Kelly (Generation Cedar) has a miscarriage

[Koala]

http://www.generationcedar.com/main/

[aggythenostic]

It's really disturbing how she writes about her children's reaction. Doesn't she see how she's fueling this? How she's manipulating their emotions? Causing them pain? A miscarriage is the body's way of terminating a pregnancy that isn't viable. I'm not saying it's easy, but the whole worship of childbirth by that family is kind of....weird. And what happens when one of them ISN'T in love with yet another mouth to get some of that delicious cream-cheesy pasta?

My children have been asking for about three months if I am going to have another baby. It’s such a bizarre thing that some people feel sorry for my children because they don’t think they could possibly “get enough attentionâ€. My kids–every one of them–are so in love with babies, and so in love with the idea of another life that they can’t wait. So it was with great joy that we were able to tell the kids a few days ago we were expecting. The dropped mouths, wide eyes, giddy laughs while bouncing up and down–you really had to see it. Beautiful, the way these kiddos love life. That’s the theology of “children are a giftâ€, un-jaded by man’s opinion.

Two days later, I began to miscarry. A completely new experience for me. [NOTE] Only a few days of the knowledge of a new life and they are a part of our family. We are naming, imagining, and dreaming of new born skin. To lose the baby is to lose a member of our family, even this early, and to pack up those new dreams and put them away.

I was unprepared for the way it would affect my children. I expected disappointment, but they’re children. I figured they’d say, “Aw…†and then skip off to play. But they cried. Long and hard. And after a few hours of not crying, they’d start crying again. My eight year old Avalee, after her first bout with tears, saw me several hours later, came and threw her arms around me, and sobbed again.

This isn't....oh I don't know...because they've been traumatized by disaster? Because you TOLD THEM BEFORE YOU SHOULD? God, I know I should feel a modicum of sympathy, but honestly - she's such an idiot, it's hard.

[slickcat79]

She mentioned the miscarriage in the comments (#35) of this post about homeschooling on 8/9. I guess it happened a couple of weeks ago. Someone else noticed the comment and posted in the thread about how Kelly is a "prophet" :roll:

[mockingbird]

It's really disturbing how she writes about her children's reaction. Doesn't she see how she's fueling this? How she's manipulating their emotions? Causing them pain? A miscarriage is the body's way of terminating a pregnancy that isn't viable.

This. I've never had a miscarriage (or been pregnant) but I imagine it can be hard for the parents especially if they really wanted a baby. But it's a known risk and that's why most women I know WAITED to tell others they were pregnant. I didn't know my mom was pregnant with my siblings until my mom was past the first trimester. IDK, I definitely agree she is setting her kids up for heartbreak if something goes wrong, especially knowing how much fundies play up having another kid.

We had a family in my church growing up that I just remembered in this post. Catholic and they were one of the few families who had more than 2-3 kids. I just remember one day in the kids' sermon one of the siblings raised their hand to pray for their new baby brother who went to heaven. He had a name. I assumed he had died shortly after birth or had been stillborn but my mom told me after that the mom had had a miscarriage. IDK, maybe it was a second-trimester miscarriage, and I definitely don't want to judge anyone for how they grieve a wanted pregnancy. But now thinking back on it, the kids were really upset about it and if it was an earlier miscarriage I just think that was something they could have been spared knowing about or given less details... the parents still could have grieved how they wanted to but why do the kids need to know and then get so worked up about it? I don't know what happened to this family. I always thought they were a little "weird" (they didn't dress fashionably either) so I think they leant toward the fundy side of Catholicism.

edit: clarity

[salsa]

I can see why they might tell the children early; if she gets tired and sick in that first trimester, it would help for the kids to know why she's being this way. I don't follow the blog and have only read a post or two here and there (which I don't even remember), and so I don't know how her body responds to early pregnancy, but for many, it can be rough.

The kids' sobbing is due to the "MUST MAKE BABIES" "theology." The idolotry of the family.

Even so, I'm sorry for their loss. I can't find it in me to be harsh on them in their grief.

[aggythenostic]

I'm the most bleeding heart bleeding heart on the block. But that woman turns me to stone. She's done nothing but create misery, and it isn't like she is sorry for any other loss than her own. This the woman who compared women who have abortions to the Colorado shooter! Who hinted that the Japanese deserved a disaster because they were Godless heathens! Who made a heart shape out of a tornado because it turned out so well for HER.

She's no kind of Christian, and a poor excuse for a human being, IMO.

[emmiedahl]

This. I've never had a miscarriage (or been pregnant) but I imagine it can be hard for the parents especially if they really wanted a baby. But it's a known risk and that's why most women I know WAITED to tell others they were pregnant. I didn't know my mom was pregnant with my siblings until my mom was past the first trimester. IDK, I definitely agree she is setting her kids up for heartbreak if something goes wrong, especially knowing how much fundies play up having another kid.

We had a family in my church growing up that I just remembered in this post. Catholic and they were one of the few families who had more than 2-3 kids. I just remember one day in the kids' sermon one of the siblings raised their hand to pray for their new baby brother who went to heaven. He had a name. I assumed he had died shortly after birth or had been stillborn but my mom told me after that the mom had had a miscarriage. IDK, maybe it was a second-trimester miscarriage, and I definitely don't want to judge anyone for how they grieve a wanted pregnancy. But now thinking back on it, the kids were really upset about it and if it was an earlier miscarriage I just think that was something they could have been spared knowing about or given less details... the parents still could have grieved how they wanted to but why do the kids need to know and then get so worked up about it? I don't know what happened to this family. I always thought they were a little "weird" (they didn't dress fashionably either) so I think they leant toward the fundy side of Catholicism.

edit: clarity

I refuse to tell my younger children before 4 months and thank GOD! Because I would not want to explain a dead "baby sibling" to a young child. Honestly, the only thing more difficult than my own grief would have been dealing with their grief. I am a little "old school" in that I try to spare the little ones when a situation does not and should not affect them.

My older children knew about the miscarriages that landed me in the hospital because I will not lie to them. But they were old enough to understand that this was not a sibling, but a ball of tissue that could have been a sibling. My littler ones were so very small, I cannot imagine how traumatic it would have been for a not-even-2-year-old to have dealt with the knowledge.

[keeperrox]

I miscarried a very wanted pregnancy almost 2 weeks ago at 9 weeks (well, I had a d&c because there were no heartbeats in either fetus even though I had seen two very strong ones just a week earlier, but it was within 2 or 3 days from the ultrasound going by CRL, so it would have happened eventually), and to be honest, the actual 6 weeks I knew I was pregnant were harder on me emotionally than the pregnancy not working out, thanks to my hormones.

That said, I am so, so, so glad I did not tell people that I was pregnant, because I didn't have to turn around and tell them what happened right away. I have talked about it since with some of my friends, and not only have they all said they knew something was up, but several have shared they had one before their successful pregnancies, too. It's been good for me because I don't have to deal with people being disappointed and when they realize that I'm in a really good place about it, I don't have to deal with their pity, either. I realize that every woman is different and works through things at her own pace, but I truly believe that because I don't have to deal with other people being upset, it's allowed me to emotionally heal rather quickly.

TMI alert:

Now if I could just stop bleeding, so I can have sex with my husband again that would be fucking great(safely; we won't be trying again for a couple of months).

When I read something like Kelly's post, I just don't understand why they would put themselves through that. Not even with telling her kids early, but the way she went about telling them the miscarriage itself. I realize that they way I look at mine (a pregnancy not working out this time) and they way someone like Kelly looks at her's (losing a child) has a lot to do with it, but I can't help wondering if her whole life goal wasn't to "raise up an army for God" or whatever such bullshit they believe, if they would be able to move past the experience without bringing the trauma down on her children as well.

[sissyintexas]

A miscarriage is the body's way of terminating a pregnancy that isn't viable.

Not always... having had 4 miscarriages, this statement is one of my pet peeves. I should start a thread "what not to say to someone who just miscarried."

Sometimes a miscarriage is because one's body is not making enough of a certain hormone to sustain an otherwise viable pregnancy. This was my problem.

[keeperrox]

Not always... having had 4 miscarriages, this statement is one of my pet peeves. I should start a thread "what not to say to someone who just miscarried."

Sometimes a miscarriage is because one's body is not making enough of a certain hormone to sustain an otherwise viable pregnancy. This was my problem.

Heh, yeah. Or in my case, I had two seemingly healthy babies, but a Subchorionic Hemmorage that eventually pushed the placenta off the uterine wall (which usually doesn't happen). According to my doctor, it was most likely a viable pregnancy, but my body had other ideas. I, too, have heard that quite a few times in the past week and a half, but I just flat out explain it to my friends that it wasn't the case with me. I figure that's pretty much the only way to straighten out that type of misinformation.

[Coconut Flan]

Sympathy and hugs to you both. I tend to agree that calling a miscarriage a child leaves a mental picture that complicates the grieving process for some.

[CrazySister]

My children have been asking for about three months if I am going to have another baby. It’s such a bizarre thing that some people feel sorry for my children because they don’t think they could possibly “get enough attentionâ€. My kids–every one of them–are so in love with babies, and so in love with the idea of another life that they can’t wait. So it was with great joy that we were able to tell the kids a few days ago we were expecting. The dropped mouths, wide eyes, giddy laughs while bouncing up and down–you really had to see it. Beautiful, the way these kiddos love life. That’s the theology of “children are a giftâ€, un-jaded by man’s opinion.

Uh, Sweetheart, hate to be the one to break the news to you but maybe it's not that they genuinely want another sibling but that they've figured out the only way they can get any attention from you is to faux worship what you worship and pretend like they're all excited for another kid because otherwise you don't really give a rat's ass about 'em. Just my .02, and clearly I'm feeling bitter this morning.

[warpedfactor9]

Not always... having had 4 miscarriages, this statement is one of my pet peeves. I should start a thread "what not to say to someone who just miscarried."

Sometimes a miscarriage is because one's body is not making enough of a certain hormone to sustain an otherwise viable pregnancy. This was my problem.

My mother who is an RN gave me that load of garbage after my second miscarriage. I also had the same problem you did. And yes, people (usually unintentionally) say the most hurtful things thinking they'll cheer you up.

[aggythenostic]

I just want to clarify that I didn't intend to say anything hurtful or misleading about miscarriage. I'm genuinely sorry if I did.

At any rate, my point was that Kelly tends to make her children puppets for her belief system. I find that is true throughout FundieHood - "My children LOVE being a family of 25!" "My girls adore changing diapers and cleaning up messes!" And finally, 'they cried more than I did at the loss of our would-be baby!" I retch at this sort because even at what should be a sad moment, Kelly is still playing up to her audience by making her children out to be incredibly wonderful test cases for her brand of parenting. That's just....ugh.

[Deleted05]

How ridiculous. I was around 8 when my mother miscarried, and she never told any of us*. I didn't find out until I was 16 or so. This is not a thing to dump on a child.

*ETA: Obviously she told my father. But neither I or my younger siblings were aware of it.

[keeperrox]

How ridiculous. I was around 8 when my mother miscarried, and she never told any of us. I didn't find out until I was 16 or so. This is not a thing to dump on a child.

[meda]

Keeperrox, sorry about the miscarriage, that's rough. I'm sure you know this, but you can bleed for a while after a D&C, I think mine lasted for about 3 weeks.

As for telling kids...for the love of god why would this fruit loop freak out her young children by telling them about the "baby" who died? It's a first trimester miscarriage, you don't need to traumatize your children over it. Sheesh

[Koala]

You know the funny thing? I don't think she really likes kids all that much. From her most recent post:

The reason we are so often prone to frustration is that first of all, lambs are foolish. That’s why they need tending. They do dumb things and they have no idea about the ravenous wolves. That’s why they need a shepherd.

The "lambs" she's referring to are her children.

If my life becomes about living for my desires and aims, and I forget that Christian motherhood requires me to die to my flesh, then these foolish little lambs are simply in the way.

Again, her children="foolish little lambs".

As earthly shepherds of these lambs, our method MUST be about taking them to the Great Shepherd. And I mean every day, every offense.

Poor kids. I've got a feeling Kelly stays on them 24/7.

[Austin]

I just want to clarify that I didn't intend to say anything hurtful or misleading about miscarriage. I'm genuinely sorry if I did.

At any rate, my point was that Kelly tends to make her children puppets for her belief system. I find that is true throughout FundieHood - "My children LOVE being a family of 25!" "My girls adore changing diapers and cleaning up messes!" And finally, 'they cried more than I did at the loss of our would-be baby!" I retch at this sort because even at what should be a sad moment, Kelly is still playing up to her audience by making her children out to be incredibly wonderful test cases for her brand of parenting. That's just....ugh.

At Kelly's age and given the fact that she has clearly carried to term on many occasions, I think it's more likely than not that this might have been the result of a problem with the fetus. I've had a miscarriage (actually, two if you count the loss of a twin with my second pregnancy) and I was not offended.

[keeperrox]

Keeperrox, sorry about the miscarriage, that's rough. I'm sure you know this, but you can bleed for a while after a D&C, I think mine lasted for about 3 weeks.

Thanks, and yeah, I'm finding that out. I'm 2 weeks out today with no end in sight (although I'll think it's stopping and then the next day it's back in full force). I was hoping it would be done by the time school started, but I had 3 days this week and kids are back on Monday. Oh well. I'll just have to deal with black pants until I'm back to normal.