Arndt version of sexy time

[Inanna]

I have no answers for you about the banana, except to say "This is fucking mental, innit. And, Freud would have a field day" ;)

The person who got stabbed was my real life sister in law. She was stabbed to death. But weirdly she believed in God and Jesus. I guess God likes the Arndts and didn't like her very much.

Ahh, I see, I'm sorry to hear that.

That's the thing with fundies, though... they can spin anything. If someone lives through some terrible whatever, then GOD SAVED THEM. If they die then GOD CALLED THEM HOME LIKE A MARTYR. And we are all supposed to be like "Omg you are so blessed, God loves you!"

Now, if I died in a car accident or something, my religious family members (not really fundies, but just your garden variety hypocrite types) would say GOD PUNISHED HER. And everyone is supposed to tsk and be all "If only she were saaaaaved..." :roll:

[JesusFightClub]

Yes! This is completely confusing. It's like they believe God is Santa, knows who is naughty or nice and treats them accordingly. Which isn't even vaguely Biblical.

What about Job? He was a faithful believer and was put through all manner of tortures, because he was a bet between the Devil and God. Was he not good enough? If Job wasn't good enough, who could be?

[Hane]

They seem so unable to absorb the facts that:

- women are not commodities to be consumed.

- sex is an activity that people do together, not a despoiling experience that happens once and is never OK again.

As sickening as the hunting and eating images are, I think the "re-wrapping the Christmas gifts" shit really destroys their point. If you are disappointed by gifts you've already used, because all you care about is the surprise of Christmas morning, how are you going to feel about them a year, or 10, or 20 down the road? Marriage is a relationship between two people, not one person using the other like a book or bicycle.

Thanks as always, thoughtful, for putting into words something I was trying to figure out how to say but couldn't.

Full disclosure: Because of my Italian-Catholic upbringing having made it A Great Big Damn Deal, I was a virgin when I got married (way too young, in retrospect) at 20. I literally couldn't understand why women took the Huge Emotional Risk of having sex with someone who had not made a lifelong legal commitment to them. Hell, you could prevent pregnancy and STDs, but NOT the Crushing Heartbreak Of Being Dumped. It never dawned on me that the woman might want out of a romantic relationship turned sexual.

By what was obviously dumb luck having nothing to do with me, my daughter managed to acquire healthy feminist attitudes about her sexuality. (I was feminist in all areas except that one.)

[JenniferJuniper]

Uh, actually, yep. I know a few people who have expressed regret that they didn't experience more during their young adult lives because they were held back by archaic religious beliefs or just because they were shy. Or who later wished they'd had more sexual happenings before they promised fidelity to one person. At least five off of the top of my head. Next question?

And seriously, when does an Arndt boy get to chat with other people about their regrets or lack of regrets about their sex lives?

Calling bullshit, Markie Mark!

[Swamptribe]

Sigh, couldn't get through the whole diatribe. What schlock. Fine, you want to save yourself for marriage. Great. But don't be such a damn self-righteous so obviously sexually frustrated martyr about the whole thing. I mean really, have a little dignity.

[Hane]

Uh, actually, yep. I know a few people who have expressed regret that they didn't experience more during their young adult lives because they were held back by archaic religious beliefs or just because they were shy. Or who later wished they'd had more sexual happenings before they promised fidelity to one person. At least five off of the top of my head. Next question?

*raises hand* If premarital virginity hadn't been the Golden Ticket of my young adulthood, I most likely wouldn't have wound up married at 20 and the divorced mother of a year-old baby at 27. Yeah, so the waiting part? Not exactly the Bulletproof Vest of Love.

[Inanna]

*raises hand* If premarital virginity hadn't been the Golden Ticket of my young adulthood, I most likely wouldn't have wound up married at 20 and the divorced mother of a year-old baby at 27. Yeah, so the waiting part? Not exactly the Bulletproof Vest of Love.

WHAAAAAT?! You saved yourself until marriage and it didn't work out? INCONCEIVABLE. :naughty:

[kiwimusume]

And comparing pre-marital sex to setting off fireworks in your living room. Okay. That's a new one. I have to give him props for that. But, it's still a fail. Honestly, where do these people come up with this shit?

First, isn't "fireworks" an often-used metaphor for really good sex?

And second, thanks to whichever manchild that was, I'm now going round singing "Don't set off your http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw, gotta keep your biiiiirth canal pure!"

[Minerva]

So I don't really know much about the Arndt family, aside from the obvious "but no really, they're chronologically adults?" bit and I went and poked around at old threads and I still have questions. Questions like:

- Why is there a banana with a message?

- What does that message say? Do I want to know?

- Who got stabbed?! What?

:shock:

ETA:

Uh, actually, yep. I know a few people who have expressed regret that they didn't experience more during their young adult lives because they were held back by archaic religious beliefs or just because they were shy. Or who later wished they'd had more sexual happenings before they promised fidelity to one person. At least five off of the top of my head. Next question?

I've never heard of someone liking rhinoceros porn, therefore no one must like rhinoceros porn. Yet I type "rhinoceros porn" into Google images and apparently there's a market. Maybe "I've never heard of..." isn't a good way to start an argument. And yeah, I know people who regret waiting, too.

P.S. don't type "rhinoceros porn" into google images. For the love of God don't do it.

[kiwimusume]

I've never heard of someone liking rhinoceros porn, therefore no one must like rhinoceros porn. Yet I type "rhinoceros porn" into Google images and apparently there's a market. Maybe "I've never heard of..." isn't a good way to start an argument. And yeah, I know people who regret waiting, too.

P.S. don't type "rhinoceros porn" into google images. For the love of God don't do it.

:clap: I would love to be a fly on the wall of the manchild den if you posted that to his original post, especially if you removed that last line. :twisted:

[Inanna]

P.S. don't type "rhinoceros porn" into google images. For the love of God don't do it.

I laughed so hard it threw me into a coughing fit (recovering from the flu), ow ow ow! :lol:

[RosyDaisy]

Fundies are the horniest people in the world because they can't seem to stop talking about sex. But this blog post takes the cake. That shotgun reference...OMFG WTH??

[socalrules]

Here's my question. What do the Arndt boys have to offer these "perfect" women God is going to send their way? If these women are so amazing, you would think they could do better than 30 year-old man-boys for whom getting to choose which Pixar movie to watch is a treat. There are a lot of Christian women out there who are saving themselves for marriage. Unfortunately for the Arndt boys, many of these women are also well-educated, have real non-related friends, lived normal lives and would be horrified to even go on a date with one of them. I am sure these women are not looking to marry virgins as well. Their virginity is just a tiny part of their lives and a personal choice. Not something to be repeatedly vocalized to the world as a way of showing their wonderfulness. It seems like fundies are more obsessed with sex than the heathens they think they are so much better than.

I always wonder if people like the Arndt boys or some of the other fundies even know the mechanics of sex. I remember Jim Bob's lego talk with Josh but I wonder if many are really confused on their wedding night.

[Stanley]

Rick is notorious for spewing strange analogies. Mark is just parroting what Daddy says.

And this whole thread now has this song running through my head:

1Ob2iKO7IHk

That video is very appropriate. On an old version Mark's profile page, he cited "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers" as his favorite movie of all time.

So many kick themselves and lament, "If only we waited a few more months, if only we had been more far-sighted. If only." My heart aches for those couples who gave in before their weddings -- perhaps just once -- who have to carry the consequences with them their entire lives.

I assume Mark was thinking about Cathy's brother who knocked up his wife-to-be a few months before the wedding night.

One day, I will probably be married to the girl who makes my socks roll up and down.

I think this may have been the creepiest line in that whole article.

[RosyDaisy]

My heart aches for those couples who gave in before their weddings -- perhaps just once -- who have to carry the consequences with them their entire lives.

There is this thing called safe sex that can prevent those consequences. Oh, wait....that's ebil birth control. :roll:

[LucySnowe]

In one of Josh Harris's books, he talks about how some couple had sex before they were married and then OMG they got really bored of sex and within a year and a half the guy was looking at pr0n and everything was horrible and IF ONLY THEY HAD WAITED.

And I was like, so if they HAD waited, then they still would have gotten bored with sex [or, what's far more likely, sex *with each other*]. It just would have happened two years into the marriage instead of 18 months.

By fetishising virginity-until-marriage they're putting sooooo much pressure on both people to make it all FIREWORKS and GRAND CANYON and STEAK after marriage.

I don't think anyone really talks about sex *after* marriage, certainly not to the extent that they talk about it *before* marriage. I know there are some Christian sex guides out there, but haven't read any. What's the Fundie line on sex difficulties/incompatibility after marriage? All I'm seeing is that it's obviously due to 'we didn't wait', but how does it get explained when couples *do* wait and it isn't good?

[Artemis]

but how does it get explained when couples *do* wait and it isn't good?

She's not submitting enough?

What else could it be? It damn sure wouldn't be his fault, would it!

[JeanneD]

I don't think anyone really talks about sex *after* marriage, certainly not to the extent that they talk about it *before* marriage. I know there are some Christian sex guides out there, but haven't read any. What's the Fundie line on sex difficulties/incompatibility after marriage? All I'm seeing is that it's obviously due to 'we didn't wait', but how does it get explained when couples *do* wait and it isn't good?

1) She's not keeping him (and his needs) upmost in her heart

2) He had 'impure thoughts' (aka puberty) prior to marriage

3) They must not be trying hard enough

4) The culture of death so present today is interfering with the life-giving properties of the marriage bed

5) Birth control diminishes sex drive

6) They have 'selfishness' in their hearts and are unable to fully give themselves to their partner

7) There is no actual incompatibility, it must be willfullness on the part of the less-fundie partner

8) Witches have hexed them, so that they will be unable to have the quiver of arrows with which to fight the upcoming Last Battle

9) They rushed into a marriage without seeking the Lord's blessing

and always

10) Feminism

[MamaJunebug]

Forgive me for saying so, but the more typing his hands are doing, the less they're doing .... something else.

I imagine the elder Arndts endorse these long essays!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someone said upthread that the boys are supporting the family while Daddy works that hot mess website and their "tv" offerings. I'm under the impression that Dad still operates Arndt Court Transcribing or whatever the business is called, and that some of the boys [sic] also work for the company.

This is where I get really confused. IF they're going into the world to transcribe court hearings, depositions, etc, they have to know that there's a world out there that only very vaguely resembles the world at Arndt Manor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for diet, I wonder if the Arndts put saltpeter into most of their meals. I wonder if saltpeter really exists, and if it does have the effect of diminishing sex drive in males.

[JaChelle Sugar]

Tried to read that wall'o'text. Coudn't do it. *yawns* Does he want to put his reader's to sleep? Doesn't he understand at least about paragraph breaks? That one needed about twice as many as it had to be readable. It was like the golden example of 'tl;dr'. Ack. I got about a paragraph in before boredom nearly put me to sleep but I imagine it was like a less readable, more boring (and therefore less utter-rage-inducing) version of this article:

illbehonest.com/a-young-mans-attitude-towards-women-paul-washer

That one had me speechless with rage. Like, there's so much wrong with it where do I even start? I don't think I agree with a single damn thing in that article.

Never thought I'd be thanking my lucky stars for man-boy Arnt's bad writing because bad writing at least makes the article boring and unreadable and safer for blood pressure.

[JesusFightClub]

I used to be a court transcriber (not a clerk, that's all fancy and shit). It's maybe not all that complicated, but I don't know how it's done in the US. With us it works by numbers, you have a number sheet next to you when you start but after a while you know them by heart. You enter the plea by number, the crime (s) by number, whether or not the accused is held in custody by number...so people think you're typing in everything they're saying, but you aren't. Just inputting numbers and the system does the rest.

It wasn't privatised, it was public sector work. I would type up a sheet which would be an order from the sheriff (what we call it in Scotland, it means a judge in a lower court) print it off and take it to the Reliance guards (now G4S). They'd then have official authorisation to either hold the accused in custody or release on bail. (I worked custody court). I also processed cases and took them to the sheriff in question.

What I am getting at in a roundabout way is that you stop thinking about the crimes and the (probable) criminals in front of you. You're looking at the number sheet which you've swiped across from the clerk of court, and waiting for key words. Unless either the crime or the criminal is dramatic, you don't think about it really. It doesn't steal pieces of your heart :lol: It's like any data entry job.

Intriguing fact - in Scotland sex offender cases are marked with a red dot. A memo went round telling us to stop drawing smiley faces on them.

[ladyamylynn]

Forgive me for saying so, but the more typing his hands are doing, the less they're doing .... something else.

I imagine the elder Arndts endorse these long essays!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someone said upthread that the boys are supporting the family while Daddy works that hot mess website and their "tv" offerings. I'm under the impression that Dad still operates Arndt Court Transcribing or whatever the business is called, and that some of the boys [sic] also work for the company.

This is where I get really confused. IF they're going into the world to transcribe court hearings, depositions, etc, they have to know that there's a world out there that only very vaguely resembles the world at Arndt Manor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for diet, I wonder if the Arndts put saltpeter into most of their meals. I wonder if saltpeter really exists, and if it does have the effect of diminishing sex drive in males.

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/rea ... male-ardor

Really exists, doesn't act as an anaphrodesiac.

[pixydust]

Forgive me for saying so, but the more typing his hands are doing, the less they're doing .... something else.

I imagine the elder Arndts endorse these long essays!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someone said upthread that the boys are supporting the family while Daddy works that hot mess website and their "tv" offerings. I'm under the impression that Dad still operates Arndt Court Transcribing or whatever the business is called, and that some of the boys [sic] also work for the company.

This is where I get really confused. IF they're going into the world to transcribe court hearings, depositions, etc, they have to know that there's a world out there that only very vaguely resembles the world at Arndt Manor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for diet, I wonder if the Arndts put saltpeter into most of their meals. I wonder if saltpeter really exists, and if it does have the effect of diminishing sex drive in males.

I wonder if the court transcribing is helping beat it into their heads that it ISN'T SAFE OUT THERE! Think about it, people don't go to court because it's fun....they are hearing about robberies, murders, rapes, drug deals, assault, etc. This all just makes what Mommy and Daddy say all that much more believable.....

And yes, saltpeter is real, the US government used it in either WW1 or WW2 to curb sexual appetites of soldiers. *Edit* ok, I guess I'm wrong about it working! Learn something new every day.

[thoughtful]

As for diet, I wonder if the Arndts put saltpeter into most of their meals. I wonder if saltpeter really exists, and if it does have the effect of diminishing sex drive in males.

I think the bit about diminishing sex drive is a myth, but saltpeter exists. Just ask John and Abigail -- he can even tell you how to make it (should I be worried that my mind seems so filled with musicals?):

Cr9jr56b1DE

[thoughtful]

That video is very appropriate. On an old version Mark's profile page, he cited "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers" as his favorite movie of all time.

No big surprise -- charming one woman (who you only chose for her household skills) into caring for your huge family by lying to her, then having your six brothers get brides by kidnapping women (who were a bit attracted to them when they met -- once!) and magically having everyone fall in love and live happily ever (!), after seems like a fantasy the Arndts would just adore.