Unintentionally hilarious religious art

[Screamapillar]

I once bought one of those tacky "Santa kneeling to Baby Jesus" paintings at a gas station to give as a White Elephant gift at a Holiday Party. Hilarity ensued.

[AmazonGrace]

4 minutes ago, ladyaudley said:

My favourite thing about the armwrestling one is that it's just such a bad fake beard on Jesus. come on. At least spring for theatre quality! 

I think he may also dye his hair because the eyebrows seem so insignificant compared to the strong coloring of the beard and the hair. That or he plucks his eyebrows. 

[ladyamylynn]

These are too good... Does this guy just pull occupations out of a hat?

[AmazonGrace]

5 minutes ago, ladyamylynn said:

These are too good... Does this guy just pull occupations out of a hat?

No of course not...It is all very well regulated. Women cook, work as secretaries and take care of children. All the manly man work is done by manly men. 

[Howl]

38 minutes ago, Screamapillar said:

I once bought one of those tacky "Santa kneeling to Baby Jesus" paintings at a gas station to give as a White Elephant gift at a Holiday Party. Hilarity ensued.

Holy banana fanna, this is seriously a Thing! 

https://www.pinterest.com/julestwilight/kneeling-santa-and-baby-jesus/

[AmazonGrace]

This is from the link in the OP. What the artist is saying: 

Quote

The Introduction is a stunning portrayal of that first moment of man's special blessing from God. A brand new world sparkles and vibrates with color and movement as Adam and Eve gaze with a wonder and tenderness to set the standard for all time. This inspiring expression of love will enrich any space, certain to become a family heirloom. You will delight in its detail and beaut

https://www.nathangreene.com/product/39/72

What a casual observer is thinking: Here's Jesus wingmanning, helping Adam and Eve to hook up.  Notice clever use of a tiger  to cover up an erect penis, and a giraffe to convey a vague sense of where said organ might be pointing. This is obviously from a time before Adam and Eve sinned because the tiger is tame and they do not need to cover up with clothes. Wait, why is Jesus wearing a robe? 

The site of the artist is quite lovely. 

https://www.nathangreene.com/fullsize/55/33

"And then I stood there looking stupid while the guy from the other firm shook hands with thin air." 

https://www.nathangreene.com/fullsize/92/29

https://www.nathangreene.com/fullsize/66/24

"Sorry buddy, I can't reach."

"This planet is doomed". 

[formergothardite]

10 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

certain to become a family heirloom.

I about choked on water.  This is what every person hopes their grandparents leave them. There are going to be fights over who gets the Adam, Even and White Jesus picture! Everyone will want this heirloom! 

[AmazonGrace]

"Look, Mary, you can have the silver spoons if I get the painting of the hunk with a hard-on."

"Are you sure it won't give Uncle Sid impure thoughts="  

[formergothardite]

Heaven is for white people. 

[IreneIssh]

1 minute ago, formergothardite said:

Heaven is for white people. 

Jesus looks like he's a little lost here. I can almost hear the Curb Your Enthusiasm music playing over this image. 

[AmazonGrace]

Everyone else gets a white gown and Jesus has some kind of yellow stain on it. 

[AmazonGrace]

Jehovah's witness illustrations: 

 

Let us not forget about the dark side of Jesus.

Hey, guys, this end of the world is awesome!

 

Some will still look deader than others.

Less white but still without legs.

Look at all these unattended kids whose parents went to hell.  

[Howl]

@IreneIssh, Jesus also has a stigmata in his right hand.  Does one need to be blond to be in the heavenly choir?

@AmazonGrace, what the HECK is it with giraffes in these pictures (left side of last painting). 

[ladyamylynn]

33 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

Heaven is for white people. 

Worst rave ever.

[AmazonGrace]

5 minutes ago, Howl said:

@IreneIssh, Jesus also has a stigmata in his right hand.  Does one need to be blond to be in the heavenly choir?

@AmazonGrace, what the HECK is it with giraffes in these pictures (left side of last painting). 

I think one of them might have broken its neck... I googled pictures of giraffes bending down and they had curved necks or straight necks but I didn't see any with that kind of angle in the middle of the neck. 

Unless the head is higher up and that thing that seems to go down to the ground is something hanging from its mouth. 

[AmazonGrace]

Our hometown is burning and we don't give a damn: 

So, fish and dolphins? 

[Black Aliss]

6 hours ago, theologygeek said:

Art is in the eye of the beholder and is subject to interpretation.  To me, it looks like Jesus is guiding the surgeon and is watching over the operation. 

But couldn't he at least scrub up and wear sterile gloves if he's going to be sticking his hands in there? All he really needs is to give the surgeon a bluetooth earpiece and give directions from the gallery.

PSA: it's the art, not the beliefs we are snarking on.

[mango_fandango]

The "jesus fanart" tag on wtffundiefamilies tumblr page is good. Some of it is fucking bizarre but some is hilarious.

My favourite tag, though, is "what would jesus LOL at?" This one makes me laugh every time:

[AmazonGrace]

I love the lion's ball. 

In paradise, you will still need protection from the sun. 

The special effects team was overworked. 

This is what you will be driving to attend the end of the world. 

They look like normal people? 

This is what you will be wearing in paradise. 

 

[Black Aliss]

21 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Our hometown is burning and we don't give a damn: 

 

Is that. . .no, it can't be, can it? An interracial family? Are they supposed to be fleeing Sodom or something?

[KnittingOwl]

3 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Someone is also with you while you're washing your hair: 

Is Ryan Gosling Jesus? Because I might suddenly need Jesus in my life.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

Italian religious art is known for its love for overly dramatic, theatrical and morbid themes like the "Cristo morto" (dead Christ). There are some masterpieces like Michelangelo's and Mantegna's

Spoiler

and then there are some fugly things, really ugly, you're warned (and because I am kind like that I'm sparing you a couple of the worst ones)

Spoiler

You NEEDED to know that the last one is on sale for 698€.

[formergothardite]

19 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

This is what you will be wearing in paradise. 

We still have to work to grow food in paradise? So we are all going to be farm workers? This isn't sounding like an upgrade. 

[AmazonGrace]

1 minute ago, KnittingOwl said:

Is Ryan Gosling Jesus? Because I might suddenly need Jesus in my life.

Well, the hair is on the short side but he's got the beard, he seems to be blessing on her or something, he's white and his legs aren't showing.

[formergothardite]

1 minute ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

You NEEDED to know that the last one is on sale for 698€.

Family heirloom!