Changing in front of your child

[latraviata]

I read something about this somewhere today, and it got me thinking. Some say that parents shouldn't change in front of a child, because it's inappropriate. It reminded me of something I read in a fundie blog, which said that even a man's sister could pose as a temptation if she is dressed inappropriately. However, some say it's all right, as it's a natural thing. It's better that a young child see what the human body really looks like rather than to see it in porn or in the media one day.

What are you views on it?

Well, we were running naked through the house when my children were young. Yes I changed my cloths in front of them, when they happened to be in the same room.

They were in the tub with me or with their father.

The human body is nothing to be uptight about, it is natural and we all have bodies. Thanks to religion the body is something suspicious, dirty and should be hidden.

As far as porn is concerned, I didn't mind my teenage sons were reading porn magazines, it is all part of their development, still they were hiding it for me, apparantly it is more fun when you read it secretly......wonder why.......lol

But easy for me, I live in the Netherlands.

[themadapple]

Nudity was never a big deal growing up. My mother often had us shower with her if we were in a hurry. Similarly, we didn't wait until someone was finished showering to brush teeth, pee, etc. I've also seen my dad naked on several occasions - he slept in his underwear or nude and didn't bother covering to use the bathroom or start a pot of coffee. I can see why some might find it squicky, but it never fazed me at all. I've never seen anyone's nakedness as something taboo or mysterious.

That's why it amazed me when, in a hostel in Germany during a study abroad trip in college, one of the girls in our group started freaking out when she saw the barest glimpse of me in the frosted-glass shower box (located in the same room as the toilet stalls and sinks - gasp, naked! She began telling the others of this shocking sighting, to which the others merely rolled their eyes and replied "well, what else did you expect to see?" :lol:

[Freyacat]

My 2 year old son loves to take baths with me. I asked my mom recently whether she thought he was getting too old for that and her opinion was that the kid will let you know when they're old enough that it makes them uncomfortable... so I'm going with that!

[Witsec6]

Funny story, I thought girls were supposed to have hair down there when they got older. When I first saw porn, I was confused as to why they were completely hairless.

Um... they are.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I'm so happy to see the openness here. On most mommy boards I usually feel like the lone freak because I haven't been hiding from my kid since she was, like, 2, and she still showered with her dad when she was 4, almost 5. I agree that Americans in general seem to be way over-concerned about nudity and make way too big a deal of it.

One thing I am weird about though is having sex in the same room as kids, even babies. I know a lot of people do it and I don't think it's bad, it's just not something that I could personally do. I would just feel weird about the baby being right there and not be able to do it, but I don't think it's bad or wrong when other people do it.

Same here. We tried once, when my infant daughter was sleeping in her bassinet, but I could not relax. I don't even like having the dog in the room. TMI alert, but we co-slept until she was almost 3, and it was actually quite wonderful for our sex life because we were constantly forced to be creative because we had to go to other rooms in the house.

[Austin]

How long do you all take your boys into public women's restrooms with you?

My son is 7 (almost 8) and I still take him to the ladies room. He goes into his own stall, but NO WAY am I sending him to the men's room alone.

The summer my eldest was nine years old, a nine-year-old boy in California was using a public men's room with his aunt, very responsibly, standing right at the door waiting for him and a man slit the boy's throat and killed him.

Now could that happen at any age? I suppose, but call me a helicopter mom or whatever, and this may sound crazy, but nothing like this was going to happen to any of my kids on my watch if I could do anything about it.

Their dad would take them to the men's room whenever he was with us on an outing, but basically, other women could just suck it if I had to take them into a ladies' room with me. The best thing ever in terms of this was the "family restroom" concept.

And the funny thing is, I don't remember anyone ever saying anything to me about it. *shrugs*

[Koala]

The summer my eldest was nine years old, a nine-year-old boy in California was using a public men's room with his aunt, very responsibly, standing right at the door waiting for him and a man slit the boy's throat and killed him.

Now could that happen at any age? I suppose, but call me a helicopter mom or whatever, and this may sound crazy, but nothing like this was going to happen to any of my kids on my watch if I could do anything about it.

Their dad would take them to the men's room whenever he was with us on an outing, but basically, other women could just suck it if I had to take them into a ladies' room with me. The best thing ever in terms of this was the "family restroom" concept.

And the funny thing is, I don't remember anyone ever saying anything to me about it. *shrugs*

I have been lucky. I have only gotten "a look" once, and I just stared her down.

[JesusFightClub]

I don't have any children but I do have a small niece and I admit (this is a flaw of mine) I don't like her seeing me naked. She's four, and I've bathed her and changed her and my parents were both quite liberal about such things so I saw my mum and dad with their kit off loads of times just wandering about.

But it's the questions. They started almost as soon as she could talk and I find the intense scrutiny quite embarrassing (she stares) even before being asked:

"Why don't your boobies look like Mummy's and are all white?" (I am pasty white in colour, Mummy was mixed race)

"Why do ladies and mens have hair down there?"

"Do all men have willies the same? Why don't me and you have a willy?"

"Why have you got a fat belly, and when will you stop having it?"

And so on and so forth. God bless her, but I don't know the answers to half the things she asks me and I'm 29 ;)

[Deleted03]

Wow. I think it's great for you guys.

I never saw my mom naked, we never changed in the same room, I once got a peek at her boobs while she was changing. Once my grandma chnaged in front of us and my mom made a big deal about it, saying that she should not do it.

The first time my cousin took me to the swimingpool we changed in the same room and I was just looking at her the whole time, it was awkward lol (I was like 11 I think). Anyway, i saw my friend being pretty easy going with her kids and seeing all of you posting just conforts me in thinking it should not be a big deal and seeing other bodies is just part of the natural process :)

[yetanothermeg]

Just wanted to chime in that I saw both my parents in the nude until I was 5 or 6. We used to shower together and hot tub together. I bathed with my sister until I hit puberty. I never thought much of it. I still see my mother nude all the time. My mother is also a pretty religious Catholic and had us in church every week until I left home. I was never taught that my body was shameful or bad, its was just my body.

Now I have a 2.5 year old son and an infant. My husband and I sleep in the buff, just like my parents did and my son climbs into bed with us regularly, the infant sleeps with us nightly. My son either showers with me or my husband because he prefers the shower and I'm too lazy to kneel over the bathtub unless I have to.

Funny story, the other day when my husband and son were getting out of the shower, my son piped up innocently, "that's a very nice penis you have there daddy!" Cracked us up.

[julie paradox]

"that's a very nice penis you have there daddy!"

- lololol. I think that beats even my son's (at about the same age) "mummy's penis is bwoten" ;-)

[denimjumper]

When my children hit about 8, they did not want us to see them naked, and we don't. I never changed in front of my children after they were about toddlers, and they have never seen me or my husband naked. That's just how we roll.

[emmiedahl]

My mother had no modesty when she was around just female relatives and it always made me really uncomfortable. I let my kids shower with me and change in the same room (etc) until they are about 3 or 4. I breastfeed in front of my kids though.

[latraviata]

Just wanted to chime in that I saw both my parents in the nude until I was 5 or 6. We used to shower together and hot tub together. I bathed with my sister until I hit puberty. I never thought much of it. I still see my mother nude all the time. My mother is also a pretty religious Catholic and had us in church every week until I left home. I was never taught that my body was shameful or bad, its was just my body.

Now I have a 2.5 year old son and an infant. My husband and I sleep in the buff, just like my parents did and my son climbs into bed with us regularly, the infant sleeps with us nightly. My son either showers with me or my husband because he prefers the shower and I'm too lazy to kneel over the bathtub unless I have to.

Funny story, the other day when my husband and son were getting out of the shower, my son piped up innocently, "that's a very nice penis you have there daddy!" Cracked us up.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I was in the tub with my youngest son (2) and he lifted one of my leggs asking where exactly did I come out??

[EllieCee]

Um... they are.

I know, I'm sorry, I worded it wrong. I meant to say I didn't know that some women shaved, as far as I knew, everyone kept their pubes because my mother did. So I was surprised to find out that some people did shave their pubes as they got older.

[Marchpane]

A friend told me this story of when her daughter was about three. She was having a nice soak in the bath and her daughter was sitting on the bathroom floor, playing and chatting. The little girl leant on the side of the tub, looked at her mum and then remarked that she didn't have a penis, and that her dad and brother both did. Cue chat from Mum about boys and girls being different in that way. Small daughter listened intently, and when her mother had finished talking, said ," You've not even got very big boobies!".

[pomology]

How long do you all take your boys into public women's restrooms with you?

My son is 7 (almost 8) and I still take him to the ladies room. He goes into his own stall, but NO WAY am I sending him to the men's room alone.

On a tangentially related note, when I was about 8 or 9 I had a haircut that kind of made me look like a boy. So one day I was at the Y with my mother in the women's locker room and I was in my (gender neutral) karate uniform and a woman who worked there came up to me and told me that I was probably too old to be in the women's locker room To which I replied that I was a girl and the woman was really embarrassed.

[AuLait]

My son (7) has started expressing some discomfort around me when I'm changing, so I'm being more careful and respecting that. If he comes into my room, well, too bad, that's where I change and if you barge in you may see something. But if I'm changing downstairs or something I'll go into the bathroom instead of doing it in front of the crowd. I think its really important to respect whatever boundaries the child puts up and also your own boundaries. Its possible I'll start feeling uncomfortable with being nude in front of my other kids before they are uncomfortable with it and then I'll change my habits accordingly.

About the restroom thing... I let my 7 year old use the mens bathroom in places we know well like our grocery store, church, and highly trafficked bathrooms like at baseball games when people pour in and out and there would be little chance of something happening. We wait outside the door and he has 5 minutes. If he's not out by then, I'm coming in (and I have). All other places, particularly parks, he goes in with me. I get occasional grief about it because he's super tall and people think he's closer to 10 than 7.

[batwing]

Eh. When it's hot out we have what we call "underwear party" night in our house. We sit around in our underwear. Both of my sons were born in the heat of July. The second was born when the first was five. I would say the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy and first 6 weeks I was on maternity leave I was basically in my underwear and a t-shirt, and if I was nursing he got an eyeful. We watch nature shows and hang out around animals. The kid knows we're mammals and what zomg teh bewbies are for.

We have The Privacy Rule in our house, too though. If anyone needs privacy for any reason, everyone has to respect it. If I'm taking a dump I don't want a kid talking to me while I'm trying to concentrate that mofo out, so I call PRIVACY TIME! and they're banished.

My husband was raised in a very pro-nudity home. His parents weren't nudists (although his mom does work in the adult industry but did not start that until he was a teenager) but they weren't overly cautious about covering up. Sex and body parts were talked about and accepted for what they were. I grew up in the opposite kind of house. I have WAAAAAAY more confidence issues than my husband.

As for restrooms, I play it by ear. Our oldest is now 6, and I let him go in the men's room alone in a few places. I ask him to please use stalls instead of the urinals because he hasn't figured out the peephole in his pants yet and he's not allowed to speak to any one. I'm more comfortable letting him go in a men's room alone if it's one without a door (like where you walk around the corner) so that I can hear him and any one else in there. And if he takes an inordinately long time, I call in there and would walk in if need be. I don't care what other people think, I'm his mom.

[Lily]

We're really open too. And I do wander around naked, LOL. Especially in the morning. My kids don't care, they do too. We call my 2YO "little naked hippie kid" because she is naked probably more than she's clothed, LOL. At least in the house. We've finally broken her of taking her clothes off in public, but it's entertaining at home so we just let her.

[bekkah]

My mom was totally cool with nudity. she still changes in front of me....and i don't walk around the house naked like she does! It just never struck me as odd. I used to come talk to her while she was taking a bath or shower...I showered with her until I was in 2nd grade..it creates a healthy body image and makes things more comfortable....I love sleeping in my underwear or even with no underwear and a tshirit :o

[bananacat]

If I had a son, I'd probably let him use the men's room around age 4 or 5. Sexual predators are almost always people that know the victim in some way. The risk is greater at a family reunion than at a public restroom. Stranger danger is a genuine threat, but somewhat overblown, IMO. I would actually be more concerned that the boy wouldn't have proper bathroom etiquette and would annoy others or make a mess, so he'd have to prove that he's responsible before he could go in there alone.

I was once in the women's locker room at a pool, and was really shocked to see a boy in there who must have been 12 or 13. He was clearly so embarrassed and also old enough that I didn't want him to see my naked boobs, but I guess his mom was really overprotective.

[Cliodna]

Wow. I guess then after reading these posts that I was raised some sort of hybrid fundie-lite. I have never seen my parents nude. I have vague memories of my Mom dressing for church, I knew it was Sunday when she put on stockings. We girls wore nightgowns, and we were NEVER allowed downstairs without a robe over the gowns. We had an East-facing window at the landing at the top of the stairs. Every morning when we came down for school, we had "slip inspection." If Dad could see daylight trough your skirt, you'd better head back upstairs and put on a slip. We wore Mini's, but other than that very modest. We also had to undress with the lights of lest someone was outside and could see in the window. Now at 53 a pagan, it's difficult for me to change for ritual in front of other women. I could NEVER belong to a "skyclad" coven! We are a robed group and I still have to wear a bra and underwear beneath my robe.

[treemom]

I would like my child to get more modest :).

[TheBuddha]

idk either way to be honest... the only question I ever had- particularly for those to the consertive extreme is,

assume little house on the praire, or that time period is the epitomy of xian values and morals.

well, If im papa in a one room log cabin, with a 12 year old a 8 year old already, and i want to get frisky with mama.. how do we do it? i mean frisky generates some noises generally. not to mention sights to see! :dance: