Lori Alexander believes in force-feeding children

[Hisey]

Wow. Lori's kids are as bad as she is.

Ryan made Emma's breakfast this morning. He started feeding it to her. After one bite she said, "No!" Ryan made her eat at least 20 bites between her crying. He doesn't want her to get her way and become a picky eater. He is a very smart daddy.

BTW, Emma is a toddler, about 15-months old. I hope big, tough Ryan felt good about forcing food down his baby's mouth. I wonder how much came back up while the child was screaming?

[Miranda]

I really hate how people like this correlate children being picky eaters with "getting their way." Sometimes people simply don't like the taste or texture of certain foods, or they may develop a taste for something at an older age. It seems that in their minds children have an evil intent to make their parents' lives difficult by not liking certain foods.

[holierthanyou]

That is some seriously fucked up shit.

When I was a little kid (3-6ish), I could literally have a gag reflex to the texture of raw tomatoes or that pulpy tomato juice. My parents made me eat it, and when I vomited I then literally had to eat my vomit.

I know my mother would have thought she was doing "the right thing" by making sure I learned to be obedient, but honestly... I look back at it now and just think "WHAT THE HOLY FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!??"

[Koala]

File under: Lori hates women and children.

I can't fathom having someone shoving food down my throat while I screamed and cried. Has it ever occurred to the idiot that maybe his daughter wasn't hungry? Or perhaps she just didn't like the food. Either way it is unacceptable to force feed a baby/child.

This part made me particularly sick:

Erin told me that when they eat dinner, Emma begs for their food. Ryan didn't like that so he set a blanket down and made Emma sit on it with her toys and books while they ate. For a week, she would just sit there and scream. Then she would just cry. Now when he lays the blanket down, she crawls over to it and plays happily while they eat. She knows her daddy is boss and means what he says.

What the fuck? It sounds like they are treating her like an animal. Why does she have to sit on a blanket during mealtime? Whatever happened to high chairs?

So let me get this straight. When she's not hungry he forces food into her mouth while she screams. When she begs for food he sits her on a blanket to sit and watch them eat. What.an.evil.bastard. Most parents are delighted when their babies start taking little bites from mommy and daddy's plate. What kind of person does this?? And you know she isn't willingly staying on that blanket. I bet you anything they are hitting her when she gets up. Bastards.

Congratulations Lori. Your son is tormenting a 15 month old. You must be so proud. :angry-cussingblack:

[Kitty]

It's also as if kids just aren't allowed to dislike certain food. like, if a parent cooks something the kid has no choice but to eat it. They're also not allowed to just not be hungry, because if they've cooked something the kids absolutely have to eat it or they're ungrateful.

Also, I'm hardly a parenting expert but forcing a kid to eat something would increase the chances of them being picky eaters, wouldn't it?

This is all some fucked up shit. I haven't read the post, but damn. That's not good parenting, that's sadism.

[YPestis]

I'm not a parent but it seems the easiest way to deal with a kid who doesn't want to eat is not have them eat but to wait quietly as others finish their meals, then to make it clear that they can't snack on junk food in between meals. Healthy kids aren't going to starve themselves. As long as they are appropriately growing and have no medical issues, kids should not be forced to eat if they don't feel like it. A couple of skipped meals here and there will not hurt.

I actually see Lori's behavior as the opposite---and equally inappropriate---method of treating finicky eaters. My parents, and my SO's parents used to cook different dishes for us if we didn't want to eat what's in front of us. That's just as bad as forcing a child to eat when they don't want to. My parents allowed me to continue to behave like a brat, while fundies are teaching their children poor eating habits and creating unnecessary conflicts when they force children like that. I knew a kid whose mom wouldn't care if they didn't want to eat, but would reheat the food for the next meal. They didn't get to stock up on ice cream and cookies in between. The mother didn't go all out to tempt her kids' palate. She merely felt if a child is hungry, they will eat what's in front of them.

[valsa]

My parents, and my SO's parents used to cook different dishes for us if we didn't want to eat what's in front of us. That's just as bad as forcing a child to eat when they don't want to. My parents allowed me to continue to behave like a brat

I disagree. There were some foods I just would not eat as a child. My father was of the "if they don't eat this, they don't eat anything" school of thought while, luckily, my mother fixed me something else to eat (something simple like PB&J or cereal) Years later, as an adult, I was diagnosed as having sensory issues that revolve a lot around the smell and (especially) texture of certain foods. For a long time both my parent assumed I'd always been crying so hard over being made to eat food I didn't like that I gagged on it (you don't know how many times I heard "you're overreacting and just making yourself sick!" as a kid), when it turns out I was actually gagging over the texture and that was what was causing me to cry so hard.

[CanadianHippie]

I really hate how people like this correlate children being picky eaters with "getting their way." Sometimes people simply don't like the taste or texture of certain foods, or they may develop a taste for something at an older age. It seems that in their minds children have an evil intent to make their parents' lives difficult by not liking certain foods.

And unfortunately it is not wholly relegated to the world of fundies. Plenty of parents think their children are little robots who think, feel, like, dislike, etc everything they tell them too. They seem to be under the impression that "you like X" is enough to get a child to like something. I had similar issues with my non-fundie parents and temperature. The liked to insist I was cold or hot (even now it still creeps in) based on how they felt or how they assumed I felt.

[Linnea]

That is some seriously fucked up shit.

When I was a little kid (3-6ish), I could literally have a gag reflex to the texture of raw tomatoes or that pulpy tomato juice. My parents made me eat it, and when I vomited I then literally had to eat my vomit.

I know my mother would have thought she was doing "the right thing" by making sure I learned to be obedient, but honestly... I look back at it now and just think "WHAT THE HOLY FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!??"

That is horrifying. I'm so sorry you had to experience that.

Lori A's son's behavior (is it her son? I don't follow her blog) is appalling too. It's all about what he wants, never mind a child learning to regulate her own eating.

[Conuly]

That is some seriously fucked up shit.

When I was a little kid (3-6ish), I could literally have a gag reflex to the texture of raw tomatoes or that pulpy tomato juice. My parents made me eat it, and when I vomited I then literally had to eat my vomit.

I know my mother would have thought she was doing "the right thing" by making sure I learned to be obedient, but honestly... I look back at it now and just think "WHAT THE HOLY FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!??"

It doesn't really matter what your mother thought because she was being horrifically abusive.

Healthy kids aren't going to starve themselves.

There are a few who will. Not because they're "stubborn" (although they may be as well) but because they have sensory issues that make eating whatever-it-is hard.

Obviously, if you think your child fits into that group, you should find another way to encourage them to eat a wider variety of foods. There are therapists who specialize in this area.

[CanadianHippie]

My parents, and my SO's parents used to cook different dishes for us if we didn't want to eat what's in front of us. That's just as bad as forcing a child to eat when they don't want to. My parents allowed me to continue to behave like a brat, while fundies are teaching their children poor eating habits and creating unnecessary conflicts when they force children like that. I knew a kid whose mom wouldn't care if they didn't want to eat, but would reheat the food for the next meal. They didn't get to stock up on ice cream and cookies in between. The mother didn't go all out to tempt her kids' palate. She merely felt if a child is hungry, they will eat what's in front of them.

Gonna have to agree with vasla on this one. Probably because I too have sensory issues. To what I put in bold, when I was a kid, it didn't matter how starving I was I still would not eat certain things unless you held me down, pried open my mouth and forced it (which no one ever did mind you, though my parents did try the "reheat for the next meal" crap until they realized I would rather starve) just because it did make me sick. The thing is, for the most part my parents accepted I wouldn't eat certain things at all and left it. Over time. many of those aversions fixed themselves as my sensory system matured. Still there are things I just cannot handle, and my family is still very sympathetic too.

And the only way in which I was a "brat" was my absolute resolve not to give in when I really, seriously, truly did not want to do something. I would have either continued to starve or resorted to sneaking other food if my parents hadn't picked up on the fact that I was not about to give in and eat something just because it was there and I was hungry. I refused to make myself sick just please the grown ups.

Note: The stubbornness showed itself it other ways too, but the food scenario is the one that is valid to this post.

[MonkeyMomma]

This part made me particularly sick:

What the fuck? It sounds like they are treating her like an animal. Why does she have to sit on a blanket during mealtime? Whatever happened to high chairs?

So let me get this straight. When she's not hungry he forces food into her mouth while she screams. When she begs for food he sits her on a blanket to sit and watch them eat. What.an.evil.bastard. Most parents are delighted when their babies start taking little bites from mommy and daddy's plate. What kind of person does this?? And you know she isn't willingly staying on that blanket. I bet you anything they are hitting her when she gets up. Bastards.

Congratulations Lori. Your son is tormenting a 15 month old. You must be so proud. :angry-cussingblack:

It's basic stuff like this that makes me question their ability to care for a child. If your child expresses interest in a food, SHARE IT. That's why my two year old likes fried kalamari (which I can't stand to even touch) and kale chips (to balance the never ending chicken nugget and mac and cheese cycle). At what point will their child be allowed to join them at the table like a human member of the family?

[bananacat]

Force feeding a child is the fastest way to create a picky eater. That child will always associate that food with emotional trauma and will hate it forever, even as an adult. On a bigger scale, the toddler will really hesitate to try anything new because if they end up not liking it, they'll be forced to choke it down anyway. So they'll just stick to foods they know and never even risk it.

Food shouldn't be a power struggle. Offer a variety of foods, let the kid each whatever they want of the choices that are offered, and try as hard as you can to avoid moralizing the choices they make.

[BravaAmica]

I disagree. There were some foods I just would not eat as a child. My father was of the "if they don't eat this, they don't eat anything" school of thought while, luckily, my mother fixed me something else to eat (something simple like PB&J or cereal) Years later, as an adult, I was diagnosed as having sensory issues that revolve a lot around the smell and (especially) texture of certain foods. For a long time both my parent assumed I'd always been crying so hard over being made to eat food I didn't like that I gagged on it (you don't know how many times I heard "you're overreacting and just making yourself sick!" as a kid), when it turns out I was actually gagging over the texture and that was what was causing me to cry so hard.

See, this is why I never forced DS to eat. He had to try at least one bite without whining. I would make a small adaptation of what we were having- iike if I made fish tacos, he'd get a quesodilla with black beans and salad while we had fish tacos and black beans and salad. I'd give him like a teaspoon of the fish to try, just to see if he liked it. I started doing that when he was 3 1/2. He could chew it and spit it out if he wanted- but he had to try it without whining [because whining drives me crazy].

[Koala]

My parents, and my SO's parents used to cook different dishes for us if we didn't want to eat what's in front of us. That's just as bad as forcing a child to eat when they don't want to. My parents allowed me to continue to behave like a brat, while fundies are teaching their children poor eating habits and creating unnecessary conflicts when they force children like that. I knew a kid whose mom wouldn't care if they didn't want to eat, but would reheat the food for the next meal. They didn't get to stock up on ice cream and cookies in between. The mother didn't go all out to tempt her kids' palate. She merely felt if a child is hungry, they will eat what's in front of them.

We have one food rule in this house: No one goes to bed hungry. If my kids don't like what I'm fixing for dinner, they know they are more than welcome to a sandwich and fresh fruit and veggies or a bowl of cereal. If we have it and it's healthy, then they are welcome to it.

Do you really think that is comparable to force feeding a child? Really?

Why is a child a "brat" if they don't force themselves to eat whatever you put in front of them? Why are adults the only ones allowed food preferences?

[ElphabaGalinda]

Kids should be allowed to not like certain foods. Sure there can be a rule that they try everything once,but if they tried something and don't like it, they can just be given/quickly taught to make themselves something easy like PB&J. For as long as I can remember I've hated all fish and all sea food. Some of it I can't even keep down it just disgusts me that much. If forced to eat shrimp as a kid, for example, I would prefer to be hungry. Force feeding is a perfect way to make people have serious issues with food.

[tabitha2]

I think she means cooking a whole other complete meal for a kid, not some thing like sandwich or cereal IE. if the kid does not like steak that every one else is eating and demands chicken, fix that for them.

[Conuly]

We have one food rule in this house: No one goes to bed hungry. If my kids don't like what I'm fixing for dinner, they know they are more than welcome to a sandwich and fresh fruit and veggies or a bowl of cereal. If we have it and it's healthy, then they are welcome to it.

Do you really think that is comparable to force feeding a child? Really?

I will say that "They can make their own sandwich and get some fruit from the fridge" is a world different from "Mom will make 5 different meals to satisfy 5 different diners", especially if some of those meals are unhealthy.

I always make sure there's something on the table that everybody will eat. I think doing otherwise is rude. If I do make a whole meal out of things the nieces (or my mother....) won't eat (or that I realize afterwards I overspiced, my big sin in cooking) I will make them something else rather than forcing them to fend.

But in the normal course of thing, either they eat the dinner we have out or they fetch their own fruit and vegetables. I am not a short order cook, and that's just fine.

[emmiedahl]

There are a few who will. Not because they're "stubborn" (although they may be as well) but because they have sensory issues that make eating whatever-it-is hard.

Obviously, if you think your child fits into that group, you should find another way to encourage them to eat a wider variety of foods. There are therapists who specialize in this area.

I have a policy of "I make it, you can choose to eat it or not." EXCEPT for the one who has sensory issues. He eats what he wants, when he wants, and he would starve himself rather than eating things he does not like. I have a ABA therapist friend (from freejinger as a matter of fact) who helped me brainstorm different foods he would eat because he was living on pickles, red grapes and green peas and getting a bit undernourished.

I will not cook or prepare another meal for a child unless there is a damn good reason to do so. I don't consider "I don't like vegetables" to be a good reason. You can put cheese on them or smother them in ranch, but if you don't eat your meals you are SOL until snack time. I make several different dishes so they can pick and choose what not to eat out of them. For instance, if we are having chicken and vegetable stirfry with an orange sauce, rice and salad, the kids have a lot of choices. I serve the sauce on the side so they can go without it if they choose; they could decide to grate cheese over the rice rather than eating the meat, they could have stir-fried veggies OR salad OR both, etc.

I do try to make meals that have things everyone will like. I usually have both cooked and raw veggies because I have kids who like each. I put sauces on the side and avoid casserole-type dishes. But if I made an entirely different meal for each person who preferred one, I would be making 5 different dinners. One kid would live on ramen. As it is, I make two meals because of the one with sensory issues.

I am not for force-feeding, but I think it is reasonable to serve a healthy meal with a lot of options for different taste preferences and expect a (neurotypical, issue-free) child to make the best of what they are given.

[Witsec7]

I get very stabby around kids and food issues. I had food issues, my mother did not believe in food issues. I was forced, until I was about 16 and literally fought back, to eat foods that made me vomit.

[tabitha2]

He eats what he wants, when he wants, and he would starve himself rather than eating things he does not like. I have a ABA therapist friend (from freejinger as a matter of fact) who helped me brainstorm different foods he would eat because he was living on pickles, red grapes and green peas and getting a bit undernourished.

How do prepare such a child for going off to school, visiting relatives or friends or just eating out-all those instances where you sometimes don't have a choice between eating or going without?

[StarrieEyedKat]

I have a policy of "I make it, you can choose to eat it or not." EXCEPT for the one who has sensory issues. He eats what he wants, when he wants, and he would starve himself rather than eating things he does not like. I have a ABA therapist friend (from freejinger as a matter of fact) who helped me brainstorm different foods he would eat because he was living on pickles, red grapes and green peas and getting a bit undernourished.

I will not cook or prepare another meal for a child unless there is a damn good reason to do so. I don't consider "I don't like vegetables" to be a good reason. You can put cheese on them or smother them in ranch, but if you don't eat your meals you are SOL until snack time. I make several different dishes so they can pick and choose what not to eat out of them. For instance, if we are having chicken and vegetable stirfry with an orange sauce, rice and salad, the kids have a lot of choices. I serve the sauce on the side so they can go without it if they choose; they could decide to grate cheese over the rice rather than eating the meat, they could have stir-fried veggies OR salad OR both, etc.

I do try to make meals that have things everyone will like. I usually have both cooked and raw veggies because I have kids who like each. I put sauces on the side and avoid casserole-type dishes. But if I made an entirely different meal for each person who preferred one, I would be making 5 different dinners. One kid would live on ramen. As it is, I make two meals because of the one with sensory issues.

I am not for force-feeding, but I think it is reasonable to serve a healthy meal with a lot of options for different taste preferences and expect a (neurotypical, issue-free) child to make the best of what they are given.

:D Glad to have helped. I was only able to help because I "get" it - I've got sensory issues too, and I was force fed things as a child and it screwed my eating habits up in a big way, it was awful. My kids are still young, but we have the "try a bite, then you can decline" rule and if they don't want whatever is being served, they get the usual sandwich/healthy alternate option that doesn't require a lot of work to prepare. I've definitely found that the less fuss I make over them not wanting something, the more willing they are to try new things and admit they like stuff. As soon as you turn it into a battle, it's a lost cause.

[Witsec7]

How do prepare such a child for going off to school, visiting relatives or friends or just eating out-all those instances where you sometimes don't have a choice between eating or going without?

Tabitha, get a grip just ask the :

ABA therapist friend (from freejinger...

[tabitha2]

Um, okay.Sorry for bothering you.

[dairyfreelife]

I disagree. There were some foods I just would not eat as a child. My father was of the "if they don't eat this, they don't eat anything" school of thought while, luckily, my mother fixed me something else to eat (something simple like PB&J or cereal) Years later, as an adult, I was diagnosed as having sensory issues that revolve a lot around the smell and (especially) texture of certain foods. For a long time both my parent assumed I'd always been crying so hard over being made to eat food I didn't like that I gagged on it (you don't know how many times I heard "you're overreacting and just making yourself sick!" as a kid), when it turns out I was actually gagging over the texture and that was what was causing me to cry so hard.

Agree with Valsa. My mother made me different dishes plenty and I don't think I was a brat. As a child, I had anxiety problems and was an emetophobe. Anyone who doesn't anything about emetophobes...they have issues with food. Oh, my parents tried to get me over my fear in different ways, but nothing worked. I would physically have a panic attack over some foods. A real one, not just jitters. I also have a sensitive gag reflex. Forcing me to eat foods would have only made things worse...probably would have spent a lot of time talking to a therapist about it now. And no, getting sick did not help me "get over it" either. I was sick off and on with stomach bugs like most children, but never got over it. I still am emetophobic to this day. Some foods children won't eat and giving them another option won't turn them into selfish brats without self-control despite what Lori thinks.

Also, why is her son and DIL forcing their daughter on a rug during dinner? Why not solve the issue by letting her eat with them? My parents put me with them during meals once I was old enough, same with my siblings, so I don't get this issue at all. Sounds like one of those pick your battles and not picking them wisely at all. She raised such an unselfish son. :roll: