Merrit and Gretchen's Courtship

[debrand]

ylcf.org/courtship-stories/acheson/

You all have talked about the site before but I never really paid it much attention. This is the first story that I read.

The couple insist throughout the story that they were friends, nothing more. Yet, the girl obviously was interested enough that her siblings teased her.

The guy had all the power in this relationship. He was the one that got to initially write her and ask questions, and he was the one who decided when they were no longer friends. He was also the one who was allowed first to say, I love you.

This struck me as funny.

Then I saw you. Or rather, your family. You had joined the group of spectators by the as-yet unseen geyser. We didn’t notice you were throwing rocks at each other. We just counted five children and wondered if you were homeschoolers, too.

I'm confused if she means that they were throwing rocks at one another or not.

All your names started with M’s, and Mom wrote it down so we could remember: Melanie 20, Megan 17, Merritt 13, Marlys 9, and Mason 5.

I've known families that aren't fundies that name all their kids with the same letter. I admit that I shouldn't find this as annoying as I do.

No sooner than you went inside the Inn, my mom put an idea in my head that would never leave: “Gretchen, we were just talking about how we didn’t know any homeschooled Christian boys your age…†Her voice trailed off, but I caught her meaning.

Why would the mom even put this thought in her daughter's head? I thought that fundies were supposed to help each other be content with what they had.

She must not be extreme fundie because she has short hair. Actually, I think that she is adorable.

I'm a little confused though, if she is fundie or not. I suppose that courtship is mainstream now

[annalena]

they also touch (see picture) and no 6-inch-ruler.

are you surprised by having him all the control? well...i'm not.

at least they knew each other for a while and the feelings seem real.

[debrand]

they also touch (see picture) and no 6-inch-ruler.

are you surprised by having him all the control? well...i'm not.

at least they knew each other for a while and the feelings seem real.

I find the normalization(is that a word) of fundamentalism into mainstream Christianity very disturbing. No matter how hard I try, I don't understand it. There is nothing in the bible commanding people to follow one method to find a spouse. Yet, we find some nonfundie Christians who are certain that courtship is not only biblical but some magical way to have a great marriage.

I am relieved that these two could touch and get to know one another. However, I'm saddened that she couldn't really acknowledge her own feelings until he made the first move. She had to wait for him.

[annalena]

wel. religion bares all logic.

if god didn't want me to be attracted to others than my future spouse, why didn't he make me this way? he's god, right? he can make anything happen!

if god created men, why should we ashamed to be naked? didn't he make us this way?

if fundies are so uber fundie, why do the eat pork? the bible says not to eat pork.

why pick some bible verses (proverbs 31) rather than others and go completely crazy about them? proverbs 31 could well be interpreted that you need to be rich and wealthy (scarlet clothing), how would that go with being frugal?

to me, religion is all about picking the convenient parts.

[debrand]

wel. religion bares all logic.

if god didn't want me to be attracted to others than my future spouse, why didn't he make me this way? he's god, right? he can make anything happen!

if god created men, why should we ashamed to be naked? didn't he make us this way?

if fundies are so uber fundie, why do the eat pork? the bible says not to eat pork.

why pick some bible verses (proverbs 31) rather than others and go completely crazy about them? proverbs 31 could well be interpreted that you need to be rich and wealthy (scarlet clothing), how would that go with being frugal?

to me, religion is all about picking the convenient parts.

As a former fundie, I can answer those first questions. It's the fall. Seriously, that is the answer. Whey do fundies insist on being embarrased about being naked? Because after the fall, the world changed and we humans can no longer be trusted. We don't view nudity with the innocence of a young child but with the slutty eyes of a sinful adult. Okay, the answer wouldn't be worded that way, but that would be close to what a fundie would say.

[bea]

Ah, Gretchen - she's the YLCF owner. As time as gone on, and she's had three kids and is married to a farmer and has weathered some storms, she appears to have realized that she does not, in fact, know everything. Not that YLCF would ever REFLECT that fact, of course.

I still find her "courtship story" to be creepily like an arranged marriage, though. The parents pretty much set it up, to my way of thinking. It might have been "supervised," but you can't tell me Mama and Daddy weren't perfectly happy to marry her off straight out of home school high school as God (apparently) intended.

[debrand]

Ah, Gretchen - she's the YLCF owner. As time as gone on, and she's had three kids and is married to a farmer and has weathered some storms, she appears to have realized that she does not, in fact, know everything. Not that YLCF would ever REFLECT that fact, of course.

I still find her "courtship story" to be creepily like an arranged marriage, though. The parents pretty much set it up, to my way of thinking. It might have been "supervised," but you can't tell me Mama and Daddy weren't perfectly happy to marry her off straight out of home school high school as God (apparently) intended.

I didn't realize that she was the owner of the site.

[LucySnowe]

Gretchen and YLCF was my gateway, so I've read many recaps of their relationship, and I have never had the sense of an arranged marriage. She basically had a crush on the guy throughout her adolescence, and the number of letters and mix tapes [or whatever the younger generation do] they seem to have exchanged indicate that she really, really wanted him.

She's pretty fundie, though. Read The Little Pink House (her personal blog), and take a drink every time she reaffirms that everything depends on Jesus.

I did get a high creep factor with one of her entries about going through her wardrobe. Sure, we all have a spring clean once in a while; hey, why not let the special person in our life have a say on what we shouldn't give away because there are memories in some of those outfits. But this:

'And I was told to keep yet another pink striped shirt for later, because it might fit me again.'

Translation: 'You will keep your maternity shift, woman, for I shall impregnate you again.'

(The entry: littlepinkhouse.net/2010/05/my-mirror-our-memories/)

[sableduck]

Gretchen is fundie. She isn't the dresses only fundie, but she is definately courtship only, women shouls never work outside the home, have a bunch of kids and homeschool them fundie.

[LucySnowe]

Oh, I meant to say - while she is clearly fundie, I was pretty impressed in this entry:

littlepinkhouse.net/2011/10/roles/

She lists eleven roles she plays, and the first one is... 'me'. I'm really glad she recognises that she has an integral identity, even before wife/mom/teacher/homemaker etc. I honestly would have expected 'follower of Jesus' to be the top of that list.

[flojo]

they also touch (see picture) and no 6-inch-ruler.

are you surprised by having him all the control? well...i'm not.

at least they knew each other for a while and the feelings seem real.

They went further than that. They discussed at one point on YLCF that they kissed. She was embarrassed about it, but he lead the relationship, as men should (or so I remember).

Also the above mentioned discussion on short hair - she has stated that that's how her husband likes it (I don't know if she keeps it short because of him, but has made it clear he likes it).

And let's not forget the throwing out of Natalie when her life didn't match the perfect standard.

Gretchen, I feel,is more dangerous than most. She normalizes fundies.

[liltwinstar]

I remember feeling like she was a bit...misleading? maybe? when I read her courtship announcement and she said they'd been writing letters for years. So much of YLCF was all about waiting on God, trusting God, not leading boys on, being pure, blah blah...and here she'd been writing to her boyfriend since she was 13, while telling other girls to "wait for God" and all that. Now, granted, at 13 she didn't know that she would marry him. But it's pretty clear that there was a mutual crush going on for years, you know? I don't think crushes are bad, and I think it's awesome that they're happy together...but at the same time, when you're telling other girls *not* to have crushes...well, it seems a bit hypocritical.

Just in general, I'm not a big fan of teenager being allowed to publish stuff (on the web or elsewhere) about "what God wants." I remember when I was a teenager and how dogmatic I was about many of my beliefs, and what an ass I could be about them. I'm eternally grateful that I didn't have a blog/website, becuase I would be horribly embarrassed by it now. I know that for some homeschooled young women, the only way they could make friends and have contact with others in the outside world was to "teach" other girls and "encourage" each other in courtship beliefs, modesty, etc - and I think that's really unfortunate, since at that age they should not be teaching each other, they should just be friends.

[raineymott]

The couple insist throughout the story that they were friends, nothing more. Yet, the girl obviously was interested enough that her siblings teased her.

I'd just like to interject that siblings can tease you whether or not you are interested in someone. My siblings (and dad) teased me LOTS about practically every guy we came into contact with, whether or not I'd even looked at them.

[debrand]

I'd just like to interject that siblings can tease you whether or not you are interested in someone. My siblings (and dad) teased me LOTS about practically every guy we came into contact with, whether or not I'd even looked at them.

This is probably where the culture of one family differs from another. My mother was teased for having a crush so she made a rule that her kids could not make fun of one another for having crushes. I've done the same in my own household. I could understand why that might be different in another family

[raineymott]

This is probably where the culture of one family differs from another. My mother was teased for having a crush so she made a rule that her kids could not make fun of one another for having crushes. I've done the same in my own household. I could understand why that might be different in another family

Well, the funny thing is, nobody was allowed to tease if someone really DID have a crush on someone else (my dad actually handled the whole crush issue really well...one of the things he actually did RIGHT)...but otherwise, teasing about everyone else was fair game. It was really really really annoying.