Ugly American Parents Put Family In Harm's Way

[LilMissMetaphor]

The family blog appears to have been pulled.

[Witsec7]

The family blog appears to have been pulled.

Yea the internets got pretty silent. There is zero about this episode on the Dillion web page, not that they would want the bad press. I would suggest things are quiet because they don't want to sour the adoption process on those 4 kids.

Edited to correct my original post.

As much as I hate to link to Fox news they have the story and it looks like they left the orphanage with the 4 adoptees.

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2012/06/26 ... -to-adopt/

[emmiedahl]

fwiw, I know a family from Ghana and it seems like an island of sanity in its region. It is not one of the more corrupt or violence-ridden African nations.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I don't know if anyone besides me is still following this family, but Christine is posting again. They are having troubles with three of the four adopted kiddos, which she's detailing to some extent. And she's just posted her version of the events that happened last summer. They had been keeping pretty quiet about it.

[Mama Mia]

If the costs weren't so high up front, would there be more adoptions? Or are the fees so high upfront to deter people who aren't committed to the well being of the child? Because I look at the cases of foreign adoptions that are disrupted or the children are beaten and starved [to death, in many cases] and the high fees don't make much of a deterent.

Right, because having a ton of money means someone is going to be more committed and a better parent :roll:

[Mama Mia]

I know nothing about the subject .... but it seems, to me, that leaving your biological children home with relatives for many weeks/months while pursuing the international adoption might lead to resentment of the new siblings once they came home. Particularly with young children.

[Petronella7]

Very interesting update from Christine. Sounds like the honeymoon is over with the four little African trophies. She complains about "well-meaning" family and friends who try to feed, hug, or "show them unnecessary attention." I have heard that sort of thing before from international adopters. Can the RAD diagnosis and attachment therapies be far behind?

What a sad but predictable development. Say what you will about Adeye and who knows what her day-to-day life is really like, but at least she seems to meet her children where they are and accepts their challenging behavior without expecting them to fit in instantly and be normal, loving, grateful little fairy-tale orphans.

[Conuly]

Unnecessary attention? What the hell does that even mean?

[Emme]

Unnecessary attention? What the hell does that even mean?

Basically, when children haven't had parents they need to learn that mom and dad are the ones to meet their needs. Having strangers pick them up, hug them, feed them, etc just reinforces the idea that any adult can meet their needs. It's an attachment thing. Pretty common to ask people to not get snuggly with newly adopted kids. People are well meaning, but what they do can be harmful to the bonding process.

Editing to add: Three of the kids she adopted are older, that means they've likely experienced significant trauma, abuse, etc. They've learned that adults are not reliable and won't meet their needs. That makes attachment all the more difficult, because it's later in development and they've had more time to develop defense mechanisms and whatnot.

[FloraDoraDolly]

Unnecessary attention? What the hell does that even mean?

One of the symptoms of RAD is seeking attention and affection from strangers and acquaintances. I've heard stories of kids who would climb right into the lap of some stranger in the park, yet at the same time they wouldn't let their adoptive parents touch them.

I don't know if this is what's going on here. I haven't seen this family's blog.

[Emme]

I've got to give this woman credit for being so honest about this. You know that Adeye would NEVER talk so realistically about the struggles in raising older children. Unfortunately, trauma is a bitch. It robs kids of the ability to be kids. Sometimes being in a family with all that love is incredible hard to handle and stressful for kids.

[Mama Mia]

Very interesting update from Christine. Sounds like the honeymoon is over with the four little African trophies. She complains about "well-meaning" family and friends who try to feed, hug, or "show them unnecessary attention." I have heard that sort of thing before from international adopters. Can the RAD diagnosis and attachment therapies be far behind?

What a sad but predictable development. Say what you will about Adeye and who knows what her day-to-day life is really like, but at least she seems to meet her children where they are and accepts their challenging behavior without expecting them to fit in instantly and be normal, loving, grateful little fairy-tale orphans.

If you actually read the entry you are bitching about, you would see she gives a very clear explanation of why she doesn't want people giving them food or unnecessary attention. If anything the post reads like a way for her to get the message out to her friends and family that there is a reason for this.

She does say in the various posts that she is having a hard time with 3 of them, but she doesn't seem in any way to be saying she is going to give up on them, just that it is hard.

She also has a post about the oldest child, a teenage boy, and how much she appreciates how well he has done, despite everyone's fears and warnings. What I really liked is that she stressed that she doesn't want him to feel that he has to always be perfecta and a people pleaser.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Yeah, I don't agree that they are "ugly" American parents; I just thought I would use this thread to mention their updates since I didn't want to create a new thread. I don't think their choice to bring the bio kids to Africa was a great one, but it seems to me the mom is trying to do the best she can with all the kids now.

Also, maybe this makes me selfish, but *I* wouldn't want someone lavishing praise and presents on my newly adopted kids if I was struggling with them, that just makes Mom and Dad the bad guys, the enforcers who always have to do the not-so-fun stuff.