Lyndsie has died 'A Love Worth Waiting For

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Curious SOME people referred to her as Lazy Lyndsie. Many did not.

I don't know who came up with the nickname (maybe you as your so protective about it?) but just because some people use a nickname doesn't mean others need to use it. Especially if they find it offensive. I didn't mind it was clarified in the thread that she was sometimes known as Lazy Lyndsie but I didn't refer to her as that and purposefully didn't put it in the thread title. Do mods ever accept that sometimes they fuck up and we are allowed to call them out on it? You guys do a great job but you are not perfect and as a long standing member of this forum if I disagree I will let you know. If you don't like it and ban me...well I won't be crying into my cornflakes as my life outside FJ is full, happy and healthy.

Agree with you about the strangeness of the site recently though, wishing anal rape and HIV on people was just...so odd.

[treemom]

I don't think you can compare wishing anal rape on asking mods not to include a derogatory moniker when the OP didn't include it and it's a thread where it's been announced she died.

[WonderingInWA]

IIRC, Lyndsie got her nickname "Lazy" a long, long time ago at a time when she was in remission and had put out the begging bowl for money for her first adoption home study. It was maybe even back when the board was on a different platform. It doesn't really matter. She was coined "Lazy" because anyone who was reading her blog at the time saw her as vain and healthy and obsessed with her make up, hair, wardrobe, and decorating her home. She wasn't working, traveled a fair amount, and was going out to dinner often, as shown by her many, many car photos (and if you don't know what I'm talking about, you don't know Lyndsie well enough to criticize). Then one day she announced on her blog they were cutting back on expenses in order to adopt, and then the fundraising started and there was much conversation about why she wasn't working to raise her own homestudy costs. She actually said on her blog she enjoyed not working and was grateful for a husband with a good income so she didn't have to.

So, there you go. That's some of the history in a nutshell. It wasn't just a friend who posted a group funding account for her. She did it herself for the adoption fees, and she ended up having a yard sale and then selling some of her clothes on FB, and then I think she dabbled in selling Mary Kay for a few months. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. The overall impression of her at the time was that she felt very entitled to asking people to give her money for her adoption homestudy (which they ultimately didn't do because she was sick and she I think finally had to disclose that), and they ended up adopting privately.

ETA: She shut her blog down sometime in 2011 after one of the adoptions, I don't remember which one. But the nickname stuck here.

[Whoosh]

I I can see why the poster who started the thread didn't want people to think that she had used the nickname in question. It doesn't seem to me that the moderators intended anything like that and they have removed the nickname from the title which does seem to indicate someone recognizes that altering the title to include the nickname might not have been a great idea (probably for the very reason that they didn't want it to be attributed to the OP).

If the issue people are raising is that they actually feel the nickname was never deserved since she was in poor health, I can't say I agree with that. I actually don't agree with that line of thought at all. One of the results of my illness is chronic pain and fatigue. People frequently state or insinuate that I am "lazy" or whatever. That bothers me to no end when it is someone who should know WHY I don't accomplish as much as many others in a given day. However, I don't self-present as able-bodied, etc. It sound to me like this individual was, for whatever reason, presenting herself as just that.

To me it seems that perhaps this woman may have been impacted by poor health all along. In my mind, she clearly should have realized that there was a good chance her life would end tragically early due to this known illness. It seems that she was in denial about these things. It appears to me that that led to what I consider some poor decision making which will likely ultimately negatively impact the lives of individuals who had no choice in the matter. Further, it appears that one big reason for that denial may well have been religious beliefs that I personally consider ridiculous and damaging. Tell anyone who has lost a loved one to cancer that it is because people involved had the wrong belief system or didn't pray enough etc - that is horrific and damaging if you ask me. An unrealistic view of one's future health or present functioning level based on that type of mind set is something I consider dangerous and damaging both to individuals and society as a whole. I thought those were the types of issues meant to be discussed on FJ.

[punkiepie]

We change subjects on threads all the time. We have reasons for doing this and it will continue to happen.

It's sad that Lyndsie has passed away, but on FJ, she is known as Lazy Lyndsie, so it's not unusual that a thread about her would be labeled that way.

She was given that moniker for a reason. A reason, which newer members may not fully understand the history of. The horse has been out of the barn for YEARS regarding google and her being referred to as Lazy Lyndsie here on FJ.

I'm sure she was probably a nice person. That doesn't erase the fact that she acted extremely entitled and IMO a little creepy during the Aubrey 1 failed adoption and the other things that we talked about here.

Labeling the thread in a recognizable manner so that people can find the information in a search is not a sign of disrespect. No one said anything about thread titles being disrespectful when Zsu was going through a tricky twin pregnancy or when people have had miscarriages or any other tragic circumstances.

I don't know what is going on here lately, but people have been losing their minds of late. We have people wishing terminal illness and anal rape on people. We have people going to the Ken Alexander School of Statistical Analysis and stating they know facts that they can't possibly know.

I get the Duggars are making everyone crazy. The threads are moving fast. It's hard to keep up and it's frustrating. Let's not turn into *that* site though, please.

We have always been better than that and I'd like us to stay that way!

I do agree with you, in that what is going on in the Duggar thread is affecting the rest of the board. And that could be why I felt that the OP should have the right to edit the title of the thread, but I also think that, in general, we should rise above our general dislikes and be somewhat respectful of a recently deceased, very young, mom. There was very little I liked about Lyndsie- but her two kids, through no fault of their own, lost their 2nd mom in their very short lives. For them, I feel we should rise above.

At the same time, I recognize the horrible things being said in the Joshly thread might be affecting how I'm responding to other threads. My worry is that outsiders are going to read the AIDS and raping comment and think it's reflective of FJ as a whole. So that's where I was coming from, but I understand what you're saying as well.

Edited for riffles

[gustava]

Curious SOME people referred to her as Lazy Lyndsie. Many did not.

I don't know who came up with the nickname (maybe you as your so protective about it?) but just because some people use a nickname doesn't mean others need to use it. Especially if they find it offensive. I didn't mind it was clarified in the thread that she was sometimes known as Lazy Lyndsie but I didn't refer to her as that and purposefully didn't put it in the thread title. Do mods ever accept that sometimes they fuck up and we are allowed to call them out on it? You guys do a great job but you are not perfect and as a long standing member of this forum if I disagree I will let you know. If you don't like it and ban me...well I won't be crying into my cornflakes as my life outside FJ is full, happy and healthy.

Agree with you about the strangeness of the site recently though, wishing anal rape and HIV on people was just...so odd.

I thought she was lazy because rather than getting a job, she begged for money for the adoption. However, I strongly believe that it's your thread, so your title.

[Buzzard]

The obit from the funeral home:

"Evans, GA - Our beautiful Lyndsie has left her pain and suffering behind and is now in Heaven...running and dancing and singing praises to our Heavenly Father!

Our hearts are completely broken and lonely beyond anything we have ever known, but our faith in our gracious and loving Heavenly Father is stronger and more real than at any other time in our lives. We have seen with our own eyes what the power of God looked like in her precious life and have now seen with our own eyes God's all-consuming love and power in her death.

We have experienced the presence of God in such a real way that we will never be the same.

We will continue to honor Lyndsie by sharing her beautiful story of faithfulness to God and her love for others and honor the Lord by sharing His message of salvation and grace with all who will listen.

Thank you to everyone who has loved on our sweet Lyndsie and encouraged her along the way. She felt your love and prayers every day.

Funeral services will be held at 2:00 PM on Monday, August 31, 2015 at Abilene Baptist Church with Pastor Stephen Kendrick officiating. Burial will follow at Westover Memorial Park.

The family will receive friends on Sunday, August 30, 2015 from 5:00 PM until 8:00 PM at the funeral home.

In lieu flowers we ask that you honor Lyndsie by meeting a need in someone's life.

Romans 8:38-39"

I totally get that they believe that everything is rainbows and sparkles in heaven but "running and dancing and singing praises to our Heavenly Father?" No sadness about leaving those two beautiful children that she denied a two parent household because she is so special? How about leaving behind a mound of debt and a husband that she loved??? Do you just walk through the veil and tell all those "left behind" peace out?

Its terrible that someone so young should die. Its more terrible that those children have now lost two mothers. Turning this into a "yay god" moment makes the whole thing even more terrible.

[Koala]

I totally get that they believe that everything is rainbows and sparkles in heaven but "running and dancing and singing praises to our Heavenly Father?" No sadness about leaving those two beautiful children that she denied a two parent household because she is so special? How about leaving behind a mound of debt and a husband that she loved??? Do you just walk through the veil and tell all those "left behind" peace out?

Its terrible that someone so young should die. Its more terrible that those children have now lost two mothers. Turning this into a "yay god" moment makes the whole thing even more terrible.

Yeah- I really don't know what they were thinking. Most people who lose their young daughters to cancer have the sense to write the obituary so is at least criticizes them for the mistakes they made in their lives. And the mounds of debt she's saddled them with! I can't imagine with they didn't mention it. :evil-eye: A less selfish person would have taken the debt with them when they died.

OR it could be that their daughter is dead at 28 years old (after years of battling cancer) and they just want to believe she is somewhere happy and pain free now.

And while I am on it- I get that changing thread titles may indeed be something FJ does all the time, but I still think it's shitty, especially in a situation like this. I think it's doubly shitty that it wasn't at least notated. If something needs to be deleted, I totally get that, but I have a real issue with editing someone's words. Whatever- I am glad the thread was changed back, because the OP didn't write that, and it reflected as if she did (and she had no power to delete or change it).

Also, if it were purely for search purposes, then the original thread title was more than sufficient. I typed in "Lyndsie A Love Worth Waiting For" and got 11 pages of results.

[lynn0810]

Unless you are an adoptee, adoptive parent, or birth parent you don't get to have an opinion on how her kids feel or will feel about their mom or birth mom now or later in life. And if you are an adoptee, adoptive parent, or birth parent you know we all have the right to feel however we feel. It is disrespectful and rude to assign anyone in the adoption community what they should feel about their adoptive parents/children, etc. Please do not jump to conclusions on how they do/will feel.

Be sad that these kids lost their mom. If their birth moms are still alive, they haven't lost them. It is a relationship they can all choose later on in life. Ultimately, it is the birth mother/parents decision on if and who they place their biological children with.

I understand people don't agree with their choice to adopt, but don't put that on their kids. They didn't sign up for that.

[Minim]

Adding my thanks that the title was changed back to the OP's original text, despite the attachment some feel to that moniker. Steve Maxwell should take note.

[VaSportsMom]

I totally get that they believe that everything is rainbows and sparkles in heaven but "running and dancing and singing praises to our Heavenly Father?" No sadness about leaving those two beautiful children that she denied a two parent household because she is so special? How about leaving behind a mound of debt and a husband that she loved??? Do you just walk through the veil and tell all those "left behind" peace out?

Its terrible that someone so young should die. Its more terrible that those children have now lost two mothers. Turning this into a "yay god" moment makes the whole thing even more terrible.

Thank you! When my dad died I fought fiercely with his Fundie mom & siblings about the obituary. I was the legal next of kin and I was paying for the funeral & publishing of said obit. There was no way in hell his death was getting turned into some "God is good" opportunity.

I watched what cancer did to him. I watched him suffer horribly for months from the treatments and two weeks after finishing the last treatment I watched him die a horrific death anyway. There was nothing good or peaceful about the last moments of his life. There is nothing good about the hole in my life or my kids life. If God is real he's a bastard and has a very fucked up way of rewarding those that serve him blindly.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I always enjoyed snarking on Lyndsie. I'm still sorry she died of cancer. It sucks.

No cognitive dissonance here.

[punkiepie]

Thank you! When my dad died I fought fiercely with his Fundie mom & siblings about the obituary. I was the legal next of kin and I was paying for the funeral & publishing of said obit. There was no way in hell his death was getting turned into some "God is good" opportunity.

I watched what cancer did to him. I watched him suffer horribly for months from the treatments and two weeks after finishing the last treatment I watched him die a horrific death anyway. There was nothing good or peaceful about the last moments of his life. There is nothing good about the hole in my life or my kids life. If God is real he's a bastard and has a very fucked up way of rewarding those that serve him blindly.

As a nurse, I've had the honor of sitting with, and holding the hands of, many people as they pass on. I've seen people of great faith have horrible, awful deaths and I've seen people without a faith have a very peaceful death- and vice versa. From my experience, there is no rhyme or reason for how each person experiences the process of dying. The same can be said for their families as they witness their loved one dying.

Many times, after watching a terrible death, I've been stunned when a family member comments about how peaceful it was. I'd think to myself- did we see the same thing? But I've come to realize that they needed it to be peaceful, they needed to not be traumatized by the idea that their loved one suffered right until the very end. And I think that's why Lyndsie's parents wrote the obituary the way they did- they need to believe that after all her suffering, she is happy and celebrating in Heaven. That's how they are comforting themselves and how they can rationalize continuing to love and worship a god who allowed their 28yr old daughter to die after her 4th bout of ovarian cancer.

[chaotic life]

I can be respectful of a woman's passing without negating what she did when she was alive.

Lyndsie knew she would never be able to raise her children when she adopted them. She would have never passed homestudy with an adoption agency and instead did a private adoption, which in the state of GA does NOT require the same health exam an agency homestudy does. She did not honestly disclose her condition and prognosis to the first birth mother. I was there when birth mother came to Yuku and detailed how Lyndsie and Daniel explained her health, and it was absolutely framed in a way that the birth mother thought she had a long life prognosis.

There is no doubt in my mind that they misled any other birthmothers in the same fashion as the first one. Maybe Lyndsie wanted to believe she would always beat it. She was a teenager when she got cancer and she did initially mostly beat it. But her desire to be a mother doesn't excuse adoption fraud, and if she used the same story on the mother(s) of the children she did ultimately adopt, then she lied and deceived to get what she wanted and by doing so she signed those children up to lose a mother when she knew they would.

I hope her family is able to grieve. I hope they can find a way to stand in the sea of their grief. But I also hope that the birthmother(s) of those children do not have their own grief deepened and reopened in the reality that after trying to place those children into a better life, they will now be raised by a grieving widower, and somehow I doubt the decision to place was framed as are you willing to allow Daniel to raise these children as a single father, in the hopes the memory of Lyndsie as a mother will sustain he and they for the rest of their childhoods.

My great-grandfather was a mean, abusive, drunken asshole. But when he died, almost all of my family embraced a re-written version of history that he was a saint, because they finally inherited his fortune. The stories I heard about who he truly was my grandmother used to tell me in whispers only, because the beautiful eulogies everyone gave him would send her nearly over the edge. As the only in-law that didn't bring her own wealth into the family, that man targeted her and my grandfather unmercifully for breaking the rules and marrying a poor woman. Death and money shouldn't have erased what he did.

In the same way, dying young is tragic but it shouldn't erase what you did in life. Lyndsie earned her reputation and the snark by her choices and behaviors. I cannot imagine anyone sees it a positive thing to be able to state I told you so, but this outcome is precisely what many of us feared was unfair to those children, especially after knowing she was dishonest with the first birthmother.

[nelliebelle1197]

Unless you are an adoptee, adoptive parent, or birth parent you don't get to have an opinion on how her kids feel or will feel about their mom or birth mom now or later in life. And if you are an adoptee, adoptive parent, or birth parent you know we all have the right to feel however we feel. It is disrespectful and rude to assign anyone in the adoption community what they should feel about their adoptive parents/children, etc. Please do not jump to conclusions on how they do/will feel.

Be sad that these kids lost their mom. If their birth moms are still alive, they haven't lost them. It is a relationship they can all choose later on in life. Ultimately, it is the birth mother/parents decision on if and who they place their biological children with.

I understand people don't agree with their choice to adopt, but don't put that on their kids. They didn't sign up for that.

I get to have an opinion on anything I choose. So does everyone else. That is how opinions work.

[singsingsing]

Many times, after watching a terrible death, I've been stunned when a family member comments about how peaceful it was. I'd think to myself- did we see the same thing? But I've come to realize that they needed it to be peaceful, they needed to not be traumatized by the idea that their loved one suffered right until the very end. And I think that's why Lyndsie's parents wrote the obituary the way they did- they need to believe that after all her suffering, she is happy and celebrating in Heaven. That's how they are comforting themselves and how they can rationalize continuing to love and worship a god who allowed their 28yr old daughter to die after her 4th bout of ovarian cancer.

I've also been sometimes surprised by how often a death was described as "peaceful" in an obit when I knew it wasn't, or that they had no way of knowing. But some people have to create a certain narrative. I suppose it helps them to process the death. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it... what I really didn't like was when an obituary would make some individual out to be the most wonderful angel, when really I knew that they had been a terrible human being. There's no need to list their sins and shortcomings, but don't say he was the most amazing father and husband who'd give you the shirt off his back and was beloved by all when he beat his wife and molested his children. I think that does a huge disservice to the people they hurt left on earth.

/tangent

[DaisyD]

Do mods ever accept that sometimes they fuck up and we are allowed to call them out on it? You guys do a great job but you are not perfect and as a long standing member of this forum if I disagree I will let you know. If you don't like it and ban me...well I won't be crying into my cornflakes as my life outside FJ is full, happy and healthy.

Agree with you about the strangeness of the site recently though, wishing anal rape and HIV on people was just...so odd.

It would seem that, as a long standing member, you would be fully aware that they don't ban people here. :roll:

Many people that are here worry about those they dislike. Take the hand slapping that occurred to those that suggested rape and HIV as punishment for Josh. None of them have an ounce of respect for him, except for the most basic human respect. It's that respect that allows us to be sad for a grieving family, even if we don't like the deceased.

Riffles

[DaisyD]

Thank you! When my dad died I fought fiercely with his Fundie mom & siblings about the obituary. I was the legal next of kin and I was paying for the funeral & publishing of said obit. There was no way in hell his death was getting turned into some "God is good" opportunity.

I watched what cancer did to him. I watched him suffer horribly for months from the treatments and two weeks after finishing the last treatment I watched him die a horrific death anyway. There was nothing good or peaceful about the last moments of his life. There is nothing good about the hole in my life or my kids life. If God is real he's a bastard and has a very fucked up way of rewarding those that serve him blindly.

I watched my grandfather die of cancer as an early teen. My last memory of him is an emaciated man in a diaper falling while trying to stand. I have tried for over 20 years to erase that memory, but I cant. Cancer sucks.

That being said, my family is made up of mostly, somewhat rabid, atheists. When my aunt was hit by a car there was still an argument over the wording of the obit. My uncle wanted to say she was murdered (she was hit by a 16 year old kid) and it was just inappropriate.

Everybody deals with death differently. When my best friend committed suicide I didn't cry for a month. Then I couldn't sleep for a week. I'm the one who takes care of all the details, then, when there's nothing left to fo, I break down. The rainbows and sunshine stuff totally rubs me the wrong way, but if that's what helps, I guess.

(FTR I say rabid because when it came out that my branch of the tree was faithful, the sideways comments and derision ensued.)

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

kellyskornerblog.com/2015/08/lyndsie.html

Some lovely words and photos

[WonderingInWA]

kellyskornerblog.com/2015/08/lyndsie.html

Some lovely words and photos

I wonder what the occasion was of that top photo? That's not their wedding. Maybe they renewed their vows, though?

[VaSportsMom]

I watched my grandfather die of cancer as an early teen. My last memory of him is an emaciated man in a diaper falling while trying to stand. I have tried for over 20 years to erase that memory, but I cant. Cancer sucks.

That being said, my family is made up of mostly, somewhat rabid, atheists. When my aunt was hit by a car there was still an argument over the wording of the obit. My uncle wanted to say she was murdered (she was hit by a 16 year old kid) and it was just inappropriate.

Everybody deals with death differently. When my best friend committed suicide I didn't cry for a month. Then I couldn't sleep for a week. I'm the one who takes care of all the details, then, when there's nothing left to fo, I break down. The rainbows and sunshine stuff totally rubs me the wrong way, but if that's what helps, I guess.

(FTR I say rabid because when it came out that my branch of the tree was faithful, the sideways comments and derision ensued.)

We're very similar. I also hold it together as long as there is something to do or someone to tend to but once I'm no longer needed in that capacity I break down. The hospice nurse that came after my grandfather died assumed that I was in denial as I went about relaying info to her and assisting her in disposing of the remaining meds. She passed a bottle of grandfather's nerve pills to my husband and told him that I was going to need them in a few hours when it sunk in.

If the PTL obit helps Lyndsie's family to cope then I certainly don't want to take that from them. I imagine the her last days and final moments were very difficult so I don't understand the "God is good" sentiment but my coping mechanisms would likely seem just as foreign to them. I just hope that her children were protected from the worst of her last days/weeks and that they will be able to grieve without being told their mother is in a better place/better off now/celebrating in heaven.

[Guest]

This is so sad. Those poor kids. I've thought of Lyndsie periodically since I found out her cancer was back again, but I didn't go looking for any updates since. I always forget how young she was. Four bouts of cancer in 10 years or so, and dead at 28. Everyone has the right to believe what they want to, and I don't mean to offend anyone, but damn...what kind of god lets that happen to someone? If I were religious, something like that would seriously test my faith.

[treemom]

I do think the nickname is deserved, wondering in wa pointed out why. I just was uncomfortable with it on a thread that announced her death.

[slickcat79]

I can be respectful of a woman's passing without negating what she did when she was alive.

Lyndsie knew she would never be able to raise her children when she adopted them. She would have never passed homestudy with an adoption agency and instead did a private adoption, which in the state of GA does NOT require the same health exam an agency homestudy does. She did not honestly disclose her condition and prognosis to the first birth mother. I was there when birth mother came to Yuku and detailed how Lyndsie and Daniel explained her health, and it was absolutely framed in a way that the birth mother thought she had a long life prognosis.

There is no doubt in my mind that they misled any other birthmothers in the same fashion as the first one. Maybe Lyndsie wanted to believe she would always beat it. She was a teenager when she got cancer and she did initially mostly beat it. But her desire to be a mother doesn't excuse adoption fraud, and if she used the same story on the mother(s) of the children she did ultimately adopt, then she lied and deceived to get what she wanted and by doing so she signed those children up to lose a mother when she knew they would.

I also wouldn't be surprised if her miracle adoptions were fraught with deception. Or else the birthmother(s) were as blinded by "faith" as Lyndsie and her family. Don't forget, Lyndsie was taught from early childhood that it was desirable to put motherhood above all else, even her health and her life. I'm sure the idea that "God will save her because she is doing what she is supposed to do as a woman" was in all of their minds on various occasions.

Melanie Beggs' (Lyndsie's mother) piece in Above Rubies:

aboverubies.org/index.php/2013-11-12-17-55-51/english-language/c-sections/1031-c-sections-how-many-is-too-many

SPOILER ALERT: You can never have too many c-sections :roll:

[slickcat79]

I don't think you can compare wishing anal rape on asking mods not to include a derogatory moniker when the OP didn't include it and it's a thread where it's been announced she died.

I'm also not sure why you would need to add "lazy" when talking about Lyndsie so that it will come up in a search. AFAIK there has never been another person mentioned on this board who spells her name like that :?