Lack of interest in Maxwell conferences

[gustava]

Par for the course when you enter Maxwell-MaxHELLLand.

Edited for accuracy :(

[catlady]

This made me laugh. For some reason I pictured Steve in a studded white jump suit, huge belt and bling sunglasses giving his Energize! program. Oh, and a cape!

A cape! That would make him SuperSteve!

[sparkles]

Teri IS well groomed but I assume she would look younger if she wore some makeup and changed her hair colour. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying ladies shouldn't keep their natural grey hair, I'm just saying it probably ages her appearance a bit.

Palimpsest, I turn 60 next year and I can't believe it! It just sounds so old. When I look at my friends I don't think they look or act old, but when someone describes a person as being sixty, well, it SOUNDS old. I just tell myself that I'm not turning 70 and, when I do, I will think 60 is young! (And sometimes I actually listen to myself.) Also, the alternative to reaching this age is to be dead, so there's comfort in that, right?

Happy birthday!!

I agree that Teri looks older than her actual age, but I don't think makeup or hair color has anything to do with it. She (and the rest of the Maxwells for that matter) spends her entire life worrying about death and eschewing everything about living because it's sinful, evil and/or an idol. It's not exactly the kind of mindset that keeps you young and vibrant. Even Christopher, who's in his mid-30s and is the most tightly wound of the "children" IMO, appears much older than he looks. I'd easily peg him as being 45 or so. They're all just so humorless and downbeat and that does tend to age you.

I'm lucky to come from a family—on my mother's side at least—that embraces living in the here and now. My grandmother was vital, vibrant and in good health up until shortly before her death at 99. My mother, at 82 (she looks at least a decade younger), still works full time as an attorney. I'll be 61 this summer and although my ages shows (which I don't mind at all—I don't color my hair or wear makeup and I'm not exactly a snazzy dresser), I don't FEEL my age. I enjoy life, I'm constantly trying new things, I never stop learning, and I love meeting new people. So while I might not defy my age looks wise, people are always surprised to find out I'm in my 60s because I have a younger mindset.

When the biggest thing Teri has to look forward to is a new bible cover or a yet another repeat of something she's done dozens of times before, it's no surprise that she looks much older than she is.

Let's hear it for the old folks!

[Handmaiden of Dog]

If she is living with constant back pain then that can age you very quickly.

So Teri was only 19 when they got married? I thought I remembered that she was a college grad and that they had met in college. Did she continue her education after they were married? Did he delay going to school? When did she have her first baby?

[halcionne]

If she is living with constant back pain then that can age you very quickly.

So Teri was only 19 when they got married? I thought I remembered that she was a college grad and that they had met in college. Did she continue her education after they were married? Did he delay going to school? When did she have her first baby?

I thought I saw a reply from Steve saying they met in Chemistry class, but maybe I read it wrong (it was just yesterday when I looked this stuff up, I have no excuse for my bad memory or reading comprehension :lol: ).

All right, so they married on her 19th birthday, in August 1974. Nathan was born in December 1976, making her 21 and mathematically possible that she could finish a bachelor's degree, though she would've been pregnant at graduation.

ETA found it: blog.titus2.com/2009/08/17/happy-35th-anniversary/ Steve had better conversation skills in 2009 than he does now. :?

[kpmom]

I've thought Teri actually looks happier and more attractive this past year than I've ever seen her look. Her smile seems genuine.

I think she is thrilled to be done with homeschooling, and loves not having little ones under foot.

She herself has mentioned she didn't like homeschooling, disciplining, or checking homework. That letter she wrote her parents sounded like she wasn't crazy about motherhood at all. She's free as a bird now, with grown daughters to take care of everything.

it really makes me mad that they promote this quiverfull lifestyle that Teri herself had to be manipulated into buying into. She spent decades trying to put her round body into a square quiverfull hole. Now she spends time writing and speaking about how other women should be doing the same. :doh:

[Elegant Mess]

I've thought Teri actually looks happier and more attractive this past year than I've ever seen her look. Her smile seems genuine.

...

it really makes me mad that they promote this quiverfull lifestyle that Teri herself had to be manipulated into buying into. She spent decades trying to put her round body into a square quiverfull hole. Now she spends time writing and speaking about how other women should be doing the same. :doh:

I'll also agree that Teri looks "fresher" lately.

To your last point: Given what other FJers who have crashed their conferences and have watched their videos have said about Teri's speaking persona, might she have developed a martyr complex? Do you think she subscribes to the philosophy of "I suffered, so you have to do the same"? I don't know if this was intentional on the Maxwells' part or not, but the impression that I take away from all of the MOTH promotional materials is that the job of homeschooling mom kinda sucks.

[kpmom]

I'll also agree that Teri looks "fresher" lately.

To your last point: Given what other FJers who have crashed their conferences and have watched their videos have said about Teri's speaking persona, might she have developed a martyr complex? Do you think she subscribes to the philosophy of "I suffered, so you have to do the same"? I don't know if this was intentional on the Maxwells' part or not, but the impression that I take away from all of the MOTH promotional materials is that the job of homeschooling mom kinda sucks.

You might be right about that.

From what I know of MOTH, and from looking at their school schedules and their love of textbooks, I think they did everything in their power to make homeschooling as effortless as possible for Teri.

They paint her as this hardworking homeschooling mom, but she actually did very little teaching, especially once the kids could be a bit more independent.

[Justme]

If she is living with constant back pain then that can age you very quickly.

So Teri was only 19 when they got married? I thought I remembered that she was a college grad and that they had met in college. Did she continue her education after they were married? Did he delay going to school? When did she have her first baby?

She did graduate. Her parents gave her a washer and dryer as a graduation gift. It was once in a blog or corner. We (fj) talked about her major, once, too. I don't remember what it was. Communications? Psychology? Put on your thinking caps, jingers, someone has got to remember....

[Palimpsest]

I think Teri's degree is in chemistry.

I'd say that untreated depression, untreated chronic backache and 8 pregnancies could all contribute to Teri looking older than she is. I also think that the family has tiptoed around Teri for years in fear of triggering another depressive episode. I wonder why she gets backache anyway.

I may be unduly affected by reading Summer with the Moodys. We know Sarah is not gifted with much imagination, but if Mrs. M is a true portrait of Teri then she wasn't that hardworking or involved with her children. I'm still boggled that when Mrs. Moody didn't want to play hide and seek on game night she just stood in the corner of the living room so that she could be found first and then go and read a book. Once again, passive aggressive.

Elegant Mess you have a good memory. When I registered for (I didn't crash :) ) that conference and sat through Teri's presentation, she was very clearly acknowledging that the life of a SAH Fundie M was tough. She was validating the feelings of her audience that it was hard, especially when you add in homeschooling and keeping a house pristine for the Headship. A lot of it seemed to be focused on little things you could let go - as in turning the ceiling fan on high to get rid of dust. But that also implies that you actually should dust your ceiling fans every single week and makes Teri seem a paragon of home-making. ::Coughs:: I suppose I wash off my white kitchen ceiling fan monthly but that is when it begins to look dirty. I don't do it every week!

I'm joking about turning 60 being so traumatic. It is more that everyone else seems to want you to be traumatized by it. You should see some of the stupid ageist cards I got this year. It's like it is the end of the world.

[Elegant Mess]

@ kpmom:

Do you think she subscribes to the philosophy of "I suffered, so you have to do the same"?

I mentioned this point specifically because the picture painted of Teri in this discussion reminds me so much of a cousin-in-law who treats me like this. Fortunately, I don't see her often, but whenever we do meet up for reunions, she always gives me this look that says "how did you get a get-out-of-jail-free card" because I didn't follow the same life path she did, and I can tell she's conflicted. Her speaking persona is also similar to Teri's.

@ palimpsest:

Elegant Mess you have a good memory.

Thanks! Unfortunately, my memory can be quite selective (it isn't good enough to recall Teri's major in college). I've also found a good number of this week's Raptureversary trivia questions quite tough. :embarrassed:

Thinking out loud here: boy, we really need a ceiling fan smiley for this board!!!

[kpmom]

@ kpmom:

I mentioned this point specifically because the picture painted of Teri in this discussion reminds me so much of a cousin-in-law who treats me like this. Fortunately, I don't see her often, but whenever we do meet up for reunions, she always gives me this look that says "how did you get a get-out-of-jail-free card" because I didn't follow the same life path she did, and I can tell she's conflicted. Her speaking persona is also similar to Teri's.

I have met people like that in my life, although not as closely related as you are. I'm glad you don't see her often!

I think people like your cousin-in-law and Teri don't want to admit they had a choice in life, life didn't just happen to them.

They also fail to see they are still capable of changing course, if they choose. I guess it's easier to be bitter.

I really believe Teri could have had her way if she insisted the kids go to school, play sports, have friends, etc. What could Steve have done about it, really?

Steve pushed Teri into their lifestyle, yes, but Teri could have pushed back. She made her choices. If she was unhappy she could have done something about it. And I imagine your cousin-in-law could have too.

[alba]

I think Teri's degree is in chemistry.

I'd say that untreated depression, untreated chronic backache and 8 pregnancies could all contribute to Teri looking older than she is. I also think that the family has tiptoed around Teri for years in fear of triggering another depressive episode. I wonder why she gets backache anyway.

I may be unduly affected by reading Summer with the Moodys. We know Sarah is not gifted with much imagination, but if Mrs. M is a true portrait of Teri then she wasn't that hardworking or involved with her children. I'm still boggled that when Mrs. Moody didn't want to play hide and seek on game night she just stood in the corner of the living room so that she could be found first and then go and read a book. Once again, passive aggressive.

Elegant Mess you have a good memory. When I registered for (I didn't crash :) ) that conference and sat through Teri's presentation, she was very clearly acknowledging that the life of a SAH Fundie M was tough. She was validating the feelings of her audience that it was hard, especially when you add in homeschooling and keeping a house pristine for the Headship. A lot of it seemed to be focused on little things you could let go - as in turning the ceiling fan on high to get rid of dust. But that also implies that you actually should dust your ceiling fans every single week and makes Teri seem a paragon of home-making. ::Coughs:: I suppose I wash off my white kitchen ceiling fan monthly but that is when it begins to look dirty. I don't do it every week!

I'm joking about turning 60 being so traumatic. It is more that everyone else seems to want you to be traumatized by it. You should see some of the stupid ageist cards I got this year. It's like it is the end of the world.

Back pain is actually a relatively common physical symptom of depression, as are headaches (didn't Mrs Moody have a bad headache at one point?). It wouldn't surprise me if There's physical ailments all tie back into her depression.

[anjulibai]

I imagine Stevehovah considers physical pain more acceptable that psychic pain. So if Teri feels overwhelmed or depressed, she can claim a backache or headache, and go be alone.

[Justme]

I wonder if Teri was ever seen by an orthopedic. Often times back issues are able to be helped by surgery or other treatment. (I have many friends with back issues.) Maybe the depression came from the constant back pain.

[Arete]

Handmaiden of Dog, Teri had her first baby at 24.

And while she has had 8 live births, she has also had at least 2 miscarriages in the years she was having the reversals. With the reversals it's worth noting she had the 5 of them in 6 years.

[Palimpsest]

The Maxwells are fairly unusual among the Fundies we follow in that they make it very clear they consider Teri's depression a real physical illness and not a moral failing. Albeit, a real illness that was magically cured by prayer, schedules, an OTC progesterone cream, and lots more babies.

Absolutely headaches and backaches, and other hard to diagnose illnesses and chronic pain, are associated with depression. It can be a vicious cycle. However, not all physical pain "ties back" to depression. These symptoms could also have physical causes.

It would be very sad if Teri had migraines, which could be treated with meds, or a slipped disc that could be cured by surgery, and never had proper treatment for these conditions because they were dismissed as part of her depression.

The Maxwells are not totally averse to medical treatment so perhaps her aches and pains have been properly assessed. Only the Maxwells know for sure.

[alba]

The Maxwells are fairly unusual among the Fundies we follow in that they make it very clear they consider Teri's depression a real physical illness and not a moral failing. Albeit, a real illness that was magically cured by prayer, schedules, an OTC progesterone cream, and lots more babies.

Absolutely headaches and backaches, and other hard to diagnose illnesses and chronic pain, are associated with depression. It can be a vicious cycle. However, not all physical pain "ties back" to depression. These symptoms could also have physical causes.

It would be very sad if Teri had migraines, which could be treated with meds, or a slipped disc that could be cured by surgery, and never had proper treatment for these conditions because they were dismissed as part of her depression.

The Maxwells are not totally averse to medical treatment so perhaps her aches and pains have been properly assessed. Only the Maxwells know for sure.

Of course. I didn't mean to imply that I think she doesn't have any discrete physical ailments; I'm not a doctor who has examined her so I have no idea what's going on with her body. It's just that because her depression was never properly treated medically then neither were any physical symptoms she may have, and I agree it would be a real shame if she has untreated physical conditions that have been dismissed as symptoms of her depression.

[church_of_dog]

Thinking out loud here: boy, we really need a ceiling fan smiley for this board!!!

[Elegant Mess]

i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn287/CariCreates/Smileys/smileyhelp-ceilingfan.gif

OMG, Church_of_Dog, that works on so many levels with the Maxwells!

[Elegant Mess]

I think people like your cousin-in-law and Teri don't want to admit they had a choice in life, life didn't just happen to them.

They also fail to see they are still capable of changing course, if they choose. I guess it's easier to be bitter.

I really believe Teri could have had her way if she insisted the kids go to school, play sports, have friends, etc. What could Steve have done about it, really?

You know, I think our discussion is revealing on an important point here. I'll agree that some folks don't realize that they actually can choose something different. If it ever does cross their minds, they may feel too committed to their existing lives to realize that other courses of action are possible. I suppose this could manifest as bitterness, depression, and/or entitlement.

Perhaps by insisting that everyone else has to do/be the same thing, they insulate themselves from those unpleasant thoughts and feelings. That way, they don't have to wrestle with the thought that maybe, just maybe, something isn't working.

This reminds me of an earlier thread regarding Lori Alexander's take on happiness vs. obedience: http://freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=95&t=23600

This also has me concerned for Sarah. If, indeed, she really wants to be a wife and mother, and if she inherited a predisposition to depression, could she go down the same road as her mother if she hasn't done so already?

[anjulibai]

Handmaiden of Dog, Teri had her first baby at 24.

And while she has had 8 live births, she has also had at least 2 miscarriages in the years she was having the reversals. With the reversals it's worth noting she had the 5 of them in 6 years.

More like 8, but yes, that's a lot to put on the body over such a relatively short period of time.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

Handmaiden of Dog, Teri had her first baby at 24.

And while she has had 8 live births, she has also had at least 2 miscarriages in the years she was having the reversals. With the reversals it's worth noting she had the 5 of them in 6 years.

So she didn't have her first child until she was married 5 years. Interesting. Also plenty of time to finish her degree. She and Steve are much like the Duggars-- parents had a normal dating life, married, and used birth control before falling down the rabbit hole. Too bad they don't allow their kids to experience the same things. I can't imagine that Teri doesn't look at Sarah and think secretly in her heart that Sarah missed out on going to college and dating and having fun with people outside the family. Unless, perhaps, Teri was miserable in college and during her young adulthood. Maybe she had depression before she ever met Steve.

[SassyPants]

So she didn't have her first child until she was married 5 years. Interesting. Also plenty of time to finish her degree. She and Steve are much like the Duggars-- parents had a normal dating life, married, and used birth control before falling down the rabbit hole. Too bad they don't allow their kids to experience the same things. I can't imagine that Teri doesn't look at Sarah and think secretly in her heart that Sarah missed out on going to college and dating and having fun with people outside the family. Unless, perhaps, Teri was miserable in college and during her young adulthood. Maybe she had depression before she ever met Steve.

I cannot imagine, by my own choice, offering my children less of a childhood, education(s), or fewer advantages, opportunities, experiences or anything in life-

CANNOT.IMAGINE.MAKING.THAT.CHOICE.

[twin2]

Still no announcement on if they will be embarking on the fall dog and pony show.

They must be doing some serious fasting and praying to see what the lord will lay on their hearts.