What SAHDs Do All Day

[dora]

I like seeing what everyone was doing. I was married at 22, worked as an English language teacher and as applying to go to Japan to each English (which I did at 23.)

When I left home at 18 I had never cooked a family meal or done a load of laundry. Sharp learning curve. At 34 I'm still crap at budgeting, and don't feel grown up. I think it's because we don't own a house yet.

[nausicaa]

I'm not going to lie, I'm not fond of these comparison games. Not everyone's the same, wants or cares about the same things, or has the same abilities. Some people at [whatever age] haven't done a lot and aren't very independent through no fault of their own. Some people are totally content living at home and baking cupcakes. The point shouldn't be how much you've done or how independent you are by a certain age, but happiness, fulfillment, and freedom to make your own life choices, whatever those may be. You can do and have a lot by 22 and still be miserable and trapped.

Thank you for that, singsingsing.

Not to get all hand slappy, but I hate the comparison game when it pops up here, and am surprised at it because it seems to run counter to most FJers purported beliefs. Also, because so many posters feel the need to point out that they were married by "X" age, it enforces the notion that marriage=success and being a grown up (and shows how deeply embedded this belief is even in secular society).

I'll be honest: I was "behind" at 22 in most of the posters' eyes. I was slow at developing a lot of adult skills that seem to come effortlessly to others. I lived at home and had never lived anywhere else. I was single and couldn't get a date. I was painfully shy. I was terrified of school ending because I didn't know how to structure life outside of that.

My life is coming together now, but if I had been on this board two, three, four years ago when I was really in a rut and felt that everyone was ahead of me in life and I was frantically trying to figure out what was so lacking in me, threads like this would have made me feel even more like shit than I already did. I worry about the message being sent to readers who are in the same position.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

At university, drinking, party drugs, backpacking around Europe,(part-time job to pay for the fun & living at home sponging off my parents!) sleeping with unsuitable men.

And at 30- I have no regrets! It was an awesome, scary, exhilarating time of my life :)

Haha edited to add just realise I was a SAHD at 22. Thanks for letting me save money to spend on my own hedonistic lifestyle Mum & Dad ;)

[Curious]

Is this the girl who wrote the wretched anti abortion story a while back-- or an older sister?

22 WAYS SHE SPENDS HER DAYS

For the past two years, she has been teaching a preschool class in our home 2-3 days each week. (babysitter)

As she has so many sisters, Emily is responsible to prepare dinner for our large family only one night a week. She makes some delicious spaghetti sauce! She also enjoys making cheese-filled Pumpkin Log Rolls. Yum! Makes spaghetti and cake

She and Haley keep the living room tidy and deep-cleaned. She also does breakfast dishes with Sam each morning. Housework in one room and daily dishes....

She adds little touches to make ordinary things seem more special. Such as lighting a candle or picking wildflowers and arranging them tastefully in a vase. (Walks and chews gum? WTF)

Last year she took the initiative to till up and tend to her own little garden plot. She plans to grow flowers this year. "Gardening. also, wtf... when I was ~10, I dug up and relaided an old brick sidewalk for the hell of it... at 22 tilling up a garden when you are likely bored out of your mind-- OK"

She is a great help with canning and preserving food. Last year she made some killer pickles! Pickles are the easiest of all canning--which is why I tend to stick with them myself, (plus I work full time and last year was on 50% travel.)

Emily has a beautiful soprano voice. Through amazing circumstances, the Lord allowed her to begin training with a professional voice coach, which eventually included all three older girls. They sing for the glory of God in churches and at festivals and other community events. First off, that is a very weird sentence. Secondly-- they are basically in choir and do specials.

She enjoys composing songs; writing words and music to go along with them that blesses the socks off her family! Wow, that IS unique among 22 year olds

Emily is a student of God's Word. When confronted with a doctrine she is unfamiliar with or challenged in her beliefs, she will search the Scriptures, read commentaries, compare doctrines and pray for wisdom until she has her feet firmly planted in what she believes to be Truth. (Where is she that she learns different doctrine?)

She plays "fiddle" and teaches violin to several students. Or, she plays fiddle and teaches fiddle to several students.

.

Emily was recently offered a lucrative position at a local music store teaching violin a couple of days a week, but after prayerfully considering the proposal, she rejected the offer because it would hinder her from being able to serve mothers by caring for their children when the need arises.

After spending 11 weeks in an internship with the Mally family in 2011, Emily began leading a Bright Lights discipleship group for young ladies ages 10-16. The Lord has blessed her efforts and the group has grown. (She has graduated from drinking the Kool Aid to making and serving the Kool Aid)

Though she has a blog (which she does not update as often as she would like), A Bright Light in a Dark World, and she has had a Google + account in the past, Emily isn't much for social media.

She does however, thoroughly enjoy Pinterest! Dreaming my live away

Emily loves to sew and has bartered violin lessons for sewing lessons from our good friend Dee, proprietor of Modesty Matters sewing curriculum. She is also overseeing the younger girls through the curriculum. (Why are these people not active in 4-H clubs or have their own-- she'd have learned to sew at 10 in 4-h!)

Speaking of sewing, Emily enjoys creating costumes for our plays. She worked with her good friend Hannah on the costumes for The Princess and the Kiss and is currently creating some interesting looks for the upcoming play Stay in the Castle (to be performed at our annual fall party this year). (Could start a halloween business.)

She also enjoys acting in our plays. She played the Queen in the play above and the part of the part of the Peasant Lady in the former production of Stay in the Castle a few years ago. I bet the try-outs for lead in a family play are very competitive!

Aannnd speaking of plays, she has recently begun writing an original musical, to be performed at one of our gatherings in the future/// (She needs to meet the Arndts. )

Emily loves to fix hair. From braids to updos and curls to cuts. she is our "go-to" gal for hairstyles. (At 22, her life sounds like a tween slumber party)

This girl loves to host tea parties! Whether an impromptu tea time with her sisters or a grand tea party planned in advance, she's our party girl. She makes tea for her sisters.....if she serves cake, this is redundant to the earlier cake and spaghetti point

She assists with our family's food ministry involving a food bank. She helps to organize, sort, bag, box, and deliver the food. She can put food in sacks, by type? Awesome.

To supplement her income, she also serves an elderly couple by cleaning their house once a month. Is it "serving" them if she gets paid?

She certainly is a very speshul snowflalke. If she's following the Mallys she may be single a long time.

hmm. I'm disabled, leave the house about once a month, do basically no housework or cooking (due to said disability, though I do help with cooking if there is things like chopping veggies for a pasta salad or something like that), there are days I sleep 12-18 hours due to my lovely crushing fatigue and I think I could put together a list of things I do every day that are more productive and exciting than this 22 year old.

That makes me really sad for her :(

[Feberin]

When I turned 22 I was still in college living in a dorm and questioning what I wanted to do with my life. I was student teaching although really unsure about actually becoming a teacher. It was a big year for me where my life finally took shape. I started dating my now husband that year (although we'd been friends for a few years already), got my first apartment on my own and my first "real" job as a library associate. Looking back 22 was really the year where I made a lot of huge decisions and if that year hadn't gone the way it did then my life would probably be very different now at 30. Hopefully Emily has a bit of an awakening this year as well and starts doing something a little bit more then sitting around lighting candles to make everyone feel special.

[usmcmom]

Thank you for that, singsingsing.

Not to get all hand slappy, but I hate the comparison game when it pops up here, and am surprised at it because it seems to run counter to most FJers purported beliefs. Also, because so many posters feel the need to point out that they were married by "X" age, it enforces the notion that marriage=success and being a grown up (and shows how deeply embedded this belief is even in secular society).

I'll be honest: I was "behind" at 22 in most of the posters' eyes. I was slow at developing a lot of adult skills that seem to come effortlessly to others. I lived at home and had never lived anywhere else. I was single and couldn't get a date. I was painfully shy. I was terrified of school ending because I didn't know how to structure life outside of that.

My life is coming together now, but if I had been on this board two, three, four years ago when I was really in a rut and felt that everyone was ahead of me in life and I was frantically trying to figure out what was so lacking in me, threads like this would have made me feel even more like shit than I already did. I worry about the message being sent to readers who are in the same position.

Maybe many of us were behind in one way or another. I was already married at 22 but I certainly was not very independent. I knew nothing of our household finances. My husband took care of it all early on, simply because he's a finance/accounting guy and he just kind of took it all on without us even discussing it. Not until he started traveling a lot for business, did I make myself learn all of that. I was really shy until I had kids too. Something about parenthood made me push myself outside my own comfort zone in social settings.

[acheronbeach]

Thank you for that, singsingsing.

Not to get all hand slappy, but I hate the comparison game when it pops up here, and am surprised at it because it seems to run counter to most FJers purported beliefs. Also, because so many posters feel the need to point out that they were married by "X" age, it enforces the notion that marriage=success and being a grown up (and shows how deeply embedded this belief is even in secular society).

I'll be honest: I was "behind" at 22 in most of the posters' eyes. I was slow at developing a lot of adult skills that seem to come effortlessly to others. I lived at home and had never lived anywhere else. I was single and couldn't get a date. I was painfully shy. I was terrified of school ending because I didn't know how to structure life outside of that.

My life is coming together now, but if I had been on this board two, three, four years ago when I was really in a rut and felt that everyone was ahead of me in life and I was frantically trying to figure out what was so lacking in me, threads like this would have made me feel even more like shit than I already did. I worry about the message being sent to readers who are in the same position.

x3

These posts always seem to go something like "At A age, I was in B important job, traveling to C, D, E, countries, making an assload of money, married to my Prince Charming, and my life was just perfect! Poor Sarah Mally/Jinger Duggar/Sarah Maxwell that they cannot be like me!"

It completely negates the fact that most of us on this board come from a way, way, way more privileged position than these fundies will. These young fundie women are starting off at a huge disadvantage, and aren't comparable in any way to most of us.

I don't particularly want to read posts where the point essentially seems to be "my life is so superior to X fundie." Yes, it is. Because you don't have fucking asshole parents. Good for you for being born luckier than them.

[Trynn]

What I did all day when I had no job (which wasn't for lack of trying, but it was a teeny tiny town) and no school (mental disability plus lack of said job):

1. Knit

2. Crochet

3. Watch movies while knitting and crocheting because oh my god is it boring otherwise

4. Read LOTS and lots of books

5. Occasionally I'd take the dog out for a walk, if it wasn't too cold, snowy, windy, or if I wasn't too mentally exhausted

6. Trek down to the post office on weekdays

7. Write letters

8. Wash dishes for parents

9. Occasionally go grocery shopping for mom

Oh, and, I forgot:

10. Drink my brains out every night.

Actually, maybe some SAHD's lives ARE better than mine were. Especially this one, who at least gives music lessons and was OFFERED a job.

[theCR]

When I was 21 I had moved across the country because my boyfriend (now ex) was diagnosed with cancer. So we moved in with his parents I was a stay at home girlfriend for alot of the time I was there. Between chemo and surgeries (13 total) I did housework and was doctor girlfriend. Before that I struggled with being an adult I left home at 19 and had never done dishes or laundry.

I'm almost 26 now and I feel like I've finally got my shit together lol

Now that I think about it my early 20's sucked lol

[HoneyBunny]

x3

These posts always seem to go something like "At A age, I was in B important job, traveling to C, D, E, countries, making an assload of money, married to my Prince Charming, and my life was just perfect! Poor Sarah Mally/Jinger Duggar/Sarah Maxwell that they cannot be like me!"

It completely negates the fact that most of us on this board come from a way, way, way more privileged position than these fundies will. These young fundie women are starting off at a huge disadvantage, and aren't comparable in any way to most of us.

I don't particularly want to read posts where the point essentially seems to be "my life is so superior to X fundie." Yes, it is. Because you don't have fucking asshole parents. Good for you for being born luckier than them.

I think your rant is unreasonable. How in the world do you know what anybody who posted here went through to get where they were at 22? Seriously, you really pissed me off. I was the first person in my family to go to college, my parents not only didn't pay one cent of it, they charged me room and board while I was going to college until my dad finally threw me out my junior year. I slept on friend's sofas and worked three jobs until my senior year when I impressed the biggest company in town enough to get an internship. Then I worked just one job and went to school full time and what a treat that was, and I actually had a room in someone's home with a bed instead of a sofa. My parents were so upset that I had somehow managed to get my degree they refused to come to my graduation and didn't talk to me for two years. Don't tell me my parents weren't assholes. Maybe because they were I pushed myself so hard to get the hell out of there.

I don't give SAHD's a pass. It would be hard for them to leave, but many people have started from less and made it work.

[Trynn]

Yes, but not everyone CAN. I'm glad you were able to pull yourself out of that situation but not everyone is able to do what you did.

[Snarfblatt]

I wasn't doing anything particularly wonderful or adult at 22. I was finishing up college then I did a lot of babysitting and tutoring and applied to Peace Corps. I also backpacked around Europe.

[SunnyAndrsn]

I think your rant is unreasonable. How in the world do you know what anybody who posted here went through to get where they were at 22? Seriously, you really pissed me off. I was the first person in my family to go to college, my parents not only didn't pay one cent of it, they charged me room and board while I was going to college until my dad finally threw me out my junior year. I slept on friend's sofas and worked three jobs until my senior year when I impressed the biggest company in town enough to get an internship. Then I worked just one job and went to school full time and what a treat that was, and I actually had a room in someone's home with a bed instead of a sofa. My parents were so upset that I had somehow managed to get my degree they refused to come to my graduation and didn't talk to me for two years. Don't tell me my parents weren't assholes. Maybe because they were I pushed myself so hard to get the hell out of there.

I don't give SAHD's a pass. It would be hard for them to leave, but many people have started from less and made it work.

I agree. My intention when I asked was curiosity. When I read the list, I thought back about what I was doing at that age and wondered where I was in comparison to other people. I often felt behind my peers, since it took me longer to graduate college thanks to depression.

I had one parent with a terminal illness and the other one had horrible coping skills. I paid my own way, although I did have help from my parents upon occasion. It was always drama filled with tons of emotional strings attached. The only advantaged I had over SAHDs was the fact that I wasn't educated at the SODRT. My parents were dairy farmers of a small farm and my dad had a second job at a bank.--far from privilege.

This does make me curious about the way more privileged life that the FJ's have had.

[HoneyBunny]

Yes, but not everyone CAN. I'm glad you were able to pull yourself out of that situation but not everyone is able to do what you did.

Of course, not everyone can, but some can. Most can. And many do. To give SAHD's a pass because it would be too difficult to change their future still implies that they have it harder than others who have made it work. And therein lies my beef. It's easy to make excuses. The most popular one for fundies is that "they haven't been called". Or the Lord hasn't laid it on their hearts". Geesh, do they think the guy slinging trash into the back of a garbage truck has been called to do that? That the 17-year old who enlists in the Army from Nowhere USA and gets killed his second day in Iraq had a lot of other options? No, everyday, people wake up and do the hard thing, whether they want to or not, to survive, to get ahead and to create more options than the only one they have. That 22 year old stay at home daughter is taking the path of least resistance, and, frankly, doesn't have to worry, when arranging those flowers, where her next meal is coming from.

I chose my major for one reason only...I needed to hit the ground running the second I graduated. It certainly wasn't laid on my heart. Supporting myself was what sat as heavy as an elephant on my heart. Don't tell me now that it only happened because I was lucky in the parental department. It happened because I wanted more for my life than what taking the easy way out would have provided.

And I WAS lucky. I was born in a country where I could drive a car to get to school and three jobs. Use birth control without fear of reprisal. Attend a state-supported university and use their clinic for my health care. I wasn't married off to an old man at age 12, nor sold into the sex trade at age 10. Things could have been so much worse. But just because they could have been worse doesn't mean they weren't bad. They were bad. And hard.

Arranging flowers while daddy paid the bills would have been much, much easier. But that option wasn't open to me.

[Toothfairy]

I'm not going to lie, I'm not fond of these comparison games. Not everyone's the same, wants or cares about the same things, or has the same abilities. Some people at [whatever age] haven't done a lot and aren't very independent through no fault of their own. Some people are totally content living at home and baking cupcakes. The point shouldn't be how much you've done or how independent you are by a certain age, but happiness, fulfillment, and freedom to make your own life choices, whatever those may be. You can do and have a lot by 22 and still be miserable and trapped.

I agree. 22 is still young(a baby in my eyes)and there are no timelines in life. Some 22year olds might attend college, get a job,travel,live at home,find a passion or hobby,etc. There is nothing wrong with that. Everyone experiences things in different ways. As for a fundie 22year old I think she herself should make decisions on what she wants to do with her life. If she wants to bake and babysit fine. But she shouldn't be forced or told that's the only thing she's good for. It should be her choice.

At 22 I didn't even "find" myself yet. I was still in college trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't have any set goals then. Some of my friends were getting married, having kids, already had things figured out. I was still being pulled in a million directions with no goals in mind. To be honest the only reason I attend college was for the experience. But it was still my own choice and what I myself wanted to do.

[Toothfairy]

x3

These posts always seem to go something like "At A age, I was in B important job, traveling to C, D, E, countries, making an assload of money, married to my Prince Charming, and my life was just perfect! Poor Sarah Mally/Jinger Duggar/Sarah Maxwell that they cannot be like me!"

It completely negates the fact that most of us on this board come from a way, way, way more privileged position than these fundies will. These young fundie women are starting off at a huge disadvantage, and aren't comparable in any way to most of us.

I don't particularly want to read posts where the point essentially seems to be "my life is so superior to X fundie." Yes, it is. Because you don't have fucking asshole parents. Good for you for being born luckier than them.

I don't think no one is saying their life was superior to fundie women. In fact some people might've had a much more difficult and harsher lifestyle than them. Some people don't have two parents in their lives or go to bed hungry every night or pray that they don't get abused/beaten again by their parent(s) Some people do have asshole parents much worse than fundie parents and decided to change their life or get out of the situation.

[DGayle]

This sounds like what I do each day, but I'm a mother of 4, work per diem, have a husband, cook EVERY day (my husband burns water - but he cleans the kitchen each night :D ) and I even have time for social media!

I'd love to see a SAHD who works full time in the real world, goes to school full time to get an education... that's what prepares you for real life. Not sitting around tastefully arranging flowers and playing the fiddle wink wink wink or whatever that meant.

I don't teach music, but I teach a few other things, in addition to doing the rest of what she does. Like you, cooking is every day, and so is cleaning.

Oh mah gawd, she makes tea and lights candles, and those are two separate points. I started the tea kettle and lit a candle, on my way to the bathroom a few minutes ago. I guess my day as been filled!

[DGayle]

Thank you for that. I often feel very inadequate when this subject comes up, as it makes me feel even more like an absolute failure.

You might not have been married or owned a house, but were you making an effort to further your life, or were you thinking that making dinner once a week and lighting candles meant you were sooooooo busy and at the peak of adulthood? That's really what this is about. Mommy-dearest is trying to make it sound like SAHD-dearest is just so so so busy with flowers and candles, and look how grown up she is for doing the dishes with help! Meanwhile we here on this forum were, if we weren't trapped in a fundy-life, holding jobs or working toward them, managing entire homes or working toward it, generally making an effort to go further instead of saying that a cushy, charmed life was the height of it all so much that it makes sense to turn down a good job and go plant more flowers.

[DGayle]

While a lot of my peers were in college about to graduate, mostly thanks to parents willing to foot the bills back in a time when student loans weren't pretty much the guarantee they are now, I was going through one of the worst years of my life. I had to move back to my parents' house and the place only got cleaned because of me. Lots of fights, lots of screaming and shit thrown at me, lots of dealing with cops calling and telling me they had arrested my parents again and was I willing to have the released to my custody again. My family imploded over alcoholism and the death of an immediate family member, which further shattered my family into fragments and legal battles. Instead of college or getting to work a job, I had the oh-so-fun task of trying to put the pieces back together and cobble together enough funding to keep the rent paid (really hard without a job to report to). I ended up so sick from the stress that I nearly died, and another fragment of the family sent someone to the hospital in person to verify that I was really there and that it wasn't a lie concocted by someone in my fragment. When I wasn't lying there fighting the effects of near-heart-failure, I was dealing with a parent who had literally gone insane while what I could do was limited by that parent being over 18.

I wish I could forget that year. There was no charming little flower garden, candles were a fire risk, and meals were when I could carve out time to open a can of whatever was in the cupboard. There was no upcoming graduation, no little house of my own with a spouse who loved me. Just a lot of depression and hopelessness and being too busy trying to take care of everyone else to have time to think about killing myself.

I guess it's a miracle that I have half a bottle of wine next to me. I need a drink after thinking so much about a year I try very hard to forget. Can we talk about five years later? Because that was a much better year.

[browngrl]

I don't know about everyone else but for me the part about SAHD that I am troubled by is not the fact that the girls/young women are at home. Lots of women stay at home for a variety of reasons - some good, some not so good. The things that I am troubled by : the patriarchal aspect and the constant need for SAHD and their parents to justify staying at home.

I know fundie girls say that they have made their own choice to stay at home and perhaps some actually did have a choice. However for most, I think, the choice was taken away from them the day they were born. Their entire education, such as it is,is geared to making them submissive cooks/cleaners/wives/mothers. They have to be frilly, girly and love babies. From day one they have one and only one role that has value. Any other choice would come at a heavy price in terms of family/friend/church support. The patriarchal system takes away a woman's right to choose. That bothers me.

I think that these girls (and often their parents as in this thread's example) have to constantly justify their choice because deep down they are as troubled by it as we are. These girls can say that they trust God will care for them but I think that many of them are constantly questioning their choice and I think that many of them are worried. What if their "prince" does not come along? What will happen if their father/brother/husband can't or won't look after them?What if all they have to look forward to is a life of servanthood? So I am bothered by all the cheerleading about being a SAHD. It rings hollow to me and feels like a lie.

edited: forgot a word (and as usual do my best proofreading after posting)

[usmcmom]

I completely agree with the posters who say there's nothing wrong with being a SAHD, IF that is what a young adult wants or has decided that is what is best for herself. What bothers me is the lack of choice. I do think that, even if a young woman wants to leave home and live on her own, she might not have the first clue of how to do so, especially if she's as sheltered and isolated as, say, Sarah Maxwell.

I also take issue with the idea that many of us were able to leave home and go to college because of a life of privilege. I left home and went to college because I had a crappy life up until that point. College was the light at the end of the tunnel for me - my escape plan - and was worth every penny of the student loans I repaid for ten years afterward.

Also, I think many of us have compassion for these young women who seem to have so much potential but no encouragement or resources to reach that potential. I think if we all told our stories to these fundie families, we'd see not one iota of compassion from any of them for the hardships we have suffered. We'd be blamed for our own hardships and told we weren't righteous enough.

[salex]

I don't know about everyone else but for me the part about SAHD that I am troubled by is not the fact that the girls/young women are at home. Lots of women stay at home for a variety of reasons - some good, some not so good. The things that I am troubled by : the patriarchal aspect and the constant need for SAHD and their parents to justify staying at home.

I know fundie girls say that they have made their own choice to stay at home and perhaps some actually did have a choice. However for most, I think, the choice was taken away from them the day they were born. Their entire education, such as it is,is geared to making them submissive cooks/cleaners/wives/mothers. They have to be frilly, girly and love babies. From day one they have one and only one role that has value. Any other choice would come at a heavy price in terms of family/friend/church support. The patriarchal system takes away a woman's right to choose. That bothers me.

I think that these girls (and often their parents as in this thread's example) have to constantly justify their choice because deep down they are as troubled by it as we are. These girls can say that they trust God will care for them but I think that many of them are constantly questioning their choice and I think that many of them are worried. What if their "prince" does not come along? What will happen if their father/brother/husband can't or won't look after them?What if all they have to look forward to is a life of servanthood? So I am bothered by all the cheerleading about being a SAHD. It rings hollow to me and feels like a lie.

edited: forgot a word (and as usual do my best proofreading after posting)

My husband and I were discussing this concept (and the aging SAHDs in general) and he says the fewer who marry, the better--it just speeds this version of the patriarchy on their way to following The Shakers into oblivion.

[acheronbeach]

I sort of assumed that NOT being raised in a home where your daily message is "you are incapable simply because you're a girl - God says so" is being more privileged than fundie girls. I don't know - my family's certainly poor, and nobody went to college in my family, but I consider myself privileged compared to a rich SAHD.

These girls, by virtue of chance, were born into a culture that systematically destroys any avenue of escape. I don't for one second think that everyone on here comes from a rich or privileged background. I didn't say that. My point is that despite your background, the vast majority of people on this board were lucky enough to be born into homes where a) they were not isolated from society; b) were able to SEE women who were educated or worked or achieved other great things; c) were not told on a daily basis that they were incapable because God created them as a shittier version of men.

[Childless]

I honestly don't see why any parent would support this lifestyle. As a parent, my job is to teach and prepare my children to go out into the world and be independent and productive. My job is not to let them lounge around the house arranging flowers. I consider that a failure on the parents part more than the child's. Most human beings will be lazy if you allow them to be. It's human nature to do the least amount of work for the biggest gain possible. My job is to make sure my son doesn't fall into those bad habits and ensure he has a good work ethic and can support himself. Someday, I won't be here anymore and he'll have to make it on his own. I could never saddle any child, male or female, with the need to be dependent on someone else for basic needs. That's a path that will lead to disaster and misery.

My husband and I are definitely a team and, if something should happen to him, our family would be devastated. But, I know that I can at least support myself and my family. We won't starve, we won't have to beg for help from others, we won't have to depend on the government, we won't be living on the streets, and we won't have to burden our relatives with more mouths to feed and bodies to clothe. If something should happen to me, my husband is capable of doing the same. There is tremendous peace of mind in living this way. I don't know why any parent wouldn't want that for their child.

[Just Not Good]

I think that the "where was I at 22" is also helpful because it highlights the diverse experiences ordinary run of the mill people have at 22, which contrasts with the depressing sameness of the SAHDs.

I don't see marriage at 22 as something to brag about, and it's telling that some people still do. I wonder if that's generational?

At 22, I was in an entirely new city, going to law school, in a band, doing Food Not Bombs, going to shows, sewing most of my own clothes, thrifting housewares, running my household (I took care of my younger brother as my parents had peaced out to another country), trying to find part time work that wouldn't interfere with school, struggling with depression and anxiety disorders (both in myself and with my younger brother, who has significant mental health issues), trying to leave a bad relationship, and gardening. And it didn't seem like a brag-worthy life, which is why the SAHD bragging seems so pathetic to me. I don't think I'm better than the SAHDs, poor things, but I AM better than their waste-of-space parents. And I'm much better equipped for life, even for a sheltered life, than a SAHD; I can make dinner EVERY night, not just once a week!