From Another Site: What If Your Child Is Gay?

[valsa]

See, I just don't understand this double standard. It would be wrong for somebody to tell you that you're not really bisexual and you're just suppressing your true feelings for men, right?

This doesn't even make sense.

And as far as the pornography was concerned...I didn't look at porn because I was attracted to the women. I actually saw pornography for the first time when I was probably 9 or so. Far too early...it had a major impact on me...I thought about it frequently and once we had access to the Internet in our home I began to actively seek it out. At first it had nothing to do with the women at all...it was just about the curiosity of sex.

I first saw porn even younger than you and it did not affect who I was attracted to. I'd already been attracted to boys and other girls before I ever came across any porn. Porn cannot make you attracted to women if you're straight.

Then after awhile I started to really take interest in the women. They were everything I was not. Pretty, skinny, feminine...everything I wanted to be.

Funny, I know a lot of women who feel the same way. None of them want to fuck other women.

I think the key is that I was never really attracted to women in real life...just in pornography. The few same sex encounters I had weren't about the women...they were about the sex. I know the difference having been with both. My same sex attraction was about sex with women...not a relationship/attraction to women.

What part of "sexuality" in "bisexuality" do you not get? Sex with women counts, even without wanting relationships with women (personally, though I'm sexually attracted to men, I'm not interested in relationships with them) Also, you admitted to enjoying sex with women. How does that have anything to do with porn?

I just feel frustrated when I see the lack of acceptance and understanding for people who have had an experience like mine.

Maybe people would be more open if you didn't add a bunch of homophobic and weirdly anti-porn crap to your story.

[Eoywin]

When I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband and I had a brief discussion about what she would grow up to be. We knew that we would love and support her even if she turned out gay, trans, bi, etc. We also discussed religion, deciding that we would raise her to be Christian but if she wanted to become another religion or turn away from religion when she was older, we would still love and support her.

It makes me sad that there is so much hate and intolerance in the world just because some people might be a little different than you are.

[AcidMolybdate]

...

When we have had this questions from "well-meaning"people, my usual answer is:

Gay or straight is just fine, if they are vegan... disowned. :D

LOVE it! This is my new mantra for my (future/hypothetical) children.

It baffles my mind how a parent can conditionally love their child. It infuriates me to no end.

I've seen one my best friends burst into tears when shopping for her wedding dress because her parents refuse to acknowledge her wedding (to another women).

If I had a kid that was gay, nothing would change. I'd still love my child unconditionally, still be the awkward mom and try to give them sex talk and stress the importance of protection and being safe, still embarrass them in front of the SO with baby pictures and what not. I just hope if I ever do have a child who is homosexual that they feel safe and comfortable talking to me about it. Most importantly, straight or gay, I will do my best to make sure my child is never a victim of bullying.

[Yourmom]

Um, how was I homophobic? I am in no way homophobic. Because I said that now I find sex fulfilling? That's just my experience. I'm not projecting that on anyone else. Just like the drunken sex that I had with frat boys made me feel like crap afterwards...sex with women made me feel the same way. In the moment it felt great, but afterwards I felt like crap.

And I'm not saying that early exposure to porn made me attracted to women...I'm saying that it made me have an unhealthy obsession with porn. The bottom line is that pornography can be very addictive for some people. It was for me. If you are fine with viewing pornography then that's your business. It was damaging to me in many different ways. Just because you haven't shared my experience does not negate mine.

Feel free to pick apart everything that I say and try to prove to me how I'm wrong, but I'm just trying to say that sexuality is not as black and white as people make it out to be. It IS fluid and our experiences in life do affect it. I have a friend who married her longtime girlfriend a little over a year ago. They were adorable and so very happy...both had very supportive families and friends. However, they recently they split up because they BOTH felt like they were more attracted to men now and didn't want to be in a same sex relationship anymore. They consider themselves bisexual now where before they were very sure that they were 100% gay. We're not super close so I haven't been able to hear all the details, but I support them in their decision because I know that it's possible. Sexuality CAN change...and that is OK.

[Witsec1]

Um, how was I homophobic? I am in no way homophobic. Because I said that now I find sex fulfilling? That's just my experience. I'm not projecting that on anyone else. Just like the drunken sex that I had with frat boys made me feel like crap afterwards...sex with women made me feel the same way. In the moment it felt great, but afterwards I felt like crap.

This makes me curious. Why do you think you felt like crap after having sex with women?

All the women you had sex with treated you like drunken frat boys?

Edited for quotefail

[Mama Mia]

I wonder if people whose sexuality 'changes' tend to be people who are bi-sexual but only attracted to one person at a time ?

So if they have a string of relationships with women, and then with men .. they see their sexuality as changing, but it is really just the gender of the person has changed ? For example, I'm very straight, and only attracted to men... but I really only think sexually about my husband. I can look at, say, Justin Timberlake, and think .. wow, he is pretty damn hot ( which is weird because he is not even my type, but I digress) .. but I'm not feeling particular sexual attraction. Or I could look at Katy Perry and think the same thing. Hot, attractive individuals - but when I think actual sex thoughts or fantasize .. it's just about my husband. I don't think there is anything wrong with porn (except some of the unrealistic expectations it promotes ), or fantasizing about other people .. just, for me, it isn't appealing.

Maybe some other people are this way .. where the sexual orientation/attraction is fixated on a particular person - and in their case the gender of the person isn't that relevant, or changes ?

I don't think I'm describing what I mean very well :oops:

[valsa]

Um, how was I homophobic? I am in no way homophobic. Because I said that now I find sex fulfilling? That's just my experience. I'm not projecting that on anyone else. Just like the drunken sex that I had with frat boys made me feel like crap afterwards...sex with women made me feel the same way. In the moment it felt great, but afterwards I felt like crap.

The second bolded sentences answer the first bolded sentence.

And I'm not saying that early exposure to porn made me attracted to women...I'm saying that it made me have an unhealthy obsession with porn. The bottom line is that pornography can be very addictive for some people. It was for me. If you are fine with viewing pornography then that's your business. It was damaging to me in many different ways. Just because you haven't shared my experience does not negate mine.

If your porn issues only have to do with porn and not sexuality, why did you bring them up in post/thread about homosexuality?

Feel free to pick apart everything that I say and try to prove to me how I'm wrong, but I'm just trying to say that sexuality is not as black and white as people make it out to be. It IS fluid and our experiences in life do affect it. I have a friend who married her longtime girlfriend a little over a year ago. They were adorable and so very happy...both had very supportive families and friends. However, they recently they split up because they BOTH felt like they were more attracted to men now and didn't want to be in a same sex relationship anymore. They consider themselves bisexual now where before they were very sure that they were 100% gay. We're not super close so I haven't been able to hear all the details, but I support them in their decision because I know that it's possible. Sexuality CAN change...and that is OK.

1) I'm calling bullshit on your story about your friends.

2) Sexuality can be fluid. However, nothing you've said so far makes me believe that your supposed change to heterosexuality is a result of legitimate sexual fluidity and not the result of the obvious, huge sexual issues you have.

[Witsec7]

I wonder if people whose sexuality 'changes' tend to be people who are bi-sexual but only attracted to one person at a time ?

So if they have a string of relationships with women, and then with men .. they see their sexuality as changing, but it is really just the gender of the person has changed ? For example, I'm very straight, and only attracted to men... but I really only think sexually about my husband. I can look at, say, Justin Timberlake, and think .. wow, he is pretty damn hot ( which is weird because he is not even my type, but I digress) .. but I'm not feeling particular sexual attraction. Or I could look at Katy Perry and think the same thing. Hot, attractive individuals - but when I think actual sex thoughts or fantasize .. it's just about my husband. I don't think there is anything wrong with porn (except some of the unrealistic expectations it promotes ), or fantasizing about other people .. just, for me, it isn't appealing.

Maybe some other people are this way .. where the sexual orientation/attraction is fixated on a particular person - and in their case the gender of the person isn't that relevant, or changes ?

I don't think I'm describing what I mean very well :oops:

No I don't think you described being a bisexual accurately. I'm bi, I've been bi since I first experienced sexual desire. I can be attracted to men and women at the same time. I choose serial monogamy once I am in a relationship that includes sexual intimacy.

[CC3]

So you think you could become a homosexual if you tried hard enough?

I'm quite happy the way I am, thank you.

[valsa]

I'm quite happy the way I am, thank you.

So, no.

[CC3]

So, no.

lol I didn't say no. I'm not interested in changing my sexuality. Do you want to change your sexuality?

[Mama Mia]

Yeah.. I guess I wasn't really trying to describe "bi-sexual" so much as some people who feel their sexual orientation has changed. I'm just thinking that maybe the object of their attraction is a particular individual, and they aren't attracted to other individuals ( even in passing) at the same time. For some people that might mean they were first attracted to one gender/person and than a different gender/person.

I'm only thinking "bi-sexual" in the sense that they have been attracted to both genders at one point or another.

[reds]

I wonder if people whose sexuality 'changes' tend to be people who are bi-sexual but only attracted to one person at a time ?

So if they have a string of relationships with women, and then with men .. they see their sexuality as changing, but it is really just the gender of the person has changed ? For example, I'm very straight, and only attracted to men... but I really only think sexually about my husband. I can look at, say, Justin Timberlake, and think .. wow, he is pretty damn hot ( which is weird because he is not even my type, but I digress) .. but I'm not feeling particular sexual attraction. Or I could look at Katy Perry and think the same thing. Hot, attractive individuals - but when I think actual sex thoughts or fantasize .. it's just about my husband. I don't think there is anything wrong with porn (except some of the unrealistic expectations it promotes ), or fantasizing about other people .. just, for me, it isn't appealing.

Maybe some other people are this way .. where the sexual orientation/attraction is fixated on a particular person - and in their case the gender of the person isn't that relevant, or changes ?

I don't think I'm describing what I mean very well :oops:

I understand what you are saying. I was attracted to women when i was college age. I dont fantasize about women anymore because i have the one i am ment to be with and he happens to be a man. I also dont fantasize about men either ... to me i think it may have been more about trying to figure myself out. Trying to learn what i am suspose to be. I think alot of people may go thru a phase in life when they experment. Drugs, alcohol and sex are the big taboos that you end up trying when you are trying to figure out who you are.

As for her feeling like crap after an encounter, that would be self worth. Not based on her sexual preferance.

(also.. it is late and i cant spell so please forgive the errors.)

[valsa]

lol I didn't say no. I'm not interested in changing my sexuality. Do you want to change your sexuality?

You side-stepped the question. I can make reasonable inferences from that. Also, I'm not the one claiming it's possible to change one's sexuality.

[Witsec7]

I'm only thinking "bi-sexual" in the sense that they have been attracted to both genders at one point or another.

Quite a few hetero women admit being attracted to other women at some point in their life. That doesn't make them bi.

[Conuly]

Quite a few hetero women admit being attracted to other women at some point in their life. That doesn't make them bi.

And it doesn't make them not.

Or, rather, the number and intensity of same-sex attractions that might be enough for one person to say she's bi might not be enough for another person, even if they're having the same experiences.

This is the problem with dealing with self-identification, it's all so... individual. Still, we're stuck with it, as it's bound to be better than telling people they're wrong about their sexuality.

I wonder if people whose sexuality 'changes' tend to be people who are bi-sexual but only attracted to one person at a time ?

I think I can kinda see where you were going there. You're suggesting that maybe somebody, for whatever reason, had a period of coming across people they were attracted to of one gender, and then another period of coming across people they were attracted to of the other gender, and their preferences didn't actually change it was just a statistical fluke that it lined up like that... right?

That makes sense. It's bound to be more likely the closer to the asexual side of the OTHER sexuality scale you are. If you're only attracted to one or two people a year, at most, it's going to be harder to figure out who gets you going, I think, than if your body is wired to constantly notice other people like that. (Which is fine on either end)

[Mama Mia]

So would being bi mean an on-going attraction to both genders ? Or would it only include people who have been sexually active/ in a relationship with both genders ? Just curious on the general definition.

One of our sons considered himself bi when he was in his early teens but has since stated that he is only attracted to women, and all his relationships seem to be with women.

I don't know if he had sexual relationships with men before he came to this conclusion. His friends include many openly gay and bi people, he has relatives who are openly gay and he lives in a very very progressive area - so while there is bullying and harassment everywhere - I really don't think he came out as straight due to societal pressure.

So I guess it would be the same thing that dd stated -- that having an attraction to the same gender at some point doesn't necessarily make someone bi ?

And Conuly - yes that is what I was trying to say.

[CC3]

You side-stepped the question. I can make reasonable inferences from that. Also, I'm not the one claiming it's possible to change one's sexuality.

I'm not side-stepping anything. As I previously said, I believe sexuality can and does change because I know people who have had that experience. I personally am not going to change my sexuality after 33 years of heterosexual marriage nor am I going to indulge your question as to how I could try to change into a homosexual. Would it be possible if I tried? Possibly, but we'll never know. Perhaps that's the answer you are looking for. Humans are very complex, psychologically, biologically and hormonally.

[Witsec7]

So would being bi mean an on-going attraction to both genders ? Or would it only include people who have been sexually active/ in a relationship with both genders ? Just curious on the general definition.

One of our sons considered himself bi when he was in his early teens but has since stated that he is only attracted to women, and all his relationships seem to be with women.

I don't know if he had sexual relationships with men before he came to this conclusion. His friends include many openly gay and bi people, he has relatives who are openly gay and he lives in a very very progressive area - so while there is bullying and harassment everywhere - I really don't think he came out as straight due to societal pressure.

So I guess it would be the same thing that dd stated -- that having an attraction to the same gender at some point doesn't necessarily make someone bi ?

And Conuly - yes that is what I was trying to say.

In this moment I would consider being bi to have an on going attraction to either gender. But Conuly got me to thinking and that never hurts.

[Aurora]

I am an older woman. I am 74, and my son is 53. He is gay. And he is the same boy/man in my heart and mind and in my arms when I hug him, that he always was. Things are different in the world now than when he was a young man, but he still told me about his feelings when he was in high school. I told him that he was my son and that nothing else mattered. I was afraid for him. But he has had a wonderful life so far and has a husband for over 20 years. Life is both complicated and simple.

If you find love, hold onto it.

That's sweet, YAHsome.

[Witsec7]

That's sweet, YAHsome.

Look at her posts Auroa, Nurse Nell pointed out some glaring contradictions.

[Aurora]

Look at her posts Auroa, Nurse Nell pointed out some glaring contradictions.

Oh OK, I must have missed something, thanks.

[Guest Anonymous]

Look at her posts Auroa, Nurse Nell pointed out some glaring contradictions.

Wow. Someone is YAHsomely bad at lying. Keep a notebook, or something. Unless of course they are experiencing some time travel issues wherein they aged twenty years in three months, in which case I do feel quite badly for them.

[CustardTart]

If my children were gay, I wouldn't be happy. I'd go through a lot of emotions on the way to being fully at peace with it. I'd never throw them out or shun them. I'd let them know I love them no matter what and their partners would be welcome here. I'd treat them the same loving way I always have. But they have to give me time to accept the loss of my own dreams and hopes for them i.e.having a traditional family. My kids love me enough to allow me that time, because they know after the shock had gone, things will go back to how they were before...just us being a loving family.

[Guest Anonymous]

If my children were gay, I wouldn't be happy. I'd go through a lot of emotions on the way to being fully at peace with it. I'd never throw them out or shun them. I'd let them know I love them no matter what and their partners would be welcome here. I'd treat them the same loving way I always have. But they have to give me time to accept the loss of my own dreams and hopes for them i.e.having a traditional family. My kids love me enough to allow me that time, because they know after the shock had gone, things will go back to how they were before...just us being a loving family.

Ohhh, poor thing! Your kids might disrupt your fantasy of heteronormative bliss by daring to be who they are, how sad for you. Luckily for them, you will bravely soldier on through your disappointment, eventually. Shit, did you have kids solely so that they would validate you by doing exactly what you want them to? Are you that narcissistic?

What the fuck is with the invasion of the clueless lately? We've had an awful lot of posters who seem to think they're showing off what great people they are, not realizing that they are actually advertising their asshattery. /Gratuitous alliteration.