There's No Place Like Home

[ILoveJellybeans]

I cant believe they have been allowed to adopt 16 kids in the past 9 years.

[jegfile]

2 hours ago, Ausje said:

And again with the name recycling! Grace is Sarah's middle name.

What is worrisome to me is that these were the exact names she used for the adoption that fell through. Shouldn't we have a new start?

[dianapavelovna]

Jesus, when is someone going to shut them down for real?

Please let's not forget that Jean "homeschools" all these kids of diverse ages and educational levels. I point that out because the twentyless profile implies that Grace ("Luanne") is in special ed or the equivalent.

[CherylV]

That is insane! We have 7 kids ages 12-17,  no special needs and life is crazy! I cannot even imagine! It has been way harder then we expected when we got married. (Blended family situation here). I cannot imagine any adoption agency allowing these people to continental to adopt. 

[JesusPony]

My god. I blinked and they collected 2 more children.

I mean, OK, but... yes, this is essentially an orphanage. And I don't see them drawing a line anywhere.  So, what does this family look like in 10 years?

[anachronistic]

Not that it is ever acceptable to Rena,e a child, but this child......this child....her name is Luanne. Luanne. It's a perfectly ordinary American name and how dare those people just give her a new identity like that. You're tearing her away from her culture, heritage, friends.....at least let her keep her name.

 

its like these people think once the kid is in the US they will just forget all about their past. Well, it doesn't work that way.

[Ausje]

Jean claims that it does work that way. She's often said that the children don't remember their lives in China.

[dianapavelovna]

3 hours ago, anachronistic said:

Not that it is ever acceptable to Rena,e a child, but this child......this child....her name is Luanne. Luanne. It's a perfectly ordinary American name and how dare those people just give her a new identity like that. You're tearing her away from her culture, heritage, friends.....at least let her keep her name.

 

its like these people think once the kid is in the US they will just forget all about their past. Well, it doesn't work that way.

I don't think her name has ever been Luanne, Kids are often given American psuedonyms on advocacy sites like twentyless but are only called by them online.

But yeah, Jean is not exactly sensitive to the trauma of adoption, especially international adoption.

[nomoxian]

6 hours ago, Ausje said:

Jean claims that it does work that way. She's often said that the children don't remember their lives in China.

I would not be surprised if the kids said that because they sense it upsets their caregivers when they talk about their old home, and also they might not have many positive memories about their former home.

[Mercer]

13 hours ago, SummerRocks said:

One of the things that bothers me most about this family is that each child's needs are put aside for the need of the family. In this case Jacob, poor Jacob, could have been home by now (as per Jean) but no ... Jacob has to stay in China cause his new sister Grace will be picked up at the same time. Guess that's how it goes in these big families ... 

...They're adopting two unrelated children at the same time? Both of whom are older children with special needs?

That's such a bad idea, and is terribly unfair to the children. Each child deserves a chance to settle in, and for the family unit to stabilize, before another child is brought in. I have never heard of any expert disagreeing with that fact; it's common knowledge in the adoption community that this type of situation should be avoided whenever possible. The fact they have so many other children just further complicates the dynamic.

It drives me crazy when adoptive families do this. (And for whatever reason, it seems more common in families who have a large number of children already.) They shouldn't be putting their savior complex and/or saving money on a combined pickup trip ahead of the best interests of the kids.

6 hours ago, Ausje said:

Jean claims that it does work that way. She's often said that the children don't remember their lives in China.

This could possibly be true. Traumatized children may appear to have very poor memories, either because their mind is trying to insulate them from fully processing everything going on around them or because they're so hypervigilant that they have trouble accessing information that they actually do recall.

That does not mean, however, that 1.) their lack of recall is a good thing, or 2.) that what happened previously does not affect them even if they do not consciously remember it. The children will eventually have to deal with what happened to them before their adoption, both the good and the bad, and that's never an easy process, especially if they can't find the words for what happened.

Of course, it's also possible they just don't want to tell Jean or think they'll make her angry if they talk about the past.

[chaotic life]

Bullshit they don't remember. My 15 year old was just chatting with me a few weeks ago about what memories he has from before we brought him home from India at 4years 2 months.

His language skills were so lost and his mind SO overwhelmed it took years for him to be able to articulate his memories. That never meant they weren't there! That he can remember and articulate now is a sign that his mind has healed from the trauma and attachment issues. My other boys were 7.5 and 10 when they left their birth countries, darn tooting they always remembered!

China allows you to do this thing with SN kids where you can do a two-fer deal. You can tack an unrelated SN child onto the one you are approved for. That's why it's common to see it.

Adoption agencies should have the courage to say enough. IME each child really and truly needed at least a year before adding anyone else to the family, which is precisely what adoption experts recommend. There are reasons for that, good reasons that are about best interests of the children.

[Toothfairy]

On Tuesday, September 13, 2016 at 7:50 AM, alexandracabot said:

Did she post about it?

They'll now have 16 children between the ages of 7 and 14, yes? Holy shit.

Edit: Ah, I see the post now.

Damn. How is this legal? In foster care you can only have a set amount of kids under a certain age at home. Even with waivers. A kid with high needs plus 15 kids is selfish. Then other kids have needs too.

1 hour ago, chaotic life said:

Bullshit they don't remember. My 15 year old was just chatting with me a few weeks ago about what memories he has from before we brought him home from India at 4years 2 months.

His language skills were so lost and his mind SO overwhelmed it took years for him to be able to articulate his memories. That never meant they weren't there! That he can remember and articulate now is a sign that his mind has healed from the trauma and attachment issues. My other boys were 7.5 and 10 when they left their birth countries, darn tooting they always remembered!

China allows you to do this thing with SN kids where you can do a two-fer deal. You can tack an unrelated SN child onto the one you are approved for. That's why it's common to see it.

Adoption agencies should have the courage to say enough. IME each child really and truly needed at least a year before adding anyone else to the family, which is precisely what adoption experts recommend. There are reasons for that, good reasons that are about best interests of the children.

Unfortunately if they do, they might turn away adopters. Adopters =Money. 

On Tuesday, September 13, 2016 at 2:37 PM, Ausje said:

Jean claims that it does work that way. She's often said that the children don't remember their lives in China.

That's a fucking lie. Why is she adoptin

[Toothfairy]

On Tuesday, September 13, 2016 at 1:34 PM, anachronistic said:

Not that it is ever acceptable to Rena,e a child, but this child......this child....her name is Luanne. Luanne. It's a perfectly ordinary American name and how dare those people just give her a new identity like that. You're tearing her away from her culture, heritage, friends.....at least let her keep her name.

 

its like these people think once the kid is in the US they will just forget all about their past. Well, it doesn't work that way.

It's been said time after time to carefully consider the child when you change their name. In fact you shouldn't change it at all. Many adoptees  don't recommend name changes. Especially when they're older. I swear some people shouldn't adopt.

[alexandracabot]

39 minutes ago, Toothfairy said:

It's been said time after time to carefully consider the child when you change their name. In fact you shouldn't change it at all. Many adoptees  don't recommend name changes. Especially when they're older. I swear some people shouldn't adopt.

Once again, though, the kid's name is not Luanne. She has a Chinese name.

Edited September 14, 2016 by alexandracabot

[bertnee]

Then she should keep the Chinese name. Maybe the spelling is Ameicanized a little to make pronouncement more obvious, but she should keep her name. It drives me crazy when adoptive parents do this, I think it's so thoughtless.

[Toothfairy]

What's wrong with a Chinese name?

[lilwriter85]

On 9/13/2016 at 9:22 AM, jegfile said:

What is worrisome to me is that these were the exact names she used for the adoption that fell through. Shouldn't we have a new start?

I noticed that too and I thought it was a bit weird. But the late blogger Lyndsie Brooker used the same name for her daughter that she had picked for a disrupted adoption.

[sassyNoz47]

16 hours ago, alexandracabot said:

Once again, though, the kid's name is not Luanne. She has a Chinese name.

Jean , however has a weird obsession about naming children. Earlier in the blog when she had only adopted the first (Anna I think) she talks about her thing with naming babies. She even encouraged others trying to come up with names to contact her , she would love to help.  Maybe that's part of her obsession with adopting all these kids. She loves the naming process. 

Theres no way she would ever not rename a child. Not after I read that part , I knew she would rename every child she adopts .

[SummerRocks]

New post is up ...

The Mulvahills are moving to Colorado, apparently Jim has been working there for the past 10 years and oldest son and his wife and their infant daughter live there. Luckily Matt agreed to have Elodie pictured on the blog cause now we will get lots of updates, just like with golden child Katie and her two daughters.

 

The kicker for me; they are keeping their current house, as you know:

"Many families here in Mn have cabins. This will be "our cabin" and we will spend part of the summer in MN" (Jean)

 

These people are so rich, I can't even wrap my mind around it. Move is planned for when they return home w Jacob and Grace cause you know;

'It will be a little confusing to them but we have found that our new kiddos watch the others at home and follow along." (Jean) 

[lilwriter85]

I wonder if they will still go to Florida in the winters.

[anniebgood]

She said when they talked about rentals, the landlords would look at family size and say oooooh nooooo. So they found a house to buy. Can't wait to see pictures. 

They're keeping the mansion in MN for their summer cabin (we should all be so lucky).  

I don't know how they can keep doing this. What happens if Jean gets sick, she's the primary caretaker. Who's going to educate the kids? 

She feels God told them to do this. Well God told me to go work for the govt and all I got from it was a busted shoulder and 13 years of dealing with an agency that could care less. Sometimes you need to filter it out. 

 

 

[nastyhobbitses]

On 9/14/2016 at 4:35 PM, bertnee said:

Then she should keep the Chinese name. Maybe the spelling is Ameicanized a little to make pronouncement more obvious, but she should keep her name. It drives me crazy when adoptive parents do this, I think it's so thoughtless.

My thoughts exactly. If a kid chooses an Anglicized name on their own, that would be one thing, but when adoptive parents do that, it's very "your name is Toby", IMO.

[Queen Of Hearts]

18 hours ago, anniebgood said:

She said when they talked about rentals, the landlords would look at family size and say oooooh nooooo. So they found a house to buy. Can't wait to see pictures. 

 

 

I don't think she said they are buying the house, just that they found a house (after so many other landlords turned them down).  I assumed they will still be renting but I don't think she really stated one way or another.  Based on the one picture she posted of the kitchen, it looks like it will be another mansion.

As for their money (and they clearly have a ton of it), I just remembered something.  Many years ago they had to move due to harassment from one of their neighbors due to one of their kids having HIV or AIDS.  It was a pretty sad situation and I do applaud Jean and Co. from doing what they needed to do to keep their kids safe from the harassment and ignorance.  They owned that house and had to sell and Jean mentioned that they could sue the neighbor for the harassment and for them having to sell the house.  She never mentioned it again (as is right) but I wonder if they didn't get a huge settlement because of that, in addition to the inheritance she got from her mom and whatever money Jim earns in his business?

[Lurky]

Do we know if Jean has hired help to work with the kids?  I just can't wrap my mind around how these kids get attention/support for their different needs

[SummerRocks]

6 hours ago, Lurky said:

Do we know if Jean has hired help to work with the kids?  I just can't wrap my mind around how these kids get attention/support for their different needs

Jean has mentioned cleaners (I believe she mentioned they come twice a week, and the children have to pick up before the cleaners come) There has been a post where the kids are looking outside when men are washing their outside windows. Jean mentions several times that she does not cook/ is a bad cook, hence the eating out a lot. With this being said, I do believe Jean has a lot of time to focus on the children and their needs (still she is only one person and there are so many children!)

As far as help with the kids ; they have a Chinese teacher to work with the kids. The kids seem to have quite a bit of hobbies (not necessarily on going) like gym, horse back riding, swimming and soccer. I do believe they have more help with the children ... I can't imagine one person taking care of all these children. Jim is away a lot for work, so I am not counting him as the primary caregiver. 

Emma & Ellie used to go to school, as they are behind mentally, there were quite a few posts about how great school was for both girls. Unfortunately the kids are no longer in school, as I assume it was hard to combine their schooling with all the trips / extended vacation this family takes yearly. Example; Emma & Ellie were left with a babysitter when the family went to Florida and were flown down later to join the family.