Finally, A Fundie Using Her Brain WRT Further Pregnancies

[0 kids n not countin]

I was so "impressed" to read this from Whitney (Our Homemaking Story Blog). Like Erin Bates she needs to have shots each week so as not to miscarry. This is her second pregnancy, she has a son who was a premie.

Speaking of the shots, I'm grieved by the knowing that if I have to do them again, then she'll be our last baby. I tear up every single time I think or say that. I'm really struggling to accept that reality.

Good for her for being realistic, she should be an example to other Fundies, you can believe in Jesus but also use the brain Jesus has given you. :clap:

[Sundaymorning]

I have to say I admire her for making this sensible and (in her world) brave decision, and she is even open about it. Sadly, she probably will get some nasty messages and comments from other idiotic fundies. I hope, she won't let it get to her too much.

[VelociRapture]

I was so "impressed" to read this from Whitney (Our Homemaking Story Blog). Like Erin Bates she needs to have shots each week so as not to miscarry. This is her second pregnancy, she has a son who was a premie.

Good for her for being realistic, she should be an example to other Fundies, you can believe in Jesus but also use the brain Jesus has given you. :clap:

I didn't look at the blog, but I feel a bit badly for this young woman. Infertility and fertility issues aren't something I would wish on anyone. I am glad to see that she is doing her best to try and accept the situation though. She may not realize it now, but she is doing her family and herself a big favor in coming to that realization.

[apandaaries]

Irene Spencer wrote about having very difficult pregnancies in the polygamist Mormon culture. Her doctor (in Mexico, where she was far from more modern hospitals) warned her that her next pregnancy might kill her. She made a choice (her husband was elsewhere) and when her husband returned, he completely rejected her. Sex was for procreation, and she'd "ruined" that for them. It was heartbreaking.

I wonder how infertility impacts fundamentalist/QF Christian couples. They also encourage sex for procreation, no? And also sex to keep a husband happy, but there are some rules around it all, right?

It's hard to imagine what it'd be like to be told all your life that procreation is key to your identity, then struggle with fertility issues. I wonder how many of those women/couples feel cursed by God. How dreadful.

[DGayle]

This is different. This is a woman struggling to accept fertility issues instead of a woman realizing they have enough on their plate and need to focus on the kids they have, and so taking steps to prevent more babies.

She does get kudos for her bravery in speaking up since fundy culture sees the measure of god's favor by how many kids you have, and admitting fertility issues that will stop the baby train at 2 is like an open admission of not being in god's favor, and when this is her sole purpose on life, it's even harder.

I hope she can find peace with this and fully enjoy the children she has (including the baby she's pregnant with, plural).

[ILoveJellybeans]

She made the best decision possible for her children and her health, and I totally support that. I feel sorry for her, because she had her heart set on having a large family, and now she will only have two, but she did the best thing possible and that is great. I hope that she starts to accept this reality and becomes okay with it, and raises her children to be the best that they can be. Its tough being quiverfull and having fertility issues, and I hope that people are nice to her and don't make her feel like she has failed, as she hasn't, she is ensuring her children get to grow up with their mother.

[Jana814]

I have to say I admire her for making this sensible and (in her world) brave decision, and she is even open about it. Sadly, she probably will get some nasty messages and comments from other idiotic fundies. I hope, she won't let it get to her too much.

Agree!! But she is doing what is right for her & her body.

[GenerationCedarchip]

Irene Spencer wrote about having very difficult pregnancies in the polygamist Mormon culture. Her doctor (in Mexico, where she was far from more modern hospitals) warned her that her next pregnancy might kill her. She made a choice (her husband was elsewhere) and when her husband returned, he completely rejected her. Sex was for procreation, and she'd "ruined" that for them. It was heartbreaking.

I wonder how infertility impacts fundamentalist/QF Christian couples. They also encourage sex for procreation, no? And also sex to keep a husband happy, but there are some rules around it all, right?

It's hard to imagine what it'd be like to be told all your life that procreation is key to your identity, then struggle with fertility issues. I wonder how many of those women/couples feel cursed by God. How dreadful.

Re: the bolded - This is something that, based on my conversations in fundie and fundie-lite circles I've travelled, seems to really vary. In the reformed church where I grew up, the teaching was always that sex was for marriage only, but that it is to be seen as a gift and meant to be enjoyed. Procreation was definitely very much encouraged, but so was marital intimacy in general.

However, that being said, couples not on their way to having at least 3 or 4 kids came in for a fair amount of sideeye unless it was known (usually via prayer requests) that said couple was struggling with infertility. I know the church where I grew up mostly went out of its way to emphasize that people struggling with infertility shouldn't see that as a punishment or judgment for sinfulness. However, I have had friends in other churches who were totally guilt-tripped over "why God is choosing to withhold blessings."

[twinmama]

As someone who wanted more and is stopping at 2 due to complications, it is hard even without the whole "if god loves you he will give you endless children" thing. So good for her doing what is best for her existing children. I hope she finds peace. I still "want" more kids, despite knowing I will not be having them. I refuse to risk my existing kids' mom, who happens to be me.

[Coco]

Re: the bolded - This is something that, based on my conversations in fundie and fundie-lite circles I've travelled, seems to really vary. In the reformed church where I grew up, the teaching was always that sex was for marriage only, but that it is to be seen as a gift and meant to be enjoyed. Procreation was definitely very much encouraged, but so was marital intimacy in general.

However, that being said, couples not on their way to having at least 3 or 4 kids came in for a fair amount of sideeye unless it was known (usually via prayer requests) that said couple was struggling with infertility. I know the church where I grew up mostly went out of its way to emphasize that people struggling with infertility shouldn't see that as a punishment or judgment for sinfulness. However, I have had friends in other churches who were totally guilt-tripped over "why God is choosing to withhold blessings."

The first time I went to Bible School a young couple with infertility sat by me and the wife just started pouring out her fears and shared her heart about how they believed God was keeping children from them because of the end times. She was so scared and it felt weird not knowing her and kind of out of my realm, trying to comfort her, since i was barely at the age limit to get into the week long school anyway. This was 19 years ago. I hope for their sake they got beyond that fearful fatalistic thinking and were able to have a baby or adopt.

ETA It's just sad how fundies jump through these self-doubt hoops because to them, not having children is seen as a failure or a punishment from God.

btw wtf i thought that was 10 years ago until i did the math. i always say being a fundie made life feel like it was paused for about 10 years and i guess it got internalized lol :lol:

[roddma]

It's bad enough in the secular world, there's still the notion you arent' complete or fulfilled without kids.I could imagine the added layer of religion. No one should feel second best or less because they have no kids or less kids. Thankfully, some are trying to break the default lifestyle and staying child-free. It is slowly getting accepted, but still has along way to go.

[alba]

It's bad enough in the secular world, there's still the notion you arent' complete or fulfilled without kids.I could imagine the added layer of religion. No one should feel second best or less because they have no kids or less kids. Thankfully, some are trying to break the default lifestyle and staying child-free. It is slowly getting accepted, but still has along way to go.

I'm 25 and childfree-by-choice. What I've noticed is that my peers tend to be a bit surprised if I say I don't want kids, but are generally accepting. People from my parents' generation, on the other hand, are less so. My aunt thinks not having kids is selfish, and who will look after me when I'm old? (The dissonance here escapes her). My MIL keeps asking me why I don't want a little Mr Alba (because I have an adult one, TYVM).

Although older people criticise my choice, I do have hope it will become more acceptable, because people my age tend to accept it.

[roddma]

Although older people criticise my choice, I do have hope it will become more acceptable, because people my age tend to accept it.

Wile there will always be dissenters, as time marche on, it will get more accepted.It just wasnt normal for our grands and great whatever to choose child-free. There was a cousin on my father's side that stayed childless becasue he was disabled from in WWII and his wife had to work. She felt it wold be difficult to work and rear kids. Maybe people saw it as a legit excuse. I also feel more 3rd generation Fundie/Quiverfull are going to reject the no birth control thing.