You Don't Babysit Your Own Kid

[roddma]

I thought this deserved its own thread. Derick recently caused flack syaing he was baby-sitting Israel. We have discussed this before, but I get irked when dads say they baby-sit their kids. Is Jill babysitting him, too? Whether he meant it a joke or not, all it does is reinforce old notions the mother is the primary care giver. I saw no reason to break link.
http://www.inquisitr.com/2493071/jill-duggars-husband-derick-dillard-upsets-fans-by-saying-he-is-babysitting-own-son/

[MatthewDuggar]

Thanks!  I was trying to find a place to put this:

 

[RosyDaisy]

My father has always said he's a father and parent, not a baby sitter. Even when my sister's kids were little he said he was a grandpa, not a babysitter. Hell, I never called myself a babysitter either. I was an auntie who spoiled them rotten.

[AngelGirl8811]

I would say that I was babysitting for a friend; I wouldn't think that someone would say that they were babysitting their own kids. I mean I spent a boatload of time with my grandparents/aunts/uncle as a kid and I don't think that they ever said that they were babysitting us. We were just there, we were family and that was that. And it's not just fundies either because I have seen Moms on Facebook saying that "Daddy's babysitting while I get my hair done." No Daddy's not babysitting, he's spending time with his kids; it should happen! 

[roddma]

I've heard Josh say it, and JIm Bob refers to kids as hobbies, so Derick likely piked it up from them. Derick has really disappointed me. I also read many comments on other forums placing the primary caregiver role on Michelle and Anna such as they need to bond with Anna or Michelle needs to spend more time with them.Hellol they have fathers, too. Saying dads babysit insults any male such as widowers or LGTB taking full care or anyone sharing care of their kids. Are they babysitting? . There's a website devoted to stopping this non-sense with tee-shirts: teesprings.com
Here's another good article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenny-witte/dads-watching-their-own-kids-are-not-babysitting_b_7504458.html

[sophie10130]

And yet, these are the people who say kids have to have a mom AND a dad to be normal and well-adjusted. But wtf do JB and Josh do as dads? Especially for their daughters other than give super horrible and shitty life advice for the sake of a camera?

But then again, I'd rather have two moms or two dads or a single mother or a single father or a set of non-binary parents than to have my dad say I'm a hobby and call raising me babysitting, so...

[AlwaysExcited]

"Every child deserves mother, babysitter and sister-mum."

- Fundies

[nastyhobbitses]

I've heard Josh say it, and JIm Bob refers to kids as hobbies, so Derick likely piked it up from them. Derick has really disappointed me. I also read many comments on other forums placing the primary caregiver role on Michelle and Anna such as they need to bond with Anna or Michelle needs to spend more time with them.Hellol they have fathers, too. Saying dads babysit insults any male such as widowers or LGTB taking full care or anyone sharing care of their kids. Are they babysitting? . There's a website devoted to stopping this non-sense with tee-shirts: teesprings.com
Here's another good article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenny-witte/dads-watching-their-own-kids-are-not-babysitting_b_7504458.html

And the whole thing is a double-whammy of reinforcing tired old patriarchal gender roles that we know are total BS, and promoting negative, harmful stereotypes about men. In the world of Dad-as-Babysitter, only moms are proper caregivers for children. A mother taking care of a child is the natural order, and a father doing it is somehow going against the grain. Men are incapable of nurturing, nourishing, and playing an active role in the upbringing of their children simply because they're men. When they do care for their children, it's assumed to be temporary, that mom's going to come back and make things right again because that's her "place".

Fuck that noise.

[love2scrap]

So cool. I just shared the huffpo article with my family, among whom there are more than one patriarchal manly penis-owners

[imokit]

As the child of a couple who divorced when I was small.  I'm pretty sure my dad's weekends were not babysitting.  They were parenting with some bonding and relationship building thrown it.  Its kind of necessary to do that with your littles (even the girls  ) if you want a functional relationship with them as adults.

If spending time with the kids is actually babysitting (and for some parents it is, possibly even for Derick), then I'm a bit perplexed as to how to get the strong bond when they're grown.

[Valerie3kids]

That could explain Dim Bulb's lack of emotional attachment to his children. He looks at them as hobbies and as an example of how fertile he is. What a stud! Not. But, even when Michelle was heading into surgery to have Josie he did not look emotionally invested in the situation. He squeaked out some tears for the camera but once she was born he seemed to be clueless as to what a dire situation that baby was in and even his wife was in. So what do they do? Get pregnant again.

My family has never called it babysitting. I will ask my husband if he can "'watch" the kids or the grands just to make sure we are covered but it is not called babysitting. It is making sure a parental unit is in house. We now have grands and it has not changed. He does not consider watching any of them as babysitting.

[clueliss]

I've hated this term since i encountered it in the lines of a Toby Keith song.  Non custodial father in the song talking about he'd babysit the kids sometime (if she needs him to).  Hmmmm some other man is there.  You're talking about babysitting the kids you no longer have custody over due to divorce.  Nope, you should be parenting.  (sometimes a touchy subject with me since my own father checked out of parenting when my parents divorced).  

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I have a question: if they believe a child needs both a mother and a father, hence why they don't believe in gay marriage, how exactly can they justify "babysitting" their own kids?

[sawasdee]

I have a question: if they believe a child needs both a mother and a father, hence why they don't believe in gay marriage, how exactly can they justify "babysitting" their own kids?

Now come on - that would require a logical progression of thought - 2 men  =bad, 2 women = bad, 1 man 1 woman = good. Therefore man should be around in fundie marriage for the kids - looking after them, feeding them, changing diapers, teaching them. But but but that's wimmin's work -and in a lesbian marriage one of the two women could raise kids without a man around ! Do we need a man to raise kids or not - or is child rearing only a hobby for men?And if so what exactly is the role of the fundie father - to pontificate?

[roddma]

I think the old concept minimizing the role of fathers in child rearing possibly caused a whole heap of problems with the Boomer generation. Im in no way saying females are incapable of raising kids on their own as plenty have and there are more types of families than ever. However, the role of father is not just to be a sperm donor with a right to abandon their kids. When dads say they are baby-sitting, it's like regulating the mother to single parent..

As far as being detached, I only give Boob sightly more credit. He seems to be the one always holding the younger kids. though it could be correct assuming the tears are for the cameras.

[Deist woman]

My husband actually met with disapproval when he had the kids to himself as babies at the mall.  Once, our daughter was two months old and we were at the mall.  He sat in the food court with her while I was in a shop trying on clothes.  An elderly woman said, with her face scrunched up, "WHAT kind of mother would leave such a small child with a MAN??"   To which hubby summoned up a sad expression and said "Unfortunately, my wife died during the birth.  I really wish her mama could be here with her, but I am doing the best that I can to make up for it."   The old lady was horrified and hurried away.  Hubby and I laughed about it later.

[doggie]

Really do you think jimbob should be around kids?

 

 

 

 

[RosyDaisy]

Really do you think jimbob should be around kids?

 

 

 

 

HAIL NAW!

[Kate11]

When we were little, my sister and I would spend weeks over Winter and Summer vacation with our grandpa while our parents worked. We never called it babysitting. It was always, going to "spend the week" with our grandpa, because he loved us and wanted to spend time with us. Not because we were being babysat. 

[Cats B4 Quivers]

Plenty of my friends have kids and I've never heard any of the fathers refer to their caring for their kids as "babysitting". I have heard one correct the barista when "babysitting" was mentioned and he said "babysitters are paid and get to leave and don't have to return". He said it cheerfully but he was amazed anybody would think all a dad does is casual babysitting of his kid.

[nastyhobbitses]

That could explain Dim Bulb's lack of emotional attachment to his children. He looks at them as hobbies and as an example of how fertile he is. What a stud! Not. But, even when Michelle was heading into surgery to have Josie he did not look emotionally invested in the situation. He squeaked out some tears for the camera but once she was born he seemed to be clueless as to what a dire situation that baby was in and even his wife was in. So what do they do? Get pregnant again.

My family has never called it babysitting. I will ask my husband if he can "'watch" the kids or the grands just to make sure we are covered but it is not called babysitting. It is making sure a parental unit is in house. We now have grands and it has not changed. He does not consider watching any of them as babysitting.

With the Duggars, I think it's a special case, as neither mom nor dad seem terribly invested in or emotionally attached to their children. Armchair diagnosis of course, but I think the both of them have some form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, though Jim Bob probably has it worse. He sees his kids as extensions of himself and proof of his virility, not as individuals he is cultivating and nurturing. Why should he feel any sort of need to take an active and positive role in their upbringing beyond holding them for the cameras and letting their older brother sexually assault them?

[VelociRapture]

My husband actually met with disapproval when he had the kids to himself as babies at the mall.  Once, our daughter was two months old and we were at the mall.  He sat in the food court with her while I was in a shop trying on clothes.  An elderly woman said, with her face scrunched up, "WHAT kind of mother would leave such a small child with a MAN??"   To which hubby summoned up a sad expression and said "Unfortunately, my wife died during the birth.  I really wish her mama could be here with her, but I am doing the best that I can to make up for it."   The old lady was horrified and hurried away.  Hubby and I laughed about it later.

So, I wasn't going to comment, but you just made me laugh so fucking hard with this!!!

My sister and her husband are expecting their first kid and I could totally see them doing this to someone. Back when they were just starting to date (about 10 years ago now), they were walking in the student center holding hands. Some Uber-Christian kid tried talking to them about Jesus - because, you know, holding hands totally equals evil sex. My sister looked him dead in the eyes, stated she was Jewish, and walked away.

The guy turned to my brother-in-law to ask if she was angry. He just shrugged and said, "She actually isn't Jewish. She just thinks you're an asshole," before walking away too.

[singsingsing]

I honest to God never heard of any male talking about "babysitting" his own kids until the Duggars. Never. They're deranged.

And the poster who talked about how insulting this is to men was spot on. We talk a lot about fundies' messed up and sexist views of women, but the way they view men is just as bad. I've been shocked and appalled on more than one occasion by the shit that comes out of their mouths when talking about men and boys: men care about sex, women care about emotions. Women like to talk a lot, men just put up with it so they can get to the sex part. Men are sex-crazed animals who must follow a rigid code of conduct and avoid even glancing at an immodestly dressed woman lest they lose their minds. Boys will just naturally molest their own sisters if given the chance. Men aren't nurturing, when it comes to child care they're basically buffoons, and they don't parent their own children, they babysit.

The Duggars' view of men is disgusting. Both the girls and the boys are raised to believe that men are naturally sexual deviants, lacking all self-control, unemotional, incapable of nurturing, uninterested in their close relationships, appointed by God to be worshiped and obeyed by their wife and children but essentially devoid of love. It doesn't occur to them that a man might control his sexual impulses because he loves his wife, that a man might enjoy talking to his wife because he loves her, that a man might want to truly parent his children because he loves them. 

There's this line in the Bible, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." The Duggars and their fundie ilk seem to have misinterpreted this line. They seem to read it as, "There is no love in fear, but perfect fear casts out love, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who loves is not made perfect in fear."

[weirdemmaline]

So many people in my extended family view caring for their own effing children as "babysitting". Then again, a good half of them are fundie lite, so that might be part of it. 

[justoneoftwo]

I will say I babysit my sister's kids, just because I'm family doesn't mean its not babysitting.  On the other hand, parents don't babysit their own kids.  I'm amazed at the responses my husband gets when we mention he is going to be the baby's primary parent while I work.  People are just amazed he would be part of his kids life.