Arndt version of sexy time

[Guest LilaFowler]

I think I'm going to faint when they announce one of the boys is courting.

[gustava]

I think I'm going to faint when they announce one of the boys is courting.

Will they do a courtship? Or some Arndtian version?

[Witsec7]

Will they do a courtship? Or some Arndtian version?

The Arndt version will include a try out for the softball team.

[Inanna]

The Arndt version will include a try out for the softball team.

I would watch this, not even gonna lie. :D

[Emme]

I would watch this, not even gonna lie. :D

Seconded. Also, if one of the boys got married, there would FINALLY be another female besides Wizzy in the house.

[SisiL78]

There seem to be sooooo many single Fundy women (I suspect that lots of Fundy guys run away from the lifestyle when they get old enough to). How on earth could there not be a single girl desperate enough to see one of the Arndt boys as a good match..

Heck, maybe Rebecca Eleventy? Or is she too obsessed with the Maxwells to accept an Arndt?

[kpmom]

There seem to be sooooo many single Fundy women (I suspect that lots of Fundy guys run away from the lifestyle when they get old enough to). How on earth could there not be a single girl desperate enough to see one of the Arndt boys as a good match..

Heck, maybe Rebecca Eleventy? Or is she too obsessed with the Maxwells to accept an Arndt?

I thought this too. Are the "boys" doing anything to find these perfect women?

[Witsec7]

Seconded. Also, if one of the boys got married, there would FINALLY be another female besides Wizzy in the house.

I think Mama Arndt has a case of the Queen Bee and would not permit another female in her home besides her daughter.

[truthteller]

I thought this too. Are the "boys" doing anything to find these perfect women?

This video explains the insanity as to why the manboys don't actually pursue a woman. It's hard to follow because the guy speaks in a manner that is incoherant.

Everyone is this family has inherited dad's windbagging tendency to ramble on ad nauseum about nothing.

The result of 30 years of brainwashing...

Tip: Skip to the 9 min. mark

http://youtu.be/0-L5_QKGvSs

[adayinthelife]

That video was the definition of saying a lot while saying nothing, though it explains exactly why they're all still single and living at home.

So, corresponding with a member of the opposite sex has to be temporary because it could go further? Do they not know that that is exactly how you end up meeting someone and determining whether you'd like to go further in the relationship? Your soul mate isn't going to be announced with trumpets and roses from heaven. You have to get out and meet people! Yes, it may mean you'll be in relationship with someone you end up realizing isn't right for you. Why is that such a problem??

It seems for all their talk about finding the right girl, they actually don't really want to find her.

[RosyDaisy]

Man-child in the video isn't making any sense. Somebody give him the usual script for answering this question.

[snarkyjan]

I thought this too. Are the "boys" doing anything to find these perfect women?

What they hope is that the ideal woman will come wafting into their kitchen like Venus On The Half-Shell (clothed, of course).

[Olive Plant]

ETA:

Uh, actually, yep. I know a few people who have expressed regret that they didn't experience more during their young adult lives because they were held back by archaic religious beliefs or just because they were shy. Or who later wished they'd had more sexual happenings before they promised fidelity to one person. At least five off of the top of my head. Next question?

ME! Not waiting would have saved me from a terrible marriage. Having sex would have clued me in to the fact that he was a terrible person (you can tell a lot by the way someone treats you when you're naked), and it also would have spared me the desire to get married so I could have sex.

Also, the part where he mentions the "consequences" of premarital sex as "bitter memories" ... that's called a guilt trip. It's self-inflicted. If you don't feel guilty, the memories are great. Even if you do feel guilty, sometimes they can still be great. Well, unless your partner was a jerk. But I tend to feel less distraught over having quick sex with a jerk than marrying one.

[SpeakNow]

ME! Not waiting would have saved me from a terrible marriage. Having sex would have clued me in to the fact that he was a terrible person (you can tell a lot by the way someone treats you when you're naked), and it also would have spared me the desire to get married so I could have sex.

Also, the part where he mentions the "consequences" of premarital sex as "bitter memories" ... that's called a guilt trip. It's self-inflicted. If you don't feel guilty, the memories are great. Even if you do feel guilty, sometimes they can still be great. Well, unless your partner was a jerk. But I tend to feel less distraught over having quick sex with a jerk than marrying one.

I'm not married, but if my wedding night was anything like my first time having sex, I would've seriously questioned the whole marriage thing. My first time was with my extremely caring and gentle boyfriend. He went out of his way to make sure I wasn't hurting and do things that felt good for me. Even with that, it sill hurt quite a bit at first. With a fundie man-child, there would be no "does this feel good? does this hurt you? should I do this?" It would be tons of painful thrusting. No thank you. I'll keep my heathen ways.

[wild little fox]

ExperienceDD said:

I think Mama Arndt has a case of the Queen Bee and would not permit another female in her home besides her daughter.

Yep. I think this is exactly what is going on.

[Minerva]

I think Mama Arndt has a case of the Queen Bee and would not permit another female in her home besides her daughter.

Which is a problem, because can you picture any of those men trying to live separate from their parents?

[formergothardite]

Which is a problem, because can you picture any of those men trying to live separate from their parents?

I really can't. But I think if one took the step and became a real adult and cut the apron strings, it would pave the way for the rest to follow.

[SisiL78]

I've seen that video before and this second time I was able to decipher a little bit of what they are talking about. Basically the gist is that the guys are doing NOTHING to find and attract a woman. They are trying to be "in the right place" in life, whatever that means. I understand the concept they are talking about, basically that you will meet "the one" by going about your daily life and doing what's meaningful to you and hopefully that person will be there doing what's meaningful to them and your paths will cross. But these guys live at home, hang out with their family, and do very little outside of some irregular jobs where they can't really fraternize and a once yearly softball tournament. Unless "the one" who meets the very narrow requirements of the Arndt clan shoes up at the softball tournament and goes up to them and starts flirting then they won't meet her. And the irony is that "the one" who meets those requirements would not be the kind of girl who goes to a softball tournament and announces herself to a single man. Their type of girl is waiting patiently in her parent's house for the guy to find her and propose to Daddy first. So there's quite a disconnect here.

FWIW, I think meeting the right person is akin to a job. Its a crappy job too. In Orthodox circles they refer to people who are "marriage minded" and Orthodox Jews consult matchmakers, online dating, singles events and inviting every single person you can find to your house for Shabbos so that they can meet your single children. Your friends are constantly on the hunt for people to introduce you to and some people consider it like their second job. I've seen women who are getting their PhDs and who are also Orthodox basically spend as much time on man-hunting as they do on their dissertations!

For me I was on JDate (Orthos like Frumster and other Ortho based online services instead) and Match. I went to single's potlucks and gave out my number. I met my FH at a single's casino night. He was the only guy that I hadn't met before b/c he had only recently gotten up the nerve to actually attend an event like that. I gave him my contact info and the rest is history. But, if I had not made the effort and just decided that prince charming was going to magically appear I'd either still be alone or just be with someone I totally settled for out of extreme loneliness.

Its arrogance to think that someone will just appear in one's life. Ya, if you are at a university or volunteer alot you might meet your partner that way (I think college is the best place to meet a life partner... I just didn't get so lucky). But, the Arndts aren't going to university or volunteering. How they can continue to convince themselves that princess charming will simply magically appear to them is mind boggling. How can you look at your dozen single brothers in their 20s and 30s and continue to say that your methods will work out and land you a woman that meets your criteria? Isn't true insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? If so then the Arndts are the most insane clan of them all.

[KitCatCadillac]

Yeah. Losing my virginity ended with a rather large pool of blood and a trip to the gyno. Then a month of no sex. It's probably for the best that I wasn't married to the guy who broke my vagina.

[ceg045]

Yeah, I'm glad my wedding night will not be my "cashing in my v-card" night. While it wasn't as bad as some women go through, and the guy was lovely and considerate about everything, it definitely wasn't pleasant the first time around.

[Minerva]

My first time went relatively smoothly. Turns out most of the pain was due to a mild case of vaginismus, and not my hymen stretching or tearing or whatever it did (couldn't tell, there was no bleeding). Yet I'm still glad I didn't save that up for my wedding night, because it was, objectively speaking, mediocre sex. We didn't get better at it until a few months later. It was not the stuff that makes for a sensational wedding night, not at all.

[truthteller]

Unless "the one" who meets the very narrow requirements of the Arndt clan shoes up at the softball tournament and goes up to them and starts flirting then they won't meet her. And the irony is that "the one" who meets those requirements would not be the kind of girl who goes to a softball tournament and announces herself to a single man. Their type of girl is waiting patiently in her parent's house for the guy to find her and propose to Daddy first. So there's quite a disconnect here.

I've actually met the family at the softball event they hold each year. There ARE a handful of young single women who travel to Belleville for the "Famteam Classic" as they call it. One gal in particular was very attractive. She drove up from South Carolina with a friend. She was a really nice girl, obviously very Christian because she was a youth minister in her church back home. It was very obvious that she had her eye on Luke. He never had the balls to pursue her and I saw a year later she had gotten engaged to a young man she met in college. I thought at the time, "Good for her, if she had gotten involved with this crazy family it would have ruined her life." These Arndts are so socially stilted and testosterone deficient that they can't even get a date with someone willing to drive hundreds of miles to meet them at their own event. I guarantee none of them will ever marry and they will all grow old together in their big house in the country. Weird.

[socalrules]

With fundies, especially the Arndts, I get the feeling that marital sex will always be like the first time, except for the pain for the women. I cannot imagine it not always being awkward and missionary. These people are so hyped up about being chaste, and away from anything remotely sexual, that I cannot imagine any of them ever putting in the work to learn how to make the sex enjoyable for themselves and their partner. I suppose 45 seconds will be enough for the Arndt boys. Although, I am not sure they even realize that it should be enjoyable.

[Minerva]

With fundies, especially the Arndts, I get the feeling that marital sex will always be like the first time, except for the pain for the women. I cannot imagine it not always being awkward and missionary. These people are so hyped up about being chaste, and away from anything remotely sexual, that I cannot imagine any of them ever putting in the work to learn how to make the sex enjoyable for themselves and their partner. I suppose 45 seconds will be enough for the Arndt boys. Although, I am not sure they even realize that it should be enjoyable.

Well, if you've been told all your life that your marital sex is going to be awesome because you did everything right for Jesus, and you've got no way of knowing how good sex can actually be, you'll probably end up thinking you have a great sex life even if you only last 45 seconds and have never seen your partner have an orgasm.

[desertvixen]

Basically the gist is that the guys are doing NOTHING to find and attract a woman. They are trying to be "in the right place" in life, whatever that means. I understand the concept they are talking about, basically that you will meet "the one" by going about your daily life and doing what's meaningful to you and hopefully that person will be there doing what's meaningful to them and your paths will cross. But these guys live at home, hang out with their family, and do very little outside of some irregular jobs where they can't really fraternize and a once yearly softball tournament. Unless "the one" who meets the very narrow requirements of the Arndt clan shoes up at the softball tournament and goes up to them and starts flirting then they won't meet her. And the irony is that "the one" who meets those requirements would not be the kind of girl who goes to a softball tournament and announces herself to a single man. Their type of girl is waiting patiently in her parent's house for the guy to find her and propose to Daddy first. So there's quite a disconnect here.

This.

Granted, the whole "trying to meet someone" process is a huge pain in the ass sometimes. I was doing the eHarmony thing for about three months before I fell into things with the future Mr DV, NOT through eHarmony, but through our workplace. Facebook was involved. We've been together for almost 2 years now, though, so it worked.

But these guys are never going to have that happen. Their paths may cross, but they're so busy being part of this weird family that they will never realize it.

I don't read the site, but do we know how Rick and Cathy met? Is it another one where parents had relatively normal lives, and now force their kids to live through this?