Man accused of trying to have intercourse with a van.

[47of74]

Police were called in Ohio (what, you were thinking Florida?) over the antics of an intoxicated man.

click2houston.com/news/man-accused-of-trying-to-have-sex-with-van

Quote

When police arrived in the area, they said they found a man walking, wearing black gym shorts and shoes. The man, identified as Michael Henson, appeared to be intoxicated, the report said.

Officers put him in the back of a police car and spoke with the woman who called police. She told them she saw the man standing near a parked van. She went on to explain she saw Henson pull his shorts down and place his genitals in the front grill of the van.

The woman said he did this for a while then appeared to pass out in a nearby yard. That's when she called police.

Henson was arrested for public indecency and is now in the Montgomery County Jail.

Two observations here.

• Did he wear protection?  There's probably some sharp areas inside a vehicle's grill.
• Was this a van down by the river?

[Gobsmacked]

Had the river run dry?

[church_of_dog]

Was it at least a cute van?

[AnywhereButHere]

Did it look like this?

Or maybe this...

[Hera]

Oh! I thought that's how mini-vans were born. You know, when a human and a van love each other very much...

 

 

[Gobsmacked]

He will act like he doesn't remember and the van? Well it won't care.

[Mela99]

Wouldn't the tailpipe have been a better option?

[church_of_dog]

28 minutes ago, Mela99 said:

Wouldn't the tailpipe have been a better option?

Upon first read, I was picturing the gas tank access...

[MarblesMom]

I bet he doesn't call the van in the morning.  Or ever.

[Geechee Girl]

4 hours ago, Mela99 said:

Wouldn't the tailpipe have been a better option?

And see I was thinking the gas tank entry.

[LadyCrow1313]

11 hours ago, Mela99 said:

Wouldn't the tailpipe have been a better option?

A few years ago, I saw a picture of some dude (in England, maybe) kneeling next to a car with his package inside of a tailpipe. He wasn't doing anything @ the moment (that I could tell, anyways), & seemed to be smiling. I can't find the pic right now (maybe someone else can if they have the inclination to do so), but it's very bizarre.

[smittykins]

A few years ago, the former Discovery Health channel had a series called My Strange Obsession, and one of the episodes featured a man having a "relationship"  with his car--including "sex."  I only saw the promo, mind you--I couldn't bring myself to watch the actual show. 

[AmazonGrace]

Did the van consent or was it rape?

[AnywhereButHere]

There was an episode of Untold Stories of the ER that had a guy who tried having sex with a camping stove and got stuck in there. He was stoned and it seemed like a good idea...  

One of the doctors on the show commented once that most of their crazier events started with someone saying "Well, I got drunk and took my clothes off..." 

[LadyCrow1313]

23 minutes ago, AnywhereButHere said:

There was an episode of Untold Stories of the ER that had a guy who tried having sex with a camping stove and got stuck in there. He was stoned and it seemed like a good idea...  

One of the doctors on the show commented once that most of their crazier events started with someone saying "Well, I got drunk and took my clothes off..." 

Or also the old favorite: "Here, hold my beer for a second." 

15 hours ago, Hera said:

Oh! I thought that's how mini-vans were born. You know, when a human and a van love each other very much...

 

 

And what about a sidecar for a motorcycle? Does the process work the same way?    

[doggie]

well it gives a whole new meaning of getting up in your grill.

[47of74]

42 minutes ago, AnywhereButHere said:

There was an episode of Untold Stories of the ER that had a guy who tried having sex with a camping stove and got stuck in there. He was stoned and it seemed like a good idea...  

One of the doctors on the show commented once that most of their crazier events started with someone saying "Well, I got drunk and took my clothes off..." 

Isn't that how a lot of these things happen?  Someone has an idea while they're stoned or drunk and the part of the brain that says this is really isn't a good idea isn't functioning so they go ahead with it then, regardless of the consequences.

[Mela99]

1 hour ago, AnywhereButHere said:

There was an episode of Untold Stories of the ER that had a guy who tried having sex with a camping stove and got stuck in there. He was stoned and it seemed like a good idea...  

One of the doctors on the show commented once that most of their crazier events started with someone saying "Well, I got drunk and took my clothes off..." 

There was also a hilarious one where a guy got his penis stuck in a pool filter. You can find the video and 911 call on youtube. The caller can't stop cracking up, "It must be wrinkled to all hell..."

[AnywhereButHere]

I haven't seen that one! Just the description is cracking me up though, so I think I need to go find it. 

[THERetroGamerNY]

That sort of thing makes the resell value go down...

[LadyCrow1313]

5 minutes ago, THERetroGamerNY said:

That sort of thing makes the resell value go down...

Gives new meaning to the term "getting your pipes cleaned", doesn't it?   

[Roux]

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just keep wondering the make and model.

[47of74]

20 minutes ago, Roux said:

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just keep wondering the make and model.

The Smoking Gun just said it was a red van.  Didn't say anything about the make and model of said van....

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/car-sex/man-with-a-van-648930

[PennySycamore]

Note to self:  Avoid buying a red van.

[bingbangboom]

Whore van. Wearing red paint, shiny grill. It wanted it. 

Somebody pay his bail.