Another Baby with Jesus

[Coconut Flan]

how can people possibly NOT want the blessing and joy of babies?

Because we all aren't baby hoarders and we'd rather do a great job with a few than a lousy job with too many or a dreadful job of even one if we aren't cut out to be parents.

[cindyluvs24]

I'm uncomfortable with the mother sharing everything with her daughters regarding the pregnancies. At some point its between husband and wife and inviting your kids in is just, I don't know. It rubs me the wrong way. Obviously, after a miscarriage, the kids could be told so that they could give mom a break, she's had a rough time. But to play out this whole "Our babies in heaven" to the degree that a 22 yr old can't wait to "meet" them when she gets there? She;'ll find the conversation a little one-sided. Ten week old fetuses aren't much fun to play with.

[paganhomeschooler]

At that age I would certainly not tell till it could be hidden no more. and making young kids go through such a thing just horrid

I dont' have any kids older than 4 but at what age do you finally start telling them about death? And possibly not replacing the belly up goldfish before the kid notices?

My 4 yo knows about death. He went to my uncle's funeral this past Labor Day. We've had multiple pets over the years, and we've never kept it from the kids when one died. Hell, when my 8 yo son's pet mouse died last year, we all cried! We loved that little mouse. Santa brought him a new mouse for Xmas this year. He looks just like the old one. My son named him Forrest2, but the 2 is silent. lol He was named after his mouse predecessor, who was named after Forrest Gump because he liked run-ning in his wheel.

And good lord the fish. My SAHD of a SIL has taken it upon herself to get the 4 yo his own pets the last 2 years for his bday. For his 3rd bday, it was a red clawed crab that lived in our main tank....until the damn thing GOT OUT and shriveled up and died, only to be found 6 months+ later when moving furniture. *shudders* I could have won an Olympic medal in the high jump. Last year, she got him his OWN tank with a betta, because every 4 yo needs their own fish tank. He's gone through about 4 bettas now. We gave up on them and got him some Mickey Mouse platies instead. I don't even want to think about what she might get him this year. But, with all the pet carnage, none of them have been scarred. Kids understand things way better than one would think. Bruce Jenner, of all people, got on whichever K-daughter has the little boy about not telling him his fish died and buying new ones, to just tell him the truth. She finally did, and he was fine. Bruce bought him a little book about pets dying because he likes books.

[AuntCloud]

Because we all aren't baby hoarders and we'd rather do a great job with a few than a lousy job with too many or a dreadful job of even one if we aren't cut out to be parents.

How can people possibly NOT want the blessing a joy of being a home-owner? Except for when you have to pay major $$ so that your roof won't leak and your sewage remains contained in the pipes rather than all over. Except for when you spend your cherished weekends sanding and painting and drilling and fixing, or running to and from your second home - the Home Depot. Except for when it's your name on the mortgage papers and tax assessment, except when you see house prices on your street drop or watching your home being destroyed by a natural disaster.

When I took on my mortgage, the bank made damn sure I'll be able to pay it off and still have some money for taxes and condo fees. Too bad having a kid is easier than taking on a mortgage, hell, even in our renting days we had to show proof of our not being deadbeats who ruin the hardwood and develop a grow-op in the basement.

[docmom]

Why do some people choose to limit God? People can't limit a god. IF you assume that God is omnipotent, then you can view all babies born who were unplanned as births God wanted, and all successful pregnancy preventions, abortions, etc the same as your mothers mulitple miscarriages-- God's will.

This! On one hand they claim god is almight, omnipotent, all-knowing and on the other they claim people are deliberately thwarting god's will. If god is ominpotent you CANNOT thwart his will. He can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. That means god is aware of, and apparently OK with, birth control, abortion, Obama, and evolution.

[HereticHick]

I can't believe that this 45-year old woman not only told her whole family she was pregnant, after only a couple weeks, but also TOLD CHURCH FRIENDS--because they sent her a bouquet. Need attention much? One would think that after 4 miscarriages, at her age, she would be a bit cautious.

[bbtlover]

When I was pregnant, I wasn't going to tell anyone other than DH until 13 weeks, but my daughter(who's 7) saw some papers I brought back from the doctor's office. She was so excited to be a big sister again that she told absolutely everybody that she saw and met. My kids were able to understand when their sister died at 29 wks gestation. They're 7 and 5. It was hard to tell them, but since they knew about their sister for so long that it was necessary. It is a conversation I never want to have again. I will have the death conversation again when DS's betta fish dies, but I bet he'll take it just fine and it is a little different when it is a sibling compared to a fish.

[Blahblah]

^^ hugs to you. Losing a baby is absolutely traumatic without having to explain it to your children as well. And at 29 weeks you lost an actual baby.

A miscarriage at 10 weeks is an entirely different matter.

[Jana814]

I can't believe that this 45-year old woman not only told her whole family she was pregnant, after only a couple weeks, but also TOLD CHURCH FRIENDS--because they sent her a bouquet. Need attention much? One would think that after 4 miscarriages, at her age, she would be a bit cautious.

Agree!!!

[Jana814]

I am now just reading this topic. I am agreeing w/ so many of you!! I have to say I thought the Bontrager mother was older then 45.

[Violet]

I really do feel for women who suffer miscarriages and not denying anyone their right to grieve. (Hugs to you and your family bbtlover) However I don't get why these women, i.e. Michelle Duggar, Kelly Bates Whatsherface (Forgotten her name) Bontrager etc, can't see the 10+ children they already have and "count their blessings" as it were. For what it's worth, I'm an IVF triplet (born at 28 weeks, one brother has mild cp, the other died 2 days later) and asked my parents (as a teenager) if they ever considered having more children. Her response: they decided they had been really lucky to even have us and were going to quit while they were ahead, also they didn't want to stop a childless couple doing IVF because they were doing a second attempt.

[Jana814]

I really do feel for women who suffer miscarriages and not denying anyone their right to grieve. (Hugs to you and your family bbtlover) However I don't get why these women, i.e. Michelle Duggar, Kelly Bates Whatsherface (Forgotten her name) Bontrager etc, can't see the 10+ children they already have and "count their blessings" as it were. For what it's worth, I'm an IVF triplet (born at 28 weeks, one brother has mild cp, the other died 2 days later) and asked my parents (as a teenager) if they ever considered having more children. Her response: they decided they had been really lucky to even have us and were going to quit while they were ahead, also they didn't want to stop a childless couple doing IVF because they were doing a second attempt.

Sounds like u have some level headed parents!! Many people would not think like that.

[Violet]

Thank you Jana814 :)

[Oddeverything]

I am infertile and I am largely sanguine about it. I did not have an intense desire for a child and therefore the expense and discomfort involved in circumventing my infertility seemed far too great a price to pay and I am very lucky that my husband agreed with me and that my family respects my choices (well, all of them except for that one blowhard uncle we all seem to have). And please know that what I am about to say may be applicable only to me and is not meant to diminish anyone's experience, especially experiences different than mine amongst the infertile women approaching menopause.

Not being defined by my fertility has enabled me not to fear menopause. I like growing older. I like my gray hair. I don't feel like good things are being taken away from me as I get older. And while I am making provisions now to deal with upcoming bone loss and certain problems that come with menopause, I don't fear getting old because my youthful fertility was not the whole of my life.

I find people who reproduce in grand numbers very curious and I sadly find many of these families reprehensible as they crank out one baby after another because, for some reason, their God values quantity in all matters reproductive. But I cannot help but feel sad for Michelle Dugger and these 45-year-old women who are experience miscarriage after miscarriage as they try to wring one more drop of fertility out of an increasingly dry body. How terrifying it must be to have spent one's life valued for one's fecundity and know that value is going to be stripped away via the natural progression of aging.

I think Mama Bontranger is terrified by her future as much as she mourns her lost embryos. And how very pathetic and sad it must be to be defined by one's reproductive viability. In a sick way, it's as limiting as the society they think they rebel against, the modern world that place value only on a woman's appearance. Both societies have little use for the middle-aged woman. They can't count their blessings because their blessings are only of value as long as they are current blessings. It's a sickening and pitiful measure of the worth of a woman.

[FJismyheadship]

Am I the only one who read the title and thought someone was going to say Jesus got them pregnant?

[fundiefan]

The loss of any wanted child is painful and real.

That said, when you are 45 years old, you can't be surprised. If some god made us, he/she/it made us to work as we do.

Women go through menopause for a reason. Women reach a point where their bodies cannot nurture a new human being.

I'm 45. I'm also in menopause. For all that comes with this stage of life. I am grateful that at the very least I do not have to deal with even the idea of pregnancy. My body is done with that; so are my organs. My eggs are drying up and not very sturdy; they only show up sporadically anyway. My back and ankles ache and even downright hurt when I get out of bed in the morning. No amount of exercise will make my hands as strong and capable as they once were, since the arthritis I've always had to a degree is becoming predominant.

I am far from over, but I know my limits. I know what I - and my body - are capable of. Bearing a child, then raising it - well, that's a limited possibility for a reason.

These breeders need to learn to love what and who they have and stop focusing on more...more...more. They won't win prizes for killing themselves to pro-create. They just won't.

[NovemberRain]

Am I the only one who read the title and thought someone was going to say Jesus got them pregnant?

LMAO! That is the first thing i thought. I immediately had a vision of that movie "Agnes of God"

[Patsy]

Because we all aren't baby hoarders and we'd rather do a great job with a few than a lousy job with too many or a dreadful job of even one if we aren't cut out to be parents.

I want a baby! Oh, my God, I want a baby so so so much. Sometimes when I'm walking I feel something's missing because I don't have a sling on my front. To be a parent is the deepest, most desperate desire of my life, I have always wanted it and sometimes I get clucky enough to almost cry.

Ooh, and I'm a single job seeking student living in shared accommodation with almost no savings. But fuck that, right? Just have a baby right now because I waaaant to. :roll:

[Convicted Blossom]

I am so over people who announce pregnancy at conception. Do they have little cameras so that they can see whether the sperm has reached the goal posts? And when they make these announcements why must they tell every one they meet? And why, when there is a high risk of the pregnancy not going to full-term, would you tell everyone in sight.

Stop it people!

[Jana814]

I am so over people who announce pregnancy at conception. Do they have little cameras so that they can see whether the sperm has reached the goal posts? And when they make these announcements why must they tell every one they meet? And why, when there is a high risk of the pregnancy not going to full-term, would you tell everyone in sight.

Stop it people!

Agree!!

[dairyfreelife]

I'm not so much upset that she told her children, I'm more annoyed with the "how can anyone not want the blessing of children?" bullshit and "how come people abort babies and we want more and can't have them?" Really, you have like 10 children. I'd say you've been plenty "blessed". I have a better question. How come you are allowed to keep having baby after baby without any care to the welfare of your living children and many people would be so thrilled to just have one healthy baby they can love and cherish and can't have them?"

I get that this lifestyle is all about women being human baby churners and that makes these women miserable when they no longer are able to churn another out, but if you really think children are blessings from god, why don't you appreciate each and every child for who they are and cherish in the amazing being you created who needs your love and attention to flourish?

[Violet]

I'm not so much upset that she told her children, I'm more annoyed with the "how can anyone not want the blessing of children?" bullshit and "how come people abort babies and we want more and can't have them?" Really, you have like 10 children. I'd say you've been plenty "blessed". I have a better question. How come you are allowed to keep having baby after baby without any care to the welfare of your living children and many people would be so thrilled to just have one healthy baby they can love and cherish and can't have them?"

I get that this lifestyle is all about women being human baby churners and that makes these women miserable when they no longer are able to churn another out, but if you really think children are blessings from god, why don't you appreciate each and every child for who they are and cherish in the amazing being you created who needs your love and attention to flourish?

:clap:

[RosyDaisy]

This is complete and utter made up crap! I'm talking about the stuff with the little girl not the miscarriage.

[desertvixen]

I am probably going to step on some toes here, but it makes me really uncomfortable when a 9 year old is brought in on the fact that their 45 year old mother is in the very early stages of pregnancy. That little girl should not have to go through this kind of grief, but if her mother continues on this path it probably won't be the last time.

I agree with you, at least.

By the time I can open up the baby factory again (unfortunately, since I have one of those pesky jobs that puts requirements on me, but all my fault because I am an evil liberated feminist), I will be 35. My daughter will be 8. She is at the stage where she is really excited about the concept of a sibling. It would be really painful for her to go through that sort of thing, so I would NOT tell her. Just like I do not disclose that my future SIL is on bed rest, because my daughter is 6 and does not need to worry like the rest of us do.