Bergey Family - 8 kids and living in an RV

[laPapessaGiovanna]

Quote: "We passed out candy and gospel tracts, and played a makeshift soccer with some of the children. It was clearly evident that many of the children are sick, probably with HIV."

From here  http://littlefishministries.org/blog-2/ 

I really really hope they'll never make to Africa. 

From the pics of the survey journey to Africa it seems that only the bio children went with them, where were the adopted ones?

[MyMilkshake]

Unless a child expresses a genuine interest in a name change, their names should be left alone imo.
I was watching "The Dark Matter of Love ", a documentary about a family who adopted 3 kids from Russia (a teenager and two elementary aged). The family changed all the children's names to American names without even asking the kids if they even liked having those particular names. It made me so angry for the kids. Why the need to strip away even their names? It comes off as selfish and insecure on the part of the adopters.

[Gimme a Free RV]

Seriously.  Someone PLEASE Gimme. A. Free. R. V.

I want to spend time traveling to different places with my dogs, homeschooling them, showing them around the country, while grifting and/or holding odd jobs.  No.  Wait.  I don't want to work.  (I just want the money.)  That would take time away from my dogs.  I think I'll sing in different places and ask for love offerings.  I could teach the dogs to howl and do cute tricks while I play a musical instrument.  I no longer have a headship, so all the attention would be focused on the dogs and MEEEEE!  When I perform, I'll wear lots of makeup...but I refuse to wear skirts.  I might put skirts on the dogs though.  Little tutus might be really cute and bring in more money..er...love offerings.

So, yeah.  That's what my plan is.  I'll go to Florida, take the dogs to the beach, and find a coconut to crack open and try.  I'll try to stop in and visit all my FFs (favorite fundies):  Florida--Anna's parents, Tennessee--the Bates, Arkansas--Anna only, Texas--a stop at Big Sandy to let the dogs run and poop, and the Pacific Northwest to let Erica Shupe organize my RV and to smuggle candy and comic books to her children while she's busy.

[blessalessi]

 

 

Yes.  The one where she is training the poor child to sit on her lap is just as bad.  I think she needs stuffed toys not children to cuddle. 

I really want that kid to say "FU"  instead of "yes, Ma'am." 

This!

Yes the sitting video is horrible.  She's basically training the baby not to be curious about his surroundings.  All because of her desire not to be interrupted.  Even the teeny size of book is chosen because she doesn't like books to fill her lap! 

How will the child learn to enjoy reading if he is not allowed to touch the book in front of him? Those thick cardboard pages and rounded corners were made for his chubby hands and mouth to explore, not for her to use as bait for her "outlasting" sessions.

She is just a Pearlite wolf in sheep's clothing.

 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

From today's post:

I recently set my old blog to private. I know many of my readers here followed me from the Bergey Bunch, so I wanted to offer a bit of explanation.I blogged pretty openly over there about some of the adoption challenges we faced, and while my goal was always to help other families by sharing my heart, as my girls have gotten older, I’ve been reconsidering their need for privacy. I have always sought my older children’s permission to post things pertaining to them, and they all read my posts before and after I post them.At the same time, Johanna in particular has overcome incredible odds, and I feel like it’s time to let her past stay in the past. I want to give her a fresh slate from which to grow.  My relationship with my older girls is precious to me and I want to be as honest–yet protecting–as I can. I will still be blogging about older child adoption, and Johanna and I both would love to be an encouragement to other struggling families. You can always reach me via email or Facebook.

Translation: Someone told me about FJ. Better cancel the old crap especially about Ling-Johanna (I forgot to edit some nasty details back at the time, but it was to help the poor orphan and all the other fundie adoptive families  we are such models ), let's say for privacy.  Fangirls can ask via mail about the details that I can't post anymore. 

[blessalessi]

 

From the pics of the survey journey to Africa it seems that only the bio children went with them, where were the adopted ones?

They split the stories across different blog posts, presumably so their behaviour was less obvious.  Johanna Ling was put into residential care in May, the month they went to South Africa.  It doesn't look as though they saw her much again until October.

The S Africa photos were just of their birth children, don't know what happened to the little adopted girls. 

I wonder if any of the blog readers have challenged their motives for wanting to set up an orphanage, when they don't seem all that invested in the children they have adopted?

[blessalessi]

Her followers are arseholes too.  In this post she gives advice on teaching children thankfulness.  The mom who wrote in is frustrated that her child cried when, after a hard day she bought herself a milkshake, but refused to buy a treat for him.  Why was he so whiny? Why didn't he just accept that she was entitled to treat herself and not him?!

http://perspectivesinparenting.com/?p=323&

 

[Queen Of Hearts]

LOL... seems we've sent another fundie flouncing.  

[Palimpsest]

I really, really, dislike this woman but she now admits that Johanna Ling has PTSD.  From the Thankfulness post :http://perspectivesinparenting.com/?p=323&

Just one more personal illustration on this topic, as it hits close to home. Johanna (adopted at 14 from an orphanage in China) came home with a most unthankful attitude. She was like a willful 2 year old, expecting to be served and to get her way, fighting against any and all kinds of unselfishness. We worked and worked (and worked!) on cultivating an attitude of thankfulness in her. First we role-played, then we expected verbal thanks, then we outlasted the refusal to say “thank you” about a million times. We served and loved and gave over and over again, all the while teaching and verbalizing thankfulness. I’m not going to lie, some days I thought we’d never get there.  But, those baby steps led to baby progress and eventually we have what happened this weekend: Saturday was my birthday, and it fell right in the middle of an amazing missions conference in which I was royally spoiled. One of the ladies in the church owns a boutique and gave me 2 bags full of lovely new clothes. Several people gave me gift cards for shopping, and the pastors’ wife and a sweet staff member blessed me with a new purse and wallet! By the time my family birthday party rolled around on Saturday, I had a whole PILE of new treasures. After I opened my presents, I was sorting through everything on my bed, when Johanna walked in. She stood there for a moment, silently looking at everything. I know special days can be a trigger for Johanna’s PTSD, so I gently put my arm around her and said, “Johanna, are you struggling with jealousy because Mommy got new things? It’s okay to feel a little sad when someone else gets presents.” She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, “Oh, NO, Mommy. I’m not jealous at all. I’m just so overwhelmed.” The tears began to fall as she said, “I’m just SO thankful that you got so many blessings!” 

Don’t give up, weary parent. Keep cultivating that attitude of thankfulness in your children. 

 I hate it when children are expected to be grateful or "thankful" for being adopted - and for every damn thing you let them have.  I think that was what was going on here.  Some needs should be fulfilled by parents without expectation of effusive thanks.  Sorry.   

Johanna has learned the right responses to avoid being punished for "unthankfulness" or jealousy and perhaps to avoid being sent back to residential care.  "Thank you, Mama, for giving me the blessing of changing dirty diapers.  Thank you, Mama, for letting me live to serve you." 

And look at the loot you get when you have a birthday and you are on deputation!

[blessalessi]

II was horrified by the faux-sympathy for the child's "jealousy".  The Bergey's have 8 kids and have given all their stuff away by choice so they can drive round on deputation as missionary heroes.  And Selina is pleased as punch to boast about her loot AND to boast how she has trained Johanna Ling not to be jealous.  

If I were in the situation of that kind of embarrassment of riches I would be happily dividing up the giftcards, and anything else of value to the kids who didn't choose to live as paupers.

[MyMilkshake]

Yep. I really wish adopters would drop the "be grateful" bullshit, and I wish society in general would drop it too. It gets tired for any adoptee, much less a child to be told, "Oh you are so LUCKY! You were chosen!", and a bunch of stuff about what wonderful people your parents MUST be, even if they aren't, just because you ended up with them. It's also bullshit that adoptees are made to feel like they must navigate everyone else's feelings while everyone is disregarding theirs.

[Iamhispurity]

I get the feeling, that they do not treat her PTSD. And who knows how much of a treatment center that was...

[laPapessaGiovanna]

I really can't fathom why fundies don't understand the difference between verbalizing thankfulness and feeling thankfulness. 

[Gimme a Free RV]

Yes.  It's like demanding that a child say, "I'm sorry."  I mean, I know that as parents we're trying to teach them social protocol and high moral ground but then, I think those children grow to be apologizers who are insincere and only say "I'm sorry" to get off the hook when they've been caught...or to shut someone up.

(Exhibit A:  My ex.)

[chaotic life]

The fundie concept of all children owing adults thanks gets ever so tiring. Whether you birthed them or adopted them, they had very little to do with entering your family. Why the great entitlement to praise for doing the same basic and ordinary responsibility ANY parent owes their children?

And it's just RUDE to get a treat in front of your kids and not get them one too! If you don't have the funds or don't want to get them one then just get yourself something when they are not around! It's really not a hard concept like it gets made out to be.

[blessalessi]

The Bergey Prayer Letters are archived on the website of the missionary organisation.

http://mwbm.org/prayer-letters/

They left behind their adoptive children on their first scoping trip in 2014.. I don't understand why this is viewed as acceptable by their sponsors.

They are super-patronising about the "black community" of South Africa  (as represented in its entirety by the small sub-section of the Xhosa people that the Bergeys met on their trip).  This target group lives in poverty and needs saving from the prosperity gospel that others are preaching.

The Bergey Orphanage will fulfill The Great Commission and enable the rescued orphans to spread the gospel to their own people, says the sending pastor. 

There are not enough eye-rolling smileys in the world.

[older than allosaurs]

We have a newly placed grandson who just turned four. He's had multiple placements in the past 18 months and is rightfully a bit suspicious of adult intentions, but he instantly connected to his new sister. All the rest can wait. He is clearly able to bond and, assuming we earn his trust over time, I believe we will have it.

My toddler-adopted daughter didn't thoroughly connect to me until she was a teenager. Now that she's grown and out of the house, she's the kid who calls daily and tells me everything.

I think the long view is one of the most crucial aspects of adoption. These parents who want instant love, instant compliance, instant identification are sowing the whirlwind.

 

 

[iweartanktops]

Congratulations @older than allosaurs! And I like the way you describe the long term being what matters. 

This woman really likes being "Mommy!" I don't know, there's something about how she writes about herself that sets off alarm bells for me. 

[Childless]

So, let me get this straight.  They adopt a teenager from a different country and culture who has been abandoned multiple times and has little left she can call her own.  As soon as they get her to a foreign land, they force her to dress differently, change her name, give up her culture, and expect her to be thankful for it.  Upon (understandably) pushing back against all this change most likely out of terrifying fear, they dump her in a home, take off for another continent, and don't bother to visit her for months, thus abandoning her yet again.  And somehow, I'm supposed to believe these idiots are good parents and I should take parenting advice from them?  From people who go on a "family trip" and yet conveniently leave home the adopted children.  Are these three young girls a part of their family or not?  I have one biological sibling and three adopted siblings.  My parents never, NEVER left their adopted children home while they took their biological children on a fun, adventurous trip.  If we all couldn't go, none of us went.  That's the way it should be.  If they're planning on uprooting the family and moving them halfway around the world (god help the poor South Africans they're about to invade), wouldn't it have been nice for the three adopted children to have gotten the same chance the bio children had to check out their soon to be new home, meet the people there, and learn the culture instead of being forced to wade blindly into yet another life upheaval?  Furthermore, is it even a good idea to move to yet a different culture when they're still trying to adapt to this one?  Apparently these two people not only lack brains, but also empathy and compassion.  I feel so sorry for Ling (yeah, I'm calling her by her actual name, not the name they forced on her without her consent).  I wish she would have gotten a set of parents that actually valued her for more than her ability to do laundry and change diapers.  I wish she would have gotten parents that cared how she felt and truly wanted to help her adjust to a new life and a new family.  I wish she would have gotten parents that were willing to change to accommodate her instead of insisting she be the only one to change.  I wish she would have gotten parents that gave a shit about her. 

[Palimpsest]

‌@Childless

I think you nailed it.

[lawlifelgbt]

Definitely, Childless. When I was Ling's age, I was really hard on sneakers, because I preferred to wear them to school instead of other shoes, and I was also required to work out several times a week. So I needed new ones every year, and I was expected to effusively thank my mom for the new pair- which I get to an extent, you want kids to appreciate things- but I thought it was a basic need to replace kids' clothes when they got holes in them?

[Pseudoname]

Found a few gems on her Facebook page

Wife training on a Saturday night---Ironing Daddy's shirts! They begged me to teach them how to do it "the right way". They aren't allowed to EVER get married though. I've put too much effort into these treasures to ever give them up!   

 

https://www.facebook.com/selina.bergey/posts/10153008376874370  

Just now.
Johanna (17, adopted from China at 14): "Mommy, someday I'm going to repay you."
Me: "Repay me for what? You don't owe me any money."
Johanna: "I need to repay you for all you've done for me....The teaching and adoption and everything."
Me: "Ohhh. Well, how about you repay me in kisses?"
Johanna: "NO, Mommy. I'm serious. I'm sure it's worth thousands and thousands of dollars. And you can't stop me---somehow I WILL repay you."
Priceless words. No monetary value for them. Ever.

 

yup, training them to be wives, but wanting them to be stay at home daughters.  And Ling basically saying can I buy my freedom.  Not thankful in the Christian sense, but Selina seems oblivious to that.

 

Sorry, haven't figured out how to quote properly yet.

[Pseudoname]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3aeufK0XMTA&feature=share

not really a surprise, but they have a singing ministry to grift for funds.

[Childless]

I think kids should be thankful for items given as gifts/vacations/etc.  The extras that a lot of people don't get.  Kids should never have to be thankful for food, clothing, shelter, and education.  As a parent, it is my responsibility to provide that for them.  Its expected of me and I never would have had kids if I couldn't afford to do it.  They didn't get the choice to exist.  No one asked their opinion on whether or not they wanted to be part of this world.  That was MY decision.  I'm the one who is thankful.  Thankful I get to be their mommy.  Thankful that I get the opportunity to provide them with clothing, shelter, food, and an education.  I think Selina should spend more time being thankful for her beautiful children and less time forcing them to be thankful that she does what she's expected to do as a parent.  She's incredibly narcissistic.

 

[blessalessi]

I think there is a big difference between teaching thankfulness for having our daily needs met, as a courtesy to each other, and teaching children to be thankful as if they are somehow unworthy and are being given things they don't deserve.

Most of us automatically say "thank you" when we get our change at the shop checkout. Technically, we were owed it, but the 'thank you' is to show respect to the person serving us. In the same way, I'd teach children to say "thank you" as a matter of course when they are given a drink or a pencil or whatever, and I'd treat them with the same courtesy.

Expecting a child to watch you buy yourself a drink but not them, and yet be thankful anyway for the drinks they have had over the last week, is beyond the pale!