From Another Site: What If Your Child Is Gay?

[MandyLaLa]

People who think like this, don't deserve to be parents.

The topic question is: What would you do if your child came out to you?

I honestly have no idea. I don't have anything against it.

There aren't any gays in my family, though. But my family is okay with them as long as they aren't super flaming. And I have no idea how my grandparents would react, but I'm sure they wouldn't take to it well. I also don't even know how my SO would react.

So needless to say, I'd be very off-put and nervous to think if that happened, and I HOPE it doesn't, just so that I don't have to try to 're-integrate' my "new" kid into the family.

The first bolded needs no comment. The second, your "new" kid? WTF? He's still the same kid he was 5 minutes before he told you he's gay.

I would be very sad. I don't think that homosexuality is morally right, so I don't want my children to practice it. I would hope that they would have a change of heart and be heterosexual instead.

That said, I would not be harsh or critical of them. Homosexual or not, they are still my children, and I would still be kind and loving to them. They, as well as their SOs, would always be welcome in our home. I would still hope that they'd have a change of heart, but I see no reason to be cruel to or judgmental of them. They're my children and I love them.

This poster is an evangelical christian, I'd expect nothing less from her as a response. ACtually thought it'd be nastier.

I honestly don't know. I'm all for people being gay.. but I'm not a huge gay rights supporter and I'm not sure how I'd feel if it were my own child. DH would probably refuse the idea or kick the kid out, honestly.

These next quotes are also from the first quoted poster on the site:

Yes, rudeness is a character flaw. But I live in the bay area, CA. A lot of people here feel the need to shout themselves out to the world, and then defend themselves against anyone who opposes their views. Like for example, that being gay is all they are, so they make sure EVERYONE knows they're gay. I also don't like when "gangstas" do the same thing, making sure everyone knows how hard-core they are.

I would be uncomfortable with anyone who did that within my presence for any reason. Such as I would be okay with a gay child, but I wouldn't want my child purposely making it obvious. Same with how I wouldn't want my straight child making obvious that they were straight either.

Sexual preference is just that, a sexual preference. I don't need to know what someone else prefers in their private time.

It's the making out in public, groping in public, wearing clothes that are not befitting of them. I don't find that appealing in any form, for any reason, straight or gay. That's what I mean by letting EVERYONE know.

It's easy to look away if you (general) don't want to see someone give a quick kiss, but it's hard to miss seeing people making out. Same with wearing flamboyant colors is one thing, but then adding that to belly-showing shirts and thongs hanging out, well that isn't cute on a girl or a guy. You know what I mean?

It's from a Military spouse support site

militarysos.com/forum/debates/505417-what-would-you-do.html

[MarsGirl]

Depressing.

I cringe any time someone says, "Sexual preference."

"Change of heart?" - eh? Like you can have a change of heart and turn from hetero to gay?

*shakes head*

Obviously these people really do not know anyone who is gay.

[Boltingmadonna]

I honestly don't know. I'm all for people being gay.. but I'm not a huge gay rights supporter and I'm not sure how I'd feel if it were my own child. DH would probably refuse the idea or kick the kid out, honestly.

Oh dear. The stupid, it burns. I can't see myself being married to someone who would kick his own child out of the house for being gay. Or for any reason. That's just sad. "I'm all for people being gay"--seriously? You're all for people being gay but not in your house because your husband will kick them out. Oy.

The ironic thing is that these people probably do know someone who is gay, but don't recognize them as such because they aren't prancing around in belly shirts and thongs. This just shows the results of young people being raised with blind prejudice and stupid stereotypes.

[MandyLaLa]

Oh dear. The stupid, it burns. I can't see myself being married to someone who would kick his own child out of the house for being gay. Or for any reason. That's just sad. "I'm all for people being gay"--seriously? You're all for people being gay but not in your house because your husband will kick them out. Oy.

The ironic thing is that these people probably do know someone who is gay, but don't recognize them as such because they aren't prancing around in belly shirts and thongs. This just shows the results of young people being raised with blind prejudice and stupid stereotypes.

I was head over heels for a guy a few years back, thought the world of him. One night we got on the subject of homosexuality and I casually asked him what he'd do if one of our kids was gay (silly me thought he'd have no problem with it). He said he'd still love them but they could never bring home a homosexual partner or really even speak of being gay.

I was so appalled I broke up with him a few days later.

[longskirtlotsakids]

I've leved through the 70's 80's and 90s. I remember in the 90s was when being gay really started becoming an out and normal thing. There was still (and is) rampant homophobia, but people were at least becoming aware.

I am hoping that the closed minded writing was due more to the fact that people THINK they don;t know any gay people. Once people find out that one they love is gay, they learn very quick to be OK with it.

I was a complete homophobe until age 17, when I learned a dear friend was gay. I just couldn't hate her, but I remember being very conflicted, scared, and weirded out. That weas all MY responsiblilty, not hers.

Now that an immediate family member has come out, and brings the partner to Xmas and my kiddos BD parties, it's no big deal. So much a big deal that I can say if one of my kiddos was gay, I would not care. I would still worry more about giving my kids the tools to have a respectful and fulfilling love relationship regardless of gender issues.

Biggest deal is middle school and the fact that my eldest has to deal with homophobia whle defending this family member.

[BlackHawk]

People who think like this, don't deserve to be parents.

The topic question is: What would you do if your child came out to you?

The first bolded needs no comment. The second, your "new" kid? WTF? He's still the same kid he was 5 minutes before he told you he's gay.

This poster is an evangelical christian, I'd expect nothing less from her as a response. ACtually thought it'd be nastier.

These next quotes are also from the first quoted poster on the site:

It's from a Military spouse support site

militarysos.com/forum/debates/505417-what-would-you-do.html

I haven't laughed this hard in a while. I can't help but to laugh at bigots. I really can't. I feel so bad for them... their stupidity will follow them for the rest of their life... it's really sad.

That said, I don't own a belly shirt nor a thong, and I'm quite all right with that. My question is... how obvious is it really? When you see people, unless you have excellent gaydar, how often do you go "Oh my gawd! Why is he making it SO obvious he's a gay?"... Seriously.

[MandyLaLa]

It's worth making an account on the site just to read the politics and debate forums. About monthly they cycle through, people welfare should be drug tested, people on food stamps shouldn't be able to buy junk food, abortion and gay rights in some form or another, religion etc...

The stupidity abounds, I used to get super heated now I just read for the lolz.

[Three and Done]

Depressing.

I cringe any time someone says, "Sexual preference."

"Change of heart?" - eh? Like you can have a change of heart and turn from hetero to gay?

*shakes head*

Obviously these people really do not know anyone who is gay.

My sister and some of my best friends are gay, and I am quite certain they didn't choose to "be that way". FFS, why would ANYONE choose to be part of a group of people that is treated in the manner that gays often are? Ridiculed, reviled, discriminated against... hell, outright assaulted/murdered simply for existing!

If MY children were gay, I wouldn't give a rats ass. I love them all, PERIOD.

[debrand]

I would be very sad. I don't think that homosexuality is morally right, so I don't want my children to practice it. I would hope that they would have a change of heart and be heterosexual instead.

That said, I would not be harsh or critical of them. Homosexual or not, they are still my children, and I would still be kind and loving to them. They, as well as their SOs, would always be welcome in our home. I would still hope that they'd have a change of heart, but I see no reason to be cruel to or judgmental of them. They're my children and I love them.

I think that this woman would accept her child if he or she was homosexual. They might have problems at first, but eventually their love for their child would win out. At least she understands that there is a possibility that her child coudl be gay. I've talked to people who I think could hate their own child.

I saw a documentary on NetFlix about a woman who wrote her daughter a nasty, judgemental letter when she discovered she(her daughter) was gay. They stopped talking. Months later the daughter committed suicide. The mother had to live with the fact that her daughter died not knowing that she was loved by her own parent. As a mother, I can't imagine the horror of knowing that one of my child died alone not realizing how deeply that I love them.

[Guest Anonymous]

MandyLaLa - you missed the gem of a bible quote under one of your earlier posts.... :lol:

I would be very sad. I don't think that homosexuality is morally right, so I don't want my children to practice it. I would hope that they would have a change of heart and be heterosexual instead.

That said, I would not be harsh or critical of them. Homosexual or not, they are still my children, and I would still be kind and loving to them. They, as well as their SOs, would always be welcome in our home. I would still hope that they'd have a change of heart, but I see no reason to be cruel to or judgmental of them. They're my children and I love them.

__________________

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." --Proverbs 3:6

The ignorance and stupidity burns again....

[MandyLaLa]

I think that this woman would accept her child if he or she was homosexual. They might have problems at first, but eventually their love for their child would win out. At least she understands that there is a possibility that her child coudl be gay. I've talked to people who I think could hate their own child.

I saw a documentary on NetFlix about a woman who wrote her daughter a nasty, judgemental letter when she discovered she(her daughter) was gay. They stopped talking. Months later the daughter committed suicide. The mother had to live with the fact that her daughter died not knowing that she was loved by her own parent. As a mother, I can't imagine the horror of knowing that one of my child died alone not realizing how deeply that I love them.

Knowing that particular poster, while I don't doubt shed still have love for her child and may come around to fully accepting him. Her faith is incredibly deep and I would imagine that before she got to the loving accepting part, it'd be a long road.

Not to mention how accepting is it if in the back of your mind you're hoping they'll decide to be straight instead.

This is based on reading a lot of her posts in religious and moral discussions on the site. She's one of those sweet Christians who says to the atheist I'll pray for you.

[Kitty]

If I had a gay child, I don't think s/he would even have to "come out" in the traditional sense. Life would go on pretty much as normal, her/his partner would be more than welcome in our home (because it's OUR home, damn it, not just MY home) and I'd be sobbing at the wedding regardless. I wouldn't care if all my grandbabies were adopted, or of the feline or canine persuasion. But I'm an evil liberal atheist who considers herself an ally- meaning, an out-and-proud heterosexual willing to accept any GLBTetc. I wouldn't care if a son was "flaming" or if a daughter was "butch." Because, well, who the fuck really cares? I don't and I don't see myself even having kids in the near future.

As for the last poster complaining about "making it public"? They're pushing it in your face for a REASON, jackass.

[MandyLaLa]

Fuck the ad on top of this thread. It's for banning gay marriage in Minnesota.

[Kitty]

Fuck the ad on top of this thread. It's for banning gay marriage in Minnesota.

Good thing I have AdBlock :x

[latraviata]

My sister and some of my best friends are gay, and I am quite certain they didn't choose to "be that way". FFS, why would ANYONE choose to be part of a group of people that is treated in the manner that gays often are? Ridiculed, reviled, discriminated against... hell, outright assaulted/murdered simply for existing!

If MY children were gay, I wouldn't give a rats ass. I love them all, PERIOD.

Exactly!!

[polabear]

We should all click on the ad so FreeJinger gets the revenue and the stupid bigots have to pay for it. :)

[Rosa]

Fuck the ad on top of this thread. It's for banning gay marriage in Minnesota.

I don't think M4M has any idea where their ads are going. I am a registered Minnesota voter and I take their dumb survey every time I see it because fuck them, seriously.

[MonkeyMomma]

People who think like this, don't deserve to be parents.

My thoughts exactly. What do you do if your kid comes out? LOVE THEM. I can't fathom any other response, really.

[Deleted03]

I think that this woman would accept her child if he or she was homosexual. They might have problems at first, but eventually their love for their child would win out. At least she understands that there is a possibility that her child coudl be gay. I've talked to people who I think could hate their own child.

I saw a documentary on NetFlix about a woman who wrote her daughter a nasty, judgemental letter when she discovered she(her daughter) was gay. They stopped talking. Months later the daughter committed suicide. The mother had to live with the fact that her daughter died not knowing that she was loved by her own parent. As a mother, I can't imagine the horror of knowing that one of my child died alone not realizing how deeply that I love them.

I agree, and I think more parents than we'd think would be more accepting than they pretend they'd be. You have to be pretty cold hearted to deny your child, and it's a position meant to discourage those children from doing something like that. But in the end, a certain proportion of those saying they would not accept their kids would change their minds too.

My grandma ended up being accepting. She would not lose her child over her beliefs. Does not mean she's perfect, she still thinks it's not great, she's not happy when anyone gets a divorce and she's still racist. But she gets over herself so that she can have a relationship with her flesh and blood.

[Little Miss Alien]

When I was pregnant with my son, other family members would say "What if he's gay?" My ex and I would shrug and say, "So what if he is?" In our family, everyone of my generation had no problem with it. The previous generation, however, did. They laughed it off, said it was a product of their generation etc. I said, "So what if his Dad had been black?" Again they were horrified. We just couldn't understand it, it just didn't matter to us!

omeone close to me, again, the previous generation, said that they're ok with 'the gays' as long as they don't think about 'the things they do'. (My answer, "What? Having sex in a committed relationship?") The irony is, this person has done voluntary work in amateur theatre for years and the gay guys all just LOVE them (it got to a point where I could tell which guys were gay, even if they weren't out, by how they interacted with this person). If only they knew what this person thought, even as they stood laughing and joking with them.

So, my son was funny when he was very little. He loved sparkly hairgrips and necklaces and bracelets etc. To the point where we bought those things for him. My Mum would put fairy wings on him, and ribbons in his curly hair. My neighbours (an elderly couple we didn't know well) thought he was a girl, and misheard his name as Jane. He is now nearly 5, and adamant he is a boy, no pink allowed etc. But his teacher says he is 'one of the sensitive boys' in her class, and she likes teaching them as they are more well-rounded. He plays house with the girls, puts on a handbag and pushes a doll in a pram etc. Nobody has any issue with this. I know he is exploring his gender role, and I want him to see it as flexible, and not something that constricts him (last thing I'd want is some beer-swilling football lout for a son).

I sometimes think about it and realise, I *really* wouldn't mind a gay son. In fact, I'd probably quite enjoy it. When your 3 year old helps you to choose shoes, or tells you to get something because it has diamanté on it, it normalises things. I'm used to his little ways, how he is often not boyish at all, and he knows he can be that way without correction. He can be and do whatever he wants. Whether he is straight, or whether he is gay. And, if gay, whether he is more butch, or the most screamingly flamboyant drag queen ever, I'm ok with that.

People who want to try and force others into a role they don't fit into are sick. It's sad that this is still happening.

[tingeofginge]

I totally agree with all the other posters. These people are sick and sad. Unfortunately, these views are definitely not surprising, as my own mother would feel the same way. Like one of the pp, my kids shouldn't have to "come out". We are not teaching them that straight is the default. When I talk to my seven year old about romantic love that he'll feel when he gets older, I always tell him it can be for a boy or a girl. When we talk about growing up and getting married (he already says he wants to get married and have kids and stay at home with them in addition to being a chemist, inventor and detective :lol: ) he knows that it could be a man or a woman that he marries.

[PBrooke]

I totally agree with all the other posters. These people are sick and sad. Unfortunately, these views are definitely not surprising, as my own mother would feel the same way. Like one of the pp, my kids shouldn't have to "come out". We are not teaching them that straight is the default. When I talk to my seven year old about romantic love that he'll feel when he gets older, I always tell him it can be for a boy or a girl. When we talk about growing up and getting married (he already says he wants to get married and have kids and stay at home with them in addition to being a chemist, inventor and detective :lol: ) he knows that it could be a man or a woman that he marries.

Neither here nor there, but while I wouldn't call it "romantic love," I absolutely had crushes by the time I was seven. I'm pretty sure there was a different, but specific boy each year that I had a crush on from kindergarten onwards.

[emmiedahl]

If one of my children is gay, I will worry myself sick over them. The world is a cruel, horrible place sometimes. It makes me want to punch haters in the face, because all gay people are someone's baby. Even though most people are cool, there will still be hateful comments and people like Zsuzsu calling them child molesters. I just cannot even imagine dealing with that, much less seeing one of my children treated that way.

A lot of those comments sound to me like, "I will accept them if they are gay, as long as they don't *act* gay." That's bullshit. They should be able to be whoever they are.

[Yourmom]

Kind of a weird thing to post for my first post, but I used to have a pretty strong sexual preference for women and now I don't...at all. You can analyze me right and left (trust me, I've done it myself) and it's just the way it is. I was always different, made fun of, not very feminine, etc... Started looking at pornography when I was about 13 or so and was always highly attracted to the women..not the men. It grew and grew and grew until I was in college. I was attracted to men in real life, but super attracted to women in pornography...where my sexuality "truly" existed (because I wasn't getting it anywhere else). I did have a couple of same-sex sexual encounters...I certainly enjoyed them. One was with my roommate...I considered maybe leaving my fiancé and starting a relationship with her (though I don't think she would have been open to that.) I didn't...and got married.

Now, almost 10 years later...no sexual attraction to women at all. Honestly. Looking at women sexually was like an addiction for me...and when I moved past it...the feelings went away. I'm sure that if I dwelled on them and started looking at porn again they might come back. But why would I? Now sex feels "good"...not the intense feelings that same-sex encounters and pornography gave me...but just, right. Healthy. Fulfilling.

I don't know if I could say that I "chose" to feel that way...but I do think that my environment and experiences led to me feel those feelings. The porn most definitely contributed to it significantly.

I'm not saying that everyone else who has a same-sex attraction is just like me. Just sharing my story and that it is possible for those feelings to go away...and that it's OK. And that it's OK for people to think they were gay and then change their minds...just like it's OK for people to think they were straight and change their minds.

[ladypuglover]

When I was pregnant with my son, other family members would say "What if he's gay?" My ex and I would shrug and say, "So what if he is?" In our family, everyone of my generation had no problem with it. The previous generation, however, did. They laughed it off, said it was a product of their generation etc. I said, "So what if his Dad had been black?" Again they were horrified. We just couldn't understand it, it just didn't matter to us!

What an odd thing to ask a pregnant woman. :shock: I was only asked how far along and what the sex was. :whistle:

On topic, My children's sex lives are none of my business once they become adults, so it doesn't matter if they are straight or gay, they are just my kids and that won't change.