Arndt version of sexy time

[JesusFightClub]

http://www.famteam.com/waiting/#jyw

 

I...I have not words. Except that this will torment me in my sleep.

[Evilbad]

that's like, the most enormous wall o' text ever. I'm not reading it. Let me guess "I will not give pieces of my heart away". The end.

[Rowan]

:angry-banghead: :angry-banghead:

Sounds like someone trying to talk themselves into something they don't really want. And the idea that marriage isn't any different if you've already had sex? Then apparently marriage is *only* about sex and then why is it so important to deny gay marriage rights? They're already having sex anyway. :roll:

[Emme]

I love when boys who have never ever had sex talk about sex. Let me tell you what's going to happen, dear Arndt boy. You are going to last approximately 2 minutes. It will be super awkward and may even be painful for her. And then you'll be sitting there, looking at each other going "was that it?"

Also, I assume it'll look something like that first kiss from the virgin diaries show. There's nothing sexy or fireworky about that.

[treehugger]

:lol: Rehashing the old song again. Dont' do it! Don't do it! Save it for the wedding night because then it will be awesome! :roll:

You know, my wedding night was pretty awesome - mostly because I was NOT bleeding for the entire honeymoon or doubled over in virgin pain ;) In fact, we could "do it" all night long because - ahem - we both had tons of practice and experience. I couldn't have asked for a better honeymoon.

Also what is up with that steak analogy? Seriously?

Edited to add a "not" to the above paragraph

[latraviata]

Fundies talk a lot about sex.

[JesusFightClub]

http://www.famteam.com/waiting/#ww

The longing is palpable. But will it ever be satisfied?

I am single and don't give a flying one. I could remain single until I'm 100 and not die from SINGLENESS. I like doing all my own stuff and sorting my own things. When I've been partnered up I found it annoying.

This guy is different. He's desperate for a partner and ascribes to her all the virtues known to womankind, because he has an ideal fantasy figure in his head. The reality of an actual woman may come as something as a shock to him (if he ever gets one.)

[gustava]

Poor guy is 30 years old.

[AllisonWndrland]

It was the Grand Canyon/Arizona analogy that got me. Why do they need these ridiculous analogies? I hope he doesn't refer to his wife's vagina as "The Grand Canyon" if he ever marries. The rest is the usual rainbows and unicorns view of the first time. This guy needs to have a healthy, realistic discussion of sex with someone who has actually had it and who isn't invested in the whole purity = value mindset.

He needs to focus on the actual marriage and how to maintain that. Marriage is more than just fireworks sex. Intercourse and intimacy before marriage aren't typically reasons that couples separate. The Arndt parents have made sex such a taboo that this guy is equating everything with it. Bride walking down the aisle? Sex. Crossing the threshold? Fiery sex. Trapped in wedlock because you've thrown away the key (WTF, seriously)? SEX!

Here's the thing, fundies. Non-fundies don't think about sex nearly as much as fundies appear to. Go play with yourself and get on with life.

[AuntCloud]

Here's the thing, fundies. Non-fundies don't think about sex nearly as much as fundies appear to. Go play with yourself and get on with life.

Let's quantify this. There are 168 hours a week. An average person spends between 0 and 2 hours having sex (I think). Take the optimistic scenario of 2 hours weekly: it's less than 1.2% of your time. Most couples spend much more time than that grocery shopping.

Sex doesn't define who I am more than grocery shopping. But hey, tell it to a man-child who was subjected to intense brain-washing since day 1. (now I have images of Superstore pouting because I gave pieces of my heart to Safeway).

[debrand]

Instead of being like a hunter with a shotgun, firing bullets in every direction -- wounding many but capturing none -- I want to wait for the one and only, and then, like a sniper, fire one well-timed and well-placed bullet. My whole heart. All for one.

This sounds odd. No emphasis on winning the young lady's love, at all. When he falls in love, the girl will love him back.

Also, I think that waiting will be a tangible way I can prove to my future girlfriend that I value and respect her. By holding out for her, I'd be saying, "Yes, believe me, I want to, but I see you as such a treasure that I'll gladly wait as long as it takes to win you." It's so easy to profess love, to say that you see someone as a rare prize, but the best barometer for how much a guy values a prize is what he's willing to give -- and give up -- to acquire it.

Maybe some people see this as romantic. I don't. Although there are moral issues surrounding commitment and sex, I don't see the sex act as being either moral or immoral. He could offer to save his first fart for his future wife and it wouldn't seem much different to me.(although that would be really, really painful) It really seems strange to save your first anything specifically for your spouse.

to one married couple who will completely melt into each other. When I carry her across the threshold, I want it to be more than a formality. I want it to be a fiery line we cross, one that forever welds us together, and makes us inseparable because of it.

He sounds horny.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Its probably never going to happen. No woman would subject themselves to a life of toy penguins and childishness.

[johnhugh]

:o

[AuntCloud]

Oh, it's just a guy holding up his nicely just-ripe banana containing his message to the world. You're welcome.

[adayinthelife]

http://famteam.com/luke/

Luke's Notebook is also a goldmine for insanity.

So I am really praying that if I get married, God will provide someone who would be a perfect role model for Wizzy, where I can safely tell her, “There! Be just like her.†I have got to believe there are such women out there! There may not necessarily be an abundance of them currently, but all I need is one.

One thing that bugs me, reading both Mark and Luke's...um..."work", is that they want a perfect woman and actually believe such a woman exists AND they'll end up together with no effort on their part. No one is perfect and when you're an Arndt brother, you're not exactly bringing a lot to the table. Their high opinion of themselves keeps them from having realistic expectations.

God has given me so much to be thankful for that it’s almost embarrassing when I start to think about everything. First, I am forgiven. Jesus has taken my sin; God sees me as pure. God loves me. And He likes me. God is providing and leading, day by day. I’m so thankful that He is trustworthy. Unfailing — unable to fail. Just amazing!

How do you know if God likes you? That's what I always find the most interesting about these fundie families. No matter what happens to them, good or bad, they can always spin it to be a sign of God's blessing. If I was approaching 30 and still living at home with zero romantic prospects up to that point, I'd be pretty sure I'd pissed off God in some way (if I was a Christian). Maybe he's trying to tell you to leave the nest? Test the strength of your faith in the real world?

[debrand]

A wise man -- me -- once said, "A wait is worth its weight in gold."

Waiting doesn't weigh anything because it is an act. So a wait is not worth anything.

[Closed Womb]

One thing that bugs me, reading both Mark and Luke's...um..."work", is that they want a perfect woman and actually believe such a woman exists AND they'll end up together with no effort on their part. No one is perfect and when you're an Arndt brother, you're not exactly bringing a lot to the table. Their high opinion of themselves keeps them from having realistic expectations.

^^ Yes, yes, so much this. The perfect woman is going to magically appear. She will be a Christian (naturally), a virgin, wee and/or thin enough to effortlessly carry over the threshold. She will instinctively know how to please her man-child sexually, setting off those, uh, fireworks, expertly. And these perfect specimens of womanhood will suddenly just appear in the Arndt boys' world.

As much as I was appalled by the hunting analogy (to be followed by a steak analogy -- WTF? They are hunting and devouring the bride?), I think they might need to do some sort of sneak attack on a woman in order to get one.

May God continue to be his BFF when he makes a royal mess of his wedding night. Actually, I'm not sure any of the boys would know if his perfect bride were bored and dissatisfied. I predict at least one, if not both, partners will be saying "why did we make such a big deal out of this? we should have been playing with our Christmas presents all along."

[formergothardite]

If they weren't into the headcoverings and frumpers, the Seven Sisters would be a perfect match. They are childish, silly and would play with stuffed animals while thinking it was cool their husbands spent all their time playing with tinker toys (or whatever they building with in their living room).

[SisiL78]

http://www.famteam.com/waiting/#jyw

I...I have not words. Except that this will torment me in my sleep.

The shotgun analogy made me throw up a little.

[Black Aliss]

the main reason to save sex is so simple. God said so.

Granted it's been a few years since I cracked open a bible, but where exactly does God, either in hairy thunderer form or as Jesus, say this?

[Minerva]

Those poor kids are in for so much disappointment. Ya know what? I don't want to be altered by the altar, to paraphrase whichever man-child wrote that wall of text. It's a huge gamble diving into married life with someone you've never lived with, never had sex with, never seen at their worst, never shared chores with, never shared a bed with, never been thoroughly annoyed by, never argued with, never been sick and cranky in front of... No, getting married won't be a magical, life-altering, fairy-tale moment for me (if I ever get married at all), but that's not how reality works anyway. You can't tell me most of the people who married someone they barely know are happier than most of the people who made damn sure their marriage was going to work.

It's ridiculous to read someone who's never had sex writing about how delicious and what a jackpot virgin wedding night sex is. Am I the only person who has a hard time qualifying two newbies awkwardly figuring out how to do it as "delicious"? How do fundy guys even know where to put it? I'm assuming it'd be considered sinful for them to look at a diagram of a vulva.

[pixydust]

If they weren't into the headcoverings and frumpers, the Seven Sisters would be a perfect match. They are childish, silly and would play with stuffed animals while thinking it was cool their husbands spent all their time playing with tinker toys (or whatever they building with in their living room).

I still think that the 7 sisters would be perfect for the Arndt "boys". Like you said they can play with stuffed animals together and the 7 sisters would probably love cheering on baseball games. I need to get names and ages on all of them and start matching them up!

[JenniferJuniper]

I still think that the 7 sisters would be perfect for the Arndt "boys". Like you said they can play with stuffed animals together and the 7 sisters would probably love cheering on baseball games. I need to get names and ages on all of them and start matching them up!

While I'm sure the Arndt boys could deal with the Sisters' fashion sensibilities, I'm not sure the Sisters could handle Mommy Arndt's daisy dukes. And something tells me Mommy isn't giving up those Larry Bird shorts up for anybody.

[guidedbybobafett]

Just reading "Arndt version of sexy time" made me throw up a little.

[formergothardite]

Well Mama Seven Sisters wears tight pants herself sometimes, so it might not bother them that much.