Bergey Family - 8 kids and living in an RV

[FundieFarmer]

As with all of our fundie parents, I always want to ask, if the parent-child relationship would, in its ideal Christian form, be an earthly representation of our relationship with God, wouldn't you want to get as close to being like Him as a parent as you could? Are these "training" methods how God interacts with you as His child? Does God criticize and speak less of you, or does He welcome you with open arms and speak gently to you in your pain? Somehow, all of our fundie parents are so much less merciful and loving to their children than God is to them. Speaking from experience, that's a solid way to mess with a kid's perception of the forgiveness and love of Christ.

[iweartanktops]

 Well spoken, @FundieFarmer

[FundieFarmer]

 Well spoken, @FundieFarmer

Thanks! I ALWAYS wonder that.

[chaotic life]

For every year spent in orphanage care, it can take a full six months for a child to recover. Ling spent 14 years in an orphanage. It can take up to 7 years for her to recover in the BEST of circumstances. Moving her back into an orphanage, not having her in continued, focused trauma therapy, not setting aside your wants and dreams for her safety and stability is selfish.

I've watched the stages of healing. And when I WAS Christian I was headed for the mission field, until I realized my children could not handle it. It wasn't the first dream we sacrificed for the needs of hurting kids, I am certain there may never be a last. I am equally certain if you take the effort to force your rescue on a hurting child, then you also owe them everything you have to do it right and for their best interests. Even Adeye saw that and stepped back.

[iweartanktops]

@Grimalkin did you create this meme, or is it from their blog? 

If this is a meme, I think it's very inappropriate. 

[Grimalkin]

I created it, in her blog in the about us she says they call her "Laundry Girl". I find that offensive. I am imagining calling one of my kids " Laundry Girl' as a term of endearment. It just doesn't fit. Other than Sweetness, and Birdie, I can't tell my children's nicknames without using their first names. Laundry Girl. Really?

i also would never post a picture of my teenagers I wouldn't want of me.

i guess I don't find it funny or expect others to . It's horrible how they treat her. 

 

ETA- if mods want remove it. 

[older than allosaurs]

 

I've watched the stages of healing. And when I WAS Christian I was headed for the mission field, until I realized my children could not handle it. It wasn't the first dream we sacrificed for the needs of hurting kids, I am certain there may never be a last. I am equally certain if you take the effort to force your rescue on a hurting child, then you also owe them everything you have to do it right and for their best interests.

The children we adopted were not as old, or as traumatized (or as many) as Chaotic Life's, but I have experienced enough to upvote this many, many times. I put aside a good many plans and dreams when it was clear they needed something different. The only regrets I have now are not about what I missed out on, but about the areas where I was too selfish or too scared to go all the way for them.

I wish I could stop by and help you out, CL, now that our lives have calmed down. I so appreciate how you talk about your kids and what you do for them.

[iweartanktops]

I created it, in her blog in the about us she says they call her "Laundry Girl". I find that offensive. I am imagining calling one of my kids " Laundry Girl' as a term of endearment. It just doesn't fit. Other than Sweetness, and Birdie, I can't tell my children's nicknames without using their first names. Laundry Girl. Really?

i also would never post a picture of my teenagers I wouldn't want of me.

i guess I don't find it funny or expect others to . It's horrible how they treat her. 

 

ETA- if mods want remove it. 

Oh, I know they called her that.... And I agree with everything you wrote here, I just don't agree with making it a meme. 

[pnwgypsy]

Did anyone else notice in the blog post about scoping out SA, Selina writes they went to the townships "where the blacks live."

& #FreeLing

[laPapessaGiovanna]

Did anyone else notice in the blog post about scoping out SA, Selina writes they went to the townships "where the blacks live."

 

 

& #FreeLing

 

Yes, I noticed. Given the history of apartheid I thought it was a way to indicate how a part of the population still struggles and lives separated in dire conditions.  I didn't understand that in English it sounds offensive, thinking back it's quite obvious.

I noticed how she assumes that every sickly looking child has AIDS and how  they took photos of a very nice crying girl sitting in her home, I'd like to know if they asked permission for that pic (and the others too).

In general their smugness throughout that whole post makes me hope they'll never go back to SA. The post screams: "see how poor and disastrated they are there's so much need of us here, we know how to help and take them Jesus". I can understand that's a poverty stricken population,  but I can't stand the white supremacist style approach: they need us to go to them from the other side of the world to tell them how to solve their problems. More humility and an attempt to comprehend social structures and the roots of problems knowing that you don't have the solution in your pocket would be better IMHO. I only saw a turistic-like tour, as if they were at the zoo.

Also, probably because I think that a mission doesn't consist in going there to show them how they should  do things right, I am convinced that children are totally out of place in a mission in such a place. But my idea of a mission would be people who go there to put their hands, their strength,  abilities and knowledge to the service of that community. If you're already having a hard time looking after and parenting a bunch of children with great needs, there's no way you can have the spare time and strength to serve a community in that way. Oh but I forgot that they have already sorted out their children problems, so I suppose it's all right.

ETA I dislike very very much the idea of a mission to proselytise. It's another way to disrespect,  to say we know how to do things right, religion included.

[blessalessi]

Those memes quickly make their way to a Google search result. Please consider removing it @Grimalkin .  It doesn't help Johanna Ling and it could potentially cause her a great deal of additional upset.

[blessalessi]

Also, just a general PSA. Per the Bergeybunch blog, Chen Zhong Ling became Johanna Ling Bergey.  Ling was never the young woman's first name.  I don't mean to be picky, it just feels awkward seeing her called here by her last name, even though I can see the motive is to use an original name for her, out of respect.

 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

 Also, just a general PSA. Per the Bergeybunch blog, Chen Zhong Ling became Johanna Ling Bergey.  Ling was never the young woman's first name.  I don't mean to be picky, it just feels awkward seeing her called here by her last name, even though I can see the motive is to use an original name for her, out of respect. 

We picked Ling because in one post they seemed to say it was her original name. I still would like to know what actually happened with the name change thing, it's even weirder now. Thanks for the  info @blessalessi 

[blessalessi]

I have double checked and I was incorrect, sorry @lapapessagiovanna. From another post that is still partially visible in the google search listings, Chen is the original family name and Zhong Ling was the given name.  So she was "allowed" to keep her middle name only.

[Paperplate]

Chinese given names are generally not separated into first and middle names. Johanna Ling just kept part of her first name. So it's like she went from "Christine Miller" to "Johanna Tine Bergey". (Or "Joy-Anna Duggar" to "Johanna Anna Bergey".)

I could imagine that they went with this because Zhong is more difficult to spell/pronounce for US Americans. Or maybe she liked Ling the best.

I created it, in her blog in the about us she says they call her "Laundry Girl". I find that offensive. I am imagining calling one of my kids " Laundry Girl' as a term of endearment. It just doesn't fit. Other than Sweetness, and Birdie, I can't tell my children's nicknames without using their first names. Laundry Girl. Really?

i also would never post a picture of my teenagers I wouldn't want of me.

i guess I don't find it funny or expect others to . It's horrible how they treat her. 

 

ETA- if mods want remove it. 

I get what you were trying to say, I think, but I would rather see a meme with her portrayed in a positive light. That would be a welcome change from what's on the blog.

Another note: I don't want to defend the "laundry girl" title, especially since it's not an isolated display of this kind of attitude towards Johanna Ling, but I could see them giving her the title in the same way as you call kids "mommy's little helper" or "our family's computer repairman" or something like that. I surely hope they don't call her "laundry girl" to her face!

[Pseudoname]

South Africa does not need anymore orphanages, especially fundamentalist Christian ones that put too much focus on loving Jesus, and likely not enough on education and being connected to the greater community.

Interesting piece fron UNICEF regarding orphans in South Africa.  They prefer the children to remain in their own communities, and that focus should be on supporting the community, called the Isibindi project, rather than warehousing them in orphanages.

http://www.unicef.org/southafrica/protection_6631.html

http://www.naccw.org.za/isibindi

 

[Pseudoname]

Further to my previous post.  I hope the Bergeys are educated and aware that if they do manage to open an orphanage in South Africa, that their main focus should be on developing community ties, education and learning more about their culture from local elders etc, and that the children should be adopted by South Africans, not by White American Christians who will most likely try to erase any cultural heritage the child brings with him/her.  Teaching kids to love Jesus will not help them in their future lives (unless they are adopted into a family like the Bergeys)

[Iamhispurity]

Just know this Selina: If Ling has PTSD, she needs professional help. And praying and just doing nothing and disrupting her life will not help her. Instead, it will make it worse. Trust me, I know. I have been there. PTSD does not get better untreated, it gets way way worse. It is a horrible state to live in, a constant nightmare. By not getting her treatment, you are hurting her and you are damaging her health greatly. Just know that faith is not a cure all thing. If she needs meds to sleep or combat depressive episodes, get her the meds. If she needs therapy once or twice a week, get her a great therapist.

I am the woman whose PTSD did not get treated as a teenager. I am 22 now and I wish someone would have gotten me help back then. Not left me a struggling, hurting adult woman without coping mechanisms.

I don´t hate you, but I want the best for  Ling. Please get her all the help she needs. Give her all the love she needs. Support her all the way and create the secure enviroment she needs.

She is not your "laundry girl". She is a special, precious young woman, who deserves all the love and help and security. Not constantly moving around, no fixed therapist or being put into residential care so YOU can travel. She is not a "nuisance". She doesn´t need to earn your love and trust, YOU need to earn hers. It should not be about you, it should be about HER!

 

[Toothfairy]

Further to my previous post.   I hope the Bergeys are educated and aware that if they do manage to open an orphanage in South Africa, that their main focus should be on developing community ties, education and learning more about their culture from local elders etc, and that the children should be adopted by South Africans, not by White American Christians who will most likely try to erase any cultural heritage the child brings with him/her.  Teaching kids to love Jesus will not help them in their future lives (unless they are adopted into a family like the Bergeys)

Not trying to offend,  I'm not against international adoption.  However this gets on my nerves. These white evangelical Christians or white evangelical churches go to these other countries like Asia or Africa.  They only go to save orphans and to show how godly they are. Gets the child,  change their identity, force western culture on them, then gets upset when the child doesn't meet up to their expectations.  The majority of kids aren't even Orphans.  Kids should be connected to their roots. Which is why I try my best to talk about events with my transracial adoptees. They will never be white. Society looks at them as minority children.  It's important to connect with other minority groups. And yes talk about racial tension in America.  I hate when parents if transracial adoptees try to sugar coat this. Your kid is Asia, Black,  Hispanic,  Native American.  Not White. 

[formergothardite]

The children we adopted were not as old, or as traumatized (or as many) as Chaotic Life's, but I have experienced enough to upvote this many, many times. I put aside a good many plans and dreams when it was clear they needed something different. The only regrets I have now are not about what I missed out on, but about the areas where I was too selfish or too scared to go all the way for them.

I wish I could stop by and help you out, CL, now that our lives have calmed down. I so appreciate how you talk about your kids and what you do for them.

The one thing we have seen time and time again is that most of these fundies never stop to think about what is in the best interest of their children. It doesn't even seem to enter their mind that the parents should have to delay or miss out on some plans to do what is best for the children. Even in situations where it is obviously not in the children's best interest these fundie parents are very rarely willing to put aside a dream for the sake of their children. 

They could wait till their children are all grown to go be missionaries, but no, the parents want to be missionaries right now and they aren't willing to wait no matter how much it costs their children. They are all about making the children wait for things, the children sacrifice, the children give up dreams, but the parents get to do whatever they want with little to no thought about the long term impact this will have on their children. 

[Palimpsest]

I created it, in her blog in the about us she says they call her "Laundry Girl". I find that offensive. I am imagining calling one of my kids " Laundry Girl' as a term of endearment. It just doesn't fit. Other than Sweetness, and Birdie, I can't tell my children's nicknames without using their first names. Laundry Girl. Really?

i also would never post a picture of my teenagers I wouldn't want of me.

i guess I don't find it funny or expect others to . It's horrible how they treat her. 

 

ETA- if mods want remove it. 

Grimalkin, I agree with your reasoning.  However, I think the meme might have a negative impact on the young girl in the photo.  I reported the post and requested that the meme be removed even though it is not against the rules. I feel quite strongly about it, but we'll see what the mods say.

Please don't take the report personally.  I've posted things I later regretted too. 

[Grimalkin]

Oh, I know they called her that.... And I agree with everything you wrote here, I just don't agree with making it a meme. 

I wasn't laughing when I made it I was angry. Every now and then one of these families really gets under my skin and bothers me more than most. This is one of these. I reacted too quickly.

 

it is also too late for me to edit. 

[Childless]

I agree formergothardite. We saw the same thing with the Duggars when they drug a very sick premie overseas only to have to admit her to a hospital for several days.  I can't even imagine what they were thinking when they decided to go on that trip.  Probably thinking about the cool free trip TLC was giving them instead of thinking about how it would affect their fragile infant.  Me, me, me.  That seems to be the fundie mantra.  I don't see anything different in the Bergeys.

[Four is Enough]

Didn't Oprah Winfrey open a school in SA? Didn't it, even with her support and funding, go under? (Do I remember that correctly?) How do these people think they can open an orphanage, having collected dribs and drabs of money here and there? It'll probably only fund their airfare!

[Guest]

oops, nevermind