Raising Servants for Christ Blog

[valsa]

If you notice, the ages they are accepting are all under 6. I feel like she's just hoping that she will find the right child (baby) through fostering and will be able to adopt it.

Not only that but she could also be accepting only up to 6 years old so she doesn't have an issue with sending the kids to public school. As far as I know, very few agencies will allow foster parents to homeschool foster children unless there's a very, very good reason (like severe medical, mental, or emotional issues that would make it almost impossible for the child to function in public school)

[NurseNell]

I think her advice about writing life books for foster kids is good. I'm big on scrapbooking. We never fostered but if we had I would have made a scrapbook for the child. Each of my kids were in foster care before we adopted them. They were in for 6 weeks, 2 months, and 3 1/2 months. I would have loved it if a life book had been made for each of them. More importantly, they would have loved it when they got older.

raisingservantsofchrist.wordpress.com/2012/07/10/how-to-write-a-life-book-for-your-new-foster-child/

[Guest Anonymous]

I think her advice about writing life books for foster kids is good. I'm big on scrapbooking. We never fostered but if we had I would have made a scrapbook for the child. Each of my kids were in foster care before we adopted them. They were in for 6 weeks, 2 months, and 3 1/2 months. I would have loved it if a life book had been made for each of them. More importantly, they would have loved it when they got older.

raisingservantsofchrist.wordpress.com/2012/07/10/how-to-write-a-life-book-for-your-new-foster-child/

I don't think that what she recommends is the same as a scrapbook. :?

I have a different view of the Life Book. It should be about your entire family, not just the foster child. Yes, it should have them as the center, but they are not the center of the family so it is impossible not to include everyone when you are writing. Here is the way that I work up a Life Book:

1. Take pictures immediately upon receiving the child. If there is abuse, take close up pictures for your own documentation. As hard as it is, include these pictures in the Life Book.

2. A daily entry should be written for the first thirty days if there was major abuse. The first two weeks if the child adapts well and new things are not cropping up every day. Once they have settled into your home and family, then you can go to weekly entries. The entries should be about how they ate, how they slept, etc. Also include major meltdowns, tantrums, episodes of rage, etc.

3. Take LOTS of pictures. There is nothing in this world like a picture. No manner of fancy writing can duplicate it’s power.

4. Always include appointments in your daily or weekly entries. This will not only help you remember when an illness occurred, when an x-ray was taken, etc., but it will also let the relatives of the child know what is going on with their child. In my state, a foster parent must take a new foster child to the pediatrician and the dentist within the first 30 days of the placement. Documenting this in the Life Book will help you remember the exact date easily.

5. Include all activities that the child is experiencing with your family. We have taken our little one camping with us, to an amusement park, the movies, on a beach vacation and so much more. All of it is in the Life Book.

6. Explain how the visitations go with family members. How did the child react when the visitation worker came to your house to take him to his visits with his family? How did he react when the visitation worker brought him back home to you? How did the child act directly after the visitation? Sometimes children act out when they visit with their parents and relatives. It varies with the child, but you can bet it has some type of affect on them.

7. Any other important information that pertains to the child. Think about what the judge would want to know when he is determining which relative the child will end up with, whether or not the parent should regain the child, etc. You are the link between the legal case of whatever the parents did to lose the child and the actual child. What happens in your home can be clues to what has happened in the past. Just as what you do with and for that child can have a direct impact on what happens to that child in the future. Take it very seriously, but remember that a child will be reading the Life Book you prepared when they are older.

This little guy has been through so much. All we can do is offer lots of tender loving care.

My social worker loves my Life Book. My foster child’s relatives loves my Life Book. My foster Child’s GAL loves my Life Book. Why? Because they never have to come to me for information. They never have to wonder what is going on in this child’s life. All of these workers are very busy people, and they are working away at trying to do the best thing for these children. Sure, lot’s of people will say the system is not so good, but we have to have faith that God has His hand in everything. We can help these workers do a better job and a less stressful job by providing them a Life Book full of information.

Finally, give copies of the Life Book to your social worker every week for the first month and every two weeks after that (unless they want it more often). Copies of the Life Book should be given to the parents every week. Let me repeat…..every week. Please do not ever let them go longer than a week of not knowing what is going on in their child’s life. Again, even if what they have done is bad, really bad, we cannot judge. Who knows, maybe seeing their child’s life through your eyes might bring upon a positive change. We never know how God will use us for His plan. We can only promise ourselves that we will do the best of our abilities to honor Him in all that we do!

I think she is conflating the two issues of recording information for professional use, and recording a scrapbook of happy memories to give to an older child.

[valsa]

I think she is conflating the two issues of recording information for professional use, and recording a scrapbook of happy memories to give to an older child.

Exactly. Most, if not all, foster parents have to keep notes of things like reactions to parental visitations, progress with settling into the foster home and any therapies the child engages in, illnesses or medical procedures, etc. Many also like to have personal records and pictures either to give to the child when they get older or to remember them by if they are returned to their bio families. I've never known anyone who included both in the same book/journal.

Who the hell wants pictures of the family vacation to Disneyland right next to photos of the bruises, cuts, and burns the child got from their abusive bio parents?

[BoomerLynn]

raisingservantsofchrist.wordpress.com/2012/07/10/coming-off-the-drugs-adhd-drugs-that-is/

Shit, so she made her 13-year old daughter come off ADHD meds cold-turkey, and warned her of Maxwellian 'consequences' if she could not behave as required.

And now she is planning to take on foster children?! :shock:

I cannot believe this woman made her 13-year-old quit ADHD meds cold turkey. I worked as a pharmacy tech for several years and there are certain meds that you should never quit cold turkey like that (ADHD meds and most anti-depressants are this way). It can really mess a person up. If a patient wants to stop taking these meds, they need to gradually lower the dosage they are taking until they are on the lowest possible dose, then decrease the amount of that dose they are taking per day before stopping. For example, I took Zoloft for several years. When I finally went off the medication, I decreased my dose from 50 mg per day to 25mg per day (which was the lowest dose). I then decreased that to 25 mg every other day before finally stopping. This greatly lessens the chances for withdrawal symptoms, and could prevent them entirely. In other words, this:

My 13 year old daughter has cried seven times today, thrown about three fits, and it still downstairs finishing her Bible work and it is 6:00 p.m. I thought she was going to zing her pencil at my head during Science class because I was not allowing her enough time to write down her vocabulary word, but she restrained herself and threw it across the table instead. Everything that I have given her to put away today, like her shoes, her tea glass, her lotion, etc., has ended up in very odd places all over the house. I even found a cereal bowl on top of the piano, maybe she was saving it for later? When I ask her why she is not putting it away in the right place, she blows up, starts crying, and accuses me of being the most non-understanding mother in the world. Then ten minutes later, she’s bawling on my shoulder telling me how sorry she is…..then we go through it all over again when the next wave hits.

could have been lessened greatly or avoided all together. :angry-cussing:

[Buzzard]

I'm necro'ing this VERY old thread instead of starting a new one. It seems that in the 2 years since we last paid attention to her she's been busy collecting abused children. She's now on the verge of adopting atleast one.

raisingservantsofchrist.com/2014/12/19/its-over-coconut-is-free-for-adoption/

I'm disturbed at how she seems to be categorizing and collecting children, specifically the "drug babies."

[Four is Enough]

How do these people bypass the system? Don't the workers see the crazy? Oh, I know why. Because they're willing to take the abused kids, the damaged by drugs in utero kids... and there is a much smaller market for those children. My heart bleeds.

[Buzzard]

I'm not sure how they managed to get these vulnerable children. Considering she's posted that she has "violent" ADHD and refuses to take medication you would think there would be more oversight. She even somehow got coconut's father to relinquish his parental rights. I have no idea what he did (but it doesnt seem that he's in custody for hurting the child), but I dont think I'd be so quick to leave my son with these people!

[NachosFlandersStyle]

[tm][/tm]

I cannot believe this woman made her 13-year-old quit ADHD meds cold turkey. I worked as a pharmacy tech for several years and there are certain meds that you should never quit cold turkey like that (ADHD meds and most anti-depressants are this way). It can really mess a person up. If a patient wants to stop taking these meds, they need to gradually lower the dosage they are taking until they are on the lowest possible dose, then decrease the amount of that dose they are taking per day before stopping. For example, I took Zoloft for several years. When I finally went off the medication, I decreased my dose from 50 mg per day to 25mg per day (which was the lowest dose). I then decreased that to 25 mg every other day before finally stopping. This greatly lessens the chances for withdrawal symptoms, and could prevent them entirely. In other words, this:

could have been lessened greatly or avoided all together. :angry-cussing:

Re: the bolded: is that true for all ADD drugs? I quit adderall cold turkey on doctor's orders (it was raising my heart rate too much) but I may have had a shitty doctor. I don't remember any withdrawal effects other than drowsiness. Now I'm on a lower dose of a different one and I haven't been warned about tapering off if I decide to stop.

And I have no patience whatsoever for parents who think they know better than their kids' doctors, teachers, and of course the kids themselves when it comes to ADHD. I missed out on giant chunks of learning in childhood-- how to talk to friends! How to take notes in class! The basics of mathematics! Because my parents thought that I was just extra special and my teachers didn't understand. I had to learn all that stuff from scratch in college, when the pressures of writing 30-page term papers and having groceries in my apartment finally became too much for my half-assed coping mechanisms to handle. That was a blast.

ETA: oops, apparently I can't read time stamps. Didn't realize I was replying to a two-year-old comment

[NotALoserLikeYou]

It's bad enough when fundies raise their kids from birth with extreme beliefs, but to foster and adopt special needs kids and then to think they don't need real medication or therapy or compassion, but instead just need to be trained to surrender to Jesus, it really is unacceptable (this is a long sentence) - and it always seems to turn out badly.

[DGayle]

Manager's of their homes? She doesn't know how to use an apostrophe. She also lacks the ability to properly use the word "however", and commas. Yet, she's educating teenagers at home? Teenagers who were not liking the new routine. I wonder if they realized Mommy's new education regime would leave them unable to earn a living.

Inspired by the Duggar's

The Duggar's inspiration.

Nope. She shouldn't be homeschooling.

I feel bad for the kids. They got ripped out of school and away from their routine and their friends because Mommy is fangirling. I guess at least she realized her kids were miserable. Too bad she doesn't care. Unless the kids were on board, it's too late. Trying to force teenagers into your new mold for them isn't going to work long term. They'll remember losing their friends and being forced into this.

[FundieWatcher]

Not long after my second child began her 15th year on this earth, I began to understand what was wrong. With hormones raging, she yelled at me, “I am so tired of you comparing us to these ‘perfect homeschool children’ that you read about on the internet. D.J. and I will never be the studious or unfailingly obedient children like the Duggar kids are, even though we really want to be in theory. You will never be Michelle Duggar……you are loud and goofy by nature, even though we are so proud of you for even trying. We lived like other kids in public school for a long time, and it’s going to take a long time to change the way we are into what you want us to become. Yet, we haven’t done drugs, haven’t dishonored God or ourselves with physical relationships, we don’t drink and we love God and want to obey Him. Please Mama, why can’t we just be us…….are we so bad?â€

I went through a dozen or so posts on her blog. These were the 2 saddest thing I read. She wants to be the Duggars. The kids feel the pressure. I have a feeling all that pressure is going to cause them to pop, and it will be more than just yelling at mom. It will be a hole punched in the wall, a gym bag packed with whatever they can stuff inside and someone walking to bus station.

(I had gotten it into my head that we would somehow morph into the 22nd, 23rd, 24th and 25th member of the Duggar family)

EDIT: I am now reading her more current posts. The first ones I read were a couple of years old. I'm getting a good vibe. IDK. She seems to love and be really good to her foster babies. Dealing with babies detoxing cannot be easy. She seems like she is loving, attentive and follows the medical advice. And her teens have more freedom than many fundie teens, including overnight camps (not ATI).

[KateFowler]

It's bad enough when fundies raise their kids from birth with extreme beliefs, but to foster and adopt special needs kids and then to think they don't need real medication or therapy or compassion, but instead just need to be trained to surrender to Jesus, it really is unacceptable (this is a long sentence) - and it always seems to turn out badly.

Gaaaaah. A kid that, say, falls, hurts their knee that swells up need to be taken to a state-licensed healthcare professional. Anything else is medical neglect. Everybody gets this. ADHD is an illness, if current meds don't work anymore, coming up with a new treatment plan HAS to be done in conjunction with a state licensed medical professional too. Why does NOBODY get this?!

[Johanna25]

It sounds like the teens are going along with her. She may be ruining their lives, but if they are not that ambitious, they may be happy enough to go along with her. High School is hard, academically and socially. I hated the social part of mine, others may have more trouble with the academics. Lots of teens would rather settle for an easy life. The son is done school and is working in the same business as Daddy. The girl may be quite happy to be told she won't have to go out and find an actual job and earn a living and can look forward to being a home keeper. Whether Daddy will follow through and find her a Prince is doubtful.

[Buzzard]

It seems like things arent all jesus and sunshine in her wannabe duggar world. She had atleast one failure with a foster child. He turned out to be on the dangerous side.

raisingservantsofchrist.com/2014/03/25/emerging-from-the-shadows-when-a-foster-child-proves-dangerous/

In hindsight our mistake could have started with the false sense of pride that we held in our work with Coconut and Goldilocks. Although we firmly believe that it is only through God’s grace that any work can be successful, and that He alone has the ability to change a person’s heart, we couldn’t help but feel on fire for the ministry of helping children in need, especially after witnessing the amazing transformation that He performed on behalf of our sweet foster babies…….yet, perhaps it was the smoke from such a fire that clouded our vision and prevented us from seeing that we were about to fall.

securedownload (39)In all of our training, not once were we advised that some children simply cannot bond, whether for a short time or ever…….which in the foster care and adoptive world is referred to as an attachment disorder. A ‘psych evaluation’ was a term we had only heard on television, and we were completely ignorant of the fact that children as young as five could display sociopath tendencies. Caring for Blue Eyes, as it turns out, was to serve as our very large spoonful of humble pie.

This child apparently showed sociopathic tendencies but she was oblivious, keeping him in the home with the other children for more than 6 months. She writes that this child, who was 6 years old, held them all in prison. He found ways to hurt them PHYSICALLY and emotionally. Their 16 year old daughter is still traumatized by her experiences.

Even though things crumbled quickly in our once very happy home, Dave and I remained dedicated to this little lost boy for over six months. Many, many books were read on how to help him, therapists were consulted and met with on a continuous basis, and lots of prayers were prayed. Dave and I were forced to realize that we had been beat when his two therapists recommended the removal from our home for the safety of the other children and animals. Despite all of our efforts, we could not reach Blue Eyes. Keeping our young foster children safe was a minute-by-minute affair, the dogs could never be in the room with him unsupervised……ever……and our sixteen-year-old daughter is still traumatized by the treatment from this child.

You cant take these children in with her piss poor education and a bible and expect that everything is going to be just fine. You cant pray away the serious psychological wounds these kids have and you most definitely cannot keep your other children safe by yelling "in jesus' name" at a problem. Taking in foster children is not a ministry. These are not "projects" they are human beings.

Her understanding of how to deal with these kids is shockingly juvenile. Take her explanation of Mowgli - another child she gave up. Even the name of the entry "riding the crazy train" shows how uneducated she is.

raisingservantsofchrist.com/2014/08/05/riding-the-crazy-train-daily-life-with-special-needs-foster-children/

The behaviors started from the very first hour that they were here. Tantrums, fits, throwing things, screaming, crying, cursing, hand gestures, sexual talk, and abusive language……they are a part of our daily life now. We didn’t go out like we used to, we couldn’t. Both children would become little screaming demons the moment that we stepped foot in a public place. Kiwi would revert to a 1 year old to get her way and if you so much as looked at her sternly, she would cry at the top of her lungs. Mowgli was far worse. He acted (and still does on occasion) like a thug that you see in the movies…….he seems to grow to a whopping 6 foot tall and has the demeanor of a full grown abusive man. He would (and will) cuss you out, flip you off, threaten to beat you up, and tell you that you’re stupid……and it never mattered where we were, or how many people were around. These kids had absolutely no concept of how to behave in civilized society, because their parents do not have those skills. They have been little sponges, soaking up every bad habit, every wayward behavior, and every bit of meanness that their Mother and Father displayed. Both children have either witnessed, and/or participated in: sexual acts, drugs, drinking, stealing, physical abuse, verbal abuse, and mental abuse. All of this added up to a very crazy three months.

They'll just deal with it until the kid embarrasses her at church...

It wasn’t until Mowgli had a major outburst and meltdown at church, during Vacation Bible School no less, that we realized the need for help from our church family. We tried to tag-team going to church……..Dave would take some of the kids in the morning, and I would take some of the kids at night. It got to be exhausting, so we only went when our turn for ministry duty arrived. Some would ask where we had been and others thought we had just stopped being members……..a few people knew of our foster care ministry, but for the most part, we seemed to have just disappeared.

...

Pride and fear of embarrassment led Dave and I to hide away and try to ‘fix’ the behavioral problems before we ventured out to our civilized church……..and then ultimately, to civilized society. Our intentions were true and our hearts were in the right place……..after all, we didn’t want these kids shamed or looked on as a bad influence to the other kids. What we didn’t realize, or expect, was that our church was ready to embrace these kids as their own and offer their love and support to all of us……..and that hiding out while waiting it out, was not fair to our other children. Being foster parents can humble you in a second, reminding you that you can do nothing without God’s help. Foster kids will teach you that just when you think you have seen it all and have gotten the hang of parenting these precious angels, they will throw your whole world upside down with one public display of defiance. We have no choice but to lean on God, and God’s people, to get through it. We have no choice but to ride the Crazy Train, and trust that God will not allow it to derail :-)

But a few months later they had Mowgli removed from his sister and placed with another family. This isnt a "ministy," its a collection of children so she can feel better about herself.

[Terrie]

If you're not prepared to have people look at your like you're the worst parent in all of history, don't become a foster parent. I knew of one family whose foster daughter loudly proclaimed about being molested by her father, while out in public with her foster parents. Cue foster dad quickly asking "And that's why you don't live with him anymore, right?"

[Buzzard]

If you're not prepared to have people look at your like you're the worst parent in all of history, don't become a foster parent. I knew of one family whose foster daughter loudly proclaimed about being molested by her father, while out in public with her foster parents. Cue foster dad quickly asking "And that's why you don't live with him anymore, right?"

Just the thought that you have to "protect" your good, pure, christian church members from your evil, abused, inappropriate children makes me sick.

[Terrie]

Just the thought that you have to "protect" your good, pure, christian church members from your evil, abused, inappropriate children makes me sick.

Totally agreed. And totally missing the point of Jesus's message. You know, the guy who hung out with the unwanted masses?

[Paperplate]

I was so amazed and thrilled at my good fortune that I spent almost two hours pursuing the “shelves†of their books.

LOLZ. The Maxwells' "shelves" didn't want to be caught, I guess.

(from raisingservantsofchrist.com/2012/07/10/the-inspring-steve-and-teri-maxwell-and-why-we-love-their-books/)

[Grimalkin]

[tm][/tm]

Re: the bolded: is that true for all ADD drugs? I quit adderall cold turkey on doctor's orders (it was raising my heart rate too much) but I may have had a shitty doctor. I don't remember any withdrawal effects other than drowsiness. Now I'm on a lower dose of a different one and I haven't been warned about tapering off if I decide to stop.

And I have no patience whatsoever for parents who think they know better than their kids' doctors, teachers, and of course the kids themselves when it comes to ADHD. I missed out on giant chunks of learning in childhood-- how to talk to friends! How to take notes in class! The basics of mathematics! Because my parents thought that I was just extra special and my teachers didn't understand. I had to learn all that stuff from scratch in college, when the pressures of writing 30-page term papers and having groceries in my apartment finally became too much for my half-assed coping mechanisms to handle. That was a blast.

ETA: oops, apparently I can't read time stamps. Didn't realize I was replying to a two-year-old comment

I think only for the non stimulant ones. the withdrawal from the stims is like an extreem sever caffeine withdrawal. Vyvanse has changed my life. Poor kid. ADHD is enormously misunderstood, and people look down on giving kids meds, I think parents feel pressure not to medicate their kids, almost like it makes them a failure.

[Trynn]

Did these foster kids get REAL therapists, or "biblical" therapists? There is a huge difference, and even a run if the milk secular therapist might not know enough about foster children unless he or she specializes in the subject.

[feministxtian]

Did these foster kids get REAL therapists, or "biblical" therapists? There is a huge difference, and even a run if the milk secular therapist might not know enough about foster children unless he or she specializes in the subject.

Knowing where they live, they were told what therapist to take the children to...however, in Podunk (where they live), the state of psychological care there isn't great...even "secular" therapists are usually fundie or fundie-lite. Trying to find a therapist who can manage to keep his/her beliefs out of their practice is difficult if not impossible...AND...most of the contracts are with the faith-based therapy practices anyway.

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

I googled their church and I know almost exactly where it is...Chesapeake VA

[FundieFarmer]

Necro'ing this severely old thread to add...the Duggar empire is falling apart and my favorite Fundie Fangirl is not having an easy time of it. She's not surprised, though, because she knew by his shaved head that he'd messed up. She just didn't know quite what. Still, forgive! But her followers didn't like what she had to say about it, and have apparently been dropping her email after voicemail to get her thoughts. Someone called her out on worshiping the Duggars, and someone else had something to say about her defending Josh's actions while fostering children who'd gone through the very same. She says it would be hypocritical to stop following them just because Josh had some skeletons in his closet.

She wrote the first post two months after the molestation news broke, and the second yesterday:

raisingservantsofchrist.com/2015/08/11/goodbye-god-bless-my-dear-duggars-and-thank-you/

raisingservantsofchrist.com/2015/08/26/josh-duggar-sheep-in-wolfs-clothing-but-still-forgiven/

[Fascinated]

Necro'ing this severely old thread to add...the Duggar empire is falling apart and my favorite Fundie Fangirl is not having an easy time of it. She's not surprised, though, because she knew by his shaved head that he'd messed up. She just didn't know quite what. Still, forgive! But her followers didn't like what she had to say about it, and have apparently been dropping her email after voicemail to get her thoughts. Someone called her out on worshiping the Duggars, and someone else had something to say about her defending Josh's actions while fostering children who'd gone through the very same. She says it would be hypocritical to stop following them just because Josh had some skeletons in his closet.

She wrote the first post two months after the molestation news broke, and the second yesterday:

raisingservantsofchrist.com/2015/08/11/goodbye-god-bless-my-dear-duggars-and-thank-you/

raisingservantsofchrist.com/2015/08/26/josh-duggar-sheep-in-wolfs-clothing-but-still-forgiven/

All right, FundieFarmer. Just went to have a look at this blog and I have one question. How the hell can you read it???? There's just so much stuff!! Words and ads and photos everywhere! Wow, that is one poorly designed site!!

[FundieFarmer]

That is true. It's a visual eruption of brown (my least favorite color), "embroidered" flowers (I hate those things online), and 29871509871309487 tags for things NOT on the site.

Buuuuut the content is just too good to pass up. I've spent a fair amount of time wondering about her, and I actually found her independent of FJ so I can't help myself :lol: