I have a theory about Jana Duggar

[tabitha2]

As to why she might be so unhappy and it makes sense.We know she is the only one with the password right? say she looked up her oldest brother or parents one day and saw some of the things people say about her family and herself even-She would be mortified,angry and hurt,no? She might just be over being a laughing stock among her peers-if she can see those things,other girls and guys IE potential husbands in her set might see them as well and she realizes it.

[Kelya]

I feel like the password has probably been changed since Jana seems to be undergoing a reeducation of sorts. If she's being tomato staked then there's no way she's able to check on forums, etc.

[demgirl]

Michele has the password too and I think they check the internet history. It's an interesting theory, but I sort of wonder if they'd even know what to search or how to search.

[tabitha2]

She is not mentally lacking :) If she was looking for something and for whatever reason followed a random link-say,she got curious about the free Jinger movement after Amy told them,they laughed but it started something in the grey matter...

[forever ago]

Michele has the password too and I think they check the internet history. It's an interesting theory, but I sort of wonder if they'd even know what to search or how to search.

It's really not difficult to delete history, and there's all sorts of excuses you can make for doing it.

[CynicMom]

Seen the recent ep where JimBob cracks to the girls about "can you do it wearing skirts"? I bet they told the girls that there is criticism online but misrepresented that the criticism is mostly about the girls skirts and footwear (as opposed to soul crushing opportunity-less labor for teen girls).

That would get the girls angry and defensive without exposing them to the idea that people don't think it's appropriate to have children raising children.

[debrand]

I would love if one of the girls came here. Maybe the exposure to criticism of their parents would be good for them. Of course, it would be painful. They probably love their family dearly but they need to see that they have more choices. They aren't going to hell if they choose an education over having a large brood. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom when you have choices.

[cjsmom]

I don't know if we'd do much good initially for a Duggar or other SAHD's - maybe a stickie of resources and places to turn for help in education for questioning fundie youth is a place to reduce the shock value. Many of the views presented here are so very different from everything they've grown up with that the shock value has to be high. That being said, I had no idea that my mother's emotionally and physically abusive parenting was not the norm until I was in my mid-teens. Until then, it was something I just accepted as normal. I hope the Duggar (and other fundie) children realize that there are other ways to live.

I hope there are SAHD's here to question. Choosing a P/QF lifestyle as a valid choice, knowing other choices and ramefications of entering the lifestyle as an adult, is theirs to be made. Denying the choice is wrong.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Maybe Anna's sister told them stuff.

I doubt Jim-Bob misses much. Obviously the staff or someone reads here regularly (and at similar discussions elsewhere). They answer too many of the criticisms from here not to pay attention. How much the big kids are told? Who knows.

I do wonder if Jana pushed too hard for college/job/etc or if she had a failed courtship. I have hoped that they would not show courtship until it was definite. Courtship always makes me think of the world's ultimate mis-matched couple, Charles and Diana, who were alone something like 10-12 times for a matter of (at most) hours each time. When there were doubts it was too late--millions had already been spent on the wedding so they couldn't back out if they'd wanted to. I'd hate to see smaller version of this on "19 Kids..." and get some b.s. story about spiritual failings or something.

[xReems]

It could be that maybe Jana had a guy in mind but Jim Bob, I mean God, told her it's not the right time to start a courtship.

She could just very well be extremely mentally and emotionally exhausted. The girl is 21 years old, living at home, and being a second parent to her siblings. It would not surprise me that JB wants to make sure all girls are at home and taking care of the household since Michelle is too busy taking care of Josie. If I was in Jana's shoes, I would be pretty pissed and hold some sort of resentment towards my parents for doing that to me. A girl that young shouldn't be sheltered at home; she should be experiencing life and finding herself in this world. Clearly, she can't do that when she has her parents holding her hand every step of the way until marriage.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

If I was in Jana's shoes, I would be pretty pissed and hold some sort of resentment towards my parents for doing that to me

.

But would JANA think like that? She's never known anything else but raising her siblings.

[bananacat]

I actually think the opposite way about a courtship. I think that Jim Bob is pressuring her into a courtship with a boy that she doesn't like or doesn't want to court. The poor girl is probably terrified of sex so she might be hesitant to court at all, or it could be a specific boy that she doesn't feel good about. She could also be a lesbian, or just so sick of raising her siblings that she doesn't want to have her own kids yet. I think that she is being pressured into a courtship and for whatever reason, she just doesn't want to do it. But since she's the last one to know about it, her opinion doesn't count for much if the boy, his father, and Jim Bob all think this is God's plan.

[xReems]

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But would JANA think like that? She's never known anything else but raising her siblings.

She might think in that way. It is true that she's never known anything but raising her siblings but she's a smart girl and probably knows there's more to life than just raising your siblings. Even if she doesn't, she could just be mentally exhausted. From morning to night, her life revolves around raising her siblings, with no time to just be alone and reflect on her life.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

She might think in that way. It is true that she's never known anything but raising her siblings but she's a smart girl and probably knows there's more to life than just raising your , siblings. Even if she doesn't, she could just be mentally exhausted. From morning to night, her life revolves around raising her siblings, with no time to just be alone and reflect on her life.

I think you are right, but wouldn't the guilt of feeling like that get to her? I know that being on TV has brought them into the world like it or not and they have to see how "the other half lives" and wonder "what if." But I also wonder if guilt for thinking that would lead them to confess and repent and start up a cycle of guilting themselves.

[HoneyBunny]

Say what we will about this family, I really think JB LOVES those girls. I don't believe that he would ever force them into a relationship that they were clearly not happy about. Certainly there's a lot of that that goes on all around the world (in some countries it's the norm), but I don't see that from JB.

But, saying that, I can't explain Jana's non-appearances as anything other than typical "I'm over that" behavior. Maybe she is courting and her "boyfriend" and his family really don't appreciate the pimping out of the Duggar kids.

JMHO, of course.

[HowRude]

My theory is that she has seen what is ahead of her and doesn't like it a bit. She has had experience sort of in the outside world traveling place granted on mission trips yet still traveling. She saw that people have different ways from her own that she had probably saw is not that detrimental such as the picture on here a few months back smiling with the fire department and wearing pants. Heck she may have even met someone at the fire department that she may really like but never be allowed to date. If she continues living the lifestyle that she lives all she will be is a help meet used for breeding and cleaning. There will be no more traveling and no more of your own thoughts. She is a sweet girl who has a lot of potential ahead of her that she is not allowed to explore to the fullest content of her heart.

[xReems]

I think you are right, but wouldn't the guilt of feeling like that get to her? I know that being on TV has brought them into the world like it or not and they have to see how "the other half lives" and wonder "what if." But I also wonder if guilt for thinking that would lead them to confess and repent and start up a cycle of guilting themselves.

That is a pretty interesting thought, actually. For all we know, Gothard and JB/Michelle are probably making her feel like crap for thinking that way. Rather than trying to help her and understand her feelings, guilt tripping is their solution to the problem. I know whenever someone guilt trips me, I start feeling like crap so that could be the case for her.

What really bothers me is how narrow minded these fundies are when it comes to things like that. If they see one of their children down and feeling a certain way, their solution is to send them away to make them feel like crap for thinking that way and "reprogram" them to what they SHOULD feel (or what the parents think they should feel and act). None of these kids have any sort of individuality in them. In the end, they all think the same way. It's like their recent GMA they did and Meredith asked the children if they wanted a huge family--every one of them said "yes", except Jana, who kind of put her head down.

[StarrieEyedKat]

.

But would JANA think like that? She's never known anything else but raising her siblings.

Hasn't it been confirmed that she's been feeling resentment or something similarly negative towards someone in the family? There was that radio interview or whatever where she shared something at *cough re-education cough* camp about how she was struggling with negative feelings towards a family member. My swiss cheese memory isn't bringing up the exact details...

[ophelia]

Hasn't it been confirmed that she's been feeling resentment or something similarly negative towards someone in the family? There was that radio interview or whatever where she shared something at *cough re-education cough* camp about how she was struggling with negative feelings towards a family member. My swiss cheese memory isn't bringing up the exact details...

That also rings a bell in my little brain... but who would be the person she was struggling with?? JimBooB?? The Uterus?? Smuggar?

[SimplyMe]

I doubt that she's read much criticism on her family. They are only allowed to access the internet in groups and it isn't like there's much opportunity to "sneak" on a computer in that house. Not with 20 people wondering about and cameras on them at all times.

I can never tell if I think Jana seems depressed, or if she's just camera-shy and doesn't want the camera in her face.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

negative feelings towards a family member

Her Mom? Her Dad? Anyone of her brothers? Her s-i-l?? Enquiring Minds Want to Know!

I knew she'd been to Journey of the Heart at least once and speculation on it being twice. I didn't know she'd said this--it's so off message!

[xReems]

My theory is that she has seen what is ahead of her and doesn't like it a bit. She has had experience sort of in the outside world traveling place granted on mission trips yet still traveling. She saw that people have different ways from her own that she had probably saw is not that detrimental such as the picture on here a few months back smiling with the fire department and wearing pants. Heck she may have even met someone at the fire department that she may really like but never be allowed to date. If she continues living the lifestyle that she lives all she will be is a help meet used for breeding and cleaning. There will be no more traveling and no more of your own thoughts. She is a sweet girl who has a lot of potential ahead of her that she is not allowed to explore to the fullest content of her heart.

I agree with you. This is why I'm so thankful that my parents have pushed my sister and I to live on our college campus so we can experience life. Living at home is great but it's your safety net, which can make it difficult to find yourself. When I came to college and started living in an apartment, I knew I wasn't going to have my parents hovering over me, making sure I was doing the right thing. To me, leaving home for the first time was a test--my parents did whatever they could in teaching me what's right, wrong, and the consequences and now they had to let me go and see if I could handle it without them holding my hand every step of the way. I've learned so much about myself that I would have never learned have I lived at home. Yeah, she went on a mission trip but it was Gothard approved.

[xReems]

Here's the podcast from the Journey to the Heart the older Duggar girls went on back in 2009

http://www.livingthejourneyDOTcom/2009/ ... a-journey/

[3 is enough]

She definitely resented someone. It could just be Jessa and Jinger for getting away with doing less work, or the older boys who leave messes lying around for her to pick up. She has been so indoctrinated that normal resentments like that would seem like monumental sins to her. Then she feels guilty, and the downward spiral begins.

[xDreamerx]

I agree with you. This is why I'm so thankful that my parents have pushed my sister and I to live on our college campus so we can experience life. Living at home is great but it's your safety net, which can make it difficult to find yourself. When I came to college and started living in an apartment, I knew I wasn't going to have my parents hovering over me, making sure I was doing the right thing. To me, leaving home for the first time was a test--my parents did whatever they could in teaching me what's right, wrong, and the consequences and now they had to let me go and see if I could handle it without them holding my hand every step of the way. I've learned so much about myself that I would have never learned have I lived at home. Yeah, she went on a mission trip but it was Gothard approved.

Exactly. Going to University was a big change for me as well (as it is for most people). I was raised very secular, liberal, and just generally allowed to do a lot of things but it's different when you're totally on your own.

I think Jana might be resentful, but the sad thing is, because these kids have such a limited life--they're mostly in the home, except on designated trips and preapproved jobs etc., they're only exposed to media and ideas that support their worldview and they generally only interact with likeminded people--they probably don't feel healthy resentment but instead guilt and self-blame. They probably feel they are the ones that should reform because they are raised in such a cultish environment. It's easy for us to say, "Why don't they just leave?" but when you literally know nothing else....it's hard to underestimate the power of that environment.