Unintentionally hilarious religious art

[Black Aliss]

40 minutes ago, ladyamylynn said:

Jesus appears to have some Klingon DNA by the looks of his forehead here.

I think that's the head rabbi at the temple. Jesus is the little kid in the lower left, with the halo, easily (but for the halo) mistaken for either Sammy Davis Jr. or the horribly racist illustrations in my childhood copy of Little Black Sambo.

4 hours ago, elliha said:

I agree, Jesus looking Jewish (whatever that is) would be the most logical thing. I do know some that say that since Jesus was the son of God he could have looked differently from the rest of the population. I have always pictured him Middle Eastern looking though. 

Right, and God is usually depicted as very fair-skinned, with icy blue eyes, and white hair and beard. So I guess it's fair to assume that Jesus took after his biological father, appearance-wise. Which must have caused considerable gossip in their little village.

[Granwych]

39 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

I thought the short guy with the halo is Jesus? 

I sure hope so.  The dude with the scrolls...I have no words.

[ladyamylynn]

I guess I just assumed JC was the big dude in the middle! 

[PreciousPantsofDoom]

3 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

There was always Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Light, who was a huge hit with Christians because of his devoutness and life-affirming values, or wholesomeness, if you will.

Then, not long after he was arrested for urinating on (or, as he put it, ritual territory marking) a Winnie-the-Pooh statue at a Disneyland hotel, was sued for fraud, filed for bankruptcy, caused a scene at a Siegfried and Roy show in Vegas by repeated yelling "Codpiece!", he OD'd on alcohol and valium. I'm guessing he's not being remembered so much for his wholesomeness these days.

Thomas Kincade, the Painter Of Light? (Didn't he trademark that ridiculous "Painter of Light" thing? )  

I once won some sort (a calendar? An address book? Can't remember) of Kincade merchandise  (long since donated to Charity (Sorry about that Charity) at a wedding shower.  The person who threw the shower was quite religious and sure everybody would love the Kincade items. She said they were saving up to buy one of the paintings (Which I believe were mass produced at a studio where Kincade would add a stroke or two at the end and then sign.)  I thought it was akin to bad greeting card art, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings.  First I tried to turn down the prize to let someone else win it. When that didn't work I "forgot" to bring it with me when I left.  She dropped it off at my house the next day and gushed further about Kincade.  

I wonder if she ever did buy a painting?  Well, I ain't going to be the one to tell her about the poor man's sad ending, that's for sure.  

[DaniLouisiana]

My DIL loves Kinkade art. I, being a "good" MIL, keep my big mouth shut firmly-I even gave her a Kinkade coloring book for Christmas.  Anybody here ever heard of James Christiansen?  My kids all call him "Mama's weird artist"- he does kind of surreal religious art + Shakespeare +myths.

[DancingPhalanges]

13 minutes ago, PreciousPantsofDoom said:

Thomas Kincade, the Painter Of Light? (Didn't he trademark that ridiculous "Painter of Light" thing? )  

Where I live he was referred to as the Painter of Trite. 

The drawing where the guy is driving a truck and Jesus is behind him, the driver looks like Martin Sheen. It was my first thought. 

[CTRLZero]

9 minutes ago, DaniLouisiana said:

Anybody here ever heard of James Christiansen?

I've worked a couple of his Shakespearean-themed puzzles.  In checking to see if it was the correct artist, I see that he passed away just two days ago.  He was a teacher at BYU for many years. 

[HeadshipRegent]

If I ever die from some unspecified circumstance, just assume this is how I went down. 

[Mercer]

A friend of mine once commented that Kinkade's paintings have significantly more bright yellow/orange interior glow than the available light sources should be able to provide... and the only way for that to be realistic is if the buildings are actually on fire and about to be engulfed in flames.

I can no longer unsee that.

But it does make the paintings a lot darker and more interesting.

 

[CyborgKin]

I saw an illustrated Bible in a church opened to an illustrating showing John the Baptist and Jesus, where John looked properly Mediterranean and his second cousin Jesus was ridiculously white.  Sadly I don't have a picture of it to share.

So instead I'll just drop this here:

[church_of_dog]

On January 9, 2017 at 3:28 PM, ladyamylynn said:

Shamelessly ripped of from Reddit: Jesus looks like he's ready to fire somebody. 

It more put me in mind of this:

[Grimalkin]

On 1/9/2017 at 9:52 AM, theologygeek said:

I don't approve of all the snarking on this site.  Never did.  In my opinion, there is a big difference between mainstream Christians, Muslims, et al and all forms of extremism (from mild to ultra extreme)  Mild extremism in my opinion includes comments like "the sky fairy," etc because mild extremism includes religious intolerance.  Religious intolerance and other forms of extremism, I'll snark on.  But never on someone's beliefs alone.  And there's nothing extreme about a piece of art that shows Jesus watching over an operation. 

     I don't see Jesus watching over an operation, or guiding the surgeon's hands. I see a man meddling and interfering. I understand what the artist is trying to convey, and I can appreciate why it can be a comforting message. I don't think the artist was successful in Conveying that message. Same with him standing over the doctor's shoulder when he is sitting at his desk. I'm laughing at the art. 

      

[MarblesMom]

1 hour ago, Mercer said:

I can no longer unsee that.

But it does make the paintings a lot darker and more interesting.

 

There is a whole shelf of Kink-aid books, novels, in the library.  I am too afraid to pull one down and see how bad they are... I think weeding them out for a book sale is the best end-game for them....

[paganbaby]

On 1/9/2017 at 5:28 PM, ladyamylynn said:

Shamelessly ripped of from Reddit: Jesus looks like he's ready to fire somebody. 

My mother has that picture. It hung in the dining room throughout my childhood.

I never registered just how much bad, morbid Catholic art hung around my parents' home until I visited with my kids, who were raised in a secular environment. They completely freaked out at the decor in the bedroom where they had to sleep. The Sacred Heart picture with him ripping open his chest bothered them a lot, but they really couldn't understand why there were so many depictions of a man being tortured to death on a cross.

[formergothardite]

This is art in the sense that the guy wrote and sang a song about heaven. He manages to make heaven sound terrible. Does hell serve breakfast? 

[jozina]

On 10/01/2017 at 8:29 AM, AmazonGrace said:

I love the lion's ball. 

In paradise, you will still need protection from the sun. 

The special effects team was overworked. 

 

Love the lion's ball.  Kitty's so proud of his toy.

Wonder what the cat in photo 2 did to deserve no longer being subject to gravity?  I am all about the felines in both paintings.

On 10/01/2017 at 8:15 AM, AmazonGrace said:

So, fish and dolphins? 

PERMANENT RESIDENTS - not citizens.  You can pay taxes, but don't go getting all uppity and thinking you're a citizen.

[LadyCrow1313]

10 hours ago, paganbaby said:

My mother has that picture. It hung in the dining room throughout my childhood.

I never registered just how much bad, morbid Catholic art hung around my parents' home until I visited with my kids, who were raised in a secular environment. They completely freaked out at the decor in the bedroom where they had to sleep. The Sacred Heart picture with him ripping open his chest bothered them a lot, but they really couldn't understand why there were so many depictions of a man being tortured to death on a cross.

For a while, Mom had a Jesus statue on the kitchen table. It wasn't a bad one or scary looking, to be honest, but as I told her when I moved it to another room, I didn't need to have Jesus watching me eat breakfast.

[Four is Enough]

OK.. AFA the Haitian Jesus picture.. I've spent years studying the marginalia in medieval manuscripts, and the doodlings are VERY funny, some of them, and on a par with this drawing. I've always wondered if the medieval illuminators were mainly that tired, that cold, that stoned, or what else ailed them. (I was actually comforted, upon finding medieval art.. as a child I couldn't draw the human face to save my soul. Here are all these examples of  bad human faces, and they're in PRAYERBOOKS!! Psalters! Bibles!!)

Just google image "medieval manuscript marginalia" and prepare to be amazed.

[Black Aliss]

16 hours ago, Mercer said:

A friend of mine once commented that Kinkade's paintings have significantly more bright yellow/orange interior glow than the available light sources should be able to provide... and the only way for that to be realistic is if the buildings are actually on fire and about to be engulfed in flames.

I can no longer unsee that.

But it does make the paintings a lot darker and more interesting.

 

This makes me unreasonably happy. I used to have to drop off my youngest kid for playdates with a friend, whose parents had more money than taste. They collected Thomas Kinkade originals. I don't know if they actually liked the art or if it was just an investment. Anyway, thanks for the enightenment, in case I ever have to look at another Kinkade.

[ADoyle90815]

3 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

OK.. AFA the Haitian Jesus picture.. I've spent years studying the marginalia in medieval manuscripts, and the doodlings are VERY funny, some of them, and on a par with this drawing. I've always wondered if the medieval illuminators were mainly that tired, that cold, that stoned, or what else ailed them. (I was actually comforted, upon finding medieval art.. as a child I couldn't draw the human face to save my soul. Here are all these examples of  bad human faces, and they're in PRAYERBOOKS!! Psalters! Bibles!!)

Just google image "medieval manuscript marginalia" and prepare to be amazed.

My guess is that the pigments used back then were toxic, so the illuminators were probably high at the time.

[Howl]

So what's going on in this interaction?  Guy 1 is commando under his tunic, but no evidence of a penis, and guy two is getting ready to pull out his shiv.   

Off to google as recommended: medieval manuscript marginalia

ETA: OK, I'm back.  That is some seriously weird.....stuff.  And what's with the rabbits?...and snails?  There is also one with a fairly accurate representation of a dinosaur with....feathers!  

 

[Terrie]

34 minutes ago, Howl said:

ETA: OK, I'm back.  That is some seriously weird.....stuff.  And what's with the rabbits?...and snails?  There is also one with a fairly accurate representation of a dinosaur with....feathers!  

 

I've heard speculation that many of the illuminators were part of relgiious communities that relied heavily on their gardens for food, so what you are seeing is the doodles of frustrated gardeners. 

[ladyamylynn]

5 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

OK.. AFA the Haitian Jesus picture.. I've spent years studying the marginalia in medieval manuscripts, and the doodlings are VERY funny, some of them, and on a par with this drawing. I've always wondered if the medieval illuminators were mainly that tired, that cold, that stoned, or what else ailed them. (I was actually comforted, upon finding medieval art.. as a child I couldn't draw the human face to save my soul. Here are all these examples of  bad human faces, and they're in PRAYERBOOKS!! Psalters! Bibles!!)

Just google image "medieval manuscript marginalia" and prepare to be amazed.

http://the-toast.net/2016/04/14/two-monks-invent-art/ I think you might love this.

[EmmieJ]

8 hours ago, formergothardite said:

This is art in the sense that the guy wrote and sang a song about heaven. He manages to make heaven sound terrible. Does hell serve breakfast? 

I'm diabetic and to control my blood glucose numbers, I not only avoid sugar, I've got to keep my carb intake pretty darn low.  I was hoping that if I made it to heaven, I'd get to indulge in carby-goodness, like biscuits and gravy.  In between my assignments as a guardian angel of course.

On 1/9/2017 at 10:19 AM, AmazonGrace said:

I guess it's in the eye of the beholder but to me this guy looks more annoyed that Jesus is crowding his personal space than relieved that Jesus is advising him how to drive. 

I love this entire thread, but this picture looks more like the driver picked up a hitchhiker, and the situation has just turned very creepy.  Hitchhiker:  "Do you believe in the afterlife John?"  Driver:  "Gross!  This guy has onion breath.  Think I'll pull into this gas station and tell him he's gonna have to find another ride."

[laPapessaGiovanna]

This is hilarious, it looks like they are looking for a specific and limited resurrection

Spoiler

All in all I'd say those monks thoughts weren't chaste and pure. They also had a lively imagination.