Poking fun at religion

[xDreamerx]

And when I was a kid, I remember my mother cracking up when I told her I liked "the Santa song- you know, 'Oh Santa, in the highest!'" Yeah, it's "Hosannah in the highest." Whoops.

Santa and God have a lot of similarities. Both are old guys with white beards who watch you all the time and then punish or reward you. Although the NT is where God really dials up the jolly.

[DamnPrecious]

LOL. I think I have heard that in just about every grace/blessing at church or family functions. Baptist born, Baptist bred and when I die I'll be Baptist dead fits most of my family.

Word! :lol:

[Cassandra]

I just heard this belief from my mom's friend so...

You know you're a Catholic when you think that the bread and wine in a Catholic communion actually transform into the body and blood of Christ upon entering your mouth, but they remain in their natural food state in a Protestant Communion.

[Lainey]

You know you're Catholic when you think baptism by full-body immersion is a little creepy.

You know you're Catholic if you're secretly horrified at the casualness of a Protestant service.

[Lillian]

You know you're a [bored] Catholic [schoolkid] when you say "Lamb of God you take away the sins of the world...mumble mumble"

You know you're a [bored] Catholic [schoolkid] when you are starving hungry in the middle of mass and are jealous of the priest getting to eat the rest of the communion host.

[xDreamerx]

You know you're a [bored] Catholic [schoolkid] when you say "Lamb of God you take away the sins of the world...mumble mumble"

You know you're a [bored] Catholic [schoolkid] when you are starving hungry in the middle of mass and are jealous of the priest getting to eat the rest of the communion host.

LOL!! True. And in your hunger and boredom you work on getting the host/cardboard off the roof of your mouth for the rest of the service. (Apparently you can chew it now, but I raised to think it made Jesus cry :P so I would just sit there licking it trying to force it off the roof of my mouth like peanut butter).

[Lillian]

LOL!! True. And in your hunger and boredom you work on getting the host/cardboard off the roof of your mouth for the rest of the service. (Apparently you can chew it now, but I raised to think it made Jesus cry :P so I would just sit there licking it trying to force it off the roof of my mouth like peanut butter).

Haha yes, I was not allowed to chew. I remember seeing other kids in mass chomping on the host and thinking :shock:

[O Latin]

You know you're a United Methodist if you have a styrofoam coffee cup grafted to your palm. Oh, and United Methodists do "And also with you," too.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Except the ones at my church are paper instead of styrofoam. And the coffee is THE worst stuff imaginable, but we all drink buckets of it because we all got to church at 8 am for choir warm up and it's the only thing keeping us awake.

[ADoyle90815]

You know you're Catholic or from a similar church when you reply "Thanks be to God" after the scripture reading at a memorial service, and happen to sit with a large group of Protestants who are more causal in their worship services.

[Guest Anonymous]

You know you're a Baptist if, when you hear someone from your church has died, your first instinct is to take their family a ham and a "Better Than Sex" dessert.

(Seriously I don't know how it came about, but you can't go to a bereaved household in my state without that toffee, cool-whip, chocolate cake concoction showing up.)

You know you're a Baptist if you drink beer for "medicinal" purposes - otherwise of course you'd never touch the stuff!

You know you're a Baptist if you have the preacher over for dinner and it's cold by the time he finishes asking the blessing.

[nutella addict]

Haha yes, I was not allowed to chew. I remember seeing other kids in mass chomping on the host and thinking :shock:

You know you're Catholic or from a similar church when you reply "Thanks be to God" after the scripture reading at a memorial service, and happen to sit with a large group of Protestants who are more causal in their worship services.

We weren't supposed to chew in my Lutheran church either, and I developed mad skills with my tongue carefully, gently folding the wafer and using the wine to help dissolve it. Some people do chew but I always felt awkward doing it.

And we definitely always said "Thanks be to God" after the Scripture (upon hearing "This is the word of the Lord). As far as I know, that and "Peace be with you." "And also with you." are two things kept by Anglicans/Episcopalians and Lutherans.

I never feel right in casual, completely non-liturgical churches...

[xDreamerx]

Yep it is. There's a funny bit in Little Mosque on the Prairie where one of the older ladies is asked what she would do if the Anglican church closed and she says "Hellllloooo Lutherans!" :)

I went to one with my friend when I was younger. She invited me because it was her church. It was weird because there weren't moves? If you get lost in a liturgical service there are moves to keep you on track, just look at what everyone else is doing and you're good to go. Not to so in non-liturgical services.

[nutella addict]

Hahaha I really need to watch LMotP, I meant to when I was living in Canada but I never had the time :/

It was strange because (at least at this church) it was something like 3 contemporary worship songs like you'd hear on the Christian radio station, and then a very long talk that was more of a lecture than a sermon, and I guess the readings were right before it or worked into it, and then some prayer for the missionaries from that church, and that was it. So you came in, stood at first, and then sat for the whole rest of the time. It was also extremely conservative and evangelical (for Canada). I like mixing the hymns in with readings and shorter messages, I haven't got enough of an attention span to sit and listen to one talk for that long :p. But really it was just so very casual, and yeah I was probably confused by the lack of moves. And I love hymns, I really do. Oh, and I was thrown off by how rarely they did Communion, and by the fact that it was actual bread and grape juice, passed through the pews, instead of wafers and wine handed out at the altar.

I guess I'm a traditionalist :)

Oh, and also, the two liturgical churches I found welcomed gay people and also used a variety of languages, and I loved that, although the first part scandalized some of the members of the non-liturgical church (one boy told me his father told him to avoid one of those denominations because the teachings were "questionable").