Ugly American Parents Put Family In Harm's Way

[Terrie]

I'm going to have to disagree with Ghana being a dangerous country. It is a stable West African nation, and while there are some regionally specific hot spots to take note of, that doesn't mean the country as a whole is unsafe.

Agreed. It's a little like judging the entire US by Detroit. I do agree with those who have said that it sounds like they didn't do their research ahead of time, though. Makes me wonder about their agency. I'm betting this situation happened because someone cut corners. Also have to wonder if they picked Ghana over other countries because the official language is English. Which raises other questions about the laments that the children being in a place where they don't speak any of the language.

[Bellatrix]

I'm a bit up to date with the Ghana issues as one of my friends studied African Languages & Culture at university and settled her heart on Ghana.

It is a tough country with a very difficult political regime and extremely high levels of poverty. Going there as a Westerner when you're not properly documented about the current situation seems crazy. My friend had to go there for her thesis and had to postpone her travel several times although she had many contacts over there, including academic ones. She wishes to adopt too at some point in her life but is realistic about the situation: she's not considering Ghana at the moment. It's too risky, even for someone of her caliber. She has been there many times, understands (and even speaks some) several of the country's languages, has worked there for several exchange projects between universities, etc.

I find it difficult to understand how these parents decided to take their "already" children with them over there to adopt the "new" siblings. It seems irresponsible to me. Were they simply naive?...

[valsa]

I find it difficult to understand how these parents decided to take their "already" children with them over there to adopt the "new" siblings. It seems irresponsible to me. Were they simply naive?...

I'm wondering if they went with an adoption agency and, if so, which one (with just a very quick search I found at least a half-dozen major adoption agencies with open Ghana programs) While this family probably went with an agency that cut corners somewhere, there are also reputable adoption agencies still working in Ghana as well. I'm still not sure why you would choose to bring your other children with you when you went to complete the adoption though (apparently both parents are required to be in court for the adoption so maybe they just couldn't find anyone to watch their other kids?)

[LilMissMetaphor]

Moghadam Update: court hearing on Monday. Bio kids with parents and "totally traumatized". 4 adopted kids still in orphanage. PRAY & RT

from someone's twitter.

I don't know why they would bring their bio kids over, either. (eta: as valsa said, maybe they had no reliable friends or relatives to watch them?) The blog doesn't reveal much.

[Witsec7]

I'm wondering if they went with an adoption agency and, if so, which one (with just a very quick search I found at least a half-dozen major adoption agencies with open Ghana programs) While this family probably went with an agency that cut corners somewhere, there are also reputable adoption agencies still working in Ghana as well. I'm still not sure why you would choose to bring your other children with you when you went to complete the adoption though (apparently both parents are required to be in court for the adoption so maybe they just couldn't find anyone to watch their other kids?)

Their adoption agency is listed on their blog.

Edited to add it was Dillon International.

[Bellatrix]

from someone's twitter.

I don't know why they would bring their bio kids over, either. (eta: as valsa said, maybe they had no reliable friends or relatives to watch them?) The blog doesn't reveal much.

I've never heard of parents bring their other (whether already adopted or bio) children with them during a foreign adoption procedure. Even in less problematic countries where international diplomacy isn't much of an issue (I'm thinking of Europeans adopting in other E.U. countries for example).

I also remember reading it is not advised as the adopted child(ren) need time to adapt and transition. They're leaving a place and people they know as well as their culture and security zone (language, climate). It's advised the parents take over at first and use the time needed for the legal proceedings in the foreign country to form a bond, start trusting each other, learning who they are, and so on. Only after that would you want to throw in also other children. It needs to go gradually.

We could be super snarky and say that it's not responible tripling your offspring's size when you don't have a person to rely on for your two children already...

[NurseNell]

I'm reading their blog now. Interestingly, the potential adoptive father is from Iran and grew up as a Muslim. He converted before he met his Christian wife.

They had been set to adopt in Ethiopia until they saw the photo of these 4 siblings in Ghana. They only started the Ghana process in November. I too wonder if they did all their homework before embarking on this adoption.

Someone posted on their page just now that they've been released.

[NurseNell]

I've never heard of parents bring their other (whether already adopted or bio) children with them during a foreign adoption procedure. Even in less problematic countries where international diplomacy isn't much of an issue (I'm thinking of Europeans adopting in other E.U. countries for example).

I also remember reading it is not advised as the adopted child(ren) need time to adapt and transition. They're leaving a place and people they know as well as their culture and security zone (language, climate). It's advised the parents take over at first and use the time needed for the legal proceedings in the foreign country to form a bond, start trusting each other, learning who they are, and so on. Only after that would you want to throw in also other children. It needs to go gradually.

We could be super snarky and say that it's not responible tripling your offspring's size when you don't have a person to rely on for your two children already...

Many families bring their other children with them to Colombia when they're adopting. Families who already have Colombian children are most likely to do this. The stay in Colombia is quite long, 3 weeks up to 16 weeks. Parents don't want to leave their other children with grandparents or other family for that long.

[Bellatrix]

I'm reading their blog now. Interestingly, the potential adoptive father is from Iran and grew up as a Muslim. He converted before he met his Christian wife.

They had been set to adopt in Ethiopia until they saw the photo of these 4 siblings in Ghana. They only started the Ghana process in November. I too wonder if they did all their homework before embarking on this adoption.

Someone posted on their page just now that they've been released.

I'm not sure why it's interesting that he grew up as a Muslim... Am I missing something? (I should add that I live in Europe's "most Muslim" city so I'm quite used to this other Abrahamic religion.)

[Bellatrix]

Many families bring their other children with them to Colombia when they're adopting. Families who already have Colombian children are most likely to do this. The stay in Colombia is quite long, 3 weeks up to 16 weeks. Parents don't want to leave their other children with grandparents or other family for that long.

The stay in the foreign country is often quite long. I just haven't heard of parents taking their other children with them. There is of course a sense of AHA when you're adopting another sibling from the same country you've already adopted from. It allows you to do that travel back to the child's original place of birth, a place almost every adoptee is interested in, and to have someone who can help with the transition (especially if the first child has kept some of the language).

But that's not the case here.

[NurseNell]

I'm not sure why it's interesting that he grew up as a Muslim... Am I missing something? (I should add that I live in Europe's "most Muslim" city so I'm quite used to this other Abrahamic religion.)

I know lots of Muslims too. I've just never known a Muslim to convert to Christianity.

[valsa]

Their adoption agency is listed on their blog.

Edited to add it was Dillon International.

That's odd, as I've always thought of Dillon as a reputable agency.

While most people don't take siblings along, some do in cases where either they can't get someone to watch their kids for the length of the adoption trip or if they want their children to learn to appreciate the country where their adoptive siblings come from. If this is a case where the adoption agency gave them to go-ahead to take their other children, I don't think I can hold it against the parents for doing so.

[NurseNell]

That's odd, as I've always thought of Dillon as a reputable agency.

While most people don't take siblings along, some do in cases where either they can't get someone to watch their kids for the length of the adoption trip or if they want their children to learn to appreciate the country where their adoptive siblings come from. If this is a case where the adoption agency gave them to go-ahead to take their other children, I don't think I can hold it against the parents for doing so.

Dillon does have a good reputation. They say this about Ghana on their web site:

We are continuing to seek families who can be flexible, are open to older child adoption, and have an understanding that since this is still a new program to expect changes in their adoption process.

[hapamama]

One thing I did notice that there has been a sharp increase in donations to Sol and Christine's adoption fund, with donors mentioning they've heard of their troubles in Ghana.

Edited to add NoGreaterJoyMom announced that the family has been released.

The parents have been released on bail. The bio children have been released to the custody of the US Embassy in Ghana. The adopted kids are still at the orphanage....

[Coconut Flan]

We are friends with a couple who working on their fourth and fifth chidren by adoption. They currently have eight, yes eight altogether. I'm on the list of people to go stay at their house when they go to get the next one or two. As far as I know they have never taken any of the children with them. They have birth children, locally adopted, and foreign adopted children.

[chaotic life]

I know LOTS of families that take other children with them to adopt. I don't consider that an issue at all, especially for programs in stable parts of the world. When we adopted from Sierra Leone, Dh went to bring our son home and no one could enter the country without special permission, so the orphanage director brought the children to Senegal for pick-up.

Ghana is a fairly stable country for Africa. I wouldn't think twice about going there and possibly taking other children with me. I know families that have adopted from Ghana. I also know Dililon is a reputable agency.

I have to wonder if these issues involve the fact that they are both minorities, which is pretty rare for African programs in general.

As for why not adopt from the US foster-care system, I can only say that someone who has never adopted from that insane system would ask that question. I've adopted internationally twice, foster-adopt once, and am now doing a private (influenced by the state but not a formal foster-adopt) adoption from an international disruption. I'm not fundie. I used to be, but my desire to adopt was LONG before it was trendy with fundies. I didn't adopt internationally for attention. I didn't adopt a rainbow family so we can stick out like a sore thumb. I adopted because these children NEEDED families.

Dh and I both spent our teen years traveling internationally and working with NGOs for developmental work. I worked overseas with Heifer Project a dozen times before I graduated from college. There is a HUGE difference between a child in the foster-care system and a child in an orphanage in an underdeveloped nation. Dh and I both felt that we were called to stand in the gap for children who would have NOTHING without the change that adoption could give them. We've adopted special needs boys. All of our boys have medical or mental health challenges, some are resolved, some will never be. All were also older at adoption. We don't adopt so our kiddos can be grateful. We adopt because we believe they are something beautiful and precious who needed a chance at a life.

I'm not sure how anyone thinks this family is connected to the Pearls. Adeye at NoGreaterJoy Mom is NOT affiliated with Pearl. She had NO idea about the Pearls when she named her blog. She merely kept the name after being made aware of it. She's also not fundie. She's Christian but she's totally mainstream. If you want to know why someone might adopt internationally, read back on her blog some. I've been in international orphanages. Some are good and some are AWFUL. None are the love and protection of having your own parents that every child deserves.

Two of my sons were in GOOD orphanages. Yet, the things they endured would absolutely break your heart. No child should have to endure the traumas they endured in those orphanages. Staying in those orphanages was NOT a better option than being my sons.

I'm done adding to my family now. There won't be more adoptions from us. However, we're second generation in adopting. I was 15 when my parents adopted my baby brother and it changed my life FOREVER. I adopt because I held that baby boy (domestic, his birthmother actually told her family the baby died so she could place him for adoption) in my arms at 15 and realized that EVERY child deserves to have a family and to be loved heart, mind, and soul.

I have no animosity for this family. I contacted my friend whose DH works for the State Dept when I first saw this hit the internet. She talked to her DH, and I have NO idea if he was part of the effort to get this family released. I do know she and I talked about how the State Dept is about PEOPLE having relationship with OTHER PEOPLE. When my son was in a medical crisis and we needed to get him to Western medicine ASAP, it was the people at the Embassy who waived requirements, worked miracles and processed his outgoing visa by the end of business when we walked in for our interview at 9am that morning. They probably saved my son's life. I was extremely grateful to them. In fact, I think I HUGGED the wonderful man who did our interview and hand walked the application through the process when we returned with his required documents.

[theologygeek]

This comment made me a little suspicious:

If I was locked up in a foreign country, I'd want everyone and their mother to know it. Maybe I'm just being overly suspicious.

That is very strange. Something is up.

[BelieveinScience]

I know LOTS of families that take other children with them to adopt. I don't consider that an issue at all, especially for programs in stable parts of the world. When we adopted from Sierra Leone, Dh went to bring our son home and no one could enter the country without special permission, so the orphanage director brought the children to Senegal for pick-up.

Ghana is a fairly stable country for Africa. I wouldn't think twice about going there and possibly taking other children with me. I know families that have adopted from Ghana. I also know Dililon is a reputable agency.

I have to wonder if these issues involve the fact that they are both minorities, which is pretty rare for African programs in general.

As for why not adopt from the US foster-care system, I can only say that someone who has never adopted from that insane system would ask that question. I've adopted internationally twice, foster-adopt once, and am now doing a private (influenced by the state but not a formal foster-adopt) adoption from an international disruption. I'm not fundie. I used to be, but my desire to adopt was LONG before it was trendy with fundies. I didn't adopt internationally for attention. I didn't adopt a rainbow family so we can stick out like a sore thumb. I adopted because these children NEEDED families.

Dh and I both spent our teen years traveling internationally and working with NGOs for developmental work. I worked overseas with Heifer Project a dozen times before I graduated from college. There is a HUGE difference between a child in the foster-care system and a child in an orphanage in an underdeveloped nation. Dh and I both felt that we were called to stand in the gap for children who would have NOTHING without the change that adoption could give them. We've adopted special needs boys. All of our boys have medical or mental health challenges, some are resolved, some will never be. All were also older at adoption. We don't adopt so our kiddos can be grateful. We adopt because we believe they are something beautiful and precious who needed a chance at a life.

I'm not sure how anyone thinks this family is connected to the Pearls. Adeye at NoGreaterJoy Mom is NOT affiliated with Pearl. She had NO idea about the Pearls when she named her blog. She merely kept the name after being made aware of it. She's also not fundie. She's Christian but she's totally mainstream. If you want to know why someone might adopt internationally, read back on her blog some. I've been in international orphanages. Some are good and some are AWFUL. None are the love and protection of having your own parents that every child deserves.

Two of my sons were in GOOD orphanages. Yet, the things they endured would absolutely break your heart. No child should have to endure the traumas they endured in those orphanages. Staying in those orphanages was NOT a better option than being my sons.

I'm done adding to my family now. There won't be more adoptions from us. However, we're second generation in adopting. I was 15 when my parents adopted my baby brother and it changed my life FOREVER. I adopt because I held that baby boy (domestic, his birthmother actually told her family the baby died so she could place him for adoption) in my arms at 15 and realized that EVERY child deserves to have a family and to be loved heart, mind, and soul.

I have no animosity for this family. I contacted my friend whose DH works for the State Dept when I first saw this hit the internet. She talked to her DH, and I have NO idea if he was part of the effort to get this family released. I do know she and I talked about how the State Dept is about PEOPLE having relationship with OTHER PEOPLE. When my son was in a medical crisis and we needed to get him to Western medicine ASAP, it was the people at the Embassy who waived requirements, worked miracles and processed his outgoing visa by the end of business when we walked in for our interview at 9am that morning. They probably saved my son's life. I was extremely grateful to them. In fact, I think I HUGGED the wonderful man who did our interview and hand walked the application through the process when we returned with his required documents.

All of this.

I don't follow Adeyes blog much but I can tell how happy her kids are their transformations are wonderful. And I know the two they're adopting will flourish in this house (One of them I know is like 13/14 and weighs like 11-13lbs!!!!)

I hope to adopt one day but I won't even try to go the foster care route. I only want to do international adoption of special needs kids (HIV mostly).

[BravaAmica]

I saw this posted by a friend on Facebook. It's about an American family, with likely connections to NGJ, who traveled with their 4 and 7 year olds to Ghana to adopt a set of 3 siblings. The parents have been falsely accused of child trafficking and now they are in jail while their two biological kids and the 3 adopted kids are in an orphanage. The US Gov't isn't moving fast enough and everyone is all up in arms.

http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/06/ ... quest.html

My issues are:

1. they took their 2 young kids into a dangerous country

2. Ghana isn't a part of the Hague Adoption Convention

3. a 10minute search told me that being falsely accused of child trafficking happens in Ghana

4. the parents didn't seem to realize that being US citizens means nothing in a foreign country (remember Amanda Knox?)

Information on Ghana:

http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_t ... _1124.html

http://adoption.state.gov/country_infor ... lect=ghana

This just makes me mad at the parents and sad for the kids.

I hear stories like the above and it makes me wonder, do these families actually research the countries where they adopt from??? At all?? Or did they not bring enough to "pay the fine" or whatever?

I hope the kids are okay, though. There's no telling what's happening there right now.

[Witsec7]

...I hear stories like the above and it makes me wonder, do these families actually research the countries where they adopt from??? At all?? Or did they not bring enough to "pay the fine" or whatever?

These folks were collecting donations to fund their adoptions. Their donations after stagnating surged once they were in custody.

Which makes me ask yet another question. If they can't afford the adoption, how can they afford adding more kids to a single income household? I recognize some states offer financial incentives to adoptive parents, I don't know if that holds true with international adoptions. Can someone offer some info on this? Should these children have ongoing medical needs are they covered under publicly funded programs? What about counseling as a means to help them integrate, who pays for it? Will these kids be granted citizenship immediately? Do international adoption agencies like the one they are using give discounts for multiple adoptions?

[BelieveinScience]

These folks were collecting donations to fund their adoptions. Their donations after stagnating surged once they were in custody.

Which makes me ask yet another question. If they can't afford the adoption, how can they afford adding more kids to a single income household? I recognize some states offer financial incentives to adoptive parents, I don't know if that holds true with international adoptions. Can someone offer some info on this? Should these children have ongoing medical needs are they covered under publicly funded programs? What about counseling as a means to help them integrate, who pays for it? Will these kids be granted citizenship immediately? Do international adoption agencies like the one they are using give discounts for multiple adoptions?

Theres a huge difference between being able to afford an adoption and being able to properly take care of the kids financially. To adopt a child internationally costs anywhere between 20-50k upfront in a short period of time not to mention a lot of the places require both parents to come over for up to 4months. I think average is amonth total. But not many jobs have a month-to 4 months of vacation/sick days built in that they get paid for so people also have that temporary loss of income. A lot more kids would be taken out of these orphanages (most of the orphanages are horrible espeically in places like Eastern Europe, 11year olds weighing 10lbs type of horrible) if the upfront adoption costs weren't so high.

[BravaAmica]

Theres a huge difference between being able to afford an adoption and being able to properly take care of the kids financially. To adopt a child internationally costs anywhere between 20-50k upfront in a short period of time not to mention a lot of the places require both parents to come over for up to 4months. I think average is amonth total. But not many jobs have a month-to 4 months of vacation/sick days built in that they get paid for so people also have that temporary loss of income. A lot more kids would be taken out of these orphanages (most of the orphanages are horrible espeically in places like Eastern Europe, 11year olds weighing 10lbs type of horrible) if the upfront adoption costs weren't so high.

If the costs weren't so high up front, would there be more adoptions? Or are the fees so high upfront to deter people who aren't committed to the well being of the child? Because I look at the cases of foreign adoptions that are disrupted or the children are beaten and starved [to death, in many cases] and the high fees don't make much of a deterent.

[Rachel333]

See, I feel like most people I know who've adopted internationally take at least some of their children with them, and Ghana is a pretty safe country, like others have mentioned. I do wonder what actually happened, though, as I feel like a lot of these parents think they're above the law.

[BelieveinScience]

If the costs weren't so high up front, would there be more adoptions? Or are the fees so high upfront to deter people who aren't committed to the well being of the child? Because I look at the cases of foreign adoptions that are disrupted or the children are beaten and starved [to death, in many cases] and the high fees don't make much of a deterent.

I know several people who would adopt more kids or adopt kids if the costs weren't so high upfront.

If I remember correctly most of the costs really isn't affected by the costs of breaking the kid out in and of itself (like orphanges require you to make a donation of a couple thousand when you adopt, plus the court fees) but rather for the airfare to get over there and the cost of lodging during the duration of the adoption. So I'm not sure how much the costs are actually a deterrent or not.

[dawbs]

These folks were collecting donations to fund their adoptions. Their donations after stagnating surged once they were in custody.

Which makes me ask yet another question. If they can't afford the adoption, how can they afford adding more kids to a single income household? I recognize some states offer financial incentives to adoptive parents, I don't know if that holds true with international adoptions. Can someone offer some info on this? Should these children have ongoing medical needs are they covered under publicly funded programs? What about counseling as a means to help them integrate, who pays for it? Will these kids be granted citizenship immediately? Do international adoption agencies like the one they are using give discounts for multiple adoptions?

I think it's more complicated than just having money.

Adopted children will have insurance (that of their parents) once their adoption is finalized (if I had adopted, that would have also covered a lot of counseling services for kids)--and normally the citizenship isn't a problem once the adoption is final.

But the big questions of money are squirrel-y. Not that it's the same thing, but, when I was looking to get a dog, I shopped around...I went with a mutt that I adopted from the humane society in part because I 'couldn't afford' the $2k to go to a good breeder and buy the dog I wanted.

3 months later, stupid dog ate at toy which got lodged in her digestive tract. I *could* afford $2k to have the surgery to save her doggie life.

It was the same money, but finding upfront cash vs. finding what you need for a family member--it's not the same.

I don't like adoption fund-raising, but I do think that it's different than not being able to afford kids.