Mothers and sons by Pennington Point

[docmom]

I was browsing Smockity today and fell down the rabbit hole of her blog buddy, Lisa, from Pennington Point. Not sure we've discussed her before but she's classic fundie- check out the modest wear for exercising. She has a whole series on parenting and this advice on raising sons:

thepenningtonpoint.com/2011/08/mothers-and-sons/

James and I talked about it and agreed that it should be James’ role to teach Jacob. Each morning I would tell James what I needed Jacob (who was around age 12 at the time) to do around the house or in school and James would give Jacob instructions. My role was to reinforce what James had said. I began to work hard at giving Jacob room to make manly decisions. He and I do a lot of projects together. I started asking him his opinions on how we should build things. I would say, “I’m not sure which boards to use for support here. Jacob, what do you think?†Often his ideas were foolish and immature, of course. But if there would be no harm in it, I would always try his ideas. Then we could talk about what didn’t work and why.

Slowly (VERY slowly) Jacob started to develop skills and confidence. I taught the girls that their role in their brothers’ lives is to be admiring and respectful. They began to ask even the little boys to help with things that required muscles and man power. Then they would say things like, “Thank you so much. It is wonderful to have such a strong brother.â€

[realist51]

As I was reading through this post about the mother asking her son for his opinion on things, I thought, "What's the big deal; I did that all the time with my kids when they were growing up." And that is true. When my kids were learning something and developing some degree of competence, I made a point of asking their opinion and, unless following their advice would lead to disaster, doing as they suggested. As I read farther, though, to the part about the mother teaching her daughters that their job was to be respectful to their brothers, I did a double take. You see, I have only DAUGHTERS. I made a point of respecting their expertise as they developed it. Then, although I think it's wonderful that she encourages her kids to respect their siblings, I wonder if that cuts both ways. She didn't say anything about that.

[Tangy Bee]

Her kids don't have their shots and they don't go to the doctor much.

[Cleopatra7]

This subculture is all about the men. The only thing women are good for is giving birth to sons. I think that for the men in these super-patriarchial societies, whether classical Athens, the Taliban, or the quiverfull world, if they could they would find a way to give birth to their own sons so they wouldn't have to bother with women at all.

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

Her kids don't have their shots and they don't go to the doctor much.

Um, okay.......?

[FJismyheadship]

I think you should let all little kids do stuff that makes them feel big and strong. I used to give my brother a grocery bag to hold for me. It wasn't heavy, but for him it had a little weight. My daughter will walk with me in Walmart if she has a purse to hold. If she doesn't, she crawls lol. When she gets big enough to carry "heavy" stuff she can have a grocery bag. I remember when I was little I felt good when I could carry something that was heavy to me.

However, I think both boys and girls should be allowed to try things that require "muscles". I'm probably a heathen.

[lizziesmom]

While I think it is important for both parents to be involved in raising the children and it's especially important for dads to be 'hands on', I have a real problem with the constant reinforcement that the girls are second class citizens and cheerleaders for whatever stupid thing the boys do.

[Antigone]

Hmmm. I have the little one helping us with our kitchen remodel, but it's only stuff that a 7 year old can do; she is proud of herself for being able to help out. Confidence is a good thing to see, but not at the expense of others :( who knows, maybe our indulgence ends up inspiring her to enter a predominantly male career field with success. You never know, it could be the little things that spark big things.

[realist51]

I also remember my husband involving the girls in "typically male" kinds of chores. So, when a doorknob needed to be changed, he would either have them help or he would talk them through how to do it. Now, I have one daughter who repairs her own car and changes the oil when it needs it and one daughter who would never think of getting her hands dirty.

The real point with this original post, though, was the problem with making the girls function, as someone else said, as cheerleaders for the boys. I don't see why they wouldn't have all the kids be cheerleaders for each other. Yes, yes, I know, Jesus.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

Beyond the fact that reducing women and girls to obsequious yes-(wo)men insults both genders (and is something that makes me feel stabby on a personal level), strict observance of gender roles is not practical. There's going to come a day when one of these girls gets a flat tire, needs to light the stove pilot, or change a fuse so things in their refrigerator don't go bad, and there won't be a man around to save them. I'll be darned if I watch my toilet overflow in slow motion because I don't know how to turn off the friggin' water or tighten a pipe. I'm not the strongest woman, either, but I'm not going to wring my hands instead of flipping my own mattress.