Lori Alexander believes in force-feeding children

[CanadianHippie]

This topic gives me shivers. Forcing a toddler to eat 20 bites is akin to torture, poor little Emma.

My mom would make us eat fried liver once a week, oh how we hated that! And we had to eat everything or sit there forever, eating it old and cold if necessary. Meal times were a nightmare and "manner teaching" was out of control. For instance, we couldn't touch any food with our hands, not even green peas or fried chicken. Try being 6 and getting all the peas on your spoon with your fork. Most meals ended in tears and I've never understood why it had to be that way. My childhood neighbor had it worse perhaps. When her dad came home from work the kids had to take off his boots and rub his feet and at dinner the mother would butter his bread and cut his food.

(bonus demerit points to my mother for giving my step-father all of the bacon that she cooked with that gross beef liver!)

I never would have survived in your house. Even as an adult I prefer to eat with my hands, even if it's something usually eaten with a knife and fork. It's just easier for me. Part of my sensory issues are issues with hand eye coordination type things. Getting a fork or spoon to my mouth is still not a sure thing and using them to cut/scoop/pick up food is just awkward.

[Wolfie]

OMG! So many people just don't understand that! They don't get that when things are cooked together the taste spreads and picking out whatever it is you hate doesn't change the fact that you can still taste it!

I strongly suspect that I'm a supertaster, even though I'm not a picky eater. I usually can tell you the ingredients in a dish without seeing it cooked.

[CanadianHippie]

I strongly suspect that I'm a supertaster, even though I'm not a picky eater. I usually can tell you the ingredients in a dish without seeing it cooked.

I can do something similar with smell. Taste, not as much. Probably because if something has too much taste, I just can't eat it.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I can do something similar with smell. Taste, not as much. Probably because if something has too much taste, I just can't eat it.

Sinus troubles always screw up my sense of taste and smell, but my hearing is so over-the-top sensitive, it's not even funny. :shock: I've sensitive to repetative sounds and I suspect I can hear below and above the normal range of human hearing.

[dairyfreelife]

Sinus troubles always screw up my sense of taste and smell, but my hearing is so over-the-top sensitive, it's not even funny. :shock: I've sensitive to repetative sounds and I suspect I can hear below and above the normal range of human hearing.

Ironically, despite my allergies, my sense of smell is strong. Too strong for my liking. :lol: My taste is also fine and both are only "off" when I have the rare cold. My hearing isn't as good as I like as I often have excessive wax buildup. In fact I'll be having my ears irrigated tomorrow morning. And my tomorrow, I mean Friday because it's after midnight here on Thursday. Which if I'm making any missed mistakes in typing, it's cause I'm tired. Off to bed.

[CanadianHippie]

Sinus troubles always screw up my sense of taste and smell, but my hearing is so over-the-top sensitive, it's not even funny. :shock: I've sensitive to repetative sounds and I suspect I can hear below and above the normal range of human hearing.

Major sinus troubles here too, but it doesn't affect my sense of smell, it mostly just drips down the back of my throat and makes me gag. I know I can hear things that are too quiet for most people. I don't know about pitch except that too high or too low can disorient me. The last time it happened, a firetruck passed where I was working with this really high pitched undertone to the siren, I literally dropped what I was holding and had to grab on to a counter to stop my self from falling over. I was on edge the rest of the day.

On the other hand, my hearing preventing the basement from flooding. The trickle from the hot water heater woke me up. I couldn't figure out what I was hearing, it was so faint, until I went looking for it.

[nomoxian]

She went away to 6th grade camp for four days in Feb. with her class. I was a little concerned about meals because she is picky but I thought if she was hungry enough she would eat anything, right? NO. I got a call from the camp nurse 2 days in telling me they were concerned because she just wasn't eating. She would have a bowl of cereal in the morning but wasn't eating lunch or dinner. They offered her peanut butter and jelly for dinner instead of the usual dinner but she wouldn't eat it because she said the bread and peanut butter tasted disgusting and soggy (her words) and she just couldn't eat more than a bite. I know that may seem like she is a brat for not eating but she just really couldn't eat the food and cried every night about it because she was hungry but afraid to force herself to eat because she was afraid it would make her sick. It was a nightmare!

:(

I had a similar experience, but it was 5th grade and for 3 days, and they didn't offer any alternative. You can only eat so many Rice Crispies first thing in the morning, so I was hungry and cranky. And saying I couldn't have dessert would not make me choose to eat the sludge they were serving.

I had the opportunity to go to the same camp in 2nd grade, but I am so glad my father refused to let me go. The teacher I had that year was awful enough to deal with in class, and I'm certain she would have locked me in the cabin for the whole trip as a punishment.

[thoughtful]

It took me a while to check this thread, because I knew it would be upsetting (and I have no painful personal memories about the subject).

Reading through it all at once left two powerful impressions.

1. Lori and her leghumpers and son are filthy child-haters.

2. All of the people posting on this thread who are handling this issue well are flexible, open-minded, and willing to deal with the possibility that it will be complex and ongoing. Y'know, like life is in general!

Sometimes, the fundies remind me of Harry Brock, Broderick Crawford's character in Born Yesterday, who was always bellowing "DO WHAT I'M TELLIN' YA!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl-yjDLN ... age#t=218s

[Daisy]

I am horrified at the number of people saying they were forced to eat their vomit as children when they threw up something they didn't like. I am very sorry anyone had to go through that. My parents had weird rules about food but nothing that bad. My mom would get mad if we tried to pick a food we didn't like out of something. She'd nsist if you ate it all together you would not taste it. Not true, you could still taste it. For a while she had this 3 food list rule. At the beginning of the month you could pick 3 foods you did not like that you would not have to eat that month. However if you didn't eat anything else that wasn't on the list then your next meal was nothing but the 3 foods that were on your list

[Kitty]

My parents were rather lenient in letting me and my younger sister not like food. Neither one of us liked certain things growing up- I wasn't really picky (unless you count not ever eating beans other than green beans picky) but my sister was. She's grown out of it, but I still can't eat most beans without wanting to spit them out. I can't stand onions either unless they're cooked, and are in something like soup or chili. And my sister and I still hate olives (my mother loves them).

Whenever my parents made a large dish for the whole family (like the 7-layer bean dip we eat on New Year's) they'd put all the onions and olives on one side, for themselves, and my sister and I got the other side. Not at all difficult. My mom would also make enough dishes so that everyone had something they liked. We weren't allowed to refuse anything we hadn't tried. Since I liked a lot of what I tried, I'm very open to trying new food. The only time I haven't liked anything is sesame chicken or whatever that godawful mess was that I ate at Bible camp one summer.

[Terrie]

Beyond the mental emotional damage done to Lori's granddaughter, it occurs to me that shoving food into the mouth of a crying child is a great way to have them choke. Yeah, really great parenting there.

[velly]

One serious question, though? Have there ever been instances in which CPS is called on bloggers for these kinds of admissions? I mean I don't live in the US and the time I did live there I had no children to worry about so I don't know how that goes but I do know a friend of my mother had a call on CPS for something the child wrote online...

[formergothardite]

Do you at least get to go fix your own meal if you SO fixes something you don't like?

I'm an adult and there are a ton of foods I don't eat. Why would I force myself to eat something I hated? Life is too short to eat yucky food.

Quoting myself simce she is obviously still here at Free Jinger and posting on other threads. Does her SO refuse to let her fix herself another meal? If so he is a controlling jerk. If he does, then why shouldn't her children be able to do the same?

[Koala]

One serious question, though? Have there ever been instances in which CPS is called on bloggers for these kinds of admissions? I mean I don't live in the US and the time I did live there I had no children to worry about so I don't know how that goes but I do know a friend of my mother had a call on CPS for something the child wrote online...

I believe some of the posters here have called CPS before.

[velly]

I believe some of the posters here have called CPS before.

thanks for answering, I had not had my coffee and realize I wrote that horribly confusing. I ask because in this case I'd probably call CPS. This whole thing is just too disturbing for me.

[lilwriter85]

One serious question, though? Have there ever been instances in which CPS is called on bloggers for these kinds of admissions? I mean I don't live in the US and the time I did live there I had no children to worry about so I don't know how that goes but I do know a friend of my mother had a call on CPS for something the child wrote online...

On the FJ yuku, I recall people talking about an incident in which an member did call CPS on one of the bloggers. I don't remember the story behind the incident because it was before I joined FJ. I also recall one FJ member talking about how she started one blogger's blog early on and that stuff about beating kids with a switch was deleted. My theory is that CPS or someone told that blogger to keep certain things on the down low. A couple of months back in my state, there was incident in which a mother and her friend drove around in a car with the mom's daughter on her lap. The friend was in the passenger site and she filmed the incident because she thought it was cute. Either the mom or the friend posted the video on Facebook and CPS got called in. People's online admissions do sometimes get them in trouble.

[lilwriter85]

Beyond the mental emotional damage done to Lori's granddaughter, it occurs to me that shoving food into the mouth of a crying child is a great way to have them choke. Yeah, really great parenting there.

Yup what Lori's son did was very dangerous and the fact that Lori doesn't see those dangers is scary.

[patsymae]

Aside from the current physical pain, I'm so sorry for these kids. Food was a control issue for my mother (not a fundie, just a crazy narcissistic control freak). Being forced to eat when you are not hungry causes all sorts of issues in life--beginning with a total disconnect from your body, leading to eating disorders and more serious problems (if you feel you have no control over your body, and you are a woman, you can imagine)...I'm in my 60s and still dealing with food issues. And I also throw up every time I am around the sight or smell of tomatoes or tomato sauce, and I remember my grandfather forcing a tomato down my throat. Of course the two are connected somewhere deep in my psyche.

Son forcefeeding infant daughter is his way of teaching her early on that her body belongs to him, not her.

I hate to think of how these people handle toilet training.

[itsnikki05]

I would love to see someone force HER or her husband eat something they detest. Force them to. That is bullshit.

They are setting their child up for serious issues with food. It's not that darn hard to fix food everyone likes! And goodness... I can see telling them they have to TRY something... if they're saying "I don't like it" and not ever eating it before... but even then, why FORCE it down the child's throat? :(

[Vex]

I'm another one who had food issues, was made to eat vomit, and was raised by a parent who didn't/doesn't believe in food issues. Even now I'm an adult and I'm a lot more adventurous about trying foods I wouldn't when I was a kid, my mother brushes me off when I tell her a particular taste or texture doesn't work for me. As a baby I had a screwed up stomach and I would vomit up everything until about the age of 3. There were times when my mother would decide I was just 'putting it on' and make me eat what I had vomited up.

She had this absolute fixation that I eat these particular cereal wheat biscuits for breakfast every morning when I was in primary school. They had very little taste and quickly turned to utter mush. It resembled vomit in appearance and texture and it made me sick just looking at it. She'd force me to sit there until I'd choked it down every day.

Because of those things, I find it hard to enjoy food. It even effects my job; I work in a morgue, and whenever stomachs have contents that resemble those weetbix in any way I have to run to the bathroom and throw up because the memories flood back.

I think part of that is her growing up with Russian foods, which are often very strong tasting and smelling. I'm pretty sensitive to texture and smell, and my mother just can't understand it. That we have totally different palates doesn't help.

If I ever have children, I will never do this to them. If they don't like a food, we'll find something else. I think it's pretty obvious from the many people here who have been traumatised through food that forcing the issue just backfires.

[Witsec7]

I'm another one who had food issues, was made to eat vomit, and was raised by a parent who didn't/doesn't believe in food issues. Even now I'm an adult and I'm a lot more adventurous about trying foods I wouldn't when I was a kid, my mother brushes me off when I tell her a particular taste or texture doesn't work for me. As a baby I had a screwed up stomach and I would vomit up everything until about the age of 3. There were times when my mother would decide I was just 'putting it on' and make me eat what I had vomited up. Because of that, I am naturally suspicious of unfamiliar foods, and I still have stomach issues. Because of those things, I find it hard to enjoy food.

I think part of that is her being Russian and growing up with Russian foods, which are often very strong tasting and smelling. I'm pretty sensitive to texture and smell, and my mother just can't understand it. That we have totally different palates doesn't help.

If I ever have children, I will never do this to them. If they don't like a food, we'll find something else. I think it's pretty obvious from the many people here who have been traumatised through food that forcing the issue just backfires.

Your perspective is interesting Vex, my Russian mother used the same tact. I was very lucky and perhaps full of intent, because as an adult I developed a rather extensive palate. I did find that a lot of the foods that revolted me as a child, had to do with poor preparation, that changed their textures and taste. There are still about 4 or five I still can't eat. And to this day the smell of boiled cabbage makes me ill, but I relish eating raw cabbage and cabbage prepared other ways.

[ems]

File under: Lori hates women and children.

I can't fathom having someone shoving food down my throat while I screamed and cried. Has it ever occurred to the idiot that maybe his daughter wasn't hungry? Or perhaps she just didn't like the food. Either way it is unacceptable to force feed a baby/child.

This part made me particularly sick:

What the fuck? It sounds like they are treating her like an animal. Why does she have to sit on a blanket during mealtime? Whatever happened to high chairs?

So let me get this straight. When she's not hungry he forces food into her mouth while she screams. When she begs for food he sits her on a blanket to sit and watch them eat. What.an.evil.bastard. Most parents are delighted when their babies start taking little bites from mommy and daddy's plate. What kind of person does this?? And you know she isn't willingly staying on that blanket. I bet you anything they are hitting her when she gets up. Bastards.

Congratulations Lori. Your son is tormenting a 15 month old. You must be so proud. :angry-cussingblack:

Why oh why does fundamentalism so often seem to equal a total and complete lack of human empathy?

[holierthanyou]

Damn, we could have our own FJ support group for 'children forced to eat their own vomit' based on the number of people saying they experienced that too.

Curious as to the ratio of fundy versus non-fundy parents who would make their children eat their own vomit as punishment for gagging on food they don't like.

[Conuly]

Let's just say all you who have been forced to eat vomit have my sympathy. *hugs* And those who have been abused in general, as well, of course.

[Vex]

Your perspective is interesting Vex, my Russian mother used the same tact. I was very lucky and perhaps full of intent, because as an adult I developed a rather extensive palate. I did find that a lot of the foods that revolted me as a child, had to do with poor preparation, that changed their textures and taste. There are still about 4 or five I still can't eat. And to this day the smell of boiled cabbage makes me ill, but I relish eating raw cabbage and cabbage prepared other ways.

Boiled cabbage is one of my things, too. I can't eat it. I can eat raw cabbage just fine. Must be a borscht-related trauma or something, lol.

I really do think that people who were raised with food from Russia learn early on to stomach just about any taste and texture, and in my mother's house things like liver, kidney, brains, heavily salted fish, boiled cabbage, dill cucumbers and so forth were common. If you can stomach all that then it must be hard to understand when your child won't eat something that you find fairly simple and innocuous.

I've become a much more adventurous eater now that I can explore things under my own volition and cook them the way I like. I've found the same thing as you - a lot of what was wrong wrong with the dishes I didn't like was that I didn't like the way my mother cooked them (she tends to rush, which means things get under/overcooked, lumpy, unappealing). I used to refuse to eat fish because I hated the smell. Then I discovered there were fish that didn't smell fishy, that I actually liked some seafoods... that sort of thing. Now I have a general rule where if I want to try something new I try it in a restaurant, where it has the best chance of being cooked well.

It really is a shame that it's taken me so long to really start to explore food. I hope one day I can actually enjoy more than just my very favourite dishes because I absolutely love to cook.