pathetic, quilting things and collecting items for my hope chest waiting for my Prince Charming to come. My wish for my intended would have been for him to be a rebel of course and order me out of the life so I wouldn't have to have ten children. So sad but I think my temperament and early abuse was made for this sort of exploitation.

That's me, with a possibility of

Given the fundie approach to mental illness, I would likely have hanged myself in the barn.

[jenny_islander]

If my sexually abusive parents had insisted that God said they could do whatever they wanted to me, I would have probably ended up a suicide; if I had lived, probably an atheist or possibly a solitary practicioner of Wicca, depending on whether they were so fringe they didn't let me have a library card. I would have gotten out ASAP and tried to stay far far away from anybody remotely like them. I would have seized onto the first way out I could find and held on to it for years, not even considering whether there was something better, because that's what I tend to do. I would probably not be married with three kids (sick on the couch this morning) because of the assorted fundamentalist Things about what wives have to endure.

[MissNomer]

It's hard to imagine exactly what I would do growing up in such an environment. I was very rebellious as a teenager, even in my liberal family so I'm guessing that there certainly would have been a lot of strife between me and my parents. If I didn't leave fundieism completely, I would almost certainly have preferred to get married rather than be a stay at home daughter. As a teenager, I remember wanting desperately to get out on my own and I doubt that would change. Also, I'm a bit of a romantic and definitely want children so if I met the right fundie guy that would probably have seemed like a good way out. I think I would be a fairly miserable SAHM though... I hate cooking more than anything and would probably get bored and depressed quickly without the sort of intellectual work that I enjoy.

[lovefromgirl]

I had an honest to goodness cold chill down my spine when I read this - what a scary thought. Given that so many fundies think that depression is caused by selfishness and mental illness is caused by demons, if fundie kids struggle with those issues they may very well be doomed.

I'd love to know how the fundie blogosphere would cope with that situation, to be honest. How do you come out and say "SAHD #12 just offed herself"? It is terrifying, and unfortunately there's not much anyone can do about it. These people are taking themselves out of society and taking their kids with them, will-they-nill-they.

[GenerationCedarchip]

I was raised fundie and I kind of like the route I did take - go to college not too far from home. Be a good girl and keep going to fundie church. If I had to pick between SAHD-dom and marrying a patrio guy, I'd be a SAHD. Luckily, I managed to meet a wonderful guy and fall in love. Even better, he had one foot out the door of fundie-dom at the time and really wanted to go to a "normal" church.

[Boudicca]

Hey guys, I'm coming out of the lurk-o-sphere to give my take on this.

My parents are fundie-lite, so it's not a big leap to imagine life as a real SAHD. I don't think I would have fallen for it, even if my parents had been the brainwashing type. I was a very strong willed child, and I guess I kept that with me as I matured, because I do NOT subscribe to my parent's brand of Christianity now. I used to, to a certain degree, but I think I always kind of had a problem with it. This was even before I discovered the Internet and other people's opinions. I'm very fortunate now, that my parents fully support me going away to university, and even encourage me to attend "worldly" institutions. A lot of the girls at the church we attend do not have the same opportunities. A few families, in particular, are heavy into the patriarchy, and have several SAHDs around my own age. Of these girls, only one I talked to had any desire to leave to attend college, and that thought quickly dissipated a few weeks later. I suspect her controlling father had a hand in it. Ugh.

If I was told that I had to stay home, with marriage to a man being my only out, I don't think I could take it. I have enough problems with my father and his "women have a certain role" mentality. I would probably do as another poster said, hoard my money and slip away in the middle of the night. However, it probably wouldn't be totally unforeseen. I have a problem keeping my opinions to myself sometimes, especially when discussions get heated. My parents already think I'm somewhat of a feminist, and they know my ideas on gender. Thankfully I've managed to keep my opinions on homosexuality hidden, though I hardly know how. If I was a SAHD, I don't know if I would have the same opinions as I do now. One thing my parents did do right was supply me with a good education, and critical thinking skills. Unfortunately for them, I used these skills to decide that I did not particularly like their worldview. If I had the SOTDRT education through high school, I think my opinions and worldview would be probably on the same level as middle schooled me. I definitely wouldn't know that my sexuality actually falls way outside of anything resembling straightness. I'd probably continue without any discernable attraction to guys personalities, marry the first hot one that showed interest, and later vanish beneath depression. So, yeah, I'm very glad my parents did not decide to go full fundie. I have a lot to thank them for, actually.

Anyway, sorry for the TL;DR guys, I tend to ramble on when I write anything other than school papers.

[tehgoobster]

Hey guys, I'm coming out of the lurk-o-sphere to give my take on this.

My parents are fundie-lite, so it's not a big leap to imagine life as a real SAHD. I don't think I would have fallen for it, even if my parents had been the brainwashing type. I was a very strong willed child, and I guess I kept that with me as I matured, because I do NOT subscribe to my parent's brand of Christianity now. I used to, to a certain degree, but I think I always kind of had a problem with it. This was even before I discovered the Internet and other people's opinions. I'm very fortunate now, that my parents fully support me going away to university, and even encourage me to attend "worldly" institutions. A lot of the girls at the church we attend do not have the same opportunities. A few families, in particular, are heavy into the patriarchy, and have several SAHDs around my own age. Of these girls, only one I talked to had any desire to leave to attend college, and that thought quickly dissipated a few weeks later. I suspect her controlling father had a hand in it. Ugh.

If I was told that I had to stay home, with marriage to a man being my only out, I don't think I could take it. I have enough problems with my father and his "women have a certain role" mentality. I would probably do as another poster said, hoard my money and slip away in the middle of the night. However, it probably wouldn't be totally unforeseen. I have a problem keeping my opinions to myself sometimes, especially when discussions get heated. My parents already think I'm somewhat of a feminist, and they know my ideas on gender. Thankfully I've managed to keep my opinions on homosexuality hidden, though I hardly know how. If I was a SAHD, I don't know if I would have the same opinions as I do now. One thing my parents did do right was supply me with a good education, and critical thinking skills. Unfortunately for them, I used these skills to decide that I did not particularly like their worldview. If I had the SOTDRT education through high school, I think my opinions and worldview would be probably on the same level as middle schooled me. I definitely wouldn't know that my sexuality actually falls way outside of anything resembling straightness. I'd probably continue without any discernable attraction to guys personalities, marry the first hot one that showed interest, and later vanish beneath depression. So, yeah, I'm very glad my parents did not decide to go full fundie. I have a lot to thank them for, actually.

Anyway, sorry for the TL;DR guys, I tend to ramble on when I write anything other than school papers.

I enjoyed reading your post, Boudicca. I hope you stick around. :)

[Lillian]

If I was in their shoes, I would probably suck it up and accept the lifestyle totally. I'm a goody-goody by nature, I follow the rules. However, I might only be a rule-follower as a product of my childhood, in which I had very little rules. So if I grew up the fundie way who knows what I would be like. I can see myself wanting to escape and, as others have suggested, planning and putting away money to do so.

[Clementine]

I was an extremely stubborn and strong-willed child with very hot temper and I would not just obey my parents because they told me so. I suspect that I might have been one of the kids that would have ended up beated to death because I refused to obey and be cheerful if I was born into a fundie family. :|

[Austin]

Welcome, Boudicca. Thanks for your post.