Lyndsie has died 'A Love Worth Waiting For

[public-school-teecher]

Such a tragedy for her family.

[blessalessi]

I would not have posted in this thread, if I'd known it was going to be tagged with the "lazy" moniker. It's disgusting and an unfortunately lazy thing in itself, since there are so many other ways this woman could be identified.

[blessalessi]

I was the one who asked whether this Lyndsie was the same as "lazy Lyndsie" (I had nothing to do with the title change)

I asked because I couldn't believe the outpouring of sympathy was for the same woman who was so roundly criticized and mocked just a year ago. I just did a quick search, and all the posts mocking her are still there.

People wrote how she "spackled" on makeup, and mocked her because her friend put up an online donation on her behalf. She was laughed at for dozens of other reasons as well.

It seemed a huge turnabout to suddenly say, "Aw what a shame."

Maybe she wasn't lazy at all. Maybe she was just terminally ill.

Whether or not she should've adopted is another question. But I believe the birthmother who came on FJ said that Lyndsie was honest with her about the cancer. If that's the case, then its up to the birthmother to ask questions and make a decision.

I don't really think it is my role to tell a birthmother what to do with her own child. That is very infantilizing and condescending to birth mothers. Better to respect and support a birthmother's choice.

All those ugly things that were said about Lyndsie and her family. . . I hope Lyndsie did not read them.

Just read the threads thoroughly and take note of the usernames. There is one fucking bitch on the boards who has persisted in mocking and hounding Lyndsie's family right to the end. I think she goes by a username something like spackledwithshitforbrainsinwa. Other than that, I think most posters on this thread have been quite genuine and consistent, regardless of what other posters may have said on other threads in the past.

[NurseNell]

No one deserves cancer and no child deserves to be adopted into a family where the mother has cancer.

It always bothered me that Lyndsie and her husband could adopt when it was known she still had cancer. They had to have had a private adoption because no agency would have placed children with a mother who had cancer. I have known several couples where one parent had a history of cancer but they had to have been cancer free for 5 years. There are no shortage of couples wanting to adopt healthy white babies so these children's best interests were not served by placing them in this family. And an agency would not have done this. This is sad all the way around.

[Jana814]

It always bothered me that Lyndsie and her husband could adopt when it was known she still had cancer. They had to have had a private adoption because no agency would have placed children with a mother who had cancer. I have known several couples where one parent had a history of cancer but they had to have been cancer free for 5 years. There are no shortage of couples wanting to adopt healthy white babies so these children's best interests were not served by placing them in this family. And an agency would not have done this. This is sad all the way around.

Agree!! Does anyone know how they managed to adopt their kids. Given her history I'm also surprised an agency approved them. Does anyone know what her husband does.

[Jana814]

This is very sad. I hate to hear that someone so young lost her life (cancer is such a bitch). My condolences to her family and friends at this difficult time.

This demonstrates though why adoption agencies are so strict on health requirements for adoptive parents. Those poor little kids suffered the loss of their birth parents not long ago and now they have to suffer yet another loss. That has to be hard on them. I hope Daniel makes sure they get the couciling they need to deal with this newest heart break.

Agree!!

[treemom]

I was the one who asked whether this Lyndsie was the same as "lazy Lyndsie" (I had nothing to do with the title change)

I asked because I couldn't believe the outpouring of sympathy was for the same woman who was so roundly criticized and mocked just a year ago. I just did a quick search, and all the posts mocking her are still there.

People wrote how she "spackled" on makeup, and mocked her because her friend put up an online donation on her behalf. She was laughed at for dozens of other reasons as well.

It seemed a huge turnabout to suddenly say, "Aw what a shame."

Maybe she wasn't lazy at all. Maybe she was just terminally ill.

Whether or not she should've adopted is another question. But I believe the birthmother who came on FJ said that Lyndsie was honest with her about the cancer. If that's the case, then its up to the birthmother to ask questions and make a decision.

I don't really think it is my role to tell a birthmother what to do with her own child. That is very infantilizing and condescending to birth mothers. Better to respect and support a birthmother's choice.

All those ugly things that were said about Lyndsie and her family. . . I hope Lyndsie did not read them.

I can think someone is selfish, and even lazy, and makes terrible choices, etc and have compassion when they die. I never really posted much about her, but regardless I think it's terrible.

You aren't actually accurate in your remember of some of the other events, but it's a moo point to correct them now.

I just can't believe you are shocked people have compassion over a death, regardless of their other feelings.

[nokidsmom]

I didn't follow her saga much but to hear this is very sad. Truly unfortunate. I feel for both husband and kids.

That said, I also think one can have compassion when a person dies even if one was critical of choices while they were living. There's nothing wrong with this and I think many of us have experienced this in our own lives.

[Terrie]

I found Lyndsie to be materialistic and selfish, but that's hardly the same as wanting her to die or thinking she deserved cancer.

[Beb]

I asked because I couldn't believe the outpouring of sympathy was for the same woman who was so roundly criticized and mocked just a year ago. I just did a quick search, and all the posts mocking her are still there.

People wrote how she "spackled" on makeup, and mocked her because her friend put up an online donation on her behalf. She was laughed at for dozens of other reasons as well.

It seemed a huge turnabout to suddenly say, "Aw cancer.

I've noticed that the fundies we snark on at FJ seem to become mini celebrities to the group, and it's as if the very ones who snark heavily might be the biggest fans. (I sometimes find myself maybe overly interested in Zsu, who is pretty disgusting to me.)

I base this merely on observing a certain tone present in the posts, such as excitedly reporting, "oh, I spotted him/her/them, etc.", as if it's a major celebrity meeting or sighting....or, as occurred a few years ago, actually making a trip to see them and call them out, then elatedly writing bout it.

Lest I be misunderstood, I'm certainly not criticizing that; simply offering an opinion based upon reading FJ for quite some time.

Forgive me....I can't remember names......but a couple of years ago, an FJer decided to take one for the group and visit Zsu at the strip mall church. She returned and posted about it, being fairly complimentary of Zsu and said she wouldn't feel right about developing a mini relationship and then giving personal info or criticisms to the FJ group. (It involved giving Zsu sone sort of sewing or crafting lessons....can't recall the details.).

The FJer discovered Zsu was nice and seemed much different than the way she was presented here (her opinion).

Well, she was heavily criticized by the group, and, I believe, left here. I'm not sure if that person is still here or not. I'm sorry.....can't even remember who it was!

Point is, she appeared to become somewhat of a fan....or, at least, that's the impression the FJ group got.

It was rather interesting. I wonder if it can be a phenomenon, such as a mild off-shoot and limited version of Stockholm Syndrome.

[treemom]

I don't think it's Stockholm syndrome to criticize someone but to have compassion and feel it's unfair or sad when they die.

That's just being a normal fucking human being.

[formergothardite]

You can disagree with a person, not be a fan, criticize their actions and beliefs and still think it is sad if something like this happens. If Michelle Duggar died I would think it was tragic and i would have sympathy for her family. I personally would find it strange if people were all "Meh, she died of cancer. Who care?"

[Beb]

Not necessarily talking about feeling bad if someone dies, as in this case, a young mother.

I'm talking about grieving as if personally knowing her.

Most of us do not know the people we snark on here. They don't know us. There is no real connection, other than fandome.

In a way, we are their fans.

[Beb]

I don't think it's Stockholm syndrome to criticize someone but to have compassion and feel it's unfair or sad when they die.

That's just being a normal fucking human being.

It's being a normal fucking human being to be sad and feel compassion when someone we don't know, have never even met, dies. It's not necessarily being a normal fucking human being to actually grieve deeply for someone we've never met and who doesn't know us.

We read their blogs and discuss them, therefore, we do seem to relate to them and feel we develop a connection. We also see them as celebrities and become fans on some level, even though they are the subject of very pointed snark.

Still, they don't know we exist.

[treemom]

It's being a normal fucking human being to be sad and feel compassion when someone we don't know, have never even met, dies. It's not necessarily being a normal fucking human being to actually grieve deeply for someone we've never met and who doesn't know us.

We read their blogs and discuss them, therefore, we do seem to relate to them and feel we develope a connection. We also see them as celebrities and become fans on some level, even though they are the subject of very pointed snark.

Still, they don't know we exist.

I'm sorry, we're some of us grieving deeply? Because I was under the impression we were just commenting and considering the sadness, but probably just going about our lives like normal.

[nokidsmom]

I'm sorry, we're some of us grieving deeply? Because I was under the impression we were just commenting and considering the sadness, but probably just going about our lives like normal.

I am understanding Beb's point as being some people may become too emotionally invested or obsessed in their fandom that the grief they feel is one the same level as if they knew the person and had a relationship with them, when in fact they don't.

[formergothardite]

I just read back through the thread and I'm not seeing the abnormal deep grieving. Someone said that while it was expected, it made her sadder than she thought it would, but I also don't think that is unusual.

[treemom]

I am understanding Beb's point as being some people may become too emotionally invested / obsessed in their fandom that the grief they feel is one the same level as if they knew the person and had relationship with them, when in fact they don't.

Well ok, but what she quoted was hisey saying she was just boggled people might feel sad about someone they aren't fond of dying.

[blessalessi]

I often feel very sad in response to tragic stories I hear on the news or read about in the papers. Conversely, I also often feel really happy in response to good news stories. It doesn't mean I am either grieving deeply or celebrating vicariously for the other people's lives. It's just a part of my emotional make-up that I often feel affected by hearing about other human experiences. I don't feel held captive by my emotions, and it doesn't get in the way of everyday life, so it's all fine by me. :)

[Beb]

I'm sorry, we're some of us grieving deeply? Because I was under the impression we were just commenting and considering the sadness, but probably just going about our lives like normal.

Read through the thread. It seems that way, considering the depth of emotion in a few posts relative to context, which is, these people are perfect strangers to most of us.

[treemom]

Read through the thread. It seems that way, considering the depth of emotion in a few posts relative to context, which is, these people are perfect strangers to most of us.

I did read the thread. I'm not sure, wow that is sad is grieving deeply. Or pretty much anything else on this thread.

[Beb]

Well ok, but what she quoted was hisey saying she was just boggled people might feel sad about someone they aren't fond of dying.

.......and Hisey has a point.

[treemom]

I actually don't think she has a point. I can dislike someone, not be a fan, and also think it is sad when they die. It's just not that mind boggling.

[nokidsmom]

Well ok, but what she quoted was hisey saying she was just boggled people might feel sad about someone they aren't fond of dying.

Understood, but I was addressing Beb's post in particular.

[treemom]

Understood, but I was addressing Beb's post in particular.

I was as well. I tend to think of a response to a quote giving me additional context.