Sparkling Adventures Blog

[Blahblah]

And surely she needs to pay attention to what apps they are choosing to use even if they are installed. Can you really see kids choosing maths apps over pretty cartoon game apps unless guided in that direction? Not all kids are inclined to better themselves no matter what their sparkly mummy believes they will do.

Entropy occurs in kids too. If the energy isn't corralled and directed you just get chaos. Even unschooling (if done properly) has goals and outcomes doesn't it?

Seems to me that everything we all find horrendous about Lauren can be summed up in one word: disengagement.

[heidi]

Seems to me that everything we all find horrendous about Lauren can be summed up in one word: disengagement.

I agree, and I think that either her disengagement has grown since Elijah's death or that she's filtering herself less and we're seeing more and more how disengaged she was all along.

[kolga]

I agree, and I think that either her disengagement has grown since Elijah's death or that she's filtering herself less and we're seeing more and more how disengaged she was all along.

If it's the former, I think it could be explained in the context of a depressive process triggered by the murder of her son by her husband. Does she ever refer to Elijah's murder that way? Calling it "my son's death" sort of mitigates the actual horror of it.

[lilith]

She was always detached, but David compensated for it. He was by far the more involved and hands on parent.

[Guest Anonymous]

If it's the former, I think it could be explained in the context of a depressive process triggered by the murder of her son by her husband. Does she ever refer to Elijah's murder that way? Calling it "my son's death" sort of mitigates the actual horror of it.

She was quite disengaged from the children, and suffered severe depressive episodes before Elijah's death, but David was the primary caregiver then, so it may have been masked. Bur for example, on one occasion when David took the older girls somewhere, she spoke of being "forced" to engage with the younger girl. Quite soon before Elijah's death, Lauren took off for several days (maybe more than a week?), leaving Aisha to tell David she was gone. She bought a van, visited friends and got her dreadlocks done while the girls were left with David not knowing, if or when she would return.

[CheeseDeprived]

You actually have to know more than them, and more about everything in general so you can spot deficiencies and come up with ways to spark their interest in those areas. If reading about homeschooling makes me feel tired, reading about (good) unschooling makes me exhausted.

Yeah, it is very demanding, that's for sure (homeschooling, that is - I haven't tried unschooling [yet?]). chaotic life described it really well in her post. When I first started homeschooling, I was absolutely shattered. You have to be very switched on. You may not be doing much physically, but mentally you are constantly on high alert - that's been my experience, anyway.

The cynic in me is wondering if it's just easier for Lauren to have kids who aren't reading. It means she doesn't have to monitor their online activities, nor worry about providing suitable reading material, nor answer questions about things they've read.

[kolga]

She was quite disengaged from the children, and suffered severe depressive episodes before Elijah's death, but David was the primary caregiver then, so it may have been masked. Bur for example, on one occasion when David took the older girls somewhere, she spoke of being "forced" to engage with the younger girl. Quite soon before Elijah's death, Lauren took off for several days (maybe more than a week?), leaving Aisha to tell David she was gone. She bought a van, visited friends and got her dreadlocks done while the girls were left with David not knowing, if or when she would return.

I remember "Lauren Left" video - is that the one where she took off with the baby?

Any sympathy I have for her seemingly years-long struggle with severe depression is wiped out whenever I see pictures of those children looking filthy and bedraggled, often being in some sort of danger. If she can't emotionally care for them, GIVE THEM TO SOMEONE WHO CAN. :angry-cussingblack:

[ILoveJellybeans]

Its sad that David actually seems to be the better parent out of the two, even if he killed his own baby.

Although then again, its pure luck that Lauren hasnt yet.

[happy atheist]

I remember "Lauren Left" video - is that the one where she took off with the baby?

Yep, that's the one.

Lauren posted about it, too, about hitchhiking with the baby, and how it took her so long to get the money to buy the van because she had a limit to how much she could get from an ATM each day. And, I believe, sleeping in the van with the baby while she was paying it off. Just all kinds of crazy.

[chaotic life]

Honestly, a parent who abandons her children like that should never be allowed custsody by the other parent again. They should be required to start visitation slowly, with lots of supervision and lots of keeping their promises. You do NOT abandon your children the way she did. She can re-write history and say she was just going to get a vehicle for them, but it's a LIE. She left when only Aisha was awake and told AISHA that she was leaving so David could find righteousness. He woke up with her and the nursling gone and the girls frantic. He hung out at the truck until he was told to leave by the people in Johnny's house. At that point, he went and got a hotel room with the girls At some point, Lauren finally contacted him to tell him she was going to take time off and would be back with a van to drive, at which point they THEN treated it like a big vacation and everything was good.

They have both always been unstable. David became unstable to the point he killed Elijah, murdered his innocent infant for no reason. She is so unstable she will at the least neglect the surviving children, at the most she might allow one of them to die under her supposed watch.

[holierthanyou]

Yeah, it is very demanding, that's for sure (homeschooling, that is - I haven't tried unschooling [yet?]). chaotic life described it really well in her post. When I first started homeschooling, I was absolutely shattered. You have to be very switched on. You may not be doing much physically, but mentally you are constantly on high alert - that's been my experience, anyway.

The cynic in me is wondering if it's just easier for Lauren to have kids who aren't reading. It means she doesn't have to monitor their online activities, nor worry about providing suitable reading material, nor answer questions about things they've read.

Bingo.

[happy atheist]

If you gave your children the freedom to eat whatever they wanted in your house, whenever they wanted it, would your shopping list change?

Why must everything be an extreme with her? Why can't she just have a cupboard and a shelf in the fridge for the kids, that they are free to choose from?

This reminds me of people who think that all entertainment should be family friendly. What exactly is wrong with having some things that are for adults only? Adults have different interests than children.

[August]

Rules and black and white thinking. Having a snack shelf is too ambiguous.

When I think of OCD and black and white thinking, they really do make the perfect pair. One of the driving forces behind OCD is the need to know with absolute certainty that nothing bad is going to happen. What a perfect example of black and white thinking: Either I am 100% sure that I (and/or those I care about) am completely safe, or I am definitely in great danger. No gray, nothing in between.

http://ocdtalk.wordpress.com/2012/04/23 ... -thinking/

[happy atheist]

Rules and black and white thinking. Having a snack shelf is too ambiguous.

http://ocdtalk.wordpress.com/2012/04/23 ... -thinking/

I don't think she displays any other signs of OCD. She's certainly not hung up on routines of any sort. Or hygiene.

Do you see anything else in her behavior that fits?

[August]

The pegs on the line. The clothes. And I think she's said she has it. But she absolutely lives her life as if she's a black and white thinker. In fact, her whole life is one big OCD ritual. If she sticks to the rules, everything will be OK. Thats why the rules are so strictly kept, whether it's a feeding schedule or the absolute absence of a feeding schedule.

sparklingadventures.com/index.php?id=1045

sparklingadventures.com/index.php?id=741

sparklingadventures.com/index.php?id=1718

Routines and hygiene are to OCD as multiple personalities are to schizophrenia

OCD signs and symptoms: Obsessive thoughts

Common obsessive thoughts in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) include:

Fear of being contaminated by germs or dirt or contaminating others.

Fear of causing harm to yourself or others.

Intrusive sexually explicit or violent thoughts and images.

Excessive focus on religious or moral ideas.

Fear of losing or not having things you might need.

Order and symmetry: the idea that everything must line up “just right.â€

Superstitions; excessive attention to something considered lucky or unlucky.

OCD signs and symptoms: Compulsive behaviors

Common compulsive behaviors in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) include:

Excessive double-checking of things, such as locks, appliances, and switches.

Repeatedly checking in on loved ones to make sure they’re safe.

Counting, tapping, repeating certain words, or doing other senseless things to reduce anxiety.

Spending a lot of time washing or cleaning.

Ordering or arranging things “just so.â€

Praying excessively or engaging in rituals triggered by religious fear.

Accumulating “junk†such as old newspapers or empty food containers.

[Guest Anonymous]

I think that 'black and white thinking' is simply one of many traits of OCD. She fits this particular trait but there is little evidence that she would meet a clinical diagnosis based on the full range of factors.

[Chicken bones]

Multiple personalities are not the same or really an aspect of schizophrenia. If anything, I think she's more of a borderline personality type. Not that I am in any qualified to assess anyone.

[CheeseDeprived]

Multiple personalities are not the same or really an aspect of schizophrenia. If anything, I think she's more of a borderline personality type. Not that I am in any qualified to assess anyone.

Yes, that would fit in with her wild mood swings, complete 180-degree turns she's done about certain things, inability to handle criticism, falling out with people...

But, same here - armchair psychologist only. Not qualified in any way. ;)

And then there's narcissistic personality disorder, which fits her quite nicely too. In fact, if I had to pick one, I'd go with NPD for her.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Yeah, Id say narccistic personality disorder. I know someone who has it who acts like Lauren (other than that her children were taken away before she managed to kill any of them), with the way she sees her children as a reason for people to compliment her for but actually neglects them, wild mood swings, not coping with criticism and going from loving someone to hating them at the drop of a hat and the way she uses other people.

[August]

Multiple personalities are not the same or really an aspect of schizophrenia. If anything, I think she's more of a borderline personality type. Not that I am in any qualified to assess anyone.

Exactly. OCD is not the sterotype.

[kitkat]

I'm still not convinced that David is the one who killed the baby. I think its very possible that Lauren did, either deliberately or through neglect, and David is taking the blame.

[wild little fox]

I'm still not convinced that David is the one who killed the baby. I think its very possible that Lauren did, either deliberately or through neglect, and David is taking the blame.

Me, too.

Can someone have both borderline personality disorder AND narcissistic personality disorder?

[chaotic life]

Yes. They are in the same "cluster" of personality disorders and can indeed be co-morbid.....often are for female NPDs, actually.

[greek_chorus]

I've finished reading this thread and I'm about 25 pages into the first thread, so this may have been mentioned and I missed it. This case really reminds me of Andrea Yates. I don't know what psych issues these people suffer from, but something is definitely off. I keep wondering if baby number 5 was just too much for David. For being former fundies their gender roles are oddly reversed. It's apparent he's the primary caregiver and that Lauren is the birther/child collector. I think it was a suicide attempt on his part, but that his survival instinct kicked in. I can't help but wonder if Lauren was abusing or neglecting Elijah and so David thought he would spare him. But it is eerie how much this reminds me of the Yates case, where Lauren is Rusty and David is Andrea. I feel so bad for those poor children.

[happy atheist]

I'm with you on the suicide attempt. It will be interesting to see what comes out at trial.