Lori Alexander on children coming home to empty homes

[lilwriter85]

Another annoying sanctimonious posting from Lori.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/07/coming-home-to-empty-home.html

I also think this is one of the few postings in which she doesn't bash her parents.

Dr. James Dobson was recently on CNN. He is concerned about the state of the family today. He thinks children coming home to empty houses is a very bad thing. I agree with him.

I had friends growing up that had both parents working and came home to empty houses. I liked it. We could eat whatever we wanted and watch as much television as we wanted. However, there was a coldness about the house.

My mom was always home full-time. There was a warmth about our home. Friends loved coming over to our house. My mom kept watch over our home. I always knew she would be there.

Lori probably thinks that her friends' parents were ebil heathens. Lori, I used to go home to empty house most of the time when I was growing up and it was never cold. Having one parent home all the time doesn't automatically bring warmth to a home.

[CanadianHippie]

I used to come home to an empty house, heck there was a couple of years there when I left an empty house too. My home had no coldness to it whatsoever. In fact I found the chance to be alone for a bit after school in a warm and welcoming environment to be very good for letting go of the stress of school. I knew I could just come home, make myself a snack and watch an hour of TV or do homework without being disturbed. But I'm an evil heathen and my enjoyment of alone time is probably a sign of my evilness. Or maybe it's because I see a home as being more than just a house with people in it.

The only times my house was cold with in the middle of winter because my dad turned the heat off before he went to work (worked the night shift) and often times the temperature would drop before I came in the door. But we all know that's not what she was talking about.

[YPestis]

I came home to an empty home....then had to leave to attend my after school classes haha. If I didn't have after school classes, in the 1-2 hours that I had free reign of the house, I did some snacking and TV watching...and played with friends and did my homework. Isn't that what most grade school kids did when they get home, SAHM or not? I had to get ready for my Chinese and math classes after school myself and walk over to the school every day. I sometimes had to start homework without my parents to tell me. I guess I didn't feel harmed by having to spend a bit of time to myself. My parents were always home for dinner and we always had home cooked meals from scratch (because my parents didn't like American food and there were no prepackaged Chinese food I guess). I understand it can be hard to have working parents but not every family just lets their kids run wild when they work. Some place their kids in activities or make sure they are supervised in some way.

[Koala]

I was left alone from the time I was 7 on. (Afternoons and summers). I won't lie, it was not a good experience for me. By the time I was in my early teens I was getting into all kinds of mischief. There were a lot of other factors at play there, but copious amounts of alone time didn't help.

[Maggie Mae]

My dad was the stay-at-home parent.

If he was home when I got home and awake, it meant I had to change and immediately leave again. If he wasn't home, I usually just read a book and enjoyed the peace and quiet. If he was home and asleep, I did the same thing. I tended to go to friend's house's after school if I could, but that was more because I'm a social person who likes to talk, not because my parents somehow failed me. I don't think having a stay at home parent is necessary if your kids can handle it. But I also will vote free-range over helicopters any day.

[contrary]

another latchkey kid here.

mostly, i did homework and read books. occasionally i snuck MTV and cigarettes.

If my friends wanted to go over to anyone's house after school, you can be sure it was NOT to a house where the Mom Was Home.

of course, maybe my parents didn't guard my heart enough to get me good, well-behaved friends, either.

[keen23]

Lori is so brain dead.

Part of the week we came home to an "empty" house and part of the week my Mom was home. Of course, on her days off from her regular job, she also had about a thousand more things to do for the committees and whatnot that she was part of. She worked Mon-Wed every week from the time I started kindergarten until the youngest started high school (I'm the oldest, the youngest is 12 years younger than me, so a pretty significant amount of time). Not only that, but as a part-time employee with highly appreciated skills, my Mom was the primary wage earner in the family, even while Dad was working 40-50 hours a week. Once I hit 6th grade, I was expected to start dinner on the nights when my Mom was working. Most of the prep was done beforehand, but I could start the pasta or brown meat for tacos or whatever. When I got a job after school, meal starting was transferred to my brother who was next in line age-wise. Oh, and our house on the weekends was the place where everyone hung out. My parents went out of their way to make sure that our friends felt welcome, safe (in some cases, there were some crappy home life issues) and fed. Add to that a large extended family who was also constantly in and out of the house, visiting, dropping off kids to stay, etc. It was a great house to grow up in.

[FloraDoraDolly]

I was a latchkey kid starting in high school. It was no big deal. I mostly just watched TV and ate snacks. Sometimes my friends came over, or I would go to their houses. If the weather was decent, we might all go for a walk and hang out someplace. Even if I didn't see my friends after school, my sister was usually home, and sometimes her friends would come over, so the house usually wasn't "empty." No one got into serious trouble.

On the other side of the coin, I knew a couple of only children from single-parent families whose mothers started leaving them home alone when they were very young, at age nine or ten. These moms didn't come home at 5 or 6 o'clock, either; they stayed out LATE. The kids didn't handle it very well and as they grew older they started running around with the druggies. One of those kids is now a helicopter mom who seldom lets her kids out of her sight. I'm not sure what happened to the others.

[Guest Anonymous]

Another annoying sanctimonious posting from Lori.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/07/coming-home-to-empty-home.html

I also think this is one of the few postings in which she doesn't bash her parents.

Lori probably thinks that her friends' parents were ebil heathens. Lori, I used to go home to empty house most of the time when I was growing up and it was never cold. Having one parent home all the time doesn't automatically bring warmth to a home.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't James Dobson the asshole who believes in spanking but his kids and his dogs?

[Koala]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't James Dobson the asshole who believes in spanking but his kids and his dogs?

He's the asshole you're thinking of.

[dawbs]

My mom came home to an empty [of grown ups] house. My dad came home to an empty house.

My grandpa came home to an empty house [Ok, empty of grownups]. My grandma came home to an empty house.

*shakes fist at modernity*

Yep, see how the world is evolving to create more latch-key kids?

[kayray]

Another latchkey kid here. I did have siblings but when they were very young and not in school yet they would be at the sitter. When they got a bit older I took care of them, and then we mostly ignored each other and did our own thing.

Anyway, I loved it. I've been a rather independent "need my private space" kind of person for as far back as I can remember. Mostly I read, did my chores, watched some tv, or started supper and made sure my siblings did not do anything too stupidly dangerous if I was watching them. Sometimes I did go to a friends or had extra-curricular stuff to do.

I actually still love that I usually get home from work an hour or two hours before my husband. I love my husband and spending time with him, but I really still need that balance. Having that time still gives me the time to have my "me time" and that decompression time I like to shift from working mode to home mode. I've usually had a long day after going to gym/running in morning and working all day, so like to really do a whole lot of NOTHING but read or watch tv in that time if I can help it!

[luckystone]

I came home to parents. I was always jealous of my friends who came home to empty houses because they could watch tv or just relax for a while until their parents came home. Not that my parents were helicopter parents or forced me to start doing study and chores as I came in the door, it was just...crowded. I enjoyed it when I got time alone.

I don't think it's nice for a child to have hours alone every evening every single day for their whole childhood, but it's not some great evil and coldness.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Soon as I saw Dr. Dobson's name, I knew it was bullshit.

[desertvixen]

Children need someone at home. Left to their own devices they can get in a lot of trouble. We are commanded to train up our children. This is addressed to parents, not day-care or babysitters. God knew the importance of parents raising and training their children.

If they're so well "trained" (and I hate using that word) then why can't they be left alone? Oh wait, because the training means they only obey from a sense of fear.

Do everything you can to make sure your children don't come home to an empty house. They need someone to protect them from themselves. They need guidance and loving care. They need you. Nobody can take the place of parents. Children would much rather come home to a very humble home with a parent in it than a gorgeous, empty large one.

I firmly believe the best protection we can give our children is to give them an environment in which they can make decisions, make mistakes, and deal with the consequences without those consequences being harmful in the long term. If we don't let them stretch their wings, occasionally fall, and learn to recover, then we have failed them.

[lilah]

This should have been written in the 70's or 80's. Now a days we live in the helicopter parenting generation where most of the time kids don't get to stay home alone until they are 16 or something. Likely they are in some enrichment activities or something.

[ElphabaGalinda]

I also loved being home alone because I needed time after school to just think and relax. But kids are so rarely home alone anymore, at least kids I know. they're all put in daycare or have nannies until they're like 13. I also don't know anyone who had a stay at home parent.

Seems like Lori thinks kids will blow up the house or think they're unloved if they're left alone at home for an hour or 2. She doesn't have much confidence in her training of her children to actually work.

[grateful1230]

Yes Dobson is that asshole. I recall many of his speeches (or sermons.. whatever) from my youth. Back to topic, my siblings and I were all latchkey kids. I ate raw biscuit dough, watched copious amounts of Brady Bunch reruns, and did my homework within the last 20 minutes before I knew Mom would be home. I'm now the mother of a brilliant son, as well as two fantastic nephews. Somehow I don't think that key to my house affected me.

[lilwriter85]

I also loved being home alone because I needed time after school to just think and relax. But kids are so rarely home alone anymore, at least kids I know. they're all put in daycare or have nannies until they're like 13. I also don't know anyone who had a stay at home parent.

Seems like Lori thinks kids will blow up the house or think they're unloved if they're left alone at home for an hour or 2. She doesn't have much confidence in her training of her children to actually work.

I also thought the same thing. Other fundie bloggers have that belief that children will feel unloved if they come to an empty house or are alone part of the day. A lot of children do understand that both parents have to work and their parents do love them.

[VVV]

We just this past year started letting our very responsible daughter (age 10) come home to an empty house. Because of the irregular nature of my job, it was never more than two days a week and seldom much over an hour, and anyway my husband works less than ten minutes away from our house and could be there very quickly in case of emergency. Once or twice, my daughter thought she would be alone for a little bit after school only to discover that I was home after all, which was very disappointing to her. My daughter loves the opportunity to be on her own for a little while. She interprets this (correctly) as meaning that we trust her to be responsible.

[AmyP]

I also loved being home alone because I needed time after school to just think and relax. But kids are so rarely home alone anymore, at least kids I know. they're all put in daycare or have nannies until they're like 13. I also don't know anyone who had a stay at home parent.

Seems like Lori thinks kids will blow up the house or think they're unloved if they're left alone at home for an hour or 2. She doesn't have much confidence in her training of her children to actually work.

Exactly. Modern parents almost never let kids come home to an empty house. I'm sure it still happens, but it isn't as common as it was when I was growing up.

[contrary]

Just curious...how old were ya'll when you started staying home alone after school?

I can't remember precisely, but i am certain i was staying home alone by 6th or 7th grade. (10 or 11-ish). I was a generally trustworthy kid...the most rebellious thing i did while home alone was watch MTV (which, while not precisely disallowed, was more than the 3-4 hours a week i was technically allowed during the school year).

[kayray]

contrary,

I was actually pretty young, as it coincided closely to when my parents divorced. I would have started coming home alone when I was in Grade 1/2 - I remember being about 7/8. I always had an adult neighbour friend nearby I could call and was pretty responsible and safety aware at that age. I recollect these were for shorter bouts of time (like 30-45 minutes?) and then as I got older (9/10) it might be for longer. It was not really until I was 11/12 I started watching my younger siblings more. Before that I used to walk them home but drop them off at a sitters as I went home, etc.

I do think it is a bit more unusual to see kids that young at home alone these days, but I recall at that age in school even getting like a safety class on latchkey kids or something, and we were taught to hide our keys, have our contact and emergency numbers nearby, check in with someone when we got home (I would always call my mom at work to "check in") and so on.

[heinz57]

Just curious...how old were ya'll when you started staying home alone after school?

I can't remember precisely, but i am certain i was staying home alone by 6th or 7th grade. (10 or 11-ish). I was a generally trustworthy kid...the most rebellious thing i did while home alone was watch MTV (which, while not precisely disallowed, was more than the 3-4 hours a week i was technically allowed during the school year).

I was probably around 11-12. And I absolutely loved it. I was a really good kid and never got into any kind of trouble, but I loved the feeling of having the house all to myself. And it definitely wasn't a cold house.

When I was 15 my mom left her job and started working from home, I really didn't like it - I felt I lost the "me time".

[contrary]

Yeah...I really liked the time home alone as well.

I remember "latchkey safety" information at school! I wonder if that's common now...

I was babysitting other people's kids by age 12 (after a mom-mandated red cross course), so I know I was home alone after school well before that.