Chaviva's had enough of the Israel thing.

[GryffindorFTW]

In her last post before her trip home she was already kind of hinting at this (kvetchingeditor.com/2014/02/that-woman-were-heading-stateside.html) but her newest post is more explicit: Chaviva is kinda over the whole Aliyah thing.

Flying back into Israel, I always felt a rush of "I'm home!" in the past. Every trip I got the same sensation. This was the first time since 2009 that I saw the coastline and my thoughts turned to, "Is this really home? Is this really where I'm happiest?" I then reminded myself that home is where the heart is, and for me, home is where Ash and Mr. T are. They're here, I'm here, and thus, that's where my happiness can be found (for now anyway).

kvetchingeditor.com/2014/02/back-from-us-and.html

Can't say I'm surprised.

[stonefruit]

She has to be one of the flightier human beings out there.

ETA: I went back and read her birth/labor stories. I can't tell if it's because it was an emotional story to recount, or something else, but I was left with the impression that her writing is actually getting worse, oddly.

[GeoBQn]

I think the current statistic is that 30% of all people who make aliyah end up moving back to their home countries. My BIL tried to do it, and ended up moving back because he became extremely disillusioned over the things he experienced. I wouldn't be surprised if the people who move for ideological reasons are more likely to move back. Most people who make aliyah are actually doing it to flee anti-Semitism or bad economic conditions, and they move to Israel because America is too expensive.

[anjulibai]

I think the current statistic is that 30% of all people who make aliyah end up moving back to their home countries. My BIL tried to do it, and ended up moving back because he became extremely disillusioned over the things he experienced. I wouldn't be surprised if the people who move for ideological reasons are more likely to move back. Most people who make aliyah are actually doing it to flee anti-Semitism or bad economic conditions, and they move to Israel because America is too expensive.

What did he experience that disillusioned him, just out of curiosity?

[GeoBQn]

The control of the ultra-Orthodox, and racist attitudes.

[anjulibai]

The control of the ultra-Orthodox, and racist attitudes.

Ah, I see. It's unfortunate the power the ultra-Orthodox have, and it's really unfortunate that they are driving more moderate Jews out.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I think the current statistic is that 30% of all people who make aliyah end up moving back to their home countries. My BIL tried to do it, and ended up moving back because he became extremely disillusioned over the things he experienced. I wouldn't be surprised if the people who move for ideological reasons are more likely to move back. Most people who make aliyah are actually doing it to flee anti-Semitism or bad economic conditions, and they move to Israel because America is too expensive.

I was always nervous that this would happen to my husband if we moved there.

Some people who move for ideological reasons are actually quite happy, and I'd say that there are some who even want to experience hardship and conflict. I know a few people who think that if everyone is protesting against the very fact that they happen to be living somewhere, then this actually makes every moment of their lives a religious and political statement, and thereby gives everything in their lives meaning.

For many others, though, dealing with the reality of life there is hard. Sure, when we've gone, we've had lots of fun. Relatives that greet you and kiss you and feed you are awesome. Being on a youth tour is great. You get all of the highs, and none of the lows. It's sort of like thinking that you can judge life in the United States by going to Disney World. Day-to-day reality means that the same people who embrace you like family are also likely to stick their noses into your business and get loud about it. It means that if you speak English, you are seen as a naive sucker to be cheated. It means dealing with a different language and culture. It means dealing with a huge bureaucracy and government that may be totally different from what you are used to and which doesn't always work that well. It means dealing with a certain amount of corruption. Customer service can be non-existent. Basically, you don't really have a culture of formal politeness. If we are all equal and all family, then I'll embrace you and do anything for you if I like you, and if I don't I'll tell you to go to hell. You can't tell the security guard at the door that it's not his place to tell you to put a hat and socks on your baby. It means dealing with a standard of living that's often lower, and that life for the average person is more of a struggle.

If you are realistic about what you will face, or if you live in a place surrounded by idealist folks where you don't have to come back down to earth, it can work. Otherwise, it can be really painful to face the loss of dreams.

This video on Anglos in Israel is pretty funny:

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Purely judging from stories I've read over the internet, it seems there is a segment of people who move to Israel for ideological reasons, and had taken the "it's our homeland" very literally, and did not seem to expect the reality that the earthly political country of Israel is going to be an earthly foreign country to them, and they will therefore be expats (well - actually they're citizens, but first generation immigrants, not grown up there, they're essentially foreign), with all the culture shock and language struggles that implies.

Language skills and job sector are big factors too, some jobs/backgrounds "port" easier than others. But yeah, you have to get a new job from nothing, and often in a brand new language. That's going to be hard. People moving from fairly comfortable physical circumstances often do take a step down in living standard at least at first and that's also hard.

[GeoBQn]

Very true on the job front. My mom's old boss and her husband made aliyah. Before the move, she was a principal for a Jewish school for special needs children, and she had won awards for her work in education. After the move, she didn't have the language skills to continue working in education in Israel, so now she works with her husband selling and repairing computers. For her, it was worth it, but it requires a LOT of dedication to a cause to just give up a long successful career like that.

[LucySnowe]

She has to be one of the flightier human beings out there.

ETA: I went back and read her birth/labor stories. I can't tell if it's because it was an emotional story to recount, or something else, but I was left with the impression that her writing is actually getting worse, oddly.

I haven't read her birth/labor story (because I don't want to read ANYONE'S birth/labor story), but if her writing is deteriorating, it might be because of living in a country where she's immersed in a new language. You can often lose touch with your native language if you're not surrounded by it, or if you're trying very hard only to use the local one (which I think she talked about). A Swedish friend of mine who lives in an English-speaking country sometimes makes mistakes in Swedish, at which point her friends start posting Swedish Chef videos on her timeline. :lol:

Having been an expat myself, I get her confusion over whether 'home' is her current country or where she comes from. I just hope this is one of the temporary wibbles that expats get no matter how much they love where they move to, rather than the start of yet another dramatic change. Shifting direction when you're single is one thing, but it's much less cool when you have a family to consider.

[Peas n carrots]

Basically, you don't really have a culture of formal politeness. If we are all equal and all family, then I'll embrace you and do anything for you if I like you, and if I don't I'll tell you to go to hell. You can't tell the security guard at the door that it's not his place to tell you to put a hat and socks on your baby. It means dealing with a standard of living that's often lower, and that life for the average person is more of a struggle.

If you are realistic about what you will face, or if you live in a place surrounded by idealist folks where you don't have to come back down to earth, it can work. Otherwise, it can be really painful to face the loss of dreams.

This video on Anglos in Israel is pretty funny:

THIS!!!!

A bit of background: I grew up in Nebraska as well, which there is a massive culture of politeness. You always have to do a lot of reading between the lines when you are having conversations except with close friends. In short, people from Nebraska aren't blunt and actually see bluntness as a form of rudeness.

I interact with a lot of Israelis in my job industry and it's just a very, very different communication style (btw, I find the bluntness refreshing after growing up in an overly polite place!). However, I don't live it and I imagine that has to be super super hard. Not to mention all the other adjustments you have to make as an expat.

At any rate, it's normal to be homesick, especially after an extended visit home with your new family. Perhaps it will pass, but I just hope she doesn't stay in Israel just to prove something to herself/her followers/Jewish folks.

[Drunkenbutterfly]

In her last post before her trip home she was already kind of hinting at this (kvetchingeditor.com/2014/02/that-woman-were-heading-stateside.html) but her newest post is more explicit: Chaviva is kinda over the whole Aliyah thing.

Can't say I'm surprised.

There we go...Wow! She is really quick with major decisions.

kvetchingeditor.com/2014/03/going-to-america.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+kvetchingeditor%2Ffnza+%28*Just+Call+Me+Chaviva*%29

[2xx1xy1JD]

I just read the actual blog.

I hope she and her folks are okay - the prayers are welcome comment made me wonder if there was a health issue.

The birth didn't sound like it was fun. I've had planned c-sections, but 43 hours of labor followed by an emergency c-section followed by aggressive Israeli nurses followed by complications does not sound easy.

[LucySnowe]

Wow.

Does her husband have any right to live in the US, immigration-wise? As far as I can tell from his publicly-accessible Facebook info, he's English. Being married to a US citizen means he certainly can get a visa, and there are no caps on numbers or anything like that, but 'we're heading back after Passover' implies the move is happening around a month from now, and the Americans I've known who moved their British spouses to the US needed several months. Looks like he'll need a CR-1, as they've been married less than two years.

I suppose this might have been in the pipeline for a while and not mentioned on the blog, of course. But the "It's all happening very fast" implies not.

[lagenialester]

I got the feeling it was a family issue as well and hope everyone is ok. I've been an expat in a "non-western" country (as much as I hate that term) and know that it isn't always easy; I'm also a parent and know how completely you re-evaluate your lifestyle the second you have that kid. I could see wanting to be closer to my parents when my baby was that young. My husband and I have talked about making Aliya, but it just doesn't make sense for our family and he is much less able to adjust to those kinds of changes. The truth is though, she hasn't said why they're moving back and speculating isn't really going to give us an answer. I wish her luck!

[mystikchick17]

Wow.

Does her husband have any right to live in the US, immigration-wise? As far as I can tell from his publicly-accessible Facebook info, he's English. Being married to a US citizen means he certainly can get a visa, and there are no caps on numbers or anything like that, but 'we're heading back after Passover' implies the move is happening around a month from now, and the Americans I've known who moved their British spouses to the US needed several months. Looks like he'll need a CR-1, as they've been married less than two years.

I suppose this might have been in the pipeline for a while and not mentioned on the blog, of course. But the "It's all happening very fast" implies not.

Her husband is British, yes.

I wish her the best, though the constant lurching from one "certainty" to the next is very hard to keep up with.

ETA: Per the FB post where she's selling her furniture, they're moving back because her dad is sick. That's too bad, I hope it's nothing serious and that he's on the road to recovery soon, though the drastic step of moving from Israel to the US in such a short time-span makes me think not. That definitely casts a new light on the move (so I have stricken my judgey comment).

[2xx1xy1JD]

That's gotta be really hard for her. I'm glad her husband seems to be supportive of her need to be with her dad, and hope he recovers.

[Dinorah]

I wanted to make a post on Chaviva but I saw there^s this one so I'm bumping it. I get she might have good reasons to move back, but I've never seen someone go through major life changes so quickly and abruptly, it's dizzying, I couldn't handle it. It seems that she always needs to have something going, so that once she was settled in Israel, married and with a baby she needed something else to happen.

[Marianne]

I think the current statistic is that 30% of all people who make aliyah end up moving back to their home countries. My BIL tried to do it, and ended up moving back because he became extremely disillusioned over the things he experienced. I wouldn't be surprised if the people who move for ideological reasons are more likely to move back. Most people who make aliyah are actually doing it to flee anti-Semitism or bad economic conditions, and they move to Israel because America is too expensive.

One of my "grandmother in law" make aliyah, but have to return in France because her daughter (my mother in law) had married a Persian from Iran (my father in law). her neighbor was mad because of it, things became difficult, so she have to go back :(

[lagenialester]

Living in Israel is also more expensive than I think most people expect. (Not that I think any of this totally applies to Chaviva's situation! Like I said, I hope everything is ok with her family and I wish her the best.) In general though, I think a lot of people make aliyah and assume things will be able to regulate themselves after a couple of months of craziness. They'll find a job, get used to the "Israeli way of life", and in some cases meet their beshert, and everything will settle down. Especially with organizations like NBN (which I feel has its pros and cons) guiding people through the process, I think it makes aliyah seem a lot easier than it really is. For example, it's REALLY hard for somebody who is making aliyah to own a home in Israel. It has been done, but you need a huge down payment and it's difficult to save that much money with all of the costs of moving. (Disclaimer: A lot of this is coming from friends who have made aliyah, as previously stated, we've looked into it, but decided it wasn't right for our family)

[yupitsme]

Thanks for not thinking the worst of me, folks.

[Sicily]

A lot of the people I know who made Aliyah ended up returning. Even the ones who married Israelis. Life is really tough in Israel. It's a struggle to make ends meet, among other things. And many people never stop missing home.