Sherry at "be a living sacrifice" strikes again!

[Buzzard]

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desi ... ewpoints=1

Perhaps this book's reviews need a little FJ love!

I'll also point out that my computer blocked access to the author's site due to "malware"!

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

My partner is much more romantic and affectionate than me. He wants hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands, etc. I like it but I don't initiate it or "need" it. He wants to get me diamond earrings for my birthday, I ask for practical luggage. I know he loves me, but I need to hear that he respects my intellect and my independence; he knows I respect his intellect and independence but needs to hear that I love him. My point is, if we took relationship advice from these fundie advice manuals, we'd have broken up long ago. This cookie-cutter bullshit DESTROYS relationships.

[Kaylee]

That drivel is from a book called Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. It is a pukingly simplistic book that claims that in order to have the "perfect" marriage, a woman needs "love" and a man needs "respect". It's very popular around here with the fundy and fundy-lite crowd. ...

After reading and following most of the Christian marriage books out there (Fascinating Womanhood, Created to Be His Help Meet, Me Obey Him?, The Excellent Wife, The Total Woman, and several others), that was the one book that actually pissed me off enough to make me stop reading and throw it. He blames everything the husband does, most sins, and even infidelity and abusive on the wife in almost every situation. (Try telling the wives who have higher sex drives but can't get laid because their husband is too busy wanking to porn or out late who knows where that infidelity is all because the wife doesn't give him enough sex).

If she's following and believing that crap, then it's no wonder she comes across as so miserable and anti-woman.

I do try to respect my husband by not talking bad about him, nagging or using arguments to attack him (most of the time), but the whole idea that men are such fragile little creatures that they can't be questioned, contradicted, or held accountable for their actions is a lot more disrespectful than most of the things they are blaming wives for. I think the whole love/respect thing is used by a lot of men as an excuse for totally disrespecting and belittling their wives, and by other women to throw guilt and shame around if you don't act like it's OK for someone to be a total ass and then try to make up for it with snuggles or gifts (which is pretty classic abusive behavior, come to think of it). I like being loved, but I value respect much more and I think someone who claims to love a woman he doesn't respect is either infatuated, an idiot, or a manipulator.

[Buzzard]

Well, she's at it again! This time she's taken on... SEX!

HAVE YOU TAKEN YOUR HUSBAND

TO PARADISE LATELY?

Everything the husband sees and experiences remind him of the beauty and strength of his wife’s body. He sees her hips as those of a fiery horse, her torso in a strong tower, her flowing hair as a flock of sheep coming down the mountain, her breasts in a cluster of grapes, her arms and legs in the palm tree, her eyes in a turtledove, and hears her voice in the still night. He smells her breath in the apples, tastes her mouth in the honeycomb, and sees her belly in a mound of golden wheat. When he drinks of a sealed fountain he thinks of her purity and virginity. When he smells any pleasant odor, it reminds him of her, every herb, every spice and every flower. His world is a crescendo of sensual experiences in which he eats and drinks the body of his wife and challenges each married couple to do likewise.

Somehow she manages to twist her little mind into a mangled mess of mush.

The majority of the song is primarily about the desires and feelings of the wife. Since God inspired the entire bible for our learning, and He was the one that wired men with their sexual needs, we can learn a lot from the picture He has given us of this wife and how she met the sexual needs of her husband. Remember, this is from the bible and within the context of marriage, is considered HOLY BEFORE GOD!

Riiight. The majority is about a woman's needs, yet its really all about what SHE can learn to please him... because pleasing a man is pleasing to god so... huh?

1- pursue your man because he needs to feel like he's wanted

2 - make yourself smell nice

3 - dress to please the man

MEN ARE ALREADY NATURALLY ATTRACTED TO SENUAL LINGERIE, THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE TAUGHT OR TRAINED…GOD WIRED THEM THAT WAY!

Yeah, ok... but... shouldnt some of this be about what the woman wants?

And then... she goes off on this tangent...

Many years ago I read a book written by a Christian marriage counselor who had great success reuniting couples who were either on the verge of divorce or had already gotten divorced. In almost every case this counselor was able to reunite these couples and help them build a strong marriage for the glory of God. Any couple that he counseled had to first be committed to following his plan.

The first thing he required was that every couple had to sleep naked in each other’s arms all night for one month! For the first 2 weeks they had to abstain from any sexual activity, just sleeping naked in each other’s embrace. After 2 weeks they could enjoy whatever developed but they had to continue to sleep naked in each other’s embrace all night. At the end of the month, almost every couple decided on their own to continue sleeping this way because of the emotional intimacy that was growing in their relationships. Of course there were many other things this counselor did to help these couples, but he contributed most of the success to being able to rebuild their emotional intimacy by requiring them to sleep this way.

So... now she sleeps naked... so do I, but its because I fucking like it better!

She then explains how you should have sex in different environments... and... after another tangent about porn...

Eventually, the wife may be surprised to find that her sex drive has caught up with his and she is experiencing as much passion and pleasure as he is!

[Loveday]

"Eventually?" So women aren't supposed to experience as much passion and pleasure as their husbands right from the get-go?

Oops. Sex: I did it wrong.

I can't even with this. :roll:

[geniebelle6901]

I had to mute my speaker on my laptop because that music was awful. I didn't read a whole lot of her blog, just enough to know that she is probably very unhappy and more than just a tad crazy.

[Hane]

There is no way to separate out love from respect. In order to really love someone, you must respect them.

I could not love a man who didn't respect me.

People who abuse their spouse claim to love them. They just don't respect their spouse enough to not hurt them.

Standing O!! :clap: :clap: :clap:

[luckystone]

Yup! And her marriage age daughter is obsessed with cartoon musicals (and Charles dickens). She has absolutely no concept of reality. The stupid burns brightly with this family.

Don't tell me it's because of misguided admiration towards that period of time? Anyone who has read Dickens knows the magical olden days were actually pretty awful!

"Eventually?" So women aren't supposed to experience as much passion and pleasure as their husbands right from the get-go?

Oops. Sex: I did it wrong.

Hahahahaha I suspect a lot of us did

[crassy]

Lay off the photoshop, lady! Your kids look freaky!

[CelticGoddess]

I think Sherry's blog has turned me into a lesbian.

Welcome to the dark side; 8-) snort snort snort

[keen23]

The first thing he required was that every couple had to sleep naked in each other’s arms all night for one month! For the first 2 weeks they had to abstain from any sexual activity, just sleeping naked in each other’s embrace. After 2 weeks they could enjoy whatever developed but they had to continue to sleep naked in each other’s embrace all night. At the end of the month, almost every couple decided on their own to continue sleeping this way because of the emotional intimacy that was growing in their relationships. Of course there were many other things this counselor did to help these couples, but he contributed most of the success to being able to rebuild their emotional intimacy by requiring them to sleep this way.

1. I need socks on when I sleep. Otherwise I feel like my toes will fall off.

2. I don't like to be touched when I sleep. I have my side of the bed, husband has the other. Yes, we meet up in the middle on a regular basis, but during actual sleep, you'll find us on opposite sides, with enough room between us for the cat or a child to come in and no one would notice until morning.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Saying what's on your mind is crucial to having an honest relationship, the only type worth having. I'd rather be alone than be in any of these women's marriages.

Well, that's the obvious, common sense answer - so of course she doesn't give it as an option.

[debrand]

My husband is usually hot and I'm usually cold. At night, I put extra blankets on my side to remain warm. I also, wear socks because I like the pressure on my feet. My husband and I do spoon during the night but we also sometimes separate because of the difference in our comfort levels. When we were first married, we tried to sleep nude. My husband could not sleep until he put on shorts and I needed socks. :lol: It does sound very romantic to sleep together in the nude but every time I try, I end up laying awake thinking about how I want to put on socks.

[MamaJunebug]

Raine wrote,

After reading and following most of the Christian marriage books out there (Fascinating Womanhood, Created to Be His Help Meet, Me Obey Him?, The Excellent Wife, The Total Woman, and several others), that was the one book that actually pissed me off enough to make me stop reading and throw it. He blames everything the husband does, most sins, and even infidelity and abusive on the wife in almost every situation. (Try telling the wives who have higher sex drives but can't get laid because their husband is too busy wanking to porn or out late who knows where that infidelity is all because the wife doesn't give him enough sex).

If she's following and believing that crap, then it's no wonder she comes across as so miserable and anti-woman.

I do try to respect my husband by not talking bad about him, nagging or using arguments to attack him (most of the time), but the whole idea that men are such fragile little creatures that they can't be questioned, contradicted, or held accountable for their actions is a lot more disrespectful than most of the things they are blaming wives for. I think the whole love/respect thing is used by a lot of men as an excuse for totally disrespecting and belittling their wives, and by other women to throw guilt and shame around if you don't act like it's OK for someone to be a total ass and then try to make up for it with snuggles or gifts (which is pretty classic abusive behavior, come to think of it). I like being loved, but I value respect much more and I think someone who claims to love a woman he doesn't respect is either infatuated, an idiot, or a manipulator.

I pitched several books across the room but Eggerich's wasn't one of them - curious! If I still have it, I should go back and look at what he writes. Possibly I only skimmed it, and my takeaway was that while we both - men and women, that is - need love and respect, if anything, most men tend to want to feel respected a little more, and most women tend to want to feel loved a little more.... but honestly, I don't see how the two can be apart from each other in a good marriage.

Italics above because I no sooner believe this is true of all folks of each gender than I do that homosexual orientation is "a behavior choice."

Yeah, I've been tuning into Christian (?) radio. This morning I was on a fairly long road trip and opted for a discussion on men/women relationships rather than the overcooked call-in shows about the latest political or crime events.

If the conversants said it once, they said it 100 times in 15 minutes: Men's egos are fragile. Handle with care. Oh, puh-leeze! How about, "men's egos are fragile, go to therapy to strengthen them"????

Can I get a figurative "amen"? Women tend to be x, y or z, women need to change that tendency!, yell the FotF dopes. Men tend to be a, b or c, oh, poor men! Women must change themselves and their own behaviors to accommodate men's a, b or c-ness!

Gad, it gets so frickin' old.

Also, "lay in each other's arm's naked all night" and "he lays between her breasts all night"? Sounds sticky -- and painful! :shock:

[Buzzard]

There is NO touching me when I sleep. I cant be confined and someone breathing that close to me would wake me up and then piss me off (because you woke me up). I do sleep naked, but only because I dont like being touched and clothing bunching up would annoy me.

Sherry is a fucktard. You cant learn how to live your life and have a "happy" marriage from some mass market book. No two marriages are the same and if you can fit yourself and your relationship into a box then you're doing it wrong.

Open your fucking mouth, speak your mind, voice your thoughts even if they damage your husband's fragile ego. If he cant handle a his WIFE saying "sweetie, I dont like it when you do ...... " then he's not a man, he's a large child.

[CanadianHippie]

Raine wrote,

I pitched several books across the room but Eggerich's wasn't one of them - curious! If I still have it, I should go back and look at what he writes. Possibly I only skimmed it, and my takeaway was that while we both - men and women, that is - need love and respect, if anything, most men tend to want to feel respected a little more, and most women tend to want to feel loved a little more.... but honestly, I don't see how the two can be apart from each other in a good marriage.

Italics above because I no sooner believe this is true of all folks of each gender than I do that homosexual orientation is "a behavior choice."

Yeah, I've been tuning into Christian (?) radio. This morning I was on a fairly long road trip and opted for a discussion on men/women relationships rather than the overcooked call-in shows about the latest political or crime events.

If the conversants said it once, they said it 100 times in 15 minutes: Men's egos are fragile. Handle with care. Oh, puh-leeze! How about, "men's egos are fragile, go to therapy to strengthen them"????

Can I get a figurative "amen"? Women tend to be x, y or z, women need to change that tendency!, yell the FotF dopes. Men tend to be a, b or c, oh, poor men! Women must change themselves and their own behaviors to accommodate men's a, b or c-ness!

Gad, it gets so frickin' old.

Also, "lay in each other's arm's naked all night" and "he lays between her breasts all night"? Sounds sticky -- and painful! :shock:

Never read the book but I find it interesting that this Raine read "Created to be His Helpmeet" but it wasn't the one she threw across the room.

[CanadianHippie]

Also, I have rarely spend the entire night with another person in my bed. The last time it happened the other person got to close and woke up with bruises. Apparently I kick when people get to close to me and I'm sleeping.

[StarrieEyedKat]

Sherry wrote:

Everything the husband sees and experiences remind him of the beauty and strength of his wife’s body. He sees her hips as those of a fiery horse, her torso in a strong tower, her flowing hair as a flock of sheep coming down the mountain, her breasts in a cluster of grapes, her arms and legs in the palm tree, her eyes in a turtledove, and hears her voice in the still night. He smells her breath in the apples, tastes her mouth in the honeycomb, and sees her belly in a mound of golden wheat. When he drinks of a sealed fountain he thinks of her purity and virginity. When he smells any pleasant odor, it reminds him of her, every herb, every spice and every flower. His world is a crescendo of sensual experiences in which he eats and drinks the body of his wife and challenges each married couple to do likewise.

That...is NOT romantic to me.

[luckystone]

My ex and I usually slept naked and cuddling. We still broke up, because there were other important problems in our relationship, even though our cuddling was pro.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Sherry wrote:

That...is NOT romantic to me.

Don't knock it. This is God-approved whumping material for fundies deprived of real sexual outlets.

:chores-vacuum:

[StarrieEyedKat]

Don't knock it. This is God-approved whumping material for fundies deprived of real sexual outlets.

:chores-vacuum:

Nope :snooty: Someone seeing my hips "as those of a fiery horse" would appall me. And flowing hair as a flock of sheep? My hair is...wooly? And my breasts as clumps of grapes? That doesn't sound at all healthy...

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Nope :snooty: Someone seeing my hips "as those of a fiery horse" would appall me. And flowing hair as a flock of sheep? My hair is...wooly? And my breasts as clumps of grapes? That doesn't sound at all healthy...

Anyone who says "Glass's X is like Y pack animal's Z is going to get backhanded.

I just think... this is what passes for porn in the Fundy world. Safe because it doesn't actually talk about the ladyparts and it's about a WIFE!

[Buzzard]

Exactly. I'd thank you very much to not compare me to an animal.

[CelticGoddess]

OH, that would so not work with me. First, I hot flash so spend half the night throwing covers off me and the other have throwing them back over me. And when I say hot flash, I mean nuclear meltdown. There are nights I have to sleep in a separate bed because it's just too bloody hot with another person around.

Second, I have two cats who have the belief that they are being nice by allowing US to share THEIR bed. Yeah. I think I'll stick to how things are, which seems to work for me.

There are other ways to achieve intamacy.

[jesssnerch]

My ex and I usually slept naked and cuddling. We still broke up, because there were other important problems in our relationship, even though our cuddling was pro.

QFT