From Another Site: What If Your Child Is Gay?

[tingeofginge]

Neither here nor there, but while I wouldn't call it "romantic love," I absolutely had crushes by the time I was seven. I'm pretty sure there was a different, but specific boy each year that I had a crush on from kindergarten onwards.

Oh yeah, me too, definitely. lol I guess I just use the term "romantic love" to distinguish (for him) between couples' love and kids/parents/cousins/etc love--especially when explaining to him why he probably won't actually want to marry his brother or cousin when he grows up even though it feels like he does now. :lol: I don't think he's had any crushes yet, but when he does he'll know that whether it's on a boy or girl, it's perfectly normal.

[JesusFightClub]

We sort of explained it to Small, cause she asked at a family dinner one day. My brother said something like "Remember Mummy and I loved each other and lived in the same house? Sometimes two men or two ladies do that. It doesn't have to be a man and a lady ." She just said "Oh, right."

If Small or Smaller grew up to be lesbians, their dad wouldn't have a problem. My mum has said she doesn't feel 100% happy with two gay men adopting unless they have "lots of female friends or close family" strangely she is OK with lesbians adopting though (inasmuch as she agrees with adoption in the first place). My dad had a shocking experience when young, when he looked through a window and "saw two men in bed together" :D he won't say what, if anything, they were doing. It hasn't made him at all homophobic though.

[AKay]

I totally laughed at the ridiculousness of that "I'm all for people being gay" comment in the original post. Sometimes you just have to laugh at stupidity like this.

On a somewhat related note, my 1.5 year old son has been parading around the house with a purse and his baby doll for the last couple of days. Also yesterday at my parents' house he chose to play with my old My Little Ponies. I guess I should be scandalized at him being so flamboyant. :roll:

[valsa]

I don't know if I could say that I "chose" to feel that way...but I do think that my environment and experiences led to me feel those feelings. The porn most definitely contributed to it significantly.

Or maybe you looked at porn because you were sexually attracted to women. You're a bisexual, embrace it.

Porn didn't make you get off with women. Neither did not feeling feminine. Porn certainly didn't have anything to do with you enjoying real life same-sex encounters. You got off with women because you're attracted to women, as well as men. The reason you currently don't feel that way is NOT caused by some change in your sexuality, but probably because you've supressed it. Why? It might have something to do this:

Now sex feels "good"...not the intense feelings that same-sex encounters and pornography gave me...but just, right. Healthy. Fulfilling.

[YAHsome]

I am an older woman. I am 74, and my son is 53. He is gay. And he is the same boy/man in my heart and mind and in my arms when I hug him, that he always was. Things are different in the world now than when he was a young man, but he still told me about his feelings when he was in high school. I told him that he was my son and that nothing else mattered. I was afraid for him. But he has had a wonderful life so far and has a husband for over 20 years. Life is both complicated and simple.

If you find love, hold onto it.

[debrand]

Or maybe you looked at porn because you were sexually attracted to women. You're a bisexual, embrace it.

Porn didn't make you get off with women. Neither did not feeling feminine. Porn certainly didn't have anything to do with you enjoying real life same-sex encounters. You got off with women because you're attracted to women, as well as men. The reason you currently don't feel that way is NOT caused by some change in your sexuality, but probably because you've supressed it. Why? It might have something to do this:

I was going to say something similar to valsa. The poster sounds like she is bisexual. Her bisexuality has not disappeared, nor was it caused by looking at porn.

Intense sexual feelings are not unhealthy, by the way.

[valsa]

I was going to say something similar to valsa. The poster sounds like she is bisexual. Her bisexuality has not disappeared, nor was it caused by looking at porn.

Intense sexual feelings are not unhealthy, by the way.

I'm kind of curious whether she thinks homosexual sex is unhealthy and unfulfilling only for her, or if she thinks they can't be healthy or fulfilling for anyone.

[AnnieC 305]

I honestly don't know. I'm all for people being gay.. but I'm not a huge gay rights supporter and I'm not sure how I'd feel if it were my own child. DH would probably refuse the idea or kick the kid out, honestly.

The Husband and I plan to adopt an older child from foster care. Given that we don't care if our child is gay or not we plan to specifically say that if if they have one in our age range we'll take them. Granted we plan to specify transgender first, and then homosexual.

So, you know, kick them out if you must. We'll gladly take them in and love them exactly the way they are.

[CC3]

Kind of a weird thing to post for my first post, but I used to have a pretty strong sexual preference for women and now I don't...at all. You can analyze me right and left (trust me, I've done it myself) and it's just the way it is. I was always different, made fun of, not very feminine, etc... Started looking at pornography when I was about 13 or so and was always highly attracted to the women..not the men. It grew and grew and grew until I was in college. I was attracted to men in real life, but super attracted to women in pornography...where my sexuality "truly" existed (because I wasn't getting it anywhere else). I did have a couple of same-sex sexual encounters...I certainly enjoyed them. One was with my roommate...I considered maybe leaving my fiancé and starting a relationship with her (though I don't think she would have been open to that.) I didn't...and got married.

Now, almost 10 years later...no sexual attraction to women at all. Honestly. Looking at women sexually was like an addiction for me...and when I moved past it...the feelings went away. I'm sure that if I dwelled on them and started looking at porn again they might come back. But why would I? Now sex feels "good"...not the intense feelings that same-sex encounters and pornography gave me...but just, right. Healthy. Fulfilling.

I don't know if I could say that I "chose" to feel that way...but I do think that my environment and experiences led to me feel those feelings. The porn most definitely contributed to it significantly.

I'm not saying that everyone else who has a same-sex attraction is just like me. Just sharing my story and that it is possible for those feelings to go away...and that it's OK. And that it's OK for people to think they were gay and then change their minds...just like it's OK for people to think they were straight and change their minds.

Your experience seems to go against what I keep hearing from the gay community: A person is born gay or straight. I believe it is quite possible to change one's mind about sexuality just like other deeply held beliefs.

[Rachel333]

I've also heard a lot of LGBT people say that sexuality is fluid and that you can shift from being primarily or only attracted to women to being primarily or only attracted to men to back again. I don't think that's necessarily the same as being bisexual unless you experience both attractions at the same time.

How sick is it that I was actually kind of impressed at first by the woman who said she would welcome her gay child's SO in her home? That's more than most conservative religious people would do, and it shows how bad things are when someone who hopes her gay child would have "a change of heart" comes off as nice in comparison to others.

[valsa]

I've also heard a lot of LGBT people say that sexuality is fluid and that you can shift from being primarily or only attracted to women to being primarily or only attracted to men to back again. I don't think that's necessarily the same as being bisexual unless you experience both attractions at the same time.

I'm a bisexual. I'm attracted to women all the time. I'm attracted to men a few times a year. Doesn't make me any less bisexual to not be attracted to men all the time.

[MandyLaLa]

Your experience seems to go against what I keep hearing from the gay community: A person is born gay or straight. I believe it is quite possible to change one's mind about sexuality just like other deeply held beliefs.

Are you saying that your sexuality is something your born with that you can't change? Or that sexuality is a belief, and that it can change just like other beliefs?

[CC3]

Are you saying that your sexuality is something your born with that you can't change? Or that sexuality is a belief, and that it can change just like other beliefs?

I believe sexuality can be changed.

[valsa]

I believe sexuality can be changed.

Yeah, because who gets me wet is just a deeply held belief.

[Rachel333]

I'm a bisexual. I'm attracted to women all the time. I'm attracted to men a few times a year. Doesn't make me any less bisexual to not be attracted to men all the time.

Okay. That's not really what I was trying to describe, but that's a good example. I think people should be able to define their own sexuality for the most part (exceptions include things like when a bisexual person claims to have been prayed from gay into being straight). You seem to define sexuality fairly rigidly (not a criticism). I'm just curious, would it bother you if a woman who experienced the same attraction pattern as you described herself as gay? Or if a man described himself as straight?

I hope I'm not coming across as argumentative, because I certainly don't mean to. This can just be a really complex topic and I think it's interesting.

What I was talking about are people who say they were totally straight with little or no attraction to the same gender, but then shift (without choosing to) to being gay with little or no attraction to the opposite gender (or vice versa, but that's more contentious). I imagine that's pretty uncommon, but there are people say that happened to them (I'm not including the "pray away the gay" types here). I'm not saying that's what happened to Yourmom, but I'm curious if other posters here think that's possible.

[ElphabaGalinda]

I believe sexuality can be changed.

So if you wanted to change your sexuality and become gay, you could do it? How exactly would you go about doing that? I have the deeply held belief that you have no idea what you're talking about.

[desertvixen]

I would be concerned for my child, just because there are still quite a few people in the world who view being gay/lesbian as immoral, evil, and worthy of being removed from our society.

I would also find myself doing a lot of reading on how to best support my child.

I do not believe that sexuality is a choice. If people were choosing, why would they choose to be discriminated against?

[valsa]

Okay. That's not really what I was trying to describe, but that's a good example. I think people should be able to define their own sexuality for the most part (exceptions include things like when a bisexual person claims to have been prayed from gay into being straight). You seem to define sexuality fairly rigidly (not a criticism). I'm just curious, would it bother you if a woman who experienced the same attraction pattern as you described herself as gay? Or if a man described himself as straight?

No, it would not bother me (especially as, when I don't want to explain my fairly complicated sexuality, I sometimes just refer to myself as a lesbian) What I do have a problem with is people who imply or outright state that porn can cause homosexuality (and that if you get over your addiction to porn and boobies, you can be straight) and that homosexual relationships are unhealthy and unfulfilling.

If someone tries to use myths and outright lies to explain away their bisexuality, they forfeit the right to self-identify however they want.

[MandyLaLa]

I believe sexuality can be changed.

Oh well then fuck you. Though it's the response I would expect from you.

[ElphabaGalinda]

Oh well then fuck you. Though it's the response I would expect from you.

Let's just hope CC3 never has any gay children. If she did, I feel sorry for the children.

[reds]

If my kids are gay, I would love them, accept them and fear for them. My hope is that my children will have an easier life than me. Being LGBT is not an easy road.

Spouses are welcome in my home. I will have no problem with that. They will be who they are, i wont deny them that.

(this next part is a joke so please read it that way... )

When we have had this questions from "well-meaning"people, my usual answer is:

Gay or straight is just fine, if they are vegan... disowned. :D

[Conuly]

Even were it true that sexuality can be changed*, what difference does it make? With enough effort, I could probably write neatly with my right hand and say I've changed my handedness, but most people no longer see left-handedness as being wrong or literally sinister. Why should your sexual attraction be any different?

* I do know a few people online who are definitely not homophobic (they ardently support marriage equality and such) who report that their sexuality did change. However, none of them (and it's not MANY, though admittedly it doesn't come up much) says they tried to change it, simply that at one point they were mostly or solely attracted to one sex/gender and now they're attracted to the other (or that they used to be bi and now they're not). It seems to have just happened. But again, I fail to see the relevance. Attracted to women, attracted to men, attracted to both, attracted to pretty nearly nobody - to my mind, this all falls firmly under the purview of "None of my business".

[CC3]

Let's just hope CC3 never has any gay children. If she did, I feel sorry for the children.

No I don't have any gay children. The reason for my opinion is I have never been able to find a study proving homosexuality is genetically or biologically based. I have personally known several people who had a homosexual "phase" which they passed through. This is why I believe sexuality can change, not through some kind of religious program, but through a change in a person's view of themselves and how they relate to others. I couldn't imagine loving a child any differently based on sexual preference.

[valsa]

No I don't have any gay children. The reason for my opinion is I have never been able to find a study proving homosexuality is genetically or biologically based. I have personally known several people who had a homosexual "phase" which they passed through. This is why I believe sexuality can change, not through some kind of religious program, but through a change in a person's view of themselves and how they relate to others. I couldn't imagine not loving a child any differently based on sexual preference.

So you think you could become a homosexual if you tried hard enough?

[Yourmom]

Or maybe you looked at porn because you were sexually attracted to women. You're a bisexual, embrace it.

Porn didn't make you get off with women. Neither did not feeling feminine. Porn certainly didn't have anything to do with you enjoying real life same-sex encounters. You got off with women because you're attracted to women, as well as men. The reason you currently don't feel that way is NOT caused by some change in your sexuality, but probably because you've supressed it. Why? It might have something to do this:

See, I just don't understand this double standard. It would be wrong for somebody to tell you that you're not really bisexual and you're just suppressing your true feelings for men, right? Why is it OK for you to tell me that my gayness went away? Because its not convenient for you? Because you hold fundamentalist beliefs about sexuality? I honestly am not suppressing my feelings...the word suppressing implies holding back something unwanted, right? My feelings didn't freak me out, I didn't feel uncomfortable about them...my husband was aware of them. They just...went away. And I'm totally OK with that...why would I want to embrace something that isn't me?

And as far as the pornography was concerned...I didn't look at porn because I was attracted to the women. I actually saw pornography for the first time when I was probably 9 or so. Far too early...it had a major impact on me...I thought about it frequently and once we had access to the Internet in our home I began to actively seek it out. At first it had nothing to do with the women at all...it was just about the curiosity of sex. Then after awhile I started to really take interest in the women. They were everything I was not. Pretty, skinny, feminine...everything I wanted to be. I think the key is that I was never really attracted to women in real life...just in pornography. The few same sex encounters I had weren't about the women...they were about the sex. I know the difference having been with both. My same sex attraction was about sex with women...not a relationship/attraction to women.

I know what I felt at the time and what I feel now. I'm happy and comfortable with my sexuality now...it DID change. And that's OK....I just wanted to share my experience. I just feel frustrated when I see the lack of acceptance and understanding for people who have had an experience like mine. Why are we telling people they HAVE to be a certain way....how is that any different than the fundies telling people they are absolutely NOT gay?