Lori Alexander on Lawns. Yes, Lawns.

[GeoBQn]

Lori talks about how a well-maintained lawn is essential for winning people over to Jesus.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/10/weed-your-front-yard.html

Proverbs is full of admonitions against laziness and disorder. God is a God of order and beauty. He wants us to be people who work hard and anything we do, to do it with all our might.

When you have a neat and tidy front yard, you are being a witness to your neighbors. When it is ugly, you are being a bad witness. You want them to be happy you are their neighbors and an example in every way to others.

There was an episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit about lawns. They interviewed a man who was thrown in jail by his local Homeowners Association because he was unable to maintain his lawn while getting cancer treatments. Lori would probably be right there, punishing people who have bad lawns instead of helping them.

So if your front yard is ugly, have a family day once a month or once a week if need be and get it cleaned up as a ministry to your neighborhood.

Keeping your lawn free of weeds and debris is not a ministry.

Inviting friends over for dinner is not a ministry.

Having sex with your husband when you don't really want to is not a ministry.

[kpmom]

I showered and brushed my teeth this morning as my smell good ministry.

[lilwriter85]

Lori is starting to go the Duggar route by referring to almost everything as a ministry. In one of her postings from a week or two ago, she said something like "My ministry".

When it comes to stuff like lawn care, if a neighbor's lawn wasn't in great condition, I wouldn't judge them right away because sometimes people can be dealing with other things. I have heard other stories about HOAs getting on people for not maintaining their lawns.

[Khan]

I've had to go to court because I was unable to now my lawn fast enough to suit my neighbors. (I had passed out from heatstroke and was unable to cut grass in 100+ weather). Now I now religiously and have many hideous lawn gnomes as part of my yard ministry.

[GeoBQn]

Now if Lori wanted to organize a group for people to take care of the lawns of those who are unable to do it for various reasons, that I would consider a ministry. Or not--because you can be helpful just to be helpful, and you don't have to attach a religious motive to every damn thing.

[lilwriter85]

I bet if Lori did organize a group to help people in need with lawn care, she probably only help Christians. I can't see her wanting to help non-Christians, agnostics, or atheists. I also couldn't see her helping a gay person who is unable to care his or her lawn.

[GeoBQn]

I actually do recommend the P&T episode about lawns. It never occurred to me how difficult and wasteful they are to maintain, because monocultures like that just don't exist in nature. I know there are some cities where they give tax breaks to people who replace their lawns with "rain gardens"--plants that are usually native to the region and only require rainfall to survive.

[fun2beme]

I live in a townhouse and the HOA takes care of my lawn for a hefty monthly fee. If I do lawn work myself, am I guilty of not being prudent with my resources since I have to pay for it anyway? Or am I a poorly-ministering sloth if I don't?

If a gust of wind makes an item from my recycle bin lands on my neighbor's lawn**, am I causing them to sin?

** Big pet peeve is when my neighbors' don't flip the lid that's directly attached to the bin to close it and stuff flies everywhere. :penguin-no:

[thoughtful]

I just blew my nose -- my ministry is setting a good example by having a clear nose. I call it Anti-booger-tarianism.

As for lawns, I'm from the "if it's plants rather than mud, I'm happy" school. If the non-grass native ground covers took over, I'd be quite content. No worries about offending neighbors -- there are hedges or fences blocking their view, and none of them seem to be perfect-grass-only-lawn-obsessed types.

[Coconut Flan]

It is my mission to keep the lawn service in business.

[GeoBQn]

I just blew my nose -- my ministry is setting a good example by having a clear nose. I call it Anti-booger-tarianism.

Lori's idea of what counts as a ministry is reminding me of the South Park episode where Cartman is trying to figure out what good deeds he could perform in time to get presents from Santa for Christmas. When he asks another character if he can get presents for brushing his teeth, the character responds, "Brushing your teeth isn't good or bad. It counts as . . . brushing your teeth."

[tankgirl]

I decided to read this as if Lori actually was refering to pubic hair maintanence and it made me feel much better, as my inner 12 year old boy chuckled everytime she said "front lawn".

On topic though, if you really want to tick people like Lori off plant a front yard garden. Nothing pisses off these types more then a few raised vegetable growing boxes in replacement if lawn quite the same. My neighbor was furious! I was ok as I hated his big ugly driveway :)

[Mary C Doates]

I live in an apartment, and don't have a lawn. Does this mean I'm going straight to hell? Is Lori going to come into my apartment and determine whether or not I'll be going to hell based on her evaluation of my house plants?

[PennySycamore]

Do you think that if I tell my devout Christian husband that an unkept yard is a bad testimony he'd tidy it up a bit? I don't think anything of the sort, of course. I think the "volunteer" plants are a result of him being so busy with other things including church.

[ThisOlGirl]

Lori is bored. She's really starting to sound a little Lady Lydia-ish.

[Ameliorata]

I'm a little confused by some of the replies here. Is there an actual law in the US that says you have to mow your lawn? As in, this is something you can actually go to prison for not doing? Because that is quite possibly the most bizarre thing I've ever heard in my life. :shock:

[lilwriter85]

I'm a little confused by some of the replies here. Is there an actual law in the US that says you have to mow your lawn? As in, this is something you can actually go to prison for not doing? Because that is quite possibly the most bizarre thing I've ever heard in my life. :shock:

I think it varies between local laws and if homeowner associations have regulations regarding law maintenance.

[Green Glass]

Is she serious with this shit???? I just..... sometimes these fundies are so over-the-top it seems like a parody!

[AtroposHeart]

So I can tell someone's religion by their lawn? What kind of bushes does an atheist lawn have? What about a Wiccan?

[Minerva]

Lori is bored. She's really starting to sound a little Lady Lydia-ish.

Exactly. If you feel the need to make your lawn a ministry, you need a hobby. Unless you're really into mowing grass, in which case don't let me spoil your lawn-care fun.

[salex]

I'm a little confused by some of the replies here. Is there an actual law in the US that says you have to mow your lawn? As in, this is something you can actually go to prison for not doing? Because that is quite possibly the most bizarre thing I've ever heard in my life. :shock:

Most incorporated towns/ cities I've been around have rules on lawns and even empty lots that require mowing at a certain point. I've heard vacant lots were limited to 18 inches. Front yards in my town are likely shorter than that, and there are also restrictions on how high weeds will get. Violators are warned and given notice to correct. If it is not corrected, the city will mow/pull weeds and then send a bill to the owner for the work. Similar rules are in place in the town for peeling paint or other things that just look bad for residential zoning. I am not sure other towns I lived in had this rule, but our town is a suburb that is relatively 'new'

This is just my town. My HOA has rules that include requirements for paint color approval (in the 10 years I've lived here, they have not rejected anyone's choice), limitations on clothes lines, livestock, the size of vegatable gardens and a requirement for upkeep of yards and approval of major shrub/tree planting or addition of swingsets, outbuildings, etc.

None of the HOA rules are new, and everyone who lives here knew the rules before they bought in the neighborhood.

Some towns/cities and many areas outside of towns and cities are not zoned and may or may not have restrictions.

[Coconut Flan]

Where I live, you can't be sent to jail over the condition of the lawn. However, you can get a notice that your yard is a fire hazard or an eye sore. If it isn't cleaned up, then you get a notice that it will be done by the county and you'll get a bill. If it still isn't taken care of, then yeah the county sends in a crew who does whatever they want and the county bills you and may also levy a fine.

[thoughtful]

So I can tell someone's religion by their lawn? What kind of bushes does an atheist lawn have? What about a Wiccan?

Perhaps:

[CelticGoddess]

I have a beautifully maintained front yard. Where else am I going to put my halloween decor, or my twisted Christmas decor or my Steelers decor (when they finally make it to a Super Bowl again). I need a well maintained lawn for all that!

I guess my lawn tells everyone that I am a liberal pagan Christian nut who enjoys gardening and holidays and thinks that white azalea's and any color of Iris rock and loves trees. (I have 5 trees in my front yard, and 2 rather large bushes). Maybe my lawn is why the Mormon's and JW's don't come around anymore. Hmmmm.

[Sumeri]

I live on my town's main street, in our historic district. So not only do I get fined if my lawn isn't mowed, I get fined if my hedges are too tall or my snow isn't shoveled off of the WHOLE sidewalk (no shoveling a little path down the middle). Also, since our house is on the historic register, I can't do anything that would mess with the architectural integrity - like replace the drafty old windows with new ones. I could have custom windows made, which would cost about a million dollars, but I digress. Anyway - the good thing is that my town also really doesn't give a shit what's growing on your lawn as long as it's tidy, so we have a nice collection of slow-growing weeds.

But they wouldn't send me to jail for it or anything silly like that. I got a notice once that my snow wasn't shoveled properly because we had 26 inches in 24 hours and couldn't keep up - for $250 dollars! They gave us a day to do it, though.

But if Lori's so bored, I invite her to bring her ministry to South Dakota in January or February and get her ass behind my snow blower.