Poking fun at religion

[xDreamerx]

I thought it would be cool if we have a thread where we make fun of different religious stereotypes, culture, etc. But not in a hateful way. More of a "You know you're a _____ when _____". A while back, I asked about charismatics and how they pray. One could be "You know you're a charismatic when you raise the God antennas."

I once received an email with "You know you're Anglican when..." my two favourites were:

-When your church kitchen has more corkscrews then any other utensil.

-When you're watching Star Wars and they say "May the force be with you", you've caught yourself answering "And also with you."

Any takers?

[DamnPrecious]

You Know You're a Baptist:

Your definition of fellowship has something to do with food. :lol: This is true in my case

[Alecto]

You know you're a pagan when:

You plan to show up on time, but know nothing is going to start until at least 30 minutes later.

You can actively name 3 groups in your area, and know at least two of those said groups aren't currently speaking.

You know you are Asatru when:

You invoke Waggoner's Law of Heathen Discussion: "1. You're not the boss of me; 2. You're doing that wrong."

[Guest Anonymous]

You know you're a Baptist if you think pre-marital sex is wrong because it might lead to dancing.

You know you're a Baptist if your communion wine is bottled by Welch's.

You know you're a Baptist if you think that Catholics are going to hell because they aren't Christians.

[Alecto]

You know you're a Baptist if you think pre-marital sex is wrong because it might lead to dancing.

Don't forget sex standing up can also lead to dancing!

[doggie]

You know you are a quiverful

when you can't count all your children without removing your shoes.

your daughters Know more about your children then you do.

you have 20 kids but never had sex.

[nutella addict]

Hahaha darn it, Anglicans, you're too darn similar. I was going to remark at least on the "And also with you" for Lutherans. How about "You know you're liturgical when..."? Then we can share it.

You know you're a Lutheran when:

- all fellowship includes food - lots of it! More than you could possibly eat! Here, have thirds! Bring leftovers home!

- you've seen the Reformation Polka on youtube and know all about Reformation Sunday and the 95 Theses

- your church hosts an Oktoberfest, complete with beer, sausages, and sauerkraut

- at least a portion of your congregation speaks German or has German names

- if you're in America, at least some of the congregation is Midwestern (and still has the accent to prove it)

- your church still has an organ

[xDreamerx]

Hahaha darn it, Anglicans, you're too darn similar. I was going to remark at least on the "And also with you" for Lutherans. How about "You know you're liturgical when..."? Then we can share it.

You know you're a Lutheran when:

- all fellowship includes food - lots of it! More than you could possibly eat! Here, have thirds! Bring leftovers home!

- you've seen the Reformation Polka on youtube and know all about Reformation Sunday and the 95 Theses

- your church hosts an Oktoberfest, complete with beer, sausages, and sauerkraut

- at least a portion of your congregation speaks German or has German names

- if you're in America, at least some of the congregation is Midwestern (and still has the accent to prove it)

- your church still has an organ

Mine did haha. "Liturgical" works also "Episcopalian" and "Anglican" are the same for Americans (well save the Monarch, but theology).

-You find yourself reacting to new things with, "But we've never done it that way before."

-You consider using the wrong fork a serious offense to propriety.

-You've toasted the Queen before (This might be a Canadianism).

-You've gone to a Protestant church and wondered where the kneelers were

I also read one that was like "The Anglican Church: Refusing to Answer Questions Since 1534." I love a good Henry joke lol. (Though point out to most Anglicans that he was the start of their religion (although the majority of the doctrine is Elizabethan) and they get kind of offended)

There was a good line in Gilmore girls, that wasn't religion specific but still kind related, "You can't keep Anglo-Saxons waiting for cake. They'll form new clubs." :P

[Lainey]

I'm not Catholic, but my mother is and she dragged me along to church on occasion. Whenever I hear "May the force be with you," my first thought is also, "And also with you!" So you gotta let the Catholics in to share that, too. :mrgreen:

[maybeizfundie]

You know you're a Mennonite if "fellowship"=casserole.

[nutella addict]

Mine did haha. "Liturgical" works also "Episcopalian" and "Anglican" are the same for Americans (well save the Monarch, but theology).

-You find yourself reacting to new things with, "But we've never done it that way before."

-You consider using the wrong fork a serious offense to propriety.

-You've toasted the Queen before (This might be a Canadianism).

-You've gone to a Protestant church and wondered where the kneelers were

Yeah, I know about Episcopalian/Anglican :) My Dad was raised CoE/Anglican but I grew up in the States as a Lutheran (Mom's side).

My entire congregation does the first one. Every time. They're moving toward embracing change but it's kind of funny, because even the people suggesting changes are like that.

Can't say I know anyone who's done the 2nd and 3rd, at least not in terms of religion.

Lutherans only kneel at the altar for Communion :)

More:

You know you're a Lutheran when:

- You sit and stand up so much in church you suspect it's partly to keep you awake and in shape

- Catholic hymns seem awfully short

For comedic relief on Catholics vs Protestants, including hymns (Oh Dara O Briain, I love you):

v0thRUS1wUw

[ElphabaGalinda]

This is fun!

Ok...you know you're jewish when:

- You know there's no better way to break the fast than bagels, lox and cream cheese.

- You eat Chinese food and go to the movies on Christmas

- You know a lot of yiddish words and find yourself inserting them into everyday language.

- You know the difference between Askenazi, Sephardic, Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, MoDox, Reconstructionist, etc

- Your bubby makes the BEST matzo ball soup, no matter what anyone else says.

- You have tried to use yiddish words in scrabble.

There are more, but these are the ones I can remember off the top of my head and personally relate to.

[ladypuglover]

Yeah, I know about Episcopalian/Anglican :) My Dad was raised CoE/Anglican but I grew up in the States as a Lutheran (Mom's side).

My entire congregation does the first one. Every time. They're moving toward embracing change but it's kind of funny, because even the people suggesting changes are like that.

Can't say I know anyone who's done the 2nd and 3rd, at least not in terms of religion.

Lutherans only kneel at the altar for Communion :)

More:

You know you're a Lutheran when:

- You sit and stand up so much in church you suspect it's partly to keep you awake and in shape

- Catholic hymns seem awfully short

For comedic relief on Catholics vs Protestants, including hymns (Oh Dara O Briain, I love you):

v0thRUS1wUw

Please teach the rest of us how to youtube feature. :pray: please?

[Seven Severn]

You know you're a United Methodist if you have a styrofoam coffee cup grafted to your palm. Oh, and United Methodists do "And also with you," too.

[Deleted02]

You know you're a Baptist if you think pre-marital sex is wrong because it might lead to dancing.

You know you're a Baptist if your communion wine is bottled by Welch's.

You know you're a Baptist if you think that Catholics are going to hell because they aren't Christians.

Oh you stole some of mine! LOL

You know you're Baptist if you pray for the food you are about to eat brings nourishment to your body, especially if it's fried chicken.

[xDreamerx]

Can't say I know anyone who's done the 2nd and 3rd, at least not in terms of religion.

[anniebgood]

You know you're Lutheran if you

* have at least 4 recipes with green jello in them

* know recipes for something with every cream of soup in the store

* drink coffee even if it's 90Ëš and 90% humidity outside

* think terrible things about the visitors who are sitting in "my pew"

* know there are more modern settings to the service but prefer the one that was like the one in the green book

* have a church women's basement cookbook in your recipe box

And I go to a church that was founded by Norwegians and Swedes. Felt so strange there at first, since my 1st two churches were solidly German.

[changemanagement]

The Episcopal church. During service I used to mumble "stand up, sit down, fight fight fight". You clearly move a lot - lol.

Hums.."Let us depart and pee..in the name of the Lord. AAAAAAAAAA men"

[clibbyjo]

You know you're a pagan when:

You plan to show up on time, but know nothing is going to start until at least 30 minutes later.

You can actively name 3 groups in your area, and know at least two of those said groups aren't currently speaking.

You know you are Asatru when:

You invoke Waggoner's Law of Heathen Discussion: "1. You're not the boss of me; 2. You're doing that wrong."

So true about the Pagan's. LOL, at least if I am late I never miss anything because nothing starts on time!

[TMS]

You know you're a Catholic when you genuflect before sitting down at the movie theater.

My kids have actually done this before, when they were little. Oops!

[xDreamerx]

You know you're a Catholic when you genuflect before sitting down at the movie theater.

My kids have actually done this before, when they were little. Oops!

Aww!! That's kind of funny.

-You compare other wines to Communion wine. I distinctly remember saying to a friend, "This tastes faintly of Communion." I can't really describe what about it made me say that, it just had a certain quality.

[Vex]

You know you're an Anglican when the church throws a 'BYO' BBQ and there's nothing to eat because everyone brought their own wine.

True in my experience!

[FaustianSlip]

You know you're an Anglican when you go looking for mugs at coffee hour and can't find one, but you do find seven corkscrews.

And when I was a kid, I remember my mother cracking up when I told her I liked "the Santa song- you know, 'Oh Santa, in the highest!'" Yeah, it's "Hosannah in the highest." Whoops.

You know you're Jewish when...

three out of the four sermons your rabbi gives over Passover reference macaroons... and not in a positive way.

you've had lengthy debates about the relative merits of light versus dense matzo balls (or latkes).

you actually like gefilte fish.

you buy dozens of bagels every time you visit NYC.

you got a little too excited upon discovering that both Baconnaise and bacon salt are certified kosher (an Orthodox friend actually did this).

you don't believe the New Testament because, after watching the guys at Hillel try to put up a Sukkah year after year, the very idea of a Jewish carpenter is laughable.

[pomology]

This is fun!

Ok...you know you're jewish when:

- You know there's no better way to break the fast than bagels, lox and cream cheese.

- You eat Chinese food and go to the movies on Christmas

- You know a lot of yiddish words and find yourself inserting them into everyday language.

- You know the difference between Askenazi, Sephardic, Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, MoDox, Reconstructionist, etc

- Your bubby makes the BEST matzo ball soup, no matter what anyone else says.

- You have tried to use yiddish words in scrabble.

There are more, but these are the ones I can remember off the top of my head and personally relate to.

All that is so true! Except it's my father, not my Bubbie who makes the best matzo ball soup. ...but I do in fact call my grandmother Bubbie.

[autumnchild]

Oh you stole some of mine! LOL

You know you're Baptist if you pray for the food you are about to eat brings nourishment to your body, especially if it's fried chicken.

LOL. I think I have heard that in just about every grace/blessing at church or family functions. Baptist born, Baptist bred and when I die I'll be Baptist dead fits most of my family.